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Authors: Leslie Langtry

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BOOK: 'Scuse Me While I Kill This Guy
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I was no psychologist, but I was fairly certain that Mom did this to pretend I was still her innocent baby, in spite of what I did for a living. No excuse. Not this time.
Diego looked at the barrettes, then at me, his right eyebrow arched in what I hoped was amusement.
“Um, thanks, Mom.” I grabbed the barrettes and shoved them in my purse. For some reason, I could never throw this stuff away. It occupied a dusty box in the darkest comer of my attic. The only thing she had ever given me that I did use was a coffee mug that said
Virginia Is for Lovers
. I really liked that.
At the moment, I was pretty sure I looked shell-shocked. Dad gave me a look, then grabbed Mom by the arm.
“Come on, honey, we should get a table.”
“Maybe we could join them?” She pointed at the two other chairs.
My eyes flew wide open, and I sent my father the following message, telepathically,
Get her out of here before I tell Diego I’m adopted!
Dad immediately dragged Mom away.
“Oh my God, Diego! I’m so sorry.” I could feel the blush all over my face.
Diego waved it off. “No worries. Remember my sister? Mum doesn’t even have to be around to embarrass her. All anyone has to do is ask her for her name.”
In spite of his sincerity, I was still shaken from the great barrette incident. I mean, did she really think I’d wear them? I had short hair, for Christ’s sake! Really short hair! ,
Diego leaned closer. “Gin, really, don’t fret about it. Okay?”
I nodded. “Okay.” But I was convinced Mom had blown my chances of getting to second base with Diego tonight.
We would’ve stayed longer, but the waiter forced us out. I considered killing him for ending my date before I could reduce the damage Mom had done. But it wouldn’t do to murder someone in front of my future husband.
Diego walked me to my car. He was just starting to make his move and kiss me when he froze, a frown crossing his lick-able features. He reached for his belt, pulling out a cell phone.
“Damn,” he said quietly. “It’s my client. I have to take this.” Diego looked at me as if to see if that was okay. I nodded, and he answered his phone.
I could’ve heard what he said, but I was easily hypnotized by his eyes, which were on mine in spite of his conversation. He had this dark, hungry look. I recognized that. That was a good look! As soon as he snapped off the phone, I reached up and kissed him.
Diego kissed back.
Yaaaaaayyyyyy!
His lips were soft, needy. He tasted like the mint he’d gotten from the waiter. Diego pulled me to him, his lips against mine. I seriously considered swooning.
“I’ve got to go,” he said quietly, his forehead against mine. “I’ll call you tomorrow, and we’ll make plans, okay?”
I nodded like a puppet. His kiss totally threw my mojo off. He waited until I got in the car and drove away. I only hoped that in my blissed-out, aroused state I wouldn’t drive into a house on the way home.
CHAPTER SEVEN
John Smith: “What’s new?” Eddie: “Same old, same old. People need killing. ”
—
Mr
. &
Mrs
.
Smith
 
 
“All right, we want details!” Liv and Dak faced me with their arms crossed. I had just gotten back from taking Romi to school and found them on my doorstep. Apparently, Liv had told Dak about my date last night. Assassins are such nosy bastards.
“Why didn’t you tell me you had a date?” Dak asked.
“Because I made the decision to call him after you left.”
“Well?” Liv asked. “Who is he?” She enunciated each word as if I were three years old.
I sighed and took another drink of my coffee. I had a mild headache from the two bottles of wine I had consumed. “His name is Diego. He’s Australian. I met him at the bookstore.”
“Ooooh! A man with an accent!” Liv squealed.
Dak rolled his eyes. “And?”
I shrugged. “What?” I knew I was pissing him off, and it amused me.
Dak sighed with frustration. “Details! I want details!”
I pointed at him. “Do I ever ask you for details of your dates?”
“No. But they don’t seem to be as important to me as this guy is to you.”
I arched my right eyebrow. “How can you tell?”
Dak counted on his fingers. “One, you haven’t dated since Eddie died. Two, Liv said you were out for four hours ... on a weeknight. And three, you’re hiding something.”
It was my turn to roll my eyes. “You’re an idiot. I’m not hiding anything. I’m just not telling you everything.”
“And there’s a difference?” Dak asked.
“Yeah, there is.”
“Do I have to put you both in timeout?” Liv pushed us apart. She turned to me. “We’re just curious. And we’re happy for you. That’s all, Gin.”
Liv knew which buttons to push. But I was afraid to tell them too much. It wasn’t real yet. At least not to me.
“What do you want to know?” I offered my olive branch.
“How about his name, Social Security number and mother’s maiden name?” Dak asked.
“Right. Like I’d let you do a background check on him.” And he would too.
“How about just a little info?” Liv asked gently.
“Okay. He’s probably our age, gorgeous as all get out in that tall-dark-handsome kind of way. He’s very funny and smart and likes kids. Happy?”
“What does he do for a living?” Dak asked.
And there it was. The thing I didn’t want to tell them. Why? Because there was a teensy, weensy chance that there could be, in the way distant future, a slight conflict of interest there.
“He’s a bodyguard.” I couldn’t lie to them. Dak and Liv knew me too well.
“A what? Gin! Are you crazy?” Dak jumped in.
“Now, Dak, we don’t know that it’ll be a problem,” Liv said.
Dak rolled his eyes. “Oh, sure. Won’t be a problem! He just happens to be a bodyguard in a small city where my immediate family of assassins lives! I’m sure there won’t be any conflict of interest there.” Wow. He was pissed!
“I didn’t know that when I met him! It’s just what he does. It’s not like he’s FBI or a cop.”
Okay, I’d admit to that one time I’d had a date with a Fed by mistake. But it had never come back to haunt me, and there’d been no second date. (Relax. I didn’t kill him.)
“At least she had a date!” Liv interjected.
I threw my hands up in the air. “Now, that doesn’t make me sound pathetic at all!”
Poppy padded into the room and looked at us. Apparently we’d woken her up. Finding nothing interesting, she waddled to her food dish and began eating.
“See what you did? You woke the baby!” I yelled at Dak.
Dak waved his hands in the air. “Okay, fine. I’m overreacting. I’m glad you’re seeing someone. Even if he is body armor.” Body armor was what we called bodyguards. They usually slowed the process of hitting our target with bullets.
“I accept your apology,” I said rather magnanimously.
“So.” Liv popped a Hostess mini-muffin in her mouth. (The girl never, ever gained weight.) “Are you going to see him again?”
“Did you get laid?” Dak cut in.
I threw my hands into the air. “Yes,” I said to Liv. Then I turned to Dak. “Not yet, not that it’s any of your business. Besides, he’s only here for six months, then it’s back to Europe with his client. I can’t imagine us having a long-distance thing after—goddamnit! It’s only been one date! Why am I telling you all this?”
Liv looked to Dak. “She’s a little defensive, isn’t she?”
“No shit,” he responded. “She needs to get laid.”
“I’m right
here!”
I shouted. I hated being ignored. “And there’s nothing to discuss!”
I scooped up the fat pug puppy, walked out the back door, and set Poppy down in the yard. I followed her while she used my lawn as her personal toilet, then brought her back in. Liv and Dak were waiting for me.
“Okay, we’ll change the subject.” Dak smiled. “What’s the job?”
I blinked at him. “What are you talking about?”
“The job! Who’s Vic?”
“What?” I had no clue.
Dak stared at me. “The envelope I gave you yesterday! Who’s Vic?”
“Oh.” I’d forgotten about that. Vic was the name we gave our victims, kind of like a secret code. Not the most difficult code to crack, but we’re kind of lazy. “I didn’t open it.” I had forgotten about the hit. I’d been too wrapped up in Diego’s eyes—I mean, Romi’s (and Poppy’s) training.
“I’ll open it later.” We had a couple of weeks. And I needed to focus on other things first.
“You have to do it before the reunion,” Dak pressed.
“I know.” I scratched between Poppy’s ears. “I’ll get to it. When have you ever known me to screw up a job?”
“Never,” Dak mused, “but there’s a first time for everything.”
“Out.” I pointed to the door.
Liv fondled the pug’s ears, then smiled as she grabbed Dak by the arm and pulled him out of my house.
“Now, you, I like,” I said in a baby voice to Poppy. She wiggled in my arms. “You don’t ask any questions.” I set her on the floor and walked into the living room. The pup trailed me, trying clumsily to climb onto the couch next to me. I lifted her up, and she snuggled onto my lap, promptly falling asleep.
The envelope sat on the end table, unopened. I supposed I shouldn’t leave it there, but I was getting careless these days. I picked it up and turned it around in my hands, giving myself one nasty paper cut.
“That’s enough for you,” I said as I set it down and sucked on my finger. There was a lot to think about. A hit that had to be taken care of, the family reunion, training Romi, housetraining Poppy, and an impending second date with the delectable Diego.
I thought about the kiss he had given me last night. It had been perfect in every way. I wanted more. When would he call? Oh yes, he had said today sometime.
Now, assassins don’t usually sit by the phone waiting for Australian bodyguards to call them for a date. Okay, so I was breaking that rule. I knew there would be a second date, followed by a third, fourth, all the way to 100 if I could make it happen. How many days are there in six months? Something like 180 to 186, I would imagine. Minus the reunion time and, of course, I’d be working some of the time too. Hmmm ... this relationship had to move fast in order for first date plus consecutive dates to equal mind-blowing sex.
Okay, so I’d break with convention and wait by the phone today. Poppy snored loudly on my lap. It wasn’t like I could move anyway.
And that’s where I sat for four hours, waiting for the phone to ring and my bladder to explode. Funny business, this dating thing. Finally, I had to get up to pick up Romi from school. Diego hadn’t called. Bastard.
CHAPTER EIGHT
Mr. Newberry:
“I visualized you in a haze as one of those slackster, flannel-wearing, coffee-house misanthropes I’ve been seeing in News
-
week.”
Marty:
“No no no, I went the other road. Six figures, doing business with lead pipe cruelty, mercenary sensibility. You know . . . sports, sex, no real relationships. How about you—how have the years been treating you?”
Mr. Newberry:
“Well you know me,
Martin—still the same old sellout,
exploiting the oppressed . . .”
—Grosse Pointe Blank
 
 
I’d spent all day waiting for Diego to call. And I hadn’t given up yet, as evidenced by the cordless phone sitting next to me. However, Dak had been right. I had a job to do and that monkey would be on my back until I did it.
Now, with Romi in bed and Poppy curled up with her, I had some time to check out the hit. It was just an ordinary manila envelope, nothing special, no scary seal in bloodred wax. You weren’t expecting that, right?
Jobs were handed down through the family, assigned by the Council to the assassin, based on location, specialty, and so on. The Council consisted of the oldest Bombay generation, which in this case was Grandma Mary, her brother Lou, sister Dela (as in Delaware) and cousins Troy and Florence, who headed up the European branch of the Bombays. You might think that sounds efficient to have American and European branches. But basically it goes back 150 years when only part of the family wanted to come to America. The other snobs refused to leave The Continent.
It was useful to have us working internationally. And I got along well with my European counterparts. It also gave me a place to crash when in England or France. Anyway, the Council met quarterly, handing down assignments to their children (Mom’s generation), who were divided into subsets with Greek letter codes—a tradition going back to our Greek heritage. Mom was the head of the Alpha group, the group to which Dak and I belonged. Liv and her brother, Paris, were in the Beta subset. Mom’s sister, Virginia, hadn’t lived long enough to have kids, so she had zip. It was a small but lethal family. I wouldn’t cross us.
BOOK: 'Scuse Me While I Kill This Guy
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