Scrambled Babies (37 page)

“The whole truth?” Maury asked.

“Okay, okay.  The whole truth is that I was completely ga-ga.  Ba-zingo-ed.  Bewitched.  Messed up as I’ve never been messed up before.  Christ, we went to the moon and back in nanoseconds.  I swear to god she went with me, Maury.  She left me in a state of total disorientation.  I forgot where the hell I was and where the hell I was going. What else could I do?  I grabbed up the baby that was still there and walked away in a million pieces, winding up at the damn commuter concourse.  Almost missed my plane to Boston.”

“Okay, okay, I get the picture.”

“So now you see why I can’t let her out of my life.  Ever.”

“Yes, I see, I see.  But we have to pay attention to this bad public-relations crap about getting caught switching the kids.  You could be in and out of five mil in the same nanoseconds.  You understand?”

“I get it, Maury.  I’m with you on this.  No further explanation needed.  I am determined to have both.  Her and the five mil.” 

The tape whirred on silently.  Steve walked over and stopped it.

There!  Now she knows the truth.  It’s over!  We can be lovers again!
  He was elated.  He hadn’t remembered the conversation had favored him so greatly. 

“See?  Now do you understand? See how that son of a bitch Black pieced my words together to make it look like I betrayed you?”  He started to approach her.  Only one other time in his life had Steve felt this good—that night with Paeton.  He would have liked Paeton to feel that way too.  But she sat there, hands folded in her lap, unnervingly silent.  Why didn’t she say something? 

“Well?”  He knelt in front of her, entreating her.  He sent a signal to her eyes, trying to spark that old connection, but Paeton wasn’t acknowledging his effort.  He tried again.  “Well?  Please say something!”

Finally, she whispered hoarsely, “I’ll drop the lawsuit.”

Steve was about to explode.  She wasn’t following his script!  She was supposed to come over with a forgiving smile on her lips, sex in her eyes, and give him a tender things-are-okay-now kiss.  Instead, she sat there, her eyes distant.

She finally spoke.  “I know what you want.  But you’re not me, Steve.  I have a big hole where my heart used to be.  You know how a starfish loses a leg in a fierce battle, and eventually it grows back?  Well, I’m not a starfish.  My heart may never grow back.”

Steve bounded to his feet and started circling in front of the sofa.  “Hey, wait a minute, some son of a bitch recorded my conversation, doctored it to be a total lie, and you may never forgive me?”

“I didn’t say that.  I said I may never be able to give you what you want.”

“Christ, Paeton.  Be reasonable.  I was framed!  I gave you the proof!  Why can’t we be like we were?”

“Steve, I’m not going to stay if you’re going to yell at me.”  She stood and moved toward the door.

Steve rushed over to grab her and decided that was a bad idea.  “Okay, okay.  Wait.  Don’t go!  Please!  I’ll stop yelling.”  He was still yelling as he spoke.  He cleared his throat.  “Okay.”  He sat down very deliberately.  He gathered himself and spoke as normally as he could.  “I’m not yelling.  I’m sitting down and being very not-yelling.  Okay?”

Paeton stopped at the door with her back to him.  “I’ll drop the lawsuit.  I have to go, Steve.  I’m so far behind on my screenplay that I may lose the contract.  I’ll drop the lawsuit.  But that’s all I can tell you today.  I used to feel that I knew how the rest of my life would be.  Now I barely know what I’ll be doing in the next moment.  Please, don’t call.  I’ll call you when and if I’m able.”  She turned to him from the door.  She tried to smile.  “I’ll drop the lawsuit.”

“Well, I get the distinct impression you won’t let me drive you back to the hotel.  At least let me call you a cab.”

“No, thanks.  I need the exercise.”

Paeton opened the door and walked woodenly out.

Steve couldn’t believe it.  According to his plan, they were supposed to be going into the wonderful Alice bedroom or, at least, out for coffee about now.  Laughing, hand in hand.  Giving the world the finger.  She was supposed to forgive and forget.  He was counting on feeling her touch again.  Laughing with her again.  Okay, going to bed with her again. 

Steve had heard and read and even written the word “despair,” but until now he had never felt it.  Despair!  Total despair clutched his soul and took it far, far down to the bottom of the bottom.

Ring!

Oh, Christ!  Even money it’s more bad news!
  “Kaselman here.”

“Steve, this breaking-and-entering thing.  You’ve really run the wrong way on ComfyDype’s ballfield.  They want to see us right away, and I know it’s bad, very bad news.”  Steve had never heard Maury sound so discouraged.

Steve laughed raucously.  “Of course it’s bad news!  What the hell other kind of news is there?  I’m Mr. Bad-News Kaselman.”

“Steve, this is serious.”

“Same here.  I played the tape of our conversation for Paeton.”

“Great!  At least you guys can get back together.”

“Yeah, right!  You know what she said?  ‘I’ll drop the lawsuit.’  Did she run over and kiss me in forgiveness?  The answer is no.  Did she smile and say ‘I forgive you?’  The answer again is no.  Am I any closer to seeing her again?  The goddam answer is no goddam way!”

“Sorry, Steve.  I thought sure—”

“So did I.  Well, screw it!”  He yanked the tape out of the player and hurled it against the bricks in the fireplace.  It shattered into bits.  “When are we meeting with Ollie and the boys for my lynching?”

“Tomorrow, at ten.  We’ll try to work something out, Steve.”

“Right.  Like I just did with Paeton.”

“Hey, where’s the old Kaselman optimism?”

Steve’s despair spoke for him.  “The old Kaselman optimism went out the door forever with Paeton McPhilomy.  Bye, Maury.  See you at the funeral.”  He hung up.

#

Paeton walked numbly away from the Alice house.  She had about a twenty-minute walk by herself.  After hearing the tape, she couldn’t, in fact, say she had been betrayed.  But why did she still feel she had been?

Did Steve ask to marry her?  Did he say “I want you to be my bride forever”?

And even if he had, would she have said yes?

Paeton decided she had been betrayed, not only by Steve, but by life as well.  Hadn’t she worked hard?  Hadn’t she established morals? And followed them? Hadn’t she given of herself? And what had she reaped in return?  Betrayal!

Had life offered her true love, but only at the price of her career, her security, her beliefs?

Paeton wanted a lover.  But she also wanted what Kevin had given her.  A family, a home, a chance to create her fictions.  Could Steve give her that?  The more important question was:  Did he want that too?

Or did he want a wild, crazy, upbeat relationship that eventually would be destined to burn out and then—?  She might as well be with Fred.  But she knew she could no longer ask Fred for anything outside business.

She looked back and saw the bridges she had burned.  She looked forward and saw the bridges that lay ahead.  All of them like those bridges in jungle-adventure movies, made of vines and rotting wood, swaying precariously over rivers full of jagged rocks and swarming piranhas.

She reached her hotel suite and opened the door.  She walked in to see there was a message on her machine.  She pushed the play button.

“Paeton, this is Fred.  Christian called.  You have to meet with him tomorrow at ten.  His office.  I don’t think this is good news.  Please call me about strategy.”

The beginning of the end.  She would not go back merely to where she had been.  No, she would go back further. A lump formed in her throat.  She would have to work herself all the way up again. She would have to write another
The Sky Streaks of Black.
  But would anyone offer her another chance to write a screenplay?  It would have been so easy to collapse to the floor and cry.

If only she could go back to the airport and not have her eyes meet Steve Kaselman’s eyes.  If only she had missed that trip to Venus and Mars—she would be a normal person now.  Well, not entirely normal.  She would still be a celebrity of sorts.  People would know her.  People would ask for her autograph.

But now, even though she must forgo any future trips with Steve to uncharted planets, she was destined to be forever haunted by the knowledge of what those trips could do to her. 

“Normal” could never be applied to Paeton McPhilomy ever again!

Chapter 14

Paeton met Fred outside Christian’s office.  They hadn’t seen each other since Fred offered her the ring.  Fred did not look her directly in the eye.  She didn’t blame him.  She had led him on.  Paeton had been cruel, and that was another burden she would have to deal with for the rest of her life.  Fred didn’t deserve such ugly treatment.

She kissed him apologetically on the cheek.  “Sorry, Fred.  Can you ever forgive me?”

“I’ve gotten over it.  I was stupid to believe in the possibility in the first place.  I’m
in
the romance business, for god’s sake.  I should know better.”

“You’re the best friend I’ve ever had, Fred.”

“Right.  I know.”  He cleared his throat and stood up taller.  “Listen, I’m going to do my best to save your screenplay contract, but you have to help me.  What have you got?”