Sea Breeze 03 While It Lasts (16 page)

             
I slammed my door closed and stalked over to
slam my fist into the wall
. I needed
to get out my frustration somehow. I cared too much. Way too damn much.  This was different than caring for Low.
Completely different.
Eva had me wrapped up in knots. I didn’t do commitment. I wasn’t a on
e-
woman guy. I liked variety. I liked not having to give a shit. This
caring
stuff was bullshit. I didn’t need this.

             
A knock on the door startled me and hope soared in my chest. She’d finally come back. Two long strides and I was at the door jerking it open ready to fall on my knees and promise to do whatever the hell she wanted me to do in order to make her happy. 

             
“Hey Cage,”
Becca
Lynn said cheerily as my excitement turned to bitterness.

             
“
Becca
,” I replied.

             
“Um, can I come in?” she asked.  I looked behind her to make sure Eva wasn’t standing there waiting to talk to me. Where had
Becca
come from anyway? Had she been on the porch with Eva?

             
“I guess.
” I stepped back. Hopefully the lack of enthusiasm in my tone would
keep
her from doing anything stupid.

             
“
Um, so
,
how have you been?” she asked as she stepped inside and closed the door behind her.

             
“Good.”

             
She walked over and sat down on the edge of my bed. From the way she was sticking her tits out in my direction she was offering herself up for whatever I might want to do. A couple weeks ago
I would’ve been
all over that.  Not now. Things had changed for me.

             
“I’m sorry I haven’t be
e
n around since the night at the lake. I guess I don’t take rejection well,” she cooed.

             
“Guess not,
” I grunted and kept my distance from her.

             
Becca
Lynn reached down to take the hem of her tank top and started pulling it up.

             
“Don’t.
Becca
. I’m not interested. I told you before that you’re a nice girl and real pretty but just not my type.”

             
Becca
ripped her shirt off anyway and threw it back on her bed. Her bare tits were nice but after having seen Eva’s they paled in comparison.

             
“I know about your girlfriend. I’m not going to tell anyone,” she purred as she reached down and began playing with her nipples.

             
“What girlfriend?” I asked
,
confused.

             
Becca
Lynn
smiled brightly up at me, “The one you’ve grown up with all your life. Eva told me about her. “

             
Eva had told
Becca
I had a girlfriend?
She’d used Low as the “girlfriend” so she would
n’t
actually be lying. I couldn’t keep the grin off my face.  She hadn’t wanted
Becca
to come in here. She’d been jealous.

             
I wasn’t waiting on her to give in and come to me. This wasn’t about any more games. I wanted to talk to Eva, now. I needed her to tell me everything. Even if I already knew it I wanted her to tell me. It wa
s time she stopped running and
faced her fears.

             
“Where are you going?”
Becca
Lynn asked and I glanced back at her now standing in my room topless and confused.

             
“Put your shirt on
Becca
Lynn and run on along.”

             
I didn’t wait for her to throw something at me or call me names. I’d heard all that before. I just wanted to find Eva.

             
Opening the barn doors
,
I looked back up at the porch and found her still sitting there. Our gazes locked and I motioned toward the lake
with
a
tilt of my head
even though it was a mile back on the land.  I waited
until she nodded in agreement
then
I
headed for the truck. It was time we got this shit straightened out.

Eva

             
As soon as Cage pulled
away
in the truck,
Becca
Lynn came
stomping out of the barn with a
snarl on her face.  Relief washed over me. When she’d gone in there I’d let one bad scenario after another play in my head until Cage had come out of the barn doors like he was on a mission. Knowing he wanted me to meet him down at the lake made the butterflies in my stomach act up.

             
“He’
s a complete ass. I don’t know why I even bother.”
Becca
Lynn stalked past the porch toward her car.

             
“You lea
ving?”
I asked just to be sure before I followed Cage.

             
“Yeah, I got crap to do. I’ll call you,”
Becca
replied.

             
Once she spun out of the driveway
,
I jumped up and ran for the truck but I stopped before I reached the door. Turning aro
und I stared at the garage. My J
eep sat in there unused.  I’d taken off my ring. It was time I drove my Jeep. Slowly, I made my way toward the garage. I wasn’t sure if the memories would prove too much for me. I press
ed the code on the door and it
raised and rolled back. My silver Jeep was nice and clean. I knew my dad paid Jeremy to take it out once every
other week to wash it and make sure
it cranked. I pretended like I
didn’t know this just because confronting them about it would just make me remember.

             
The n
eed to crump
le to the ground and weep was gone. I only had fond memories to hold close. I walked around and opened the driver
side door. “Guess it’s time to drive you again,” I whispered as I climbed behind the wheel and cranked it up. Country music blared from the radio and I smiled thinking about Jeremy blaring the music so he could hear it while he cleaned it.

             
I backed out of the drive and headed down to the lake without any problem. No moments of intense pain and loss. Just
me and my Jeep.

             
I saw Cage’s truck as soon as I turned the corner behind the old maple trees. He was sitting on the tailgate waiting for me.  His eyes widened in surprise as I pulled up beside him. He’d never seen my Jeep. All he’d seen me drive was one of dad’s old farm trucks. I
smiled at his
expression then
hopped down and walked over to him.

             
“Nice wheels,” he said when I stopped in front of him.

             
“Thanks,” I replied
,
before pulling myself up to sit on the end of the tailgate with him.

             
“In case you’re curious,
Becca
Lynn stripped off her top after I asked her not to. I never went near her and I walked out on her. She’s probably pissed.”

             
I couldn’t hold back my laugh. “Yeah, she is.”

             
“You think that’s funny?” Cage asked trying to sound stern but the teasing tone in his voice was unmistakable.

             
“Yes. I do.”

             
Cage grinned then looked down at the ground. I knew he was waiting on me. He may have asked me to come out here but it was because he was still waiting on answers. He deserved them.

             
“
I was engaged,
” I started and couldn’t find the right words.

Cage didn’t pressure me but waited silently beside me.

“
J
osh
died in
Baghdad a year and a half ago
,
”
I managed to say without choking up.

             
Cage didn’t turn his head to look at me. There was no pity
and
no
empty
condolences.
I wasn’t sure what I expected from him but his calm acceptance of this wasn’t it.

             
“I know. Jeremy told me the Friday before your drunken escapade.”

             
Jeremy had told him? Why?

             
“But you never said anything,” I said
,
trying to wrap my head around the fact Jeremy had betrayed me. He’d broken a confidence. He had known I didn’t want Cage to know.

             
“I want
ed you to be the one to tell me.” H
e finally shifted his gaze off the ground and turned his head to look at me.  There was no pity in his pale blue depths
,
just understanding. “It was your story. If you wanted me to know you’d tell me. Then when you didn’t after that day in the lake I
was angry. Hurt. I’d hoped you understood that this wasn’t a game to me.”

             
He’d known all along. Never once had he treated me differently
. He hadn’t handled me with kid
gloves. I reached over and covered his hand with mine. He flipped his over and threaded his fingers through mine then squeezed.

             
“When you came to my room
upset
the other night. I knew why. I wanted to be the one to hold up while you cried and dealt with the coming change. But you wouldn’t let me in. I’ve never wanted in, Eva. Not until you.”

             
Swallowing was hard with the lump forming in my throat. I needed to tell him more. If we were going to have a summer fling
,
just be friends
or
whatever we were going to end up being the next two months I wanted him to know.

             
“He was my best friend. We’d been
inseparable
since we were five years old. He w
as my first kiss. My first date.
” I
felt the familiar burn in my nose as my eyes filled with tears
. I had to do this. I had to share this with him. “We were going to grow old together. But he didn’t come home.” Cage released his hold on my hand and slipped his arm around my shoulder pulling me up against his side.  I laid my head on his chest and let the last tears I knew I would cry over Josh Beasley fall.

             
We didn’t talk. He didn’t ask me for more than I was willing to share. Instead, he just held me. His hand gently rubbed up and down my arm and he placed kisses o
n my head from time to time. O
ther than that, we just sat there in silence.

             
             
             
~*~

             
After I’d left Cage at the lake I came back up to the house and went to my room. The guitar in the corner sat in
its
case reminding me daily that it was once a part of me too. I’d manage
d
to take off the ring. I’d conquered driving the Jeep. I wanted to play again. I closed my bedroom door and walked over to my bed directly across from the guitar case. The stickers that Josh had bought me over the years covered every square inch of the black case. I’d hated the black case when Daddy had brought it home. When I’d outgrown my first guitar he’d gone to buy me a new one. I’d wanted a cool case. The simple black case had been so boring.
Josh had come over that night to see my new guitar and I’d told him
how
unhappy I was with the ugly case. The next day he’d shown up with a couple of funny bumper stickers and put them on the case. I’d laughed and told him it was perfect. Over the next couple of years he’d brought me stickers from places he went, or just random ones he’d come across and thought I’d like.

             
This was going to be the hardest hurdle but I’d lost so much when Josh had
died
. I wanted to get some of it back. My music was something I missed. Reaching for the case
,
I picked it up and laid it down on the bed beside me. Opening the lid slowly my heart picked u
p it
s pace as I took in the sight
of the smooth wood and familiar pick stuck in the strings. The notebook where all my songs were written was tucked safely under the neck. I wouldn’t play those songs. Not yet. Small steps.