SCI-FI ROMANCE: ALIEN ROMANCE: To The Stars And Back (A Sci-Fi Alien Warrior Romance) (Paranormal Fantasy BBW Alien Contact) (3 page)

The next few weeks passed in the same way. Xavier was trying to get closer and would stay by my side all the time. I had no intentions to push him away. Frankly, I was enjoying his company as well. He was my best friend and I would any day love to have him by my side. Though, I didn’t know if I wanted him as a friend or my boyfriend. According to him, we two were dating and were in the process of “falling in love”.

I was not a doctor of love, but I did know that it was supposed to be effortless. He used to make it sound like a tough job. For him, falling in love was a sacred act that included some pre-determined series of steps. But it wasn’t supposed to be like that, right? It should be effortless. I should love him from the whole of my heart and soul. He was a great guy and I wanted to be with him in the long run, but he was just making it very complicated for the both of us.

One such day, we both were out and were walking down the street which led to our locality. I had a rough day and simply wanted to go home. I knew that Xavier had no bad intentions and he was just curious about our world. Usually, I would explain him everything as per my knowledge, but I simply wanted a break that day. I just wanted to go home and sleep peacefully in my bed. I didn’t want to have any drama and unnecessary complication in my life.

“Do you think you should hold my hand?” he asked me and we both kept walking towards the main road. We were only a few minutes away from our locality.

“Ah! What?” I was unable to decode the meaning behind his words.

“No. I have just read it in a few romantic books and have seen in movies too. Usually, when couples walk like this, they hold each other’s hands and they have a romantic moment. So I thought that if you really love me, then you should have a desire to hold my hand, right? I waited for a few minutes so that you could figure it out and let the romantic ambiance surround you before you would be ready to hold my hand,” he said in order to let me explain the dynamics of such a simple act.

I was irritated beyond limits. That was certainly the height of his dumbness. In the last few days, he had just lectured me about how love should feel like. He had told me way too many times how couples are supposed to react or say. According to him, there were seven different types of kisses and he had shown me some six types. He told me that he was saving the final one for an iconic moment. He was full of mysteries and was making my simple life was too complicated. I didn’t want that. I didn’t deserve someone like him. I deserved someone better – someone who would be able to make me feel how effortless love could be.

“Oh God, Xavier! We can’t behave like those legendary couples that you see in movies. We are not the characters of a book. This is reality and you should understand that it is way different than your book knowledge. You might read or experiment about love as much as you want, but you will never be able to experience it, Xavier. You know why? Because you are trying to fall in love with your brain and not with your heart.

Love doesn’t demand logic like these. It is supposed to flow without any boundaries and should have its own course. You can’t force me to love you by making me do these scientific things, Xavier. You know what? I don’t love you. I can never love someone like you. You are the kind of boy whom I could be friends with, but I can never have you as my lover. Never.

You should just back to Anerasa or whatever your planet was. I don’t care if you are an alien. I don’t care if you have come here by crossing a thousand Light Years. But the truth is that you have come uninvited. You are not welcome in my life, Xavier. I don’t want you. I don’t need you. Please just go back to where you have come from. I don’t love you!” I said it out loud in order to make my intentions clear. I was too loud and direct, but I knew that if I really wanted to make my point count, then I had to be direct.

He didn’t say anything at all to me. He kept looking at me as tears started to fall from his eyes. I knew how bad he felt. He lost not only his lover but also his best friend. I was the only one who was his friend in the entire planet and I made the mistake of breaking his heart. As I saw him crying, I realized that I have made a mistake. He was just being honest and sincere to me, but I, on the other hand, I broke his heart.

The moment I said those words, I regretted them. I knew that Xavier was just being nice and that I should have made an effort to know him better. He had poured his heart and soul out to me and I should be there to support him.

I wanted him to say anything – anything at all, as his silence was tearing me apart.

“I am sorry. I am sorry, Xavier. It came out in the wrong way. I didn’t mean to hurt you,” I said as I walked towards him and held his hand.

He didn’t say anything at all or bothered to answer me. He simply leaned towards me and kissed my lips. I opened my mouth and could taste the salt in his tears. Somehow, I knew that it was the last moment that we both would be sharing and I wanted that kiss to never end. I became the creator of my own catastrophe and let go of the most important thing in my life. I had no hope anymore. I knew that a heart once broken can never be repaired. I had broken Xavier beyond repair and any words or even my kiss could not mend it.

As I tasted his presence on my lips, I realized that it was the kind of kiss that he was saving. He has shown me six different kinds of kisses so far and told me that would let me know the last kind only when the right time would come. As I tasted his presence in my mouth – I realized that the seventh kiss was the most dreadful one. It was a goodbye kiss.

I opened my mouth and looked at him. I wanted to remember Xavier in all his glory. I wanted to remember each and every bit about him and didn’t want him to leave me.

“Can’t you stay?” I asked him.

“I am sorry, Emily. You will never love me truly and I can’t force myself on you for the rest of my life,” he said as he opened a portal nearby. The street was entirely empty as no one could notice that right there in the middle of the city was a portal to a different world.

“I am sorry, Xavier. I didn’t mean to break your heart,” I said as he let go of my hand and kept walking towards the portal.

He didn’t look back. He didn’t reply to me. He just kept walking towards the portal and back to Anerasa, where he thought he belonged. Even before I could acknowledge what was happening around me, it all came to an end. Xavier was gone and I had no one to talk to.

I knew that I have made the kind of mistake that I could regret for the rest of my life. He was my best friend and I couldn’t take the pain of losing him. It was really ironic but the only person to whom I wanted to walk about Xavier’s disappearance was Xavier himself. He was gone and I didn’t know if he was gone to a better or a worse place, but I knew that he was not there with me anymore and it just broke my heart into more pieces than it was originally made up of.

I knew that waking up the next day would be hard, but I never thought that it would be so unbearable. I knew that I had made the biggest mistake of my life by letting Xavier go. There were just so many things that I could have said in order to make him stay. The worst part was that there was no one else to blame. I was the only one who created that catastrophe and was supposed to pay the price for it.

I never knew that it would feel so bad. It was as if there was a bottomless pool of guilt and regret, and I was drowning in it. I was not sure if I was in love with Xavier or not, but I was sure of the heartbreak that I was going through at that time. I was damaged beyond repair and it felt like there was no other force in the entire universe who could mend my broken heart.

There was a part of me that forced me to question the reason behind my regret. What I was feeling was certainly strong and with every passing day, I was able to feel as if he was irreplaceable. Those were not the kind of emotions we feel for a friend. It took his absence to realize that I was in love with him. It was the first one of its kind and I was not able to comprehend what was happening to me, which led me to push Xavier away from my life.

It was after when I lost him; I realized how much I was in love with him.

I didn’t realize how nights turned into days and days into months. It was already a month since I lost Xavier – 30 days to be precise, but not even 30 seconds could have passed when I didn’t think of him. He was in every thought of mine. It was only him that I wanted to see whenever I opened my eyes. It was only his image that would appear in front of me whenever I would close my eyes.

My mother knew that something was definitely off and wanted to figure out that mystery. I, on the other hand, couldn’t even face her. I knew Xavier’s secret and somehow my mother was also a part of it. That was not my fight. I had no rights to let my mother experience her heartbreak all over again, because after losing Xavier, I realized how painful it could be.

“Is everything alright, Emily? You have not been yourself lately,” my mother asked me one day as she came and sat with me when I was browsing something on the web.

“Nothing mom. I am absolutely fine!” I said, almost automatically.

“I am not stupid, kid. I know that something is wrong with you and I am pretty sure that it is related to Xavier. It has been a month since I have seen him. You two were inseparable and now I don’t even see him around. Is it related to him? You can talk to me, Emily. I know I can’t give you a solution to your problem, but I promise you that I will listen to you carefully and sometimes that is all that you need. I am sure you will feel better after sharing it with me,” my mother said and made me realize how right she was.

“I think you would be able to understand, mom. Every one of us has been through our share of heartbreaks, right? I loved Xavier mom, I still do, but I pushed him away and now he is gone. I don’t know what I was thinking. I told him to leave me and he did. He is gone now, forever and he is not coming back. I don’t know how to make sense of anything around me without him. It was like he has such an integral part of me, mom and I don't know how to exist without him. I can’t. I can’t do this,” I said as I hugged her and let my tears fall on her shoulders.

“Ah! I know what you are going through, Emily. True love comes once in a lifetime. Sometimes, people waste their entire life looking for love, but they are just not able to find you. If you really think that he was your one true love, then you should make an effort to reach out to him. Tell him that you love him and that you want him back. It won’t hurt at all, trust me. It will be worth it!” she said as she brushed my hair and made me believe that there was still some hope for me.

“But how, mom? He is gone to some other place. I don’t have any other medium of contacting him. I can’t tell him how much I love him,” I said as I couldn’t tell her the truth. I couldn’t tell her that Xavier was an alien and has gone to some other planet.

“When you love someone, you are always connected to them. You don’t need any cell phone or these social networking sites to reach out to him, darling. You are connected with your hearts and all you need to do is simply call his name out loud,” she said as she pointed to my heart that was barely breathing without him.

Maybe, she was right. I needed to give it a try as I was not losing anything at all. I knew that I was not able to express my feelings towards him very well in the past, but I was ready to make amends. I wanted to have one more chance of a life with him and I was not ready to give it away. Not that easily.

“Thank you, mom! You are the best!” I said as I hugest her and thanked her for the piece of advice. I knew that I had to tell her the truth but I was just waiting for the right moment. Maybe, a couple of years down the lane or even after a few days, I would let her know about Xavier and his identity, but I knew that it was certainly not the right time. One day, she will know about him and how much my first love meant to me. But till that day, I needed to make sure that I have Xavier by my side so that I could tell that news to my mother with him.

I went straight to my room and closed my door as I needed some time alone. I closed my eyes and kept looking at our picture that was set as the wallpaper of my phone. I knew that I couldn’t exist without him. I needed him to survive – to breathe. I needed him to exist.

“Where are you, Xavier? Come back to me,” I said as a tear dropped out of my eyes while my eyes were still fixed at his perfect smile.

“I love you, Xavier. I am sorry for letting you go or for lashing out that day. I am not angry at you. I can never be angry at you. Love comes in different shades and maybe ours was a bitter one, but now I know that the world can’t exist in black and white. You are my red and my blue. You are all the shades that I need to complete my world.

I was immature. I was foolish. I didn’t know your worth when you were here with me. Now, when you are gone, I know how much you meant to me. They say that lovers don’t need any other way to communicate. Their hearts are always connected to each other. So if you could listen to me right now. If you could really hear me saying this, then give me a sign. Come back to me, Xavier. Come back and make me whole again, because I can’t go on and live my life like this. I can’t be incomplete my whole life,” I said as I closed my eyes.

I was not determined to open them. Not before getting Xavier back to my life. Tears were flowing like rainfall from my eyes as I was inconsolable.

“I love you too, Emily!” I finally heard his voice and I didn’t need to open my eyes to know if it was him or not. He came back to me. He was the guy that I fell in love with. Xavier was back.