Searching for Neverland (2 page)

I sighed. “I know, I’m weird. I should have been thrilled that he didn’t want to be a bachelor forever and just use me for sex, but I couldn’t do it. All I could picture was this boring life where I stayed home with our kids and he went to work and came home expecting dinner on the table. I freaked.”

“Oh, so you’re going to be a stay at home mom when you two get hitched?” Josh joked.

I nodded. “Oh yeah. He doesn’t want his wife to work,” I said pointedly. “How do I know this? He told me. Right after the waiter took our order. Let’s just say it set the mood for the rest of the date.”

Not that I was opposed to eventually staying home with my kids, when I eventually had them, but I was in the middle of getting my MBA, so I sort of figured I might want to do something with it before giving up my career for a family. And I liked to work.

But none of that mattered, since I wouldn’t be seeing short, dull, garlicky guy again. It was a non-issue.

“So, no goodnight kiss, I assume?”

I made a face, imagining how gross that kiss would have tasted. “You assume correct. I told him I’d had a long week, was really tired, and bolted as soon as I could.”

“Nice,” Josh said, as he finished his beer. “Way to avoid conflict.”

“It’s what I do best,” I said, as I folded my arms across my chest. “Next time I’m getting hit on, can you do me a favor and just tell the guy you’re my boyfriend? Please?”

“Absolutely,” he said without hesitation. “If I’m there, I’ll definitely lie for you, but just so I’m clear, do you think we should make-out for a little bit after we tell the guy, you know, just to be sure it seems legitimate?”

“If I could reach you, I’d smack you,” I threatened. “That’s gross.”

He opened his mouth in mock-offense. “I’ll have you know I am an extremely good kisser.”

“Been there, done that, and you’re not even in my top ten.”

“Hey now. I was sixteen,” he defended. “My kissing has improved tremendously since then.”

Yeah, Josh was my first kiss. I had such a crush on him back when I was fourteen and he was sixteen, and I thought I was so cool when I got to kiss him on a dare. It had been sloppy and clumsy, but at the time, having no point of reference, it was the best kiss ever.

“Well, I will just have to take your word for it, because I have no plans of experiencing that again,” I said, as I got up to walk to the kitchen. “You want another?”

“Yes, please,” he called back to me. “Hey, a guy can try, right?”

“I give you an ‘A’ for effort. Personally, I blame Casey,” I said, changing the subject, as I walked back into the living room and dropped his beer in his lap and settled onto the arm of his chair.

“For what?”

“If she hadn’t gone to the bathroom at that moment, I never would have met boring guy.”

Josh laughed. “Right. I’m sure it’s totally her fault. It wasn’t like you could have said no when he asked for your number.”

I ignored his logical suggestion. “Or, maybe it’s your fault,” I ventured. “You should have told me he was not worth my time since you were stone cold sober at the time and could have been a good friend and stopped the madness. Or maybe I need to talk to Stu about having a better screening process for customers at the bar.”

Josh laughed. “Hey, we don’t check Douchebag IDs at the door. If they’re over twenty-one and have a valid driver’s license, we let them in, no questions asked. We also don’t screen for boring or discriminate on height. Short guys need love too, you know.” He raised his eyebrows at me in challenge.

“Not from me they don’t,” I said matter-of-factly.

“Good thing I’m not short,” he said after a few seconds, and I wasn’t sure what he meant by that. He was looking up at me endearingly. “Wanna mess around?”

“Jeez, desperate much?” I teased him.

“Only to get into
your
pants,” he said, raising his eyebrows in suggestion a few times as he looked up at me.

“Oh sweetie, keep dreaming,” I said, as I hauled myself up and settled
back
onto the couch.

Josh smirked at me. “Oh, I will,” he said suggestively, and if I had something to throw him, I would have.

We flirted like that all the time, but both of us knew it was harmless. Since he’d moved back to Tampa and become my roommate, we’d spent a lot of time together, so it was only natural that we’d become close. Allison was gone most of the time, playing house with Corey, so it was usually just Josh and me. We sort of had developed a love/hate, best friend relationship that included making frequent inappropriate sexual innuendos to each other.

But we’d never hooked up. Not once, even in all the times we’d been drunk off our asses together. He’d never once made a play for me, and I’d never thought about making a play for him. We were all talk.

But for as long as I’d known him – I’d been best friends with Allison since the third grade – Josh and I didn’t really grow close until we became roommates. Because he was older than us, he basically ignored us while we’d been growing up, but he’d been hot, and I’d ogled him from afar for years. Then one fateful night, the summer before ninth grade, he invited Allison and me to hang out with him and his friends. And when we were playing truth or dare, I got dared to kiss him. And it was amazing.

I hoped desperately something would spark up between us, and for the
next
two years while we were all in high school together, I kept that hope alive. But even though I saw him frequently, since I was over at Allison’s all the time, we didn’t really hang out much or even talk. He had his own friends and his own life. And even though I knew deep down that he wasn’t interested in me, I still held out hope that our kiss had made a lasting impression on him and one day he’d walk up to me in the cafeteria and profess his love. It never happened.

Yeah, I know, big shocker.

Then Josh graduated from high school and moved north to attend the University of Georgia, and I realized I needed to give up my crush and date boys my own age. I saw him occasionally when he was home for school breaks, but we rarely hung out together. And then I just occasionally heard about what was going on in his life through what Allison shared since he moved to Atlanta after graduating college. But by that point, any feelings I’d harbored for Josh Nolan had flitted away into nothing.

Then three years ago, he’d finally decided to come back to Florida when his dad had an unexpected heart attack. Since we had an extra room in our house, it only made sense that he would move in, and then I got him a job working at my uncle’s bar. I figured our cohabitation would be temporary, but Josh never moved out. And I can’t lie. I love living with him.

But I also enjoy the fact that we have a strictly platonic relationship. Thankfully my feelings for him never returned, since that might have made living together just the teensiest bit awkward, but more than that, I’m looking for something serious with a guy, and Josh changes women every few weeks.

Truthfully, I feel like he might be a little bit lost. When he first graduated college, he’d been on the fast track to career success. He had his MBA and a great job at a major bank making well over six figures by the time he turned twenty five, but then his best friend Jeremy was killed in a motorcycle accident, and soon after Josh quit his lucrative job in banking and started working at a bar in Buckhead. It was almost like he felt like life was too short to spend it behind a desk, and he set out to change things about his life before it was too late.

Of course that’s just my assumption. Josh doesn’t talk much about his life in Atlanta, but it doesn’t make sense that someone with an MBA, who is pretty damn intelligent, would be content serving drinks on a daily basis. In the rare times I’ve brought up the subject of why he still works at the bar, Josh has always clammed right up. But I guess it doesn’t matter, because he’s happy, and him being unambitious means I have a fun, single friend to hang out with, and I get free drinks – win-win.

And Josh is a great friend. It’s why he plays relationship counselor to me on a regular basis. I’m not sure he applies any of his sage advice to his own life, but that’s not really my concern.

I sighed, bringing myself back to the present where my roommate was eyeing me speculatively.

“I’m su
re I’ll meet someone eventually,” I reasoned. “
I mean, I can’t be single forever. Or maybe I’ll get lucky, and Alex will come back around.”

“Tay, seriously?” Josh asked, a distasteful look clouding his face. He wasn’t a big fan of my ex-boyfriend.

“Yes,” I said definitively. I’d never really gotten over Alex, and Josh knew that. “Alex was the last guy that I really liked. I’m sorry, but it’s true.”

Alex Brockman had been my boyfriend during my senior year of colle
ge and again three years later
. We’d broken up the second time, because I’d wanted to take things to the next level and he wanted to be single. I still missed him, and a part of me hoped he would change his mind about us, but we’d broken up so long ago that it was stupid to even think about him wanting to be with me again. If he wanted to be with me, he would have called. It was that simple.

“Taylor, you can do so much better than that dipshit. Seriously,” Josh said, as he got up to go into the kitchen. Both of our beers were empty.

He just had set my new beer down on the coffee table in front of me when his phone dinged to let him know that he had a text message. He walked over to the hall table where it was
plugged into the charger. I cracked open my new beer, took a big swig, and attempted to push Alex from my mind. I knew it was unhealthy to think about him. I’d wasted too much time doing just that, and it hadn’t done me any good.

“Holy shit!”

There was so much shock in Josh’s tone that it startled me, and I forgot for a moment that I was supposed to swallow the beer that was in my mouth. I closed my almost over-flowing mouth quickly, and my cheeks bulged out as I looked up at him. I took a minute to swallow as he was still staring at his phone in shock.

“What?” I called out as soon as my mouth was free again.

“Corey proposed.”

It took me a few seconds to register what he’d just said and what it meant, but when I did, my jaw dropped and my eyes bugged out. 

“Shut up!” I screamed, as I jumped up from the couch and crossed the room to where he was standing.  “Let me see that.”

I reached for his iPhone so I could see the text from Allison. There it was, plain as day –
I’m engaged!
with a picture of the ring on her finger.

“Oh, my God,” I said, my hands flying to my mouth. I knew the excitement in my voice was mixed with something that I couldn’t pinpoint. I hated to admit that it was something bordering on jealously and pity for myself. “I’m so happy for her.”

Josh instinctively saw how disjointed the words sounded and put his arm around me. “It’s okay to not be a hundred percent thrilled about this,” he said, reading my emotions. He really knew me way too well.

I felt a tear slide down my cheek. My best friend was engaged. Okay, so I knew that was going to happen eventually. She’d been dating Corey for four years, and they were moving in together in a few weeks, so it was probably about time he proposed, but for someone who couldn’t even find a boyfriend, the news really sucked to hear. I’m not going to lie. 

Dammit. I was a shitty friend.

I looked up at Josh, as I swiped the tears away, trying to hide them, but he’d already seen how upset I was. His bright blue eyes were slightly clouded as he looked down at me with concern.

“Okay, you can’t tell Allison that I was crying when I found out. You can’t tell her. I want her to think I’m happy for her – which I am, it’s just . . .” I trailed off as fresh tears started to fall down my face again.

“I know,” Josh said, as he put his arms around me and pulled me against his chest. “I know you’re happy for her, but I know it’s also hard to hear.”

I nodded into his chest. I felt so secure with his arms around me, and I was suddenly so grateful that he was there. I knew that if I checked my phone, there would be an identical text from Allison. If I’d been alone when I’d read that message, I would have been so much worse off.

It took me a few minutes before I felt calm enough to pull away from Josh. The tears had stopped, but I still felt like shit. I instinctively reached for the beer in his hand and took a big gulp. I went to hand it back to him, but he waved in dismissal.

“Keep it. You need it more than me.”

“Thank you,” I said, looking up at him through wet lashes. He was eyeing me pensively.

“You know if you really want a boyfriend, I’ll volunteer.”

I started for a moment before I started to laugh uncontrollably, so much so that I almost fell over I was laughing so hard. When I pulled back to look at him, trying to get my giggles under control, he looked offended, but I knew it was in jest.

“Aww, are you seriously offering?” I giggled, knowing he was kidding.

He kissed me on the forehead. “Not in the slightest. Besides, Kimmy would probably get upset if I start dating someone else.”

I raised my eyebrows. “Kimmy?” 

I had no idea who he was talking about. He hadn’t told me he was seeing someone new which was odd.