'Scuse Me While I Kill This Guy (25 page)

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Authors: Leslie Langtry

BOOK: 'Scuse Me While I Kill This Guy
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I squeezed my eyes closed. This was a defining moment in my life. I had just learned that I was in love with this man and would do anything to make him happy. Dak may have broken my heart, but Diego was healing it without a word. How cool was that?
Dak. He was the reason I was so upset—and hungover. My darling brother had betrayed us all. And I had to punish him. But how could I? My arms gripped Diego’s body as I realized that there was no way I could hurt Dak.
An idea started to grow. Maybe Diego could help me. Maybe I didn’t have to deal with this alone. Hope bubbled in my blood. It had been a long time since I’d had help. I missed having a partner in my life. And Diego had potential to be the partner I never had with Ed. My chest inflated with hope. This was what I needed.
Diego continued soothing me until I choked off my last sob and pulled away.
“Thanks, Diego. You don’t know how much that meant to me.” I wiped my eyes with the back of my hands, leaving black, inky trails on them.
“Would you like some tea?” I managed to squeak out. He nodded and followed me into the kitchen.
I knew I looked like hell. In the movies, women look beautiful when they cry. But the truth was clear to me when I saw my reflection in the kettle. Red, puffy eyes ringed with smeared black mascara. Teenage Goth girls had nothing on me. I excused myself for a moment and raced to the bathroom to clean up my face.
“Diego, I’m so sorry ...” I began when I returned.
He held up his hands to stop me. “It’s not necessary. I figured something was up when you and your family didn’t show last night.”
Last night? What the hell was he ... oh no! I was supposed to invite my family to dinner with Diego last night! With everything else, I’d completely forgotten! I’d completely blown him off. In fact, he was probably over here to make sure I was alive. I didn’t think it was possible to feel so terrible.
So I did the mature thing. I started crying. The tea kettle whistled and there I was, weeping like an idiot.
Diego started toward me but I stopped him.
“I really screwed up. I forgot all about the dinner. I didn’t even ask my family. That’s the problem.”
Diego just nodded and I realized I wasn’t really making any sense.
“It’s my brother ... Dak. He’s ... he’s ...” I couldn’t finish. What was I going to say?
Dak betrayed the whole Bombay family, turning us in to the FBI and Scotland Yard. And he’s too old to spank. In fact, the Family wants me to kill him. How are you with an ice pick?
I looked at Diego. He smiled patiently. He wasn’t going to pressure me into telling him before I was ready. And I loved him even more for that. I was just getting to the part where I was mentally designing the wedding invitations when he spoke up.
“Is there something I can do?” He was sincere. Something in those simple words told me he would do all within his power to make the hurt go away. I had to trust him. I wanted to trust him. It was a low moment of complete insanity, but hey, I had nowhere to go but up.
“Diego, there’s something I have to tell you. I hope you don’t have anyplace to be for a while.” I sat down and pushed his cup of tea toward him.
Diego leaned back and relaxed, a smile on his face. “Gin, you can tell me anything. I want to help. I don’t have to be anywhere but here.” He reached across the table and took my hand in his. “I love you, Gin. I want you to know that before you tell me whatever it is.”
My body melted into a little puddle. “I love you too, Diego!” I would’ve shouted it from the floor, had I really melted.
Unfortunately, I didn’t have time to celebrate. “That means so much to me. What I have to tell you isn’t going to be easy to hear. In fact, I’m forbidden to tell you at all.” I took a deep breath. “But here goes.”
I paused dramatically before continuing. “Diego, I never was a bodyguard. It’s quite the opposite, really. I’m actually an assassin.” I waited for the words to sink in, which, by the way his face fell into shock, happened sooner than I thought.
“You’re an assassin? Is this a joke?” Diego frowned.
“No.” And so I began to tell him everything. About my family, our history and mission in life (and, I guess, in death). And let me tell you, the Icelandic Sagas weren’t this long. I would also hazard a guess that they weren’t this interesting either, judging by the way his mouth hung open. Then I launched into the family reunion and the quest for the mole. I finished with the evidence that pointed to Dak. The whole thing took two hours and would have been a lot easier to deliver with a snappy multimedia presentation, but I only had so much to work with, and time was running out.
Diego sat there silently for a while, absorbing every word I said. I could tell at the beginning that he thought I was kidding. That made sense, though. Who would believe it? It’s a pretty weird story.
“Do you have anything stronger than tea?” Diego finally asked. I nodded and pulled a bottle of wine out of the cupboard, opened it and poured it into two glasses. The first sip gave me a high, stemming some of my hangover. I usually didn’t drink on a hangover. But then I usually didn’t get drunk either. At this point, I really had to say that scruples were for suckers.
I watched impatiently as Diego drained his glass. This wasn’t something I could rush, even though it would’ve been nice if he’d said,
That’s great! I’ll take on the Bombay name! Let’s get married and I’ll help you with your work!
Instead, he looked me right in the eye. “So you’re an assassin. And your whole family—your mum, your brother—are all assassins. And you have to turn Romi into one?”
I tried to read into his words as I nodded. “I know it sounds crazy.” I shrugged. “I just grew up with it. I haven’t really known it any other way.” Okay, I fibbed here. I knew it was wrong. But I needed some sympathy.
He sat back, filling his glass again. “Did you ever realize that it’s wrong to kill people?”
Whoa. I didn’t expect that. “Yes, I know it’s wrong to most people. But everyone I take out is really bad. Terrorists, spies, murderers ...”
“People like you,” Diego said quietly.
“Um, I don’t, well, yeah. Sort of.” I was confused. “I mean, I’m not a terrorist or spy.”
“But you are a murderer, and have been since you were fifteen. Right?” Diego’s voice was very, very calm. Like, eye-of-the-hurricane-in-the-Bermuda-Triangle-on-Friday-the-Thirteenth-with-a-black-cat-and-ladder-in-your-boat calm.
My stomach flip-flopped. “I usually have only one job a year. This month was unusual in that I had two, but they were both bad guys. One was selling military secrets to the Chinese and the other used corporate money to support South American terrorists.”
Diego buried his face in his hands and I realized this was going to be a lot harder than I thought. All of a sudden, I started to panic. What had I done? I’d never even told Ed any of this! Aaaaahhhhrrrg! The jackhammer left my head and started on my heart. I was pretty sure that after this next glass of wine, it would go after my liver.
“Gin, I’m trying to wrap my mind around this.” Diego struggled and I knew it was the truth. “I want to believe there aren’t really people like you out there.”
“We just take care of people the government can’t. The U.S. doesn’t sanction assassination. We ...”
“So you’re a patriot?” he asked doubtfully.
“I don’t know about that,” I answered.
“So you just do it for the money?” he countered.
I shook my head. “I’m not a profiteer! I’m not a mercenary! But I don’t necessarily do it for my country.” It hit me. I had never really questioned what I did. Why was that?
“Dammit, Gin!” Diego stood and shoved the chair away. “I don’t know what to say! I want to buy in, but it’s against everything I ever believed!”
“I can understand that. It’s never easy to tell someone outside the family. I know it’s difficult to accept. And it was unfair of me to unload this on you.” The wine left a dry, tangy feeling in my mouth. I grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and drank.
“Do outsiders usually have problems dealing with this?” Diego asked.
“Yes. I guess. I don’t know. I never told Ed.” A small part of me felt like I was betraying his memory by telling Diego. How could I tell him when I never told my husband?
His eyebrows arched in surprise. “You never told Ed? Why?”
I sat down. Why hadn’t I told him? “I guess I didn’t think he’d take it very well.”
“I can understand that,” Diego said quietly.
“So, I blew it with you, huh?”
“No, Gin. You didn’t blow it with me. I still want you. But I have to come to some kind of understanding with this. And I’m pretty sure I don’t want you to do it anymore.”
“You have no idea how much I agree with you.” I licked my lips. “It’s not like it’s easy. Granted, I’ve fostered a pretty cavalier attitude toward it my whole life. But it’s not an easy lifestyle to accept.” Dak was the main example of this.
“Well, first I guess we should deal with your problem. Then maybe we can take a long vacation and sort this out.”
My heart exploded! Diego was going to help me! And then there would be a vacation! Maybe with lots of sex! I ran over and climbed into Diego’s lap, kissing him frantically.
“I love you so much!” I said between kisses. “I never thought I’d find someone like you. Not in a million years!”
Diego pulled back. “Hold on there, Gin. Air must flow to my brain in order for me to think.”
I leaped off his lap and returned to my seat. “Right. Solution first, sex later.”
Diego laughed and I felt wonderful. Surely nothing could ever screw this up!
“You said you had two jobs this month? Anyone I know?” I was pretty sure he was joking.
I could feel my skin burning. Why did I say that? I was going to tell him, someday, about his client. Now was not that time.
So I lied to the love of my life. “No. No one you know.”
Diego’s eyes narrowed. My heart bounced around in my chest. Surely he couldn’t see my treachery. Damn. My hands were shaking.
I watched as his eyes grew wide with realization. “No! No! It can’t be!”
Diego was too smart to fall for my bullshit. My only hope was that maybe he could handle it.
“Diego, I ...”
“You killed my client?” His shock was pretty clear. “You murdered Turner?”
I stood up. “I had to! It’s not like we have a choice!” I was an idiot to think he would still love me after hearing the truth.
“You put me out of work! You set this up from the beginning! Oh my god!” He started pacing, running his hands through his hair. “You stalked me at the bookstore, lured me to your table. You seduced me in order to get Turner!”
What?
“What? No! I didn’t know when I met you that I’d be assigned your client. It was just a weird coincidence. That’s all!”
Diego shook his head. “I can’t believe I was so stupid! Not only am I a failure at my job, I’m an idiot too!”
Uh oh. This was very, very bad. “No, you’re not. You had no idea who I was. I didn’t get the assignment until after our first date. I didn’t trick you!”
Diego’s eyes betrayed his pain. “How could I be so stupid? I fell for you hook, line and sinker. I played right into your hands.”
“Now wait a minute. If I were really conning you, I wouldn’t have told you all this.”
“Turner was my client. You had to know that before you took him out.” He wasn’t shouting, but he might as well have.
“Honestly, Diego! I didn’t know he was your client until after I killed him—when you came looking for him that morning!” Oops. What was wrong with me? Can’t I keep my mouth shut for two minutes?
He turned a scary shade of pale. “I didn’t really believe it until you just now said it. You killed Turner. You lied to me when I came over. Why, he was probably on his way to the zoo at that very minute!”
I was mad now. “Well, that shows what you know! He was dead on my living room floor while I talked to you at the door.” I clapped both hands over my mouth, as if that would take back the words I shouldn’t have said.
“You’re nothing more than a murderer! A common killer!” Diego exploded. “I’ll bet you thought it was real funny—humiliating me like that.”
“Hypocrite! You had no idea who Turner was! You told me you don’t work for the bad guys. Ha! You didn’t even know he was funding terrorist activities south of the border. He was evil, and I did my job!”
Diego sneered. “Yeah. You were just doing your job. That of a hired killer. Some career path!”
“Oh yeah? Well, at least I did my job well! My client didn’t die at the hand of my girlfriend!”
Everything suddenly went into slow motion, like we were walking through water. I knew I had screwed up royalty before the last word left my mouth. I had taken Diego’s humiliation and shoved it up his ass.
“Good-bye, Gin,” Diego said very quietly. He turned toward the door.

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