Seasoned Veteran (7 page)

“That’s where you disappear to in the off season?”

“Yeah. Amy wanted Kel to have a normal upbringing, so I’ve done my best to keep her out of the media spotlight. Her last name is Porter. Amy’s name.”

“I don’t see you agreeing to that.”

He’d shrugged off the long-ago hurt. “I didn’t like the idea, but at the time, it was the right thing to do. Less questions Amy would have to answer about the father of her child. Less confusion for Kel at school. That sort of thing.”

Head bowed, he nearly fell over when she stroked his hair with her free hand.
She
was offering
him
comfort. If he hadn’t already been on his knees, he would have fallen. Only his Siobhan would show that kind of compassion to a man who’d knocked her up then left town.

“She looks like you. She has your eyes, your smile.”

“You think so?” He dared to look up at the woman he loved. Her skin had lost the pallor acquired when she fainted. Her cheeks were rosy. Her skin glowed as it had every time he’d seen her the last few weeks.

“I do. She’s beautiful, just like her father.”

He was stunned by her admission. “You think I’m beautiful?”

“Handsome, sexy on the outside, beautiful on the inside. You did what was best for your daughter at the expense of what you wanted.”

“You make me sound like a saint,” he protested. “I did what was right at the time. I’ve protected her privacy for a long time—it’s just something I do without thinking. She’ll always be my little girl, I guess. I should have told you about her weeks ago.”

“Would it have changed anything if you had?”

“I honestly don’t know.” He held her hand prisoner, afraid if he let go, she’d bolt. “I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life, but you and this baby aren’t on that list. Since we’re being honest here, Kel was the excuse, but I ran because I was afraid you’d wake up one day, see an old man in your bed. That would be the end of me.”

“You left because you didn’t trust my love for you.” She pulled her hand from his grasp. “I need to go home.”

He balled his hand into a fist in an effort to preserve her touch. “I’ll take you home.”

“No. I’ll catch a cab downstairs.”

The tiny sliver of hope he’d been holding onto evaporated into the icy air between them. He’d fucked up to the point she didn’t even want to accept a ride from him. Unable to think of a single argument to change her mind, he let her walk out of his life.

Chapter Thirteen

Present - Christmas Eve

“I think you’ve lost your mind.”

Siobhan was glad her back was to her brother, so he couldn’t see her rolling her eyes. He sounded like a broken record. She grabbed two water bottles from the fridge then joined him in the small living room.

“Are you going to tell me that every day until you die?”
Wasn’t two weeks enough?

“Maybe,” he said, not an ounce of remorse in his voice. “I don’t understand why you won’t talk to Jake. He’s got as much at stake in this as you do.”

She propped her feet on the edge of the coffee table. “He’s the sperm donor. Nothing more.”

“Do you hear yourself? That’s the bitchiest thing I’ve ever heard you say.”

She acknowledged the truth of his statement by raising her plastic bottle in salute. “Yes, I suppose it is. But it’s the truth.”

“No, it’s not. If that’s all he was, he wouldn’t offer to marry you. He loves you.”

She shook her head. “He feels guilty, that’s all. The he-man used protection. It failed. He’s going to do the right thing, sacrifice his freedom on the altar of marriage.”

“I don’t think he sees it that way.”

“That’s the way I see it. In case you don’t know, my opinion is the only one that counts.” If he really wanted to marry her, he would have asked when he first returned to Dallas. His lame proposal the day she’d come back from the doctor with a positive pregnancy test proved one thing—he would sacrifice his happiness for his child, just as he’d done when he gave in to Amy’s mother instead of insisting Kelly have his last name.

“Yeah, I get that it’s your body, yadda, yadda, yadda. But half of the kid you’re carrying is Jake’s. You can cut him out of your life, but you can’t cut him out of his child’s life.”

“I know that. That’s one of the reasons I let my lease go on my condo in D.C. I’m uprooting my entire life, so he can see his kid.”

“Is that the only reason?”

The soft way he posed the question indicated he suspected her of fraud where Jake was concerned. He was right. She didn’t want Jake to marry her just because she was pregnant, but she couldn’t bring herself to go back to D.C. either.

“Siobhan? Talk to me.”

“What do you want me to say, that I love him?” She blinked at the ceiling, willing the moisture gathering in her eyes to go away. “Okay. I love him. Are you happy now?”

“No. I won’t be happy until you’re happy. You aren’t going to be happy until you forgive Jake for leaving. He came back, sis.
Before
he knew you were pregnant. Hell, he came back before you knew you were pregnant. I find it hard to believe you’re holding out because of that. So, are you going to tell me what’s really going on inside that hard head of yours?”

No.

He shifted on the sofa, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees. “Okay, so here’s what I think. His age didn’t mean much to you until you found out you’re barely older than his daughter. A few months ago, you were pissed at me for pointing out that it was a possibility. My guess is, you’re feeling…used? Freaked?”

She squirmed beneath his steady gaze, not to mention his spot-on assessment of her state of mind. “So, you were right. He has a kid my age. I was wrong.”

“I was wrong, sis.
I
was wrong.” He poked a finger at his chest. “Not you. I judged the guy without knowing all the facts. Back then, he did what was right for all of them—Kelly, her mother…him. He didn’t love Kelly’s mother. But he loves you. He wants to marry you. He came here to propose—
before
he knew about the kid. Yeah, he was an ass for leaving in the first place, but I’m a guy, I can tell you, we do stupid things sometimes. But he came to his senses. He realized the age thing didn’t mean as much as he thought it did.”

Sean sat back though his gaze remained fixed on her, no doubt waiting for her to admit he was right.

“At least give the guy a chance. Aren’t you the person who writes sappy love stories about people overcoming impossible odds to be together?”

She was, once. “It’s called fiction for a reason. It isn’t real.”

“So says the woman who is afraid to write her own happily-ever-after ending.” He stood, ruffling her hair like she was still a kid. “Prince Charming is waiting for your call.”

“He always has to have the last word,” she mumbled to herself as her brother traversed the walkway to the main house. “Prince Charming. There’s no such thing.”

For the first time in months, she opened her laptop with the intention of writing something productive. The blank white screen representation of a piece of paper stared back at her. If she could write her own happy ever after, what would it be?

It’s fiction. You can write any impossible thing you want.

She placed her fingers on the keys.

Once upon a time
….

A knock on the door startled her. She mistyped the word climax as climacx, hastily backspaced to fix it, saved the work in progress, then went to the door. She flipped the light switches, illuminating the room and the porch. The day had somehow morphed into evening without her noticing. She hadn’t gotten that lost in her writing since before she’d met Jake.

Expecting to find her brother on the other side of the door, she swung it open. The harsh words intended to end his daily interference in her life died on her lips.
Not Sean.

“Jake.”

“Siobhan.”

Her fingers tightened on the doorknob. Damn him for looking like the hero in every fantasy she’d ever had, including the one she’d been writing all afternoon.

“Your brother mentioned you didn’t have a Christmas tree.”

She followed his gaze to the scraggly evergreen beside him.

“Last one on the lot.” He gave it a little shake. Tiny greenish-brown spikes showered the doorstep.

On the verge of protesting the mess, she glanced at her visitor. The plea written in the lines of his face stopped her.

“I didn’t want to be alone tonight.”

If he’d brought anything else, said anything else, she would have slammed the door in his face, but how could she turn him away when he looked more forlorn than the stubby tree dangling from his gloved fist. She stepped back, issuing a silent invitation for him to enter.

She closed the door behind him. He stood the emaciated plant on the floor. It leaned precariously to one side on a makeshift stand nailed to the bottom. Jake proceeded to remove his coat and gloves, tossing them over the nearest chair. He smelled like pine mixed with winter cold right before it snowed. The tips of his ears and nose were red. Bright spots of color dotted his cheeks. He turned, focused his gaze on her. The warmth in his gaze melted some of the ice around her heart.

You’ve been reading your own writing again. Stop it. He’s not your Prince Charming or a hero. He has his own agenda. Remember that.

“I think it might snow.” He blew into his cupped hands. “It sure feels like it could. Wouldn’t that be something, a white Christmas in Dallas?”

She hadn’t given it much thought, but she supposed a blanket of white would be an anomaly for the area. “I guess.”

Undeterred by her short answer, her visitor set about finding a place for his less than majestic gift. After trying a few options, he settled on the coffee table as the perfect spot to display the orphaned conifer. Curled up at one end of the sofa, she watched him fuss with it as if it was a stately specimen instead of a reject from a mass deforestation project.

“There.” He sat to admire his work. “Perfect.”

Siobhan snickered. “If you say so.”

“What?” He feigned being stabbed in the heart. “This tree spoke to me on the lot. I had to give it a home.”

“What did it say? ‘Hey, sucker, over here?’”

His expression grew serious. “No. It said, ‘I need someone to love me, just like you do.’”

“Jake….”

Coming around the table, he lowered himself to the opposite end of the sofa as if he expected the cushion to explode the moment he touched down. “Please, Siobhan, give me another chance. One night. That’s all I’m asking. Let me stay with you tonight. Let me hold you in my arms again. Waking up next to you on Christmas morning would be the best gift I can imagine.”

“What about your daughter?”

“Kelly went home to Colorado. I promised I’d go back next week to see her and my parents.”

She turned her face away, remembering how her parents had reacted when she’d finally called to tell them of her pregnancy. In one short phone call, she went from being their favorite child, the one who could do no wrong, to an outcast. How had Sean stood it all these years? She’d always admired her brother for his strength but, until she stood in his shoes, she’d no idea how difficult being disowned had been on him.

“Sean told me what your parents did. I’m so sorry. That’s my fault, too.”

“No.” She shook her head. “I wanted you from the first moment I saw you. I practically begged you.”

“That’s bullshit. I took advantage. God, the minute you stepped out of that car and opened your mouth…I lost it. I was a goner. I couldn’t wait to get you in my bed, to claim you.”

She swiped moisture from her eyes. “I’m sorry,” she sniffled. “I’m usually not a crier.”

“It’s the hormones,” he said, sounding like an authority on the subject.

She cocked her head to one side in question.

He shrugged. “That’s what all the blogs say.”

“You read pregnancy blogs?”

He sighed, relaxing since nothing had exploded. “I’m serious, Siobhan. Even if you won’t have me, I’m going to be a part of my child’s life. I missed everything with Kelly. This time is going to be different.”

A giant ball of emotion formed in her chest, threatening to choke her.

“I didn’t return because of the baby. I came back for you.” He stretched his hand out to her, palm up. “I love you. I want you to be my wife.”

Jake trembled while the only woman he’d ever loved stared at his outstretched hand as if it held a cobra ready to strike instead of his heart. Tears spilled undeterred down her flushed cheeks, each one like acid eating away at his confidence. He couldn’t bear to see her upset. Knowing he’d brought her to this state cut him to the core.

What could he do? Withdrawing his hand, he stood. He’d call Sean, tell him to come check on her. “I’ll go.”

She looked so fragile sitting there curled into a ball, it was all he could do not to scoop her into his arms. He longed to tell her everything would be all right. She wasn’t a child. She was a full-grown woman capable of making decisions about her life. Her decision regarding him was painfully clear.

As he drew closer, her eyelids dropped. Reaching out, he cupped her damp cheek in his palm. Tilting her face up, he leaned in to place a soft kiss on her trembling lips. She didn’t respond, not even to protest. Drinking in her scent for the last time, he committed the moment to memory. The last time he would touch her.

Drawing a small box from his pocket, he placed it under the tree. Maybe she’d sell it or perhaps keep it for their child. Whatever. He’d purchased the ring for her, so she should have it. “Merry Christmas.”

Chapter Fourteen

Present - Christmas Eve

Jake paused on the sidewalk. Siobhan’s brother was celebrating inside the main house with Bentley and Ashley. He suspected their association was anything but traditional, but it was their business, not his. Besides, who was he to judge? He’d only had one serious relationship in his entire life, and look how he’d fucked that up. Whatever the three of them had going, he wished them all the best.

For reasons of personal safety, he decided against a face-to-face with Sean. Stopping, he pulled out his cell phone. He was scrolling through his contacts list when a triangle of light swept across the walk.

“Jake.”

He turned. Siobhan stood in the open doorway, one hand braced against the frame. Her feet were bare, the toes of one curled, resting atop the other. Hope flared bright, but he squished it down before it could take over. She probably just wanted to return his gift.

“You should go back inside. It’s cold.”
That’s the best you can do? What an asshole.

“I know.” She wrapped her arms around her middle. The luscious body he longed to hold trembled from head to toe.

It was all he could do to stay where he was, let her say what she needed to say, when every cell in his body wanted to protect her. But the only thing she needed protection from was him.

“You shouldn’t be alone tonight.” Her words were fuel to the spark of hope he’d tried to extinguish moments before.

With the light behind her and only the weak glow of the porch light to illuminate her face, he could barely make out her features. What was she saying, exactly? He took a cautious step closer.

“I don’t want to be alone, not ever again.”.

The hand she stretched out to him shone pale in the dark night. “Come inside.”

Shutting the door, he leaned against it, not sure why he’d been invited back inside. Siobhan resumed her seat on the sofa, her knees brought up to her chin, her arms securing them. Her cheeks and nose were rosy from the cold, her eyes red from crying.

“I was just going to call Sean, let him know you were alone so he could check on you later.”

She nodded. “I appreciate your concern, but I’m not planning on being alone.”

He raised his brows. “Oh?” Hope rekindled, but he wasn’t ready to put words in her mouth yet.

“I was planning on sleeping with my fiancé tonight.”

He’d never believed in spontaneous human combustion until that moment. Fortunately, he was several feet from the sorry excuse for a tree he’d brought her or it would be in danger of going up in flames.

“What changed your mind?” He held up his hand. “Wait. You’re talking about me, right? You aren’t engaged to someone else, are you?”

“I’m talking about you. No one else. Never anyone else.”

He didn’t dare get closer, not until he understood her abrupt about-face. “A few minutes ago, you wanted me to leave and never come back.”

“I thought you were proposing to me because of the baby. I wanted you to marry me because you love me, not because I’m pregnant.”

“Wasn’t that what I said? I could have sworn I said I love you somewhere in there.”

“You did,” she acknowledged. “But I needed to be sure.”

He stared at her. “I’m confused. For just a second, could you bring this down to the level of us poor, clueless males of the species? ’Cause I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about.”

She smiled, uncurling from the sofa. Picking up the small velvet ring box, she opened the lid. “This jewelry store is in Denver.”

“Yeah.”
What the fuck does that have to do with anything?

“You bought the ring
before
you came back to Dallas. Before you knew about the baby.”

Stars shone and angels sang. It was a Christmas miracle. He smiled. “I did.”

“So, you didn’t ask me to marry you because of the baby.”

“No, I didn’t.”

“Ask me again. Please?”

He lifted his face to the ceiling, mouthed the words, “Thank you, God.” Pushing off the door, he crossed to her, dropping to one knee in front of her. She placed the open ring box in his hand. Head bowed, he clutched it tight. The words were there, he’d actually said them earlier, but that had been when he was virtually certain she would turn him down. She was giving him a do-over, and he wanted to get it right this time, because this time, she might say yes.

“Give me a second. I’ve made a mess of everything so far. I don’t want to add this to the list.”

“Take your time. But if you don’t come up with something in the next thirty seconds, I’m going to take matters into my own hands.”

She would. That’s one of the things he loved about her, she didn’t wait for things to happen to her. She made them happen. Like the night they met.

He looked up at her. She gazed back at him with all the shattered innocence of a fallen angel. His fallen angel. God, he loved her. He’d waited longer than most to find the woman who made him want to be a better man, and stupid fuck that he was, he’d almost let her get away.

“The night we met, you dazzled me. I’d never wanted a woman the way I wanted you. But it was more than a physical reaction, though that was pretty hard to ignore. You were so damned sure of yourself, of what you wanted. That night….” The memory nearly strangled him. He cleared his throat before continuing. “I’d never felt anything as wonderful as you. Nothing. I don’t know how to explain it but to say it wasn’t just physical. I know. The words are inadequate, but I know you felt it, too. I saw it in your eyes. I think you saw it in mine. I shut you out after that. I can’t tell you how sorry I am for doing that to you. I’d spent my life running from commitment, and there it was, there you were. Commitment was written on the wall above the bed in neon block letters.

“Anyway, you know I couldn’t stay away from you after that. I kept telling myself you were no different than all the others. When the time came, I would walk away from you just like always. Only you
were
different. Before my plane landed in Colorado, I knew I’d made a huge mistake. I was happy to see Kelly, but I was miserable inside. I’d left my heart here, in your hands.”

He took her hands in his. “On my daughter’s advice, I bought a ring, hatched that stupid plan with Ashley, and came back to grovel at your feet. Turns out, I’m lousy at groveling. You wouldn’t give me the time of day.”

He shifted. This is where he needed to get it right. Most guys got one chance, this was his third…his last.
Three strikes—you’re out.
“Now that I have your undivided attention…Siobhan Flannery, I love you more than I ever thought possible. I’ve used every excuse in the book to push you out of my heart, but you’re still there. You always will be. I can’t imagine my future without you in it. I want to hold you in my arms every night and see your smile first thing every morning for the rest of my days. You own my heart and my soul. I love you. Will you make me the happiest man on the planet? Will you marry me?”

Lord, she was going to cry. Again. He held his breath, waiting for her to say something. He’d just bared his soul to her, and his bum knee was cramping. If she didn’t answer soon, he was going to have to call someone to help him get off the floor.

“Siobhan?” he prodded.

Her head bobbed. A tear streaked her cheek. “Yes,” she whispered. Then stronger. “Yes.”

His hands shook so much he thought he might drop the ring before he got it on her finger. But being a woman who made things happen, Siobhan helped him slide the glittering band past her knuckles.

She was his.
Thank God.

Siobhan almost laughed at the play of emotions crossing Jake’s face. Panic when she took her time answering. Relief when she finally got the single syllable past her lips. Panic again when he realized what he’d done. He’d made a game out of avoiding commitment, so proposing hadn’t come easy for him.

Reining in the guffaws she knew he wouldn’t appreciate, she smiled instead. Reaching out, she cupped his face between her palms. His eyes were glazed, his lips trembling. The idea of committing to one person for the rest of her life scared her, too. But there was one thing she knew would banish their nerves. It was something they’d always done well together. Leaning forward so her lips almost brushed his, she whispered, “Make love to me.”

There it was—the spark of desire that had shown bright even in the darkened parking lot the night they’d met. It still had the same effect on her—instant meltdown.

“Your wish is my command.” He canted his head to one side, taking her mouth with a kiss that belied his statement. Jake took command, as she’d known he would, taking what he wanted with such tender demands she gave willingly. His hands claimed her body with fevered precision, mapping her curves like an explorer searching for a long lost trail. Each touch was familiar, yet different—deeper, if that was possible.

She was breathless when he broke the kiss in order to scoop her up in his arms. Setting her on her feet beside the bed, he made short work of removing her clothes.

“I want to see you.” He stepped back to admire her as if she were a museum piece. His eyes gleamed as his gaze swept over her. “You’re so damned beautiful.” His voice was reverent as he reached out to trace the swell of her breasts. She stood still, while his hands traveled paths he’d known well before he left. “Your tits are bigger.”

She nodded. “Tender, too.” Aching for his touch. She drew her shoulders back, thrusting the heavy orbs toward him. But his gaze had traveled lower, to her stomach. She sucked in a breath when his fingers fluttered over the still flat plane. “Our baby is in there.”

He lifted his head. His eyes were filled with wonder—a feeling she was becoming intimate with. A new life grew inside her. Jake’s baby.
Their
baby.

“It’s a miracle. You’re a miracle.” His hand flattened on her stomach, the other on the small of her back, drawing her to him. “I didn’t know what it was like to love until I saw you, then
wham
, I was done for.”

His hand stroked her belly, going lower with each circular pass until his fingers brushed her swollen mons. Her nipples were hard peaks against the knobby wool of his sweater. She rubbed herself back and forth, whimpering at the painfully erotic sensations shooting from the throbbing peaks to her pussy.

“Shh, sweetheart,” he crooned against her neck. His lips, teeth, and tongue assaulted the tender skin at her neck.

Lower.

“I’m going to take care of you, tonight and always.”

“Please,” she begged, opening her legs wider to allow his fingers better access. She couldn’t get close enough to him. She needed him inside her, needed his weight pressing against her, needed all of him.

She nearly crumpled when he stepped away, but he caught her with one arm while he pulled the bedclothes back with the other. The sheets felt like ice against her back, but watching Jake remove his clothes ignited a roaring blaze inside her. His body was a work of art—all hard planes and angles honed from years of workouts. A man’s body.

His maturity had intrigued her from the beginning.
My very own seasoned veteran.

Her mouth watered when his cock sprang free of his briefs. Her thighs fell open—inviting, anticipating.

The cocky smile on his face said he knew exactly what to do with her offering. Climbing onto the bed, he stretched out beside her. Using one elbow to prop himself up, he placed one big, heated palm on her stomach. The heavy weight of his erection rested against her hip. She reached for it, only to be stopped by his strong fingers clasped around her wrist.

“In a minute, babe.” His gaze skimmed her from neck to toes then back up, stopping where his hand claimed her. “I’ve missed you, missed your body. I want to take my time.”

“It’s been so long.” She stroked his chest to make her meaning clear.

“No one knows that more than me, sweetheart. Be a good girl, put your hands behind your head.” She did as she was told, willing to play his games for a few minutes.

His fingertips skimming up her torso made her groan. “Patience, little one. I won’t leave you unsatisfied. I promise.”

He bent, placed a chaste kiss on one distended nipple. “Some of the few benefits of getting older—for a man—are stamina and patience.” His next kiss to her nipple could only be described as leisurely. In no hurry at all, he made love to her breast, teasing with his tongue, grazing the tight nub with his teeth until she was a whimpering mass of need. She arched her back, begging for more.
Patience be damned.

The dark scruff of his beard abraded the tip as he looked up at her. “Don’t move unless I tell you to.”

She raised her head, her gaze locking with his. The banked flames there sent a surge of power through her. She would follow his orders, but she was the one in control. His delay tactics were as much for his enjoyment as they were for hers.

Letting her head drop back to her folded hands, she answered with a contented sigh.

It seemed like an eternity, during which Jake explored every inch of her body, kissing, tasting, claiming, before he finally spread her thighs wide and drove deep inside her.

No protection. Skin to skin.

She tilted her hips to take more of him.

“Christ, Siobhan,” he hissed. His cock pulsed inside her.

“Jake,” she breathed, not daring to move again. “You make me feel…whole.”

Propped on his forearms, his hands bracketing her face, he rained kisses on her eyelids, her cheeks, the corners of her lips. “I want to stay this way forever.” He shifted his hips just enough to heighten the sensation.

“I’m good with that,” she said, stroking his back from shoulders to his firm ass. Images of him carrying her around all day, his cock buried in her pussy, her legs locked around his hips formed in her mind. She giggled.

“What’s so funny?” he asked, smiling down at her.

She described the picture in her head. “It’s funny, but I’d do it if I could. I don’t want to be apart from you ever again, Jake. Not for a minute.”