Searching For Captain Wentworth (32 page)

With a lot of
effort I managed to haul myself out of bed. I had
a bath, put on clean clothes and dabbed on a little
concealer to hide
the redness
round my eyes. Feeling strangely underdressed I
decided that the best way to pull myself together
would be to go out
and get some
fresh air though I couldn’t bear the thought of going
to the gardens. I flicked on the radio. The
presenter was announcing
the news
and when they gave the time and day’s date, I knew that
this last trip back had been in real time. Days of
my life in the
present had
actually gone missing and I’d been physically
occupying space somewhere else. Time travelling was
a real
puzzle, I
decided, resolving not to think too hard on the subject.
None of it seemed to make sense. All I knew was
that I felt I had
been away for an
age.

Two weeks passed
where I slowly began to accept what I’d
learned and even started to convince myself that
the feelings I
thought I’d had
for Charles were not real, not even my own. All
attempts to go back failed completely and every
time I tried on the
glove, it was
with renewed hope and excitement. But, the
enchantment seemed all but used up. As before, the
present swiftly
took over my
consciousness and the memories, although still
present in my mind, were fading like a sepia
photograph making
me question
everything I’d experienced. That’s not to say that my
feelings did not overwhelm me from time to time,
but I did my best
to bury them.
Feeling so wretched was a pointless exercise.
Nothing could change the truth. I was not Sophia,
and clearly,
Charles had not
felt the same. He’d never been in love with her.

I didn’t see
anything of Josh, and I guessed he was too busy
to bother popping up to see me with the last minute
preparations for
the exhibition
and the launch party. The invitation propped against
the mantelpiece proclaimed its desire for my
company the
following
evening. Although I couldn’t imagine how I was going to
cope, I was glad to be seeing Josh again knowing
that somehow his
company would be
good for me.

As the day of
the launch party dawned, I tried not to think about
how nervous I was going to feel about seeing Josh
again and spent
the morning
writing. I’d half expected to receive a note saying that
he was going to be taking his friend Louisa to the
launch instead
and wondered if
they’d managed to make contact. The day was
sunny and it seemed as if the world had dressed
itself in finery for
the
occasion. Over in the gardens flowers bloomed as the lilac trees
drooped with heavy, fragrant boughs, their blossoms
fading and
turning russet
in the heat.

When it was time
to get ready, I took a deliciously scented
bath. I carefully dried my long wavy hair, parting
it in the middle
and taking the
sides back to pin it into place with some pretty
slides. Slipping on the dove grey dress which fell
in soft folds about
my feet, I felt
much more confident. A touch of my favourite
rosebud lip balm, a flick of mascara and a brush of
blusher later, I
turned to view my
reflection in the long, cheval glass. The whole
effect was rather Regency in a way, but far more
comfortable. And
when I thought
about the emotional highs and lows of the last
couple of weeks, I was surprised to find that
instead of seeing a
care-worn harridan
looking back at me, the mirror showed
someone quite respectable. A spritz of my favourite perfume on my
wrists and neck was the final touch, filling the
air with the lingering
fragrance
of Morrocan rose and warm bergamot.

I poured out a
glass of wine to help calm my nerves. I didn’t
know why I was feeling so nervous, but the prospect
of being in a
room full of
people all looking at me and wondering why I was
with Josh unnerved me. I really didn’t want to let
him down; he’d
been so kind.

The buzzer went,
I opened the door and my mouth followed
suit. There aren’t many men who have ever made me
gasp at their
beauty, but Josh
Strafford was a vision. I don’t know what I’d
expected, really, but I suppose I’d only ever seen
him in jeans and
tees before. He
was wearing a black suit, of some fabulous very
slightly glazed fabric, that was beautifully cut,
fitting him to
perfection and
making his eyes appear blacker and more glittering
than ever. Underneath, a charcoal shirt with a very
fine stripe was
buttoned to the
neck with no tie and had long cuffs that gave a
glimpse of silver cufflinks. We looked as if we had
planned our
outfits together
and I suddenly felt rather self-conscious. Josh
leaned forward kissing me on the cheek and the
smell of his
cologne took me
back for an instant to the Fashion Museum and
that incident I’d almost blocked out of my mind.

‘You look
divine, Sophie, like a Greek goddess.’

I was so
overwhelmed; I didn’t know what to say, but he’d
already turned and stood at the top of the staircase.
‘Shall we go?’

Josh opened the
door to the evening air. It was cooler, but it
was still warm, which was just as well because I
hadn’t wanted to
wear my old
jacket or threadbare cardigan over my gorgeous dress
that made me feel wonderful, it was so soft against
my skin. I was
still reeling
from what Josh had said. I did feel good, but I was sure
he was just being really nice putting me at my ease
like he always
did. He was so
charming, a perfect date. Not that I meant the use of
that word in its proper sense. It was just that he
was such a
gentleman and I
knew I would have a lovely evening.

I needn’t have
worried about being stared at or worried by the
impression I was making on anyone. Nobody looked at
me. Several
of the men, as
well as every single woman in the place positively
drooled over him. He was very attentive and saw
that I was
introduced to
his colleagues and he even started to show me round
the exhibition. But inevitably, he was the centre
of attention.
Everyone wanted
to be introduced to him, everybody wanted to
talk to him. He apologized more than once, but I
told him not to
worry. I
wandered off to look round by myself.

The champagne
was flowing and there were plates of hors
d’oeuvres being handed round to nibble on but I
couldn’t eat much.
I wandered about
trying to look as if I didn’t mind being on my
own. It felt a bit like intruding in a private club
and inevitably after
a while
people gave up trying to talk to me in favour of catching up
on the latest office gossip. I was anxious not to
drink too much. It
would never do
to have copious amounts and fall over, not that I’ve
ever done quite that, but the problem was that my
glass kept being
filled up when I
wasn’t looking and it did seem to have gone
straight to my head. Feeling a little light-headed
and strangely
unsettled by the
whole event, I took myself round to look at
everything. The exhibition was fabulous; Josh had
done an
amazing job. It
was the way he’d pulled all the artefacts together,
whether they were prints, paintings, objects or
examples of
costumes, and it
was displayed so imaginatively using pieces of
film, or real figures, and tableaux to represent
what was being
shown. Anyone,
whatever their interest, would have gained
something from it. I hoped he felt proud of his achievement.

I was halfway
round when I couldn’t avoid the painting any
longer. I didn’t want to avoid it exactly, but I
knew on seeing it, that
it would
arouse so many emotions that I wasn’t sure I could keep
in check. There was Mrs Randall resembling my mother
more than
ever. Sophie’s
mother looked vulnerable; so young and beautiful. I
wondered what they must have discussed as they sat
together
having their
portrait painted. My eyes wandered to the box on the
bookshelf. Even if the white gloves had been draped
there for a
compositional
device, it still gave me the shivers to see them. It
confirmed in a way I hadn’t wanted to believe
before, that there
was more to all
this than mere fancy. There was also something
else. I hadn’t noticed it last time because I’d
been so pre-occupied
by the
sight of recognizable objects being there in the painting, but
jutting out from the box on one side, ever so
slightly open, was
what appeared to
be a small compartment, or perhaps it was a
drawer. It was difficult to see, what with the
painting being a very
large one
and the box on the shelf appearing so much higher than
my head, but it was clear that there was also
something inside it. I
couldn’t
remember noticing a drawer in the box that Great Aunt
Elizabeth had sent. In fact, I was sure I would
have noticed it if
there had been
one.

‘What do you
think?’
I jumped at the
touch of his warm breath in my ear. Josh was
behind me.

‘Are you having
a lovely time? I’m sorry if I startled you and
I’m so sorry I’ve neglected you for so long. Can
you forgive me?’

My heart was
beating fast. I felt so silly, almost as if I’d been
caught out doing something I shouldn’t. I tried to
answer calmly.

‘Of course I can
forgive you. People are bound to want to talk to
you. It’s fabulous … no, fantastic! It’s just
brilliant, Josh, you must
be so
pleased.’

He beamed a wide
smile. ‘Thanks, Sophie, for coming. I
couldn’t have done it without you. It’s been so good to see a
friendly face and one that I knew was not expecting
anything from
me.’

I smiled back.
It felt good that he regarded me as a friend. I
could imagine it was difficult for him right now
with everyone
wanting his
attention.

‘Oh, and I
nearly forgot,’ he exclaimed. ‘You still have my
surprise to see.’

I’d forgotten it
also. He grabbed my hand and pulling me
through the throng of people took me to the
opposite end of the
room. Off on one
side was a portrait of a young girl dressed in
white muslin and velvet slippers with a green
parasol in her hand,
set in a
gilded frame. Seeing her like that in full colour made every
hair stand on end. I immediately recognized the
portrait of Jane
from the
monochrome engraving in the book I’d bought.

I stood gaping,
unable to say a word.

‘Do you know who
this is?’ Josh asked.

I turned my head
to look at him. Something in my expression
must have told him that I knew because he looked
most
disappointed.

‘You know, don’t
you?’

‘I think so.
It’s Jane Austen, isn’t it?’

Josh grinned. ‘I
might have known you’d seen it before.’

‘I hadn’t seen
it until recently, I must admit, and even then it
was just a small copy in a book, not even in
colour. But, how
wonderful to see
it like this – it’s such a good likeness, so obviously
Jane with her teasing expression.’

Josh laughed.
‘You’ll be telling me next that you know her
personally, that she’s popped round from next door
for a cup of
tea.’

I realized how
stupid I must have sounded. He’d think I was
completely mad. ‘It’s amazing, Josh, beautiful in
fact. Wherever
did you find
it?’

‘I know the
family that own it. I have it on special loan for a
while. They agreed to let me exhibit it at the last
minute. I couldn’t
wait to show
you, I knew you’d love it as I do. Isn’t she exactly as
you imagined?’

‘Yes, it’s the
Jane I see in my head,’ I added truthfully. ‘The
details are gorgeous and seeing it in colour makes
all the difference.
She looks so
pleased with herself, all dressed up for a party in that
divine gown of diaphanous gauze. The sparkle of
those tiny spots
and the glimpse
of pink underskirt just stirring in an autumn breeze,
really bring it to life.’