SEALed With a Kiss: Even a Hero Needs Help Sometimes... (40 page)

Do-Lord was right about that, in more ways than he knew. Pickett had enlightened him about Tyler. The knowledge that he might have missed his son, lost his connection to him for good, still grabbed his gut.

"So, have you test-driven her yet?" Do-Lord's question jerked Jax from contemplation of the unthinkable.
Test drive
was SEAL-speak for making sure a woman understood the realities of marriage to a SEAL before she accepted a proposal.

"What? Hell no. I haven't proposed, and I've made sure Pickett knows better than to expect me to. Try to focus, here. My life is complicated enough. I like Pickett a lot, and I've learned from her. When I get to Virginia, I intend to find a coach to help me with Tyler, like she has. But I've had one high-maintenance woman. One bad marriage damn near tanked my career. I try not to repeat my mistakes."

"Mistake? Pickett's not the same as Danielle." "I know that. But don't think she's not just as demanding in her own way."

Do-Lord stopped rocking to stare at his friend. "What the hell is the matter with you? You love Pickett. She loves you." Do-Lord shook his head in disgust. "Dude, you're a fucking genius at assembling a team to achieve an objective. You know what people can
do,
better than they know themselves, but sometimes you're blind as a bat when it comes to seeing what they
are."

Jax woke suddenly and completely. Moonlight lay in silvery patches across the easy chair and foot of the bed. He could hear the ticking the Seth Thomas clock on the mantel, Pickett's slow deep breathing. His body felt heavy and relaxed. It would feel good to pull Pickett's soft warmth against himself, but he was too relaxed to do even that.

The moonlight at the foot of the bed seemed to shimmer, as if it was floating on the slight breeze coming in the window. After a while it looked like a man leaning against the tall bed post.

"Corey?"

Moonlight gleamed on white smile. "Yeah."

He looked great. Healthy. He had filled out and even looked as if he had grown. Jax's eyes quickly scanned the vulnerable joints. The swelling of elbows and knees was gone. Corey had strong, straight limbs that flexed with ease. Even in the moonlight, Jax could see that color tinted the cheeks, rounded once again as they had been intended to be.

"You're well"

Corey nodded, smiling like a mischievous elf.

Jax's mind was still trying to sort the possible from the impossible. "I don't understand. If you got well, why did you die? Wait a minute. You're dead, I mean, you did die, didn't you?"

"Funniest thing about that." Corey's eyebrows lifted and his eyes grew wide behind his glasses, just as they always did when he got to the payoff of a practical joke. "It turns out after you die, you're not dead."

"That might be funny to you, you shit, but it wasn't a joke to me. I didn't believe you were really going to die. I knew how sick you were but you'd always pulled through before. You said,
we
always said, we would stick together. I needed you! How could you die?"

"I didn't want to die, but it was ..." Corey shook his head. "I can't explain. But man, I've never left you."

Images flashed through Jax's memory. The quiet voice that said,
Look behind you. Get out. Now,
"That was you. You really were there?"

"Yeah. I've always been with you."

"And you're here now?" Jax had a sudden thought. "Am I awake?"

"You're awake. Your mind is awake," he clarified. "Your body is asleep."

"Then am I dreaming, or is this really happening?"

"This is really happening. I needed to talk to you. Pickett's the one, Jax. She's perfect for you."

"Glad you approve." It was true, Jax was glad to know that Corey had seen Pickett That Corey could see her value and agreed with Jax. It made something complete. "I wish she could meet you."

Corey smiled wistfully. "I know. There's someone ... she's ... here ..."

An image formed in Jax's mind. Laughing elfish face surrounded by soft silvery brown curls. "I like her."

Corey's face turned serious. "Jax, I don't have long. I came to tell you that I'll be leaving now. It's time for me to move on. You'll be all right now."

"Move on? You mean you've been staying for me? Why?"

"You needed someone to love you."

Jax could see Corey at twelve, skinny, too pale, with swollen joints. Oddly gentle smile saying he wasn't hurt. Corey sitting on the bench—basketball, football, baseball—saying, "Win one for the gimper." As the years had passed, the contrast between Jax's healthy, superbly athletic body and Corey's steadily weaker one grew more marked. There were times, though Jax cringed to remember, when Jax would sense how others viewed his friendship with such a nerd, a wimp, a loser, and with a teenager's sensitivity to appearances he wished he had a better best friend. But Corey was the one pushing him to find his limits and then exceed them, teaching him the meaning of friendship, and loyalty, and courage. Corey had loved him.

"Corey, I loved you."

Corey smiled a wickedly crooked, rakish, pure Han Solo smile. "I know."

Jax laughed. It felt so good to see and talk to Corey again. "Corey, don't go."

"I have to. And you're ready. But I'll never be so far away that I won't know how you are."

"But I won't know how you are."

"I'm well. I'm happy. I love you."

Jax opened his eyes with a small gasp. Silvery patches of moonlight lay across the foot of the bed. Though there was no more sensation of being awake than before, he knew he was awake, now.

Corey.
Corey was here. He had seen him and talked to him. Laughed with him. Called him a shit.

Soft joy bubbled through him.

Even after he let himself slide back to sleep a tiny smile smoothed the contours of his mouth.

Even when she knew they'd be cut down by the frost soon, Pickett always hated to pull up still-blooming plants. Nevertheless, while Jax and Tyler made a trip to Wal-Mart this morning, the job got her out of the too-silent house. Pickett blinked back the hot rush of tears. That they were leaving in two days had to be faced, but she wouldn't cry until it actually happened. In the meantime this ever-rising desire to beg Jax not to go could be worked through— literally. Pickett loaded her little wagon with pansies and potting soil and trundled it creaking and squeaking to the urns of fading petunias flanking the steps.

Steeling herself, she fumbled through the mass of flowers till she felt a stem and jerked up the plant, roots and all. The faint sweet-musty scent of the petunias was instantly overlaid by the dark loamy smell of the soil.

She'd brought this heartache on herself. She'd thought she could interfere in Jax's life and not get involved. She'd thought she'd be able to fall only a little in love with him. She thought knowing he was the kind of man she'd never marry would keep her heart safe. She laughed without humor. Sheesh, she'd thought when she met them that first time that
Jax
was arrogant! Pickett winced at her own hubris and tore another petunia from the soil, cringing at the feel of roots breaking.

In the bright autumn sun the petunias she'd pulled up were already wilting. The same petunias Jax had insisted on saving before the hurricane.

She'd known then the flowers would die, just as she'd known any relationship with Jax was doomed. What she and Jax had was an idyll, like summer annuals, bringing color and joy for a season, but incapable of standing the hardships and cold of winter.

She couldn't regret letting Jax and Tyler into her heart though. Any more than she could regret planting annuals, knowing they would have to be pulled up. Everything had its season but when it was over, it was over.

With all the petunias piled on the wagon to be taken to the compost pile, Pickett hacked with her trowel at the mat of broken-off roots until she'd loosened the soil. She tapped a pansy from its tiny plastic pot.

She would not replace him and Tyler as easily as she replaced these flowers. It would be a long time, maybe never, before anything grew in the empty space they would leave.

Pickett pulled off one glove and blotted a tear with a fingertip before it could fall. She would not cry. For today, Jax and Tyler were still here. Surviving was a matter of taking one day at a time.