Scorpio Sons 4: Chase: (SF/Shifter Romance) (14 page)

“What you need to understand is that I am not that woman. I will never be like her. Part of me wants you to go away, just as you’re offering to do. But another part doesn’t want my freedom that way. I don’t want to be free of you because you are afraid I’ll break.

“I
am
damaged goods, Chase. Damaged in my body, in my mind and in my soul. But I’m not broken. I am not a fragile champagne flute that will shatter at the slightest touch; I’m a dented, banged-up tin cup. Nothing you could ever do would break me.”

It hurt him to hear her describe herself that way when he saw the ethereal beauty she truly was, but he understood the point she was making. And hadn’t he already seen that strength and persistence in her; and marvelled at how she had come back from the horror that was her life? He hadn’t wanted to add further burdens to overtax her, but she didn’t see it that way. She saw herself as strong enough to withstand anything life threw at her; even him.

And she was right. Of course she was right. The woman who’d raised him had been beaten down by life; she’d given in to it. She really had been fragile. But Anna was a different kind of woman altogether. Maybe the very events that had damaged her were what made Anna capable of withstanding the life she would have with him?

He nodded silently, trying to take it all in. Then he lifted his gaze to meet her determined one. “So I stay, and you withstand my unintentional crimes against you, because you can?”

She smiled then, a sad poignant smile. “Nothing you have done to me is a crime, Chase. I know what true crime feels like, and you have committed no crime. Even holding me here was a negotiation. Maybe not an equal negotiation, but I felt as if I had some choice in what was to happen to me.

“I’m starting to understand that you’re far less free than I am. You’ve been forced by conscience to fight the good fight, the important fight, all day every day since you were eighteen. Next to that, my two years of captivity seem insignificance. And I would die to stop other children going through what I did, so staying down here with my
room with a view
, having the time and freedom to learn new things, to help to save those kids, hardly rates.”

His respect for her grew exponentially. For the first time he felt true hope that the situation wasn’t the nightmare he expected it to be. She could withstand him not loving her, and neglecting her for his duty. She could withstand having him share her personal space, if not her bed. Maybe she could even stand exchanging bites, if no sex was involved. Their situation suddenly had potential.

For the first time he looked around his bedroom and properly took in the changes she’d made. The place was homey. It was, if he was honest, homier than his real home had ever been. There he’d lived in a
Home Beautiful
centrepiece, with everything always needing to be tidy and in its place, including the toys he was currently playing with. Even when his mother had descended into the abyss of alcoholism she’d continued to be fanatical about appearances.

When she died and he finally took up the traces of duty with full acceptance, he gave himself only one small rebellion. He liked to throw his clothes on the floor when he removed them. Oh sure, he collected them all up when it was time to send them to the cleaners, but until then he basked in a messy bed and clothes piled all over the room.

Was that the real reason he never brought home the occasional girl he dated in the last seven years? Because he didn’t want to have to tidy up for her or have her witness his slobbish side?

How would Anna, with all of the hard work she’d put in to make their space attractive and homey, feel about him leaving his clothes on the floor? Was her dented tin cup up for that? Maybe he could make the effort for a while at least, to please her. It was little enough to offer, given all the disadvantages being his mate incurred.

He realized he had made his decision. He wasn’t leaving.

“I like what you’ve done with the place. Sorry about the photos. They were lovely. Maybe get more of the same scene, but at dawn or sunset. They would certainly make this place feel more open, less like a pit in the ground.”

He laughed when she did, and then sighed. God, he loved the sound of her laugh. It was a kind of freedom all of its own. If he could hear that laugh everyday of his life, he’d never feel trapped by his destiny again.

“So when will you go?” she asked, after the laughter faded.

“I’m not going. If you can put up with me, then I’ll stay. We can stumble along until we find a path that works for both of us. It won’t be easy. I wish I could promise you that. But I can promise I will try to give you what you need to be happy here. And try not to push you over again so you end up covered in cuts and bruises. I’m mortified by that. Truly mortified. Men who hurt women are bastards. That I now fall into that category...”

She grinned and shook her head. “I got in your way. Did you even know it was me you were pushing aside?”

He felt bad enough to grimace. “No. My whole focus was on killing Caleb in that moment.”

“Well I’m glad I stopped you from doing that, at least. He’s really a lovely man. But your cat has nothing to worry about. I’m not interested in him that way, as I’ve already explained.”

He sighed again and nodded. “I know, but my cat doesn’t understand, and it will take a while before he does. This is all too new. I want to get to where Colt is. He stayed with you and let Alyssa come and take a piece off me. Either he thinks more of me than I do of myself, or he trusts her judgement. Either way, I’m a long way from that admirable position quite yet.”

“We’ll muddle along our path, Chase. We’ll get there.” She smiled at him before settling down once more under the comforter and closing her eyes.

With a peace he hadn’t felt in a very long time, Chase set about getting ready for bed too.

The days drifted by more pleasantly than Anna would have expected. She spent most of them in the IT room with Caleb, learning the basics of computing and then applying them to small projects he set her. The world wide web fascinated her. She had always gathered it was like an all knowing god, and the more she explored, the more she realised just how right that idea was. Not that all the info was accurate, Caleb cautioned her, just like not everything people told you was right. But by checking sources and validating the information you found, you could be assured that what you learned was accurate. For the first time in her life, Anna felt that learning was fun.

She’d also started sparring with Chase in the gym, and he was improving her self-defence skills in a way her generic training hadn’t done. Each move he showed her was specifically designed to suit a woman confronted by an aggressive male attacker, and she quickly learned to adjust her moves to suit and to learn new ones that could be very effective for smaller, weaker women.

Not that she was so weak anymore. It surprised her how much more strength, speed and power she seemed to have. Moving the furniture into their room had been evidence enough of that. And it was all courtesy of her newly activated panther.

The cat was a constant source of fascination to her, and for the first time in many years she no longer felt like a victim. Now she felt powerful enough to hold her own against any aggressor. No man or monster was ever going to subjugate and hurt her again.

Being up close and personal with Chase during those lessons was wonderful for another reason, too; one she knew had everything to do with their cats. The air seemed to sizzle around them when they were together, making her very aware of his masculine appeal and her innate femininity. Though the idea of sex still frightened her, and she knew her body would likely not handle the rigors of intercourse, it didn’t dampen the surprisingly strong sexual attraction that drew her to her mate.

Although there had been no biting, there had been several occasions when, locked in some martial arts position, her cat had fought to come out and turn the training into something more carnal. But the gym was never empty. Brothers were always coming and going, doing their own workouts and training. And no other times during the day arose for those kinds of shared moments, as she barely saw the man.

Meal times were enjoyable, as she usually took them with Alyssa, and Colt if he was around. She liked her new sister more and more, and Alyssa’s intense, street-wise mate had a dry sense of humour Anna was coming to appreciate. Having cleaned up her cuts for her, Colt also seemed to have developed a protective interest in her that made her feel safe and valued. He, like Caleb, had become a trusted friend, and several of the other brothers were easing their way under her guard to a similar place of friendship.

It amazed her to realize how quickly it was all happening. It had taken her therapist two years to get her to a place where she could accept that not all men were violators, and to be able to put up with being in their presence. But it had taken only a week living with the Sons, to not only put up with their presence, but feel comfortable in the company of some of them. And more than comfortable with Chase.

What would her therapist think of the fact she’d thrown herself into Chase’s arms the day the window was installed, and kissed him. Or that she’d given herself up to the passion that her cat had ignited. None of it fitted with her PTSD, none of it fitted with what she knew of the healing process for victims like herself. It was like these men, especially Chase, belonged to another category in her mind. As if they, like the women in her life, couldn’t be considered threats to her, like human men or Guild could.

Chase usually came to bed well after she had turned in, and was up well before her. He seemed to be able to survive on five hours sleep, something that seemed insane to her. If she didn’t get her eight hours she just didn’t function properly. That was one of the reasons her nightmares had been so crippling.

There had been no nightmares since coming to HQ, for which she was very grateful. In fact, except for that terror the morning she awoke to find Chase wrapped around her, she had barely thought about those two years. It had something to do with her cat, she thought. Her cat made her feel strong and in control. Her nightmares and memories only surfaced when she felt vulnerable for some reason.

She was sitting at the desk writing in her journal, which she did religiously just before bedtime, reflecting on the amazing changes that had been wrought in her life, when Chase entered the room. He looked haggard and his wide shoulders drooped as he headed for the bathroom.

“What’s wrong?” she asked, rising to follow him. She found he would often tell her of his problems, as if she had the ability to help him resolve them. That was another thing she was coming to like about him. Though she was just an uneducated domestic, he treated her like she had a brain.

He leaned against the bathroom door jam and rested his head on his arm. “I've just had word from Amy that her grandfather, the Alpha I told you about, the one who pulls the strings of the Guild behind the scenes, has finally arrived in London and made contact. He’s unimpressed with Coop, and suspicious. Because of that, Amy thinks he’s now suspicious of her, too. If I leave Coop in play his cover might not hold up under the Alpha’s close scrutiny. If I try to pull him out, his cat won’t have it. I know now exactly how that would feel for him.

“Which means I’ll have to pull Amy out too. But, she’s too well placed for that. She’s giving us inroads that we never imagined we’d get until Cameron got onto the Board.”

He sighed heavily and stood up straighter, as if pulling the last of his strength from an almost empty inner reserve.

Anna wanted to place a comforting hand on his arm, but decided to reassure him with words instead. “Caleb showed me the profile he created for Cooper. It’s deep and comprehensive. He was lucky to have found a couple of Guild in Australia who died with their teenage son in a car accident eight years ago. With some careful hacking into newspapers, hospital and police records he was able to alter the details so that it looks like the son survived that accident but was an invalid for some time. The school records of the private school Cooper was supposed to have attended in Sydney now have his picture instead of his counterpart’s.” She knew she wasn’t telling Chase anything he didn’t already know, but he seemed to need to hear it all again.

“Caleb even created a Facebook page for him and enticed kids who would have gone to school with the real Roger Maynard, to ‘Friend’ him. He was careful to choose people unlikely to remember the real Roger, but who didn’t mind building their ‘cred’, as Caleb calls it, by friending a wealthy and socially acceptable stranger. Caleb is amazing. No detail is too small. A couple of Résistance members have been tracked down through Cooper’s parents and they’ve also claimed on FB that they know Roger well from some small but elite football club in the suburbs. They even uploaded photoshopped pictures of the teams. Painstaking work, but brilliant. You’re lucky to have Caleb.”

Chase nodded and leaned back against the wall, closing his eyes. “I know. He’s pure genius when it comes to digital footprints and the like. And maybe Amy is just paranoid, knowing she has something to hide. This lifestyle is all new to her. Up to a month ago, she was an abused and worthless daughter of the Guild, fearing for her sanity. Now she’s playing in the Guild big league, a role so opposed to who she really is that it must be next to impossible to maintain. I don’t know how she does it.”

Anna placed a comforting hand on Chase’s arm. “She can do it because she has to. Because she believes in this fight, like the rest of you. And maybe, like me, her cat makes her stronger and more able to cope.”

He placed a hand over hers on his arm, studying the contact as if the meaning of life could be found in that skin to skin connection.

“The Alpha hasn’t maintained his stranglehold on the Guild by leaving anything to chance. His granddaughter’s boyfriend, especially when he wants Amy for Cameron, will become his target. It only stands to reason. I should have thought this through more carefully...”

“Chase, not every decision falls to you alone. Caleb told me this was Amy’s idea, and Cooper supported her? The rest of your team thought it was a good idea, too. You didn’t force your views on any of them. They made their own decisions. If this fails; well, it fails. But it won’t be because it was a bad idea that you came up with. It’s a good idea. A godsend, no matter what the risks. All you have to do is provide an escape plan they can use if
they
decide it's necessary.”

Chase lifted her hand from his arm. And for a split second she thought he was rejecting her, pulling away. Then he lifted her fingers to his mouth and kissed the back of her hand, just like a gentleman from the olden days might have done. What he did next, though, was far less likely to have been part of a gentleman’s skill-set. Slowly, and with utmost care, he turned her hand, wrist up, and licked the pulse point there.

Her cat jumped into action a moment later, and it didn’t surprise her when she felt fangs grazing that soft skin at the base of her palm. Sometime in the seconds it had taken for him to raise her hand, kiss it and then rotate it so he could perform the most seductive move she had ever seen, she’d held her breath. When she realised it, Anna released the breath in one strangled exhalation.

“I want to bite you, Anna,” he growled out as he licked further up her arm until he was nuzzling into the underside of her elbow. The touch sent excitement careening through her system, headed right for her core.

Excitement and fear waged a war inside her. The memory of the bite he gave her at the hotel was one of mixed emotion. Sexually thrilling and yet shockingly violent in a way that reminded her too well of her past. But if she let him do it again now, it wouldn’t be a surprise or violent. It would be erotic and intensely pleasurable. And she craved that pleasure like an addict craves her next fix.

Swallowing to wet her suddenly dry mouth, Anna tried to find words. When she took too long, Chase looked up at her, his eyes golden and glowing, asking for an answer. She nodded slowly, her body already trembling from the double dose of mixed emotion.

Chase drew her closer and nuzzled at her neck instead of her elbow. The damp touch of his lips sent a shudder of desire through her. God, what was she thinking? This was out of control. She was out of control.

As he slowly drew back the neck of her PJ tee-shirt, she found she was holding her breath, waiting the endless moment for the quick pain she knew was coming.

But the pain didn’t even register this time, as Chase buried his teeth into her shoulder. All she felt was the flood of delight that set off mini sexual explosions everywhere it spread. A moan she hadn’t realised was her own until it was voiced, filled the air. Chase’s arms drew her in closer and she heard the rumbling purr in his chest. Unconsciously, she raised a hand to press against that chest, to feel the vibration for herself. It shot her off into mind-numbing bliss.

Her legs gave way under her, and Chase took up the weight as if she was no burden at all. One hand held her up while the other ran through her hair, stroking it as if the very feel of it was an aphrodisiac.

Anna ached. Not from any pain from the bite, but from arousal she had never known before. She wanted... she wanted... something. Something that reminded her of those awful years, and yet was as far from them as anything could possibly be. Before she could stop herself, her hand dropped to the hard length in Chase’s pants, loving the feel of his thick cock, wanting to claim it as her own.

The moan he gave her at her caress excited her further and another powerful release washed over her. Delirious with pleasure, she tore at his pants, trying to get to what she wanted, what her cat wanted.

But Chase removed his teeth, sealed the wound and pushed her gently away. Her hand dropped to her side as she gasped for air and tried to clear her mind.

“Did I overstep? Didn’t you want me to...” she managed to get part of her question out between gasps. Closing her eyes to keep the enticing and embarrassing sight of him at bay, she tried to get her cat under control.

“I wanted you to…, more than I wanted my next meal,” he grated out between his own laboured breaths. “But when you come to me, I want it to be you, not your cat, who brings you to me. She’s driving you at this moment, just like my cat is screaming at me to take you. Can you deny it?”

The heat of a blush burned up her neck. Of course it was the cat. She, Anna, never wanted to go there with a man. Not even this man who was starting to mean everything to her, after such a short time. And if she did want sex, she knew what a failure it would be. Scar tissue lined her vagina, from tears, and in her pelvis, from the long, untreated infections. Only regular Kegel exercises had got her anus doing its job properly again after numerous tears and infections in that area. It would be excruciating to have someone as large as Chase force his way into her body. And because of that, he would get little pleasure from the experience either. No, she couldn’t go there. Ever.

So why did having him stop her feel so bad?

“Anna? Can you deny it’s your cat encouraging me?” His voice was almost back to normal, but it held a desperate note.

“No. It’s my cat. Thank you for realising that and stopping before it was too late. It wouldn’t have been much fun for you, I can assure you. So you’ve done the right thing.”