SE Jakes Bound By Honor (15 page)

“Was he in a lot of pain in the end?” Damon asked.

“I gave him al the morphine I had. I know it took the edge off—and that it also depressed his breathing but…” Tanner

shook his head. “It was too fucking late. You have t o believe that. His femoral artery was severed. I tried everything I

could.”

Damon was right next to him then. Tanner hadn’t realized he’d started to cry and Damon was tel ing him he believed

him.

“ I keep thinking, maybe i f I hadn’t given him the morphine…he wouldn’t have had trouble breathing…and h e

might’ve made it.”

“How long after he was shot were you rescued?”

Tanner flicked a glance at him. “Ten hours.”

“You and I both know he wouldn’t have lasted, morphine or not. You made him comfortable and you gave him comfort

by listening to him. By agreeing to his final wishes. A lot of men don’t get anything close to that.”

At that, Tanner turned to him, buried his face against the man’s chest, and he let go, al the pain and anger and grief

only al owed out for short bursts of time. That hadn’t been enough.

He was vaguely aware of Damon carrying him, laying him down, curling up with him.

Damon’s cheeks were wet too. Tanner reached out and wiped the moisture away with his fingertips first and then with

soft kisses that trailed down his neck.

Damon’s hand stroked his back as the men shifted, the dance rapidly moving from mourning to something far

deeper.

There were no scenes or bonds, nothing, except the weight of Damon’s body on him, spreading his legs, rubbing

their cocks together…until Tanner realized he was never more happy to lose control in his entire life.

Tonight, there was nothing more between them than skin and promises.

“Yeah, please, fil me, Damon.”

Damon let Tanner ride his fingers for a while, opening him. The need to take the boy, to help him, was overwhelming,

and h e hesitated, looking down a t Tanner’s face. Hi s eyes were closed a nd hi s breathing wa s fast a nd Damon

almost mounted him like this.

Almost.

Instead, he urged Tanner to flip, watched as the boy got onto his hands and knees, and then Damon slid his cock in

with a long, strong stroke, pausing as Tanner dealt with the intrusion.

“So fucking big,” Tanner panted.

“Flattery wil get you everywhere.” Damon felt Tanner contract around his cock, the man’s channel so damned tight.

“You’re so hot around me, Tanner. Gonna take you so deeply…gonna make you scream my name.”

“Yeah, please…now…”

Damon wished he could see Tanner’s face, wanted to watch Tanner’s eyes rol up into the back of his head as Damon

went at him harder.

Would there be a day when he’d let Tanner wrap around him? That was an intimacy he hadn’t even shared with

Jesse, although Jesse never complained.

Damon had a feeling that, eventual y, Tanner would.

Tanner, who was pushing back against him, clutching the sheets for dear life as Damon lost himself.

The nightmare caught Tanner by the throat and wouldn’t let go. He was running out of the jungle…away from the

gunfire and the shouts of the FARC soldiers…

Realized Jesse wasn’t behind him any longer and doubled back, but it was too late.

Hands shook him, hard and fast, and he reached up wildly and hit and grabbed, and then he heard his name.

“Come on, Tanner…sweet boy…wake up. You’re with me…you’re safe.”

Damon’s voice, commanding him to wake up, and he opened his eyes and looked into Damon’s dark ones.

“Make me forget,” he told Damon, his voice hoarse. “Please.”

Damon nodded, slid a hand around Tanner’s cock and stroked until he grew hard. Tanner’s skin wa s stil damp with

sweat, his feet twisted in the sheets below, and he moved with Damon, shutting out everything except the sound of the

man’s voice tel ing him to, just come, and then sleep…
that’s all you
need to do tonight—come and sleep.

When he did come, the orgasm sucked the last of his remaining strength with it. He shuddered against Damon, felt

the wet on his bel y and thighs, on Damon’s hand…a mess. A fucking mess, which was what he’d turned into tonight…

every night he’d been with Damon.

But he didn’t go back to sleep…because he actual y hadn’t meant to at al . Instead, he watched Damon clean him up

with a warm cloth and tuck the covers back around him.

Three nights earlier, he never would’ve believed this could be happening.

“You stil manage to make me feel like a man,” he murmured, unable to help himself.

Damon gave him a smal smile. “You are a man. One of the best I’ve known, like Jesse.”

“So I’m a lot like him?”

Damon’s face softened. “In a way, yes. But in others, so different. I’m not looking for someone to replace Jesse—I

could find a replacement sub today if I wanted—but the difference is that I wouldn’t love them. I fel in love with Jesse, and I

didn’t think I was capable of fal ing in love with anyone. And fuck it al , I did.”

Tanner wasn’t sure what that meant for him—was it a warning that Damon didn’t think he could fal in love again, or

was Damon giving him hope?

And when the fuck did he turn into a girl?

He turned on his stomach, his face smashed into the pil ow so Damon couldn’t read his face, even as Damon’s hand

ran up and down his bare back. A comforting touch. A touch to keep him there, because Damon must’ve sensed he felt

like running for the hil s.

Tonight, Damon couldn’t use the cuffs to make him stay because he couldn’t. Had to get to post and check in. And he

wasn’t sure how to tel Damon, because that would break the fragile bond of trust growing between them.

Final y, he turned to see Damon’s dark eyes boring into his. “You’re thinking hard,” the man observed.

“Sorry, yeah, it’s just that…I have to head out so I can be ready for training at 0400.”

Damon nodded and it was as if a switch clicked off. His hand came off Tanner’s back, the moment shattered. Tanner

peeled himself off the sheets and headed for the shower.

If he went home with Damon’s scent on him, he’d have no hope of getting any shuteye. And so he scrubbed up fast,

realizing that he’d stil smel like Damon’s soap anyway.

There was no escaping the man.

Damon joined him a few moments later, enveloping Tanner’s wet body against his own. Murmured something against

Tanner’s neck like
sorry
, or it could’ve been,
stay
…could’ve been anything at al and it didn’t matter because Damon was

okay again.

“I’l stay,” he said.

“I’l get you up in time to make it to post,” Damon promised. “I’l let you sleep.”

“Sleep’s overrated.”

Crave had stayed closed for its usual Monday and Tuesday as wel , partial y because the detective had wanted it that

way, and partial y because the ice storm continued through Tuesday, an unusual occurrence that left the area flailing.

Now, Damon watched Tanner move through the Friday crowds on the floor. No one but the uninitiated would even

attempt to touch him and even then, Tanner could most certainly take care of himself. And stil , he hadn’t done as Damon

asked

—hadn’t been escorted in from the lot, and Damon remembered what it was like to be that free, that cocky, to feel like

no one could touch you.

“He’s leaving soon. Training for the next fe w weeks a nd then he’l move out,” h e told L C , who’d been sitting behind

Damon’s desk, helping him catch up on paperwork. Damon hadn’t had his mind in the game this last week or so and, as

always, LC was there to help pick up the slack.

LC, who’d saved him more than once.

“I know. Are you going to keep bitching that he’s not fol owing your orders?” LC asked.

Damon shrugged like it didn’t matter, but they both knew that it damned wel did.

“I don’t know how to make it right anymore,” he murmured.

“You made it right for Jesse for a long time,” LC said. “Sometimes, a man’s got to do that on his own.”

Damon turned to look at him.

“Damon, I loved Jesse, you know that. But…”

Yes,
but
. Damon knew what LC would tel him, because it was nothing Damon hadn’t told himself a hundred times

over the last months with Jesse.

Your needs aren’t being met.

He wasn’t sure when it happened. Maybe it had always been like that, but Jesse’s own needs had been so great and

sprawling that they’d erased any gaping holes over their years as a couple.

“You put him back together, Damon. But if you’re not happy…” LC had told him, time and again, listening patiently as

Damon tried to voice what was wrong.

And when word of Jesse’s death reached him, the guilt of what Damon had been planning devastated him.

The fact that Jesse knew about Damon’s doubt made i t that much worse. Damon knew a s much a s anyone that you

didn’t send a solider off to battle with too much on his mind.

He’d tried to make it right before Jesse moved out for his mission, made love to him the way Jesse liked…tied him

up and gave him a night to remember.

But Jesse’s journal told a different story. Jesse had known Damon was suffering.

I’m too selfish to give him up…I need him too badly.

“The past keeps getting in the way. Every time I try to move on, it catches up with me,” he told LC.

“The past is in the past,” LC said. “And yes, I realize the irony of me saying that. Do as I say and al that crap.”

Tanner had forgotten it was Christmas Eve because he’d been so wrapped up in his training, in Damon, and since

they started decorating stores in fucking August, he’d grown immune to al the red and white shit.

He’d never been the sentimental type and it wasn’t like he’d be going home anyway, even if he did have the leave. So

he wove through the club on his own, wondering how many of these men saw him the night Damon tied him down and put

him on display. He’d come down here on the pretense of hanging out with the man, but he had more in mind. The attacks

—and Damon’s reaction to them—had bothered him for the better part of the last few days. He’d done some

checking in the al eys on his own, which he wouldn’t tel Damon about, and come up empty. He’d wanted to speak to LC

alone about it al —the attacks and Damon—but that wasn’t going to happen anytime soon, and walking around the main

part of the club left him surrounded by a lot of men who wanted to get laid—and a lot of possible suspects.

He ended up at the bar so he could survey the scene, the burly man serving drinks pushing a shot of whiskey and a

beer at him with a nod.

“On the house,” he said and yeah, the staff knew him wel enough as being with Damon. That thought made him hot as

hel

. A lot of men wanted to be owned by Damon, or so he’d heard from the murmurs around the floor as Damon did a

walk-through.

He kept an eye on Damon, watching him stop and talk with other Doms. Did the shot of whiskey and nursed the beer.

He knew that Damon would be pissed that he’d come without an escort into the club, but did Damon even want him to

come by?

When he’d left the other morning, there hadn’t been much talk between them, especial y because Tanner was

distracted over the upcoming training. But he’d been to Jesse’s grave the day before last, and he’d thought about what

Damon had told him, that Jesse would never blame him. That he’d done everything he could to try to save him.

He wanted to believe Damon…was so close to healing and so damned worried about Damon, although he couldn’t

put his finger on why.

Now that he’d shown Damon his vulnerability, he wondered if he was supposed to feel weak or shy.

Instead, he felt reborn. Between the fucking and the confession about Jesse, he’d gotten things out of his system that

had been festering for too long.

When he started his Delta training yesterday, he felt like he final y had his goddamned shit together—

and it showed. He’d flown through the first quals, and while he knew it would just get harder, the fire was lit.

The only thing now was getting Damon to commit to letting him balance both Damon and the Army.

It would be an uphil battle, but Tanner had a strong feeling he’d gotten under Damon’s skin.

He finished his beer, watched Damon al but disappear with the tal man he’d been speaking with a few minutes

earlier, and he wondered when the hel he’d gotten himself al turned around. He was about to get up and hunt Damon out

when he heard, “See something you like?”

Not Damon, but definitely another Dom. Tanner looked at him but didn’t answer.

“Boy, you shouldn’t be looking me directly in the eye.”

“I’m not your boy—or anyone’s boy,” Tanner growled. The man grinned, which made Tanner even angrier.

“I’l be the judge of that. And judging by your performance last week, you’re fast on your way to becoming Damon’s

boy.”

That bothered Tanner for more reasons than he cared to explain, and so he clamped his mouth shut and he walked

away

—attempted to, anyway. But the Dom’s hand clamped on a shoulder and pul ed him back.

“Boy, you need to learn some manners. I’m just the man to teach you.”

Just when Tanner’s fists were clenched hard enough he feared he could break his fingers and the Dom began tel ing

him t o not look him i n the goddamned eyes and get o n his knees, Damon came up from behind him, rescuing hi m

once again.

“He doesn’t need to be taught anything.”

The other Dom tore his eyes from Tanner’s and then left respectful y, with a simple nod in Damon’s direction. Once he