Seasons of Sugarcreek 02. Spring's Renewal (18 page)

“Here’s to the best friends a man could ever ask for,” Uncle Frank said to the crowd gathered at his home for an impromptu celebration. “I have to tell you all, I know the Lord was with us today. He gave us the eyes and ears and abilities to search for the boys. I am grateful for his grace and for all of your friendships.”

“We are blessed today,” the bishop said. “Blessed to have each other, English and Amish. This day is one we will all look upon and remember with gladness always.”

Tears threatened to prick Tim’s eyes as he looked around the home. So much had happened since he’d arrived. And so much had happened over the course of the afternoon—it was difficult to completely take in.

Soon after he’d called out to everyone, the paramedics and police came. Minutes later, other search parties joined them. They had taken care to give each other support as the boys’ vitals were taken and the paramedics knelt around Ty.

Little by little, the group moved back as a discussion ensued about Ty’s condition. While Anson looked to be suffering from hypothermia, Ty was unconscious. A cut above his hairline confirmed everyone’s fears—the boy had a concussion and a broken arm. His parents and Lilly were now by his side at the hospital.

They’d allowed Anson to come home, as long as he’d promised to rest and Elsa made plans to visit their doctor the next day. So, though things were still worrisome, they were much better. Far better than they’d dared hope for all those hours earlier.

Men around Tim shook hands. Women clasped shoulders and hugged Elsa and the other women folk. Clara and Gretta had attempted to wash dishes, but they’d been pushed out of the kitchen by Mrs. Kent and Miriam, who said that Clara and Gretta had done enough for the day.

The girls had stepped aside with grace, though Tim could tell they, too, were uncomfortable with all the fuss being made over them.

Tim was uncomfortable, too. The sheriff had called him and Clara heroes, though Tim knew they were nothing of the sort. All they had done was their best, and that was no different than anyone else who’d been involved for the day. Everyone had hoped and prayed, had gotten soaked to the skin while they’d yelled for the boys and searched through the woods and along the shoreline.

Tim also knew he and Clara had not searched alone. The whole time, he’d felt the Lord with them. Tim knew it had been He who had led them on the path. It had been the Lord’s guidance, and their hopes that had led to a very
gut
outcome.

Joshua, now in fresh clothes and his hair still damp from the shower, crossed the room and took a seat beside him. “I hope I never have another day like this,” he murmured as he slumped back against the couch. “I don’t remember ever having been so scared.”

“I feel the same way. I have to admit I wasn’t always sure we would have something to celebrate.” He held out his hands and felt a slight tremor that refused to go away. “I think my hands are still shaking.”

Without a word, Josh held up his hands next to Tim’s. His, too, still looked unsteady.

Caleb looked their way. “You two all right?”

“We’re fine,” Joshua said.

“Then why do you have your hands out in front of you?”

“No reason,” Tim replied. “Like your brother said, we’re just fine right now.”

Later, after Joshua fetched Gretta and took her home, Clara moved to sit next to him. “I’m going to leave in a few minutes, too. I just wanted to tell you goodbye.”

He was sorry to see her go. “Do you have to leave so soon?”

“I think so. It’s been a long day.” With a weary shake of her head, she looked at him and smiled. “A terribly long day.”

“Are you all right?” he asked. “We never talked about what happened with you and your mom. We could do that now, if you want.”

Clara looked to where her mother was sitting. Tim’s eyes followed. To him, the older lady’s posture held none of the salt and vinegar that it usually did. Instead, she looked years older and more fragile than ever. “Your
mamm
looks exhausted.”

“I imagine she is.”

“From the search…or from what has been going on between the two of you?”

“That, I cannot answer. Maybe a bit of both.” With a shrug, Clara said, “Earlier today, I found out that she’s been less than truthful about our money situation. It stunned me, and made me upset.”

Treading carefully, he said, “Is it worse than you thought?”

“No, it’s far better.” Such pain filled her gaze that his stomach clenched. “I’m afraid she’s been keeping a whole savings account from me since my father passed away. She’s told me for years that my father left us practically nothing. I’ve been struggling with it. Wondering how my father could have never saved anything. It just seemed so out of character for him.”

“And now you realize that he had been thinking of you both. That it wasn’t what he’d done at all.”

“I feel guilty for even thinking the things I did. But I’ve felt so trapped by my responsibilities. I’ve felt so much pressure to work at the school and to do extra sewing projects to help pay for our costs.” Her voice lowered. “I even resented them both for it.”

“Why would she do something like that?”

“I can only guess it’s so I’d never leave.”

Tim could only relate her circumstances to what his parents had done. To tell him that they loved him enough to share him with the rest of the family. To let him go. “Her actions don’t sound very loving, do they?”

“No. But today’s events remind me that I need to stop thinking about my hurts and reach out to her. But it is going to be hard.”

“I imagine it will be. Perhaps she has her reasons. It sounds like she’s a woman in pain.”

“Perhaps.” She stood up. “I’m sorry to burden you will all of this. I didn’t mean to. I simply came over to tell you good night.”

He stood up as well. “I’m glad you did. And, I…I want to tell you that I’m very glad we were together today. Side by side. I think we made a wonderful-
gut
team.”

She smiled at that. “I do, too. Our teamwork was even more special because we had such a welcome outcome.”

He reached for her hand.

Whether by impulse or desire, she took it.

He curved his fingers around hers and squeezed gently. “I want you to know that I meant what I said about me and Ruby. The two of us are done.”

“I see.”

Did she? She still looked so doubtful. “Ruby and me, we were like a pair of old shoes. Once, a time ago, we fit just fine. Now, not so much.” Looking at their linked fingers, he murmured, “Clara, you might not believe me, but I’ve grown to care for you.”

“As a friend?”

“As much more than that.” At the moment, he felt as exposed as he had felt just hours before, when they’d been at the mercy of the storms and the wind. What would she say to that?

Would she even believe him? Maybe she thought he was a fickle sort of person. Leaving Ruby and now turning toward her.

“At times…I’ve felt the same way,” she said shyly.

For the first time in what felt like ages, his heart felt hope. After all this time, had he finally found his life’s partner?

He hoped so. Yet, Clara didn’t look completely at ease. Most likely, it was because there were so many unanswered questions between them. But perhaps that was all right? Perhaps that was enough for now?

“Your words make me very happy. But, I…I better go. It’s been a long day,” said Clara.

“I know it has. We’ll both feel better after a good night’s sleep. Can I pay a call on you tomorrow? To see how you are doing and to perhaps talk some more?”

“If that’s what you want.”

“It is. I know what I want now, Clara.”

Her eyes widened before turning toward the front door.

The moment she left the room, he leaned against the back of the couch and breathed deep. Tension left his shoulders and back as he exhaled and reflected on everything that had happened. Together, they’d found the boys.

And they had also trusted each other to share their feelings. Finally, Tim felt as if he was back on the right path.

“Are you ready to talk about things now, Clara?” her mother asked as they slowly made their way home in the buggy.

She wasn’t. She was emotionally drained and still turning over Tim’s words in her mind. But if her mother was ready to explain, she needed to be ready to listen. “We can talk.”

“Do you remember everything that had been going on when your father died?”

“My sisters had just married.”

“They’d just married and had chosen to move a distance away. I felt that they’d done it to spite me.”

“Mother, their husbands had jobs to keep.”

“Yes, but we would both be lying if we didn’t mention that they were relieved to be away from me.”

“They love you, they just needed space.”

“I felt abandoned, just the same. Not long after, your father passed away.”

“And you felt abandoned by him, too?”

“I did.”

Clara felt that those were selfish feelings. Instead of saying that, she kept her mouth closed.

“I’m sure you remember me being depressed for months.”

“I had a difficult time, too, Mamm.”

“I know. But, things are different for you.”

“How?”

“You’ve already been through so much. You’re a strong woman, Clara. In many ways, I think you’re the strongest person in the family.”

Clara had never imagined her mother would characterize her in that way. “You think so?”

“Oh, yes. I thought you were so strong, I wanted to lean on you, too. And so I did. At first I didn’t mean to become so dependent, but I knew we didn’t have the best of relationships. I was afraid if I didn’t try to hold on to you, you’d leave.”

“You didn’t have to lie to me.”

“Now I see that. When I first learned of your father’s savings, I wasn’t so sure. I was afraid if I let you have your surgery, let you move away, gave you options, you’d leave, and then I’d be completely alone.”

Anger fumed in Clara. Anger laced with pity. In some ways, the woman sitting beside her seemed like a stranger. How could her own flesh and blood betray her so much?

But another part of her did understand what her mother was saying. She’d been afraid and lonely and without options.

And sometimes when a person is without options, they do unexpected, crazy things.

“I’m not sure what you want me to say, Mamm, other than I forgive you.”

“Do you? Do you, really?”

“I hope so. I want to.”

And as they slowly rode home, Clara was amazed to realize that she’d spoken the truth. She truly did want to forgive her mother and not hold on to negative, destructive feelings.

And because of that, she knew everything between them was going to be all right.

But as she thought of a future with Timothy, she wasn’t so sure. She hadn’t thought about the fact that his home was in Indiana, while hers was in Sugarcreek.

How could she leave her mother? Just as importantly, how could she ever ask him to leave his home?

Tim stopped by her house early the next morning. Amazingly, the sky held no traces of the terrible storm. The air felt crisp and clean. Clara thought it was too bad that the glorious day didn’t match her mood.

“You’re here early today.”

“I couldn’t wait any longer to talk to you. About us.”

“Oh.” Clara closed the door behind her and Tim looked at her quizzically. They walked to a small flower bed where roses would soon be blooming.

“What is wrong?”

“Tim, this is all happening so fast,” she ventured. “There’s much between us that’s unresolved.”

“What needs to be resolved? We had a real connection yesterday, Clara. Never in my life had I reached out to someone like I did to you. It was special. I know you felt it, too. And it’s been that way from the moment I met you.”

“I feel it, but liking someone’s company doesn’t always mean they should marry.”

“What bothering you?”

“All right. For instance, where do you intend to live? I thought you were only in Sugarcreek for a short time.”

That brought him up short. “That is true. Indiana is my home.”

“I see. So, you would want us to live there.”

“Of course. But don’t worry, Clara. You’ll enjoy it, and they’ll enjoy you, too. There are nice people there. And my parents, they’re going to love you. They’re the best.”

Oh, but his exuberance was convincing. But he was also forgetting that she had many responsibilities here in Sugarcreek. “I’m not so sure I would want to start over in Indiana,” she said slowly.

“It might be a little difficult for you at first, but in no time, you would be fine. I mean, we have no other option, right? I’m a farmer. I farm my parents’ land. They are ready for it to be mine as well.”

His words made sense. But moving so far away from Sugarcreek wasn’t an option that she felt ready to take. “I have my job here. I’m the schoolteacher.”

“You’d want to stop teaching, anyway, when you have
kinner
of your own.”

Despite their frank discussion, Clara felt her cheeks heat. “Perhaps.”

He flushed, too. “I mean, one day.”

Reaching out to him, she gently squeezed his arm. “There’s more to consider than just my job. My mother is here in Sugarcreek, too.”

“I thought you were ready for a break from her.”

A bit of humor lit her dark eyes. “I am ready to stop living with her, that is true. But I’m not ready to remove myself from her life. Not when she needs me.”

“I know she’s your mother and you love her, but everyone grows up and moves on, don’tcha think? Especially girls. Yes? Isn’t that what your two older sisters did?”

“Yes, but just because they did doesn’t mean that I can.” Clara tried to keep her voice slow and even, but deep down she knew her insides were breaking. More than anything, she wanted to reach for a future with Tim.

But she also knew that the future would never be bright if she ignored other people’s needs in order to get what she wanted.

His look of confusion and disappointment hurt. Slowly, she added, “Right now, I’m all my mother has. And she’s in poor health. I can’t move so far away. What will she do?”

“Maybe she’ll have to move in with one of your sisters.”

She shrugged. Those were options—but they’d involve both her sisters’ and mother’s acceptance. Clara just wasn’t sure if any of them would agree to that plan.

Tim covered her hand with his. “I don’t have the option of asking another sibling to look after my parents. I’m an only child, Clara. If I leave my parents alone, they’ll have no one.”

She knew that. And understood the implications. “So neither of us can move.”

“Would you consider talking to your sisters?”

“I’ll try.” After years of accepting what she was given, Clara knew it would be hard to push for what she wanted.

“Please try. Clara, don’t you see what I’m saying? Don’t you hear me? I’ve fallen in love with you.”

I’ve fallen in love with you.

Clara stared at him, stunned. How many times had she imagined hearing those words? How many times had she ruthlessly squashed those expectations as well? Before Tim had come, she’d given up so many dreams. Now he was laying those hopes before her. All she had to do was reach out and clutch hold of them.

But could she? As she looked into his eyes, she knew the answer…as much as it pained her. Not yet.

“Tim,” she began softly, “I promise, you are not alone in your feelings. But I cannot let only these fresh feelings of love guide my future. I love other things, too.”

Tim looked at her face. Her beautiful full, petal pink cheek, and the hard lines of scars on the right. To him, she was beautiful. To him, she was perfect just the way she was.

He didn’t want to change her.

And because of that, he wasn’t sure what to do.

Perhaps the tolls of the last few days had finally gotten to him. Perhaps he cared too much, or not enough. But suddenly, Tim knew he was completely, emotionally exhausted. His emotions felt too strong, too fresh, and all of him felt too vulnerable. “Perhaps it would be best if we didn’t talk anymore about this right now.”

“Tim, there’s nothing left to say. We have responsibilities to others. We wouldn’t be the people we thought we were if we abandoned them.”

She might have made sense. But at the moment, he didn’t care. Standing up, he wrapped her in his arms and held her close. “Goodbye, Clara.”

She leaned closed to him for a moment, then stepped away. “Goodbye to you, Tim. And thank you for being by my side yesterday.”

As he walked back home, Tim knew what he needed. When he saw his uncle, he asked if he could return to Indiana early.

“What’s this about?” his uncle asked. “Does it have to do with the search yesterday?”

“No. It’s more to do with Clara and me. There’s some things I need to sort through. And I feel the need to see my parents again.”

“But I thought you were going to stay until fall?”

“I know I promised it. And I intend to keep my promise. Would you mind if I just went home for the weekend? I would feel better staying if I knew they were doing okay without me.”

“Yes. Yes, of course, that would be a
gut
idea. We’ll book you a ticket right away.”

He reached for his wallet. “I’m afraid my funds are a little short. After I get some money out of my savings, I can pay you back…”

Onkel Frank pushed his hand away. “Don’t even consider that. I’ll pay for your ticket, Timothy. It’s the least I can do.”

It was too much to accept. “That’s not necessary.”

“I think it is. You found my son, Tim.”

“We all did our best. Besides, it was Clara—”

“Oh, I’m grateful for Clara. I’m grateful to everyone who dropped everything and lent us a helping hand. But you are my nephew and I love you like one of my own. I’m happy to help you now. In any case, you’ve been putting in lots of hours around here. I think you’ve earned yourself a round-trip ticket to Indiana, at the very least.”

“
Danke
. I’m going to go pack my bag.”

“You are
willkum
, Tim. But don’t forget to give up your problems and worries to the One who is most important in our lives. Putting your faith in the Lord will ensure everything will work out the way it is meant to be.” He paused.

Tim was sure he had more to say, but was holding back. “Yes, Onkel?”

“It’s nothing. You go on and get ready.”

Four hours later, he was on the train. Unfortunately, everything he was going back to paled next to the things he was leaving. The boisterous, noisy, loud cousins. The warm Sugarcreek community.

And a certain shy woman who had more heart and bravery in her soul than any one he’d ever met.

He wished it helped, knowing that someone like her loved him.

Unfortunately, the idea didn’t help one bit. He knew he was facing a decision that would change the rest of his life.