Searching For Captain Wentworth (47 page)

‘Charles! Jane!’
I shouted. ‘Wait, I’m coming!’

My heart felt so
light I thought it might burst and I ran back
to the steps skipping down them two at a time.
There were several
more to go, but
with judgement I knew that it would be quicker to
leap from the last few. In any case, there was
Lieutenant Austen to
catch me
in his arms.

Don’t jump!’
called Charles, but I was determined. I knew
now that I had to be with him, whatever obstacles
might be put in
our way. We
would not be parted by time or anyone. I saw him, my
beloved Charles, his arms outstretched, still
running. I closed my
eyes and
jumped.

The feeling that
my head was splitting open was acutely apparent
before I opened my eyes. The pain was severe, but
thankfully
dulled by the
softness of cotton pillows under my head, freshly
laundered sheets tucked over me, and the sense that
I had been
drugged in some
way. I couldn’t open my eyes even when I tried,
but I could distinguish voices as if calling me from
somewhere very
far away. It
must be Charles, I thought and Jane, that I could hear.

Their voices
rose and fell sounding both anxious and apprehensive.
I felt someone reach for my hand and it comforted
me like no
soothing voice
ever could. It was Charles’s hand, I was sure, his
warm fingers linked with mine and I allowed myself
to fall back
into the tunnel
of slumber that I had barely surfaced from. I seemed
to drift in and out of sleep and my dreams were
such a strange
mixture of the
past and present that I couldn’t decide if they were
real or imagined. Time drew me back to a past I had
already lived
and beyond to a
time I didn’t know, only to send me hurtling back
to the future in the next second along dark
passageways that
recalled the
twisting corridors of Monkford Hall. Generations of
familiar Elliot countenances looked out from
varnished portraits,
turning
their heads to watch me fly headfirst at speed several feet
above the ground over the timbered floor below.
Passing through a
long gallery and
out through open leaded windows, my body
floated over the garden at dusk, hovering like a
bright Kingfisher
above the lake,
watching dragonflies dart and shimmer. I saw a
figure as I flew overhead, a girl who looked
exactly like me
sauntered under
the yew hedges to pause by the sundial. I watched
as she traced a finger along the letters carved
into its surface, before
I rose
again like some great bird into the violet sky swooping with
the swallows between clouds flaming with copper
light. On I sped
flying higher
and higher through twilight skies to reach the
midnight velvet studded with stars. If I put up a
hand I could snatch
Arcturus, the
dazzling star, to light my way. I was flying or floating
so fast I could not bear to look below and only
when at last I slowed
down did
I open my eyes again. It was daylight once more, I smelt
the sea, saw the rocks draped with seaweed lurking
under Byron’s
dark blue seas
and heard the music in its roar. The sun was high in
the sky again with Lyme’s sandy shoreline stretched
before me,
water lapping at
its edge. There was the Cobb and a girl who looked
quite dead lying on the ground at the foot of
Granny’s Teeth
surrounded by
people. Her bonnet had rolled over to one side. The
ribbons were soaked through with dark red stains,
which left their
mark on the
cobbles as the wind bowled the hat further away with
each gust of wind. Charles cradled the girl in his
arms and I could
see Jane, too,
looking distressed, but as capable as ever as she gave
orders for help to the surrounding onlookers.

‘Charles, I’m up
here,’ I called, but he didn’t see me. ‘Jane,’ I
shouted again, so that they might hear this time,
‘It’s me, Sophia!

Look, I’m
flying! Come and join me. It’s easy, I never knew how,
until now.’

But they didn’t
look up and the agitation in their voices was
all that I heard.

‘She is dead!
She is dead!’ I heard a woman call. Her dress
suggested she was one of the boatmen’s wives. I saw
Jane turn to
her, asking for
help.

Charles looked
on in silent agony with a face as pale as the
girl who lay like a limp doll in his arms. He
looked up in despair as
if all
his strength were gone, ‘Can no one help me?’

Jane took over,
and then I saw him stand. He started to run and
I knew he’d gone to find the doctor. I watched his
progress, his long
legs sprinting
to the house by the Cobb gate. Soon he returned,
another gentleman running beside him with his black
bag in hand.

All I could
think about was that seeing Doctor Rockingham again
would bring back the most painful memories for
Jane. And then I
fell. Down,
down, I tumbled, hurtling towards the body on the
quayside. I tried to shout out to warn them all,
but either my voice
wasn’t heard or
it made no sound, I wasn’t quite sure. Pain seared
through my head and the stench of fresh blood filled
my nostrils
before I blacked
out once more.

When I came to,
I couldn’t think where on earth I found
myself. The voices were there again, but my vision
was blurred and
though the
sounds were familiar, I couldn’t recognize their voices.
I could just make out the light from a window that
was half
screened by a
sheer blind, and the figures that stood before it,
speaking in whispers, were silhouetted like shadow
puppets in an
Indian theatre.

I struggled to
sit up. ‘Charles, is that you?’

The figures at
the window turned, and I began to see and hear
more clearly. I knew I was no longer in the past.

‘I think she’s
delirious. I’m worried. When is the doctor to
arrive?’

And then I could
make them out. Josh Strafford and his
girlfriend Louisa were approaching the bed where I lay.

‘Don’t try to
get up,’ said Josh, who came forward to sit on a
chair next to the bed.

I managed to
speak. ‘I don’t understand. Where am I?’

‘You’ve been
unconscious, had some kind of blackout, we’re
not really sure. The doctor is on his way to check
up on you again.

Can you remember
what happened?’

‘I don’t
remember anything,’ I muttered.

‘Sophie, just
relax,’ Josh reassured. ‘Don’t worry; you’re quite
safe, here with us. You’re in Lyme Regis. I brought
you to my
parent’s house
on the cliff-top. I hope that’s okay.’

‘But, I cannot
stay here and put them to so much trouble.’

‘They would
insist on you staying if they were here, I know,
but they’re away on holiday just now. Don’t fret,
we’re here to look
after you, and
make sure you get some rest.’

The truth was I
couldn’t remember anything very much. My
mind and memories were all so wrapped up in Charles
and seeing
him in those
last moments before I plunged into darkness. I recalled
seeing Jane also. In my mind’s eye she was calling
out trying to tell
me something,
but either I hadn’t heard or the recollection was too
difficult being mixed up as it was with so many
other feelings and
emotions. All I
knew was that I had to get back. I had to see Charles
again and let him know that no matter what, I would
do anything
to be with him,
defy my family if needs be, so that we could be
together.

The throbbing in
my head forced my eyes to close again, as
waves of pain seared over me as relentless as the
lapping of water
on the seashore.
I willed myself to return to the past even though I
knew that I was giving myself false hope. I felt
utterly helpless, and
was aware
of a single tear smarting in the corner of my eye rising
from the very depths of my being to join others
that started to flow
in an
unceasing stream to dampen my cheeks and soak the pillow,
Josh’s pillow. I must be lying in his bed, I knew
that much. How on
earth had I got
to Lyme? I couldn’t remember; the only recollection
I had was of holding a letter from Josh saying he
was going away,
and then it was
a total blank until the memories of Charles’s
beautiful letter asking me to marry him. I felt
trapped in the present
with only
reminiscences of the past and the man I loved. A picture
of Charles’s handsome face so clear and bright seemed
to hover
above me and I
felt if I wanted I could have reached out and
touched him. I opened my eyes to see Josh looking
down at me
with such an
expression of concern that I tried to smile. He looked
so worried and I just kept thinking that he must wonder
what on
earth I’d been
doing in Lyme. Josh probably thought I’d been
planning all along to spy on him and his
girlfriend.

Louisa produced
a box of paper tissues. ‘Please don’t cry.

Look, Josh,
Sophie’s crying.’

I felt a hand.
Long fingers entwined with mine, but it didn’t
help straight away. I could only think of Charles.
Josh dabbed
softly at my
face with a tissue. His voice was very gentle, as he
wiped away my tears.

‘Please, Sophie,
tell me what to do. I hate to see you in tears
like this.’

I managed a weak
smile for an answer. How could I tell him
the reasons for my heartbreak? Instead, I succumbed
to his
kindness and
after a while was surprised that the soothing
movement of his fingers stroking my brow and my
hair seemed to
work their
magic. I drifted back into sleep with the same feeling
that I was somehow caught between two worlds. I
could hear
seagulls flying
overhead, hear the gentle undulations of rippling
surf on the sands, and feel the sun shining down on
my face and
arms. Charles
was stroking my hair and I felt his lips kiss my face.

‘Don’t cry,
Sophia, I’m here with you. I love you, please don’t cry.’

When the doctor
came, the sound of voices woke me again.
Slowly, I became conscious of my surroundings, and
the full extent
of my pain. I
was examined, my head still hurt, but I had a new
dressing, and the doctor assured me that apart from
a little grazing,
a terrific
purple bruise and a sprained ankle, the damage was not
serious. I began to feel that I was a bit of a
fraud, that I should get
up and
think about getting the first train home, when Louisa came
into the room bearing a tray with a bowl of
steaming chicken soup
with some
slices of crusty bread. She looked as beautiful as ever,
with her dark hair falling in long curls down her back.
There was
something quite
similar about the way her hair waved into ringlets
like Josh’s and I could easily see how they’d been
attracted to one
another. Even
her eyes with their thick fringe of black lashes
reminded me of him. Though not as dark, more like a
clear hazel
brown, the way
they crinkled up at the corners when she smiled
was so reminiscent of Josh’s eyes. Twin souls, I
didn’t doubt. I
thought what a
beautiful couple they made and couldn’t help
speculating about the beautiful children they would
make together.
A perfect couple
in every way – surely they would have a perfect
wedding, perfect offspring and live perfectly
happily in a perfect
house for
the rest of their lives. Even as she set the tray down and
plumped up my pillows, I felt quite ashamed at the
uncharitable
thoughts that
were now surfacing. I recognized them for what they
were; I was jealous. I knew there was little chance
that I would ever
find such
happiness without the man I loved. And my heart felt a
pang once more with the realization that I was
here, so solidly back
in the
present with no way of going back.