SEAL's Promise - Bad Boys of SEAL Team 3, Book 01 (9 page)

“Well, everything was fine until she came down here. What kind of infection did that woman lay on you?”

“She’s my mother, T.J.” Shannon shouted.

“Yeah? Well I had a mother too, for all the good it did me.” He wished he could stop, but he couldn’t. Something had become uncorked, something raw and ugly and vile.

He could see she was staring into that dark pit that was his past, and it scared her.

“I never had anyone who cared a shit about me until I joined the Navy, until I met Frankie. Family is just—I could never do what my father did to me, abandon my child. I want to be there for you both.”

“I understand, but I think we should wait until after the baby’s born to make all these permanent decisions.”

He cursed to himself. He’d jumped the gun and gotten in the sheets with her first, and impulsively asked her to marry him, which was a huge mistake. If he could have just taken his time, been patient, perhaps she wouldn’t be having this reaction.

And then there was that fuckin’ big knot in his stomach that said perhaps he wasn’t the right man for her after all. He’d made the promise to Frankie, but what if it wasn’t what Shannon wanted?

“Look, Shannon, I’m sorry. I want only the best for you and for the baby. And yes, I gave my word. You have to understand I’ve never done this before. I fuckin’ made a promise and I’m going to keep it. I’m just not doing it the right way, obviously. And maybe I never will. I’m not Frankie, and I fuckin’ won’t replace him.”

“Nor could you, T.J.”

Her steely tone stabbed him. Anger flared again in his belly. She was right. He never could be the kind of husband and father Frankie was. He was a completely different man. Different kind of man. Didn’t matter how much he told himself, the fact remained he would never live up to Frankie’s expectations of him. So why try?

“T.J., I care for you deeply. But I still want to cool things off a bit, catch my breath and figure out what I want. I don’t want to rush into anything. I need some time.”

“Of course.” Tired and defeated, he spoke to his shoes. “I’ll sleep on the couch.”

Shannon agreed quickly and slept in the master bedroom. Alone.

T
HE NEXT MORNING,
he felt the distance between them growing. He didn’t want to be the one chasing her. The dull ache in his chest was unbearable and he told her he’d give her some space and return to his little apartment. She casually said she’d call him in a few days.

He forced himself not to call her and tried to focus on anything but how lonely he felt. First, he’d lost Frankie. He felt like he’d lost Shannon. Nothing he used to do to get himself out of his funk appealed to him, either. Worst of all was the feeling he’d let Frankie down.

T
.
J
. WAS CLEANING
his equipment at his apartment two days later when he got a call from Tyler.

“I think a little get together is way past due. You free Friday night, stud?” Tyler asked.

“Sure.” He was pretty sure this would involve a blind date with someone they thought was perfect for him. And it never worked. “Who the fuck is she Tyler?”

“Kate’s sister from Portland. She’s a real nice lady. Got two kids. Very level headed, though, and pretty.”

“Not really up for this, Tyler. Not really a good idea.”

“So, you’re gonna sit home and, what, watch TV?”

“That’s pretty much what I’ve been doing, that and some PT.”

“So Friday you’re coming over for a barbeque. You’re coming alone, right?”

“Probably. Haven’t seen Shannon in about three days. And I haven’t called her.”

“Good.”

Gretchen was in her early thirties, and an attractive, thoughtful lady, composed in spite of always being surrounded by her own little wolf pack of girls. Though it was far from anything he’d experienced, he found a new affinity for family, for connection. He knew Shannon would do what she needed to do. He couldn’t change that.

But he still hoped she’d opt for staying in San Diego. Even if she wanted a separate life from his, he could still be a part of Courtney’s life as he’d promised Frankie. He chuckled at the “old, gnarly guy” spying on the probably gorgeous Courtney at her soccer games or dance parties. The one who would take out anyone who as much as touched or looked at her wrong. The guy would be toast. In spite of himself, he cracked a smile.

Kate switched on the TV and all of them watched a news flash about threats coming from groups in the Middle East. They were threatening the lives of servicemen, saying they’d come get them at home.

Tyler and T.J. shook their heads. “Can’t wait to hear what Kyle has to said about this. They’ve gotta be making plans,” Tyler said.

“You check out all the new security on base? I’d say hell yeah they’re making plans.”

The newsflash was over in seconds, and Tyler shut the TV off. “Not like I have to listen to this thing play over and over again all night.” He left to check on the barbeque.

“So how you holding up, T.J.?” Gretchen asked him after the girls ran past them to the backyard. Kate had given them ice cream.

“There are days which aren’t so good. Most days, I’m okay. Trying not to do anything too stressful, just chilling. We’ll get plenty of stress next deployment.”

Gretchen nodded. “Does this stuff, like on the news, bother you at all?”

“I’m not going to lie, things are heating up everywhere. But it’s our job. It’s what we train for.”

“Bad guys coming here?” she asked.

“I’m on a need to know basis.” He smiled. “They’ll tell us what to do when the time comes. Until then, we just live our lives and get ready for the next deployment.”

His eyes landed on her pretty face, and he could see how a guy could fall for her. She had a quiet manner, but a wicked sense of humor he’d enjoyed earlier when she was trying to tell a story at dinner over her three daughters who interrupted her constantly. Surviving the public spectacle of her professional basketball player husband running off with a floozy, and surviving it with grace, added one more jewel to her crown. She was a solid woman.

“How you holding up?”

She stiffened. “Funny you should ask me that question. No one ever does.”

He didn’t get to hear her answer, because Tyler chose that moment to come barging back into the room.

“Okay, so guess what, pilgrims?” Tyler said. “Tomorrow night we’re going line dancing.”

“Nah, I don’t dance,” T.J. Said.

“Makes two of us,” said Gretchen. “Besides, I’d have to get a sitter, and I don’t know anyone down here.”

“No problemo. I know a couple of Team guy daughters who would love to babysit. You aren’t going to get out of this that easy.”

She looked over at T.J. He hoped he didn’t look too displeased, but he was mortified and hoped they’d drop the whole thing. He wasn’t that lucky, and arrangements were made for him to meet Gretchen, Kate and Tyler at the Norwegian Hall the next night.

T.J. helped clear the table, bringing in the dishes to the very pregnant Kate, kissing her on the cheek. He wouldn’t have done that, but the proximity to Shannon had driven off some of the fear he had about hanging around pregnant women. “Thanks, Kate. That was real nice.”

“Well, it was Tyler’s show. Loves to barbeque. As I recall, you love it too.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“So how’s Shannon taking things? I heard you were kind of sweet on her for a time.”

T.J. was uncomfortable speaking about it with Kate. Women had a way of getting him to say things he didn’t want to reveal.

“We’re friends. I think she’s trying to figure out what she wants.”

“I can understand that.” Kate dried her hands on a towel, threw it on the counter in front of her and asked him point blank, “And what do you want, T.J?”

It was a good question. He didn’t have a clue. Then he thought of something. “I wanna get home from the next deployment with all 20 fingers and toes. And I wanna keep my promise to Frankie.”

“You’re a good man, T.J. Talbot.”

He wished he could agree.

H
E RAN INTO
Joe at the store the next afternoon. “Hey Joe,” he said with a warm, friendly smile. His compassion and respect for the older man had increased since their project with the playhouse.

But he was almost afraid to mention anything about he and Shannon drifting apart until Joe shared news he found very disturbing.

“Heard from Shannon’s mom. Shannon’s up visiting her in the Bay Area. I sure hope she doesn’t relocate there, but I guess the Moores wouldn’t mind. Said we should come up and visit any time.”

What? How could this be?

He’d promised he’d look after Shannon, but now it was more than a promise. He wouldn’t be the same without her in his life. He worried Shannon hadn’t told him she was leaving town, taking it as further evidence she was planning on moving on, and perhaps without him. His heart sank to the bottom of the ocean.

“Joe, I’m sorry to hear that. We barely had time to get acquainted,” he said to Frankie’s dad.

Joe smiled. “You looked like you were getting along quite well, to my keen old eyes.” T.J. couldn’t look at him, so stared at his canvas slip-ons.

“Son—” Joe put one hand on T.J.’s shoulder, waiting until he returned his look. “I was going to tell you this a couple of days ago, but now … well, I guess my timing kinda sucks.”

Did T.J. want to know what Joe was about to say to him?

“It was hard losing Frankie. I won’t lie. Probably harder on Gloria. Boy, was he the apple of her eye. She lived for that boy growing up. He never wanted for anything. Anything. I used to lie awake at nights, knowing she was dreaming about our son, planning his life, and worrying about all his needs. My job was to wait. Wait until she came back to me. And now she has.”

Joe’s eyes watered. T.J. nodded, reached over and gave Joe a bear hug. Why had the God of SEALs not given him a father like Joe? Why hadn’t he gotten a father at all? And why did Joe and Gloria have to endure the loss of their boy? It should have been him. T.J. should have been the one to not come home. Frankie’d had so much to live for. Especially now.

After the men patted each other’s backs, Joe wiped the tear away from one eye with a knuckle. He took a deep breath and continued. “I didn’t know I would have to lose my son to get my wife back.”

T.J. felt like a dumbass for being so wrapped up in himself he had missed the obvious pain the Bensons were still feeling. He became more aware than ever before how the cycle of life changed everything with each new addition or deletion. Little Courtney was changing Shannon’s trajectory. Frankie’s exit changed the trajectory of the Bensons’ relationship.

And me? What right do I have to expect anything from these people?
Frankie had been on loan to him courtesy of the U.S. Navy. Shannon on loan to him through Frankie. No one owed him an explanation. And no one cared, either.

There he was, thinking of himself again, while Mr. Benson stood before him, tears streaming down his face. Maybe he couldn’t have Shannon and the child. But there were things he could do.

“Joe, I honestly hope she doesn’t move. I’d miss her too. Let’s hope she’ll come home, to both of us.”

The old man’s lower lip quivered. He wasn’t able to speak, so T.J. grabbed him again and allowed the man to sob in his arms. Several people passed by them in the cereal section of the grocery store, but T.J. didn’t care what they thought. Giving Joe the loving arms he’d earned was way more important. They could think they were a gay couple, a couple of reconnected family members, or old friends. It made no difference to him. Letting Joe know he wasn’t alone was the most important thing in his life.

The rest would simply have to take care of itself.

T
HAT AFTERNOON,
T
.
J
.
left several messages for Shannon, all unreturned. He met Kate, Gretchen and Tyler at the dance hall. He told himself it was good to move, to feel the rhythm of the music, to concentrate on following the caller’s directions. Gretchen was a good partner, and, while he didn’t feel a sexual spark, he did feel something for her. He was ashamed to figure out he felt sorry for her. He could tell she liked him, and he wasn’t going to be able to give her back anything at all.

The awkwardness intensified during the slow dances. It was so wrong for him to be here. He wanted to be anywhere but trying to play nice, when something was boiling inside him.

Gretchen licked her lips, perhaps expecting he’d kiss her. “Gretchen,” he said as he squinted, moving away to a safe distance, “how long are you down here for?”

“I go back in three days.” She was smiling, examining his eyes for signs she’d never see. He knew she didn’t find it easy to trust men, and who could blame her? He wished she didn’t trust him.

Images of that day at Shannon’s, fixing the playhouse for the baby, the lovemaking, all of it came back to him. Along with a double dose of self-loathing. Why had he pushed things so fast? Why couldn’t he have just kept his fucking hands off her?

“Hey, T.J. You didn’t ask me to marry you, did you?”

Her statement stunned him out of the rut his mind had replayed over and over again. He frowned. “Last I checked, no.”

“So why the long face? It’s only dancing. I’m a good cheap date. I don’t require much. I change partners gracefully, and I won’t expect you to call the next day. But I get lonely, and I think right now you are, too.”

She spoke the truth. He was lonely. Just like Shannon had been lonely and let him have his way with her.

His face was close to Gretchen’s and he could have kissed her, saw her even prepare for it, but he began to pull back. Gretchen grabbed his ears and wouldn’t let go until she laid a long, wet kiss on him.

But there was only one girl he wanted to kiss, and it wasn’t sweet Gretchen. How he wished it was different.

Chapter Twelve

‡

A
LTHOUGH HER MOTHER
had extended the invitation, Shannon was going home to see her dad. She’d never been able to get enough of his love growing up. He’d worked long hours while she was being shuttled back and forth between piano lessons, ice skating, swimming and the Children’s Theater, which was her real passion. Her well-run life was her mother’s design, and there hardly was time to think about anything else.