Seclusion (24 page)

Even though I’d slept so
soundly, I woke up feeling exhausted. I was emotionally worn out. I couldn’t
remember if I had seen Damen in person or in a dream. My memory was hazy,
probably from the shock of the situation the previous night.

I grabbed my clothes and
started thinking about coffee, hoping that this day would be better than the
day before. I felt for Damen and could see his wall, so at least I knew he was
there. I was surprised when he didn’t come by to check on me, but I figured he
was just shaken up or that his talk with Taylor ran long.

I was brushing out my hair
when I heard a knock on the door. I heard Elsie say, “Come in, Chase. Oh
thanks. I think Raegan will be out in a second if you want to wait.”

I stumbled out of the
bedroom and found Chase looking sad and confused. He said, “Come here and sit.”
I was still sleepy, so I just walked over to him and laid my head on his
shoulder. He handed me a letter. Damen’s handwriting was on the front.

Everything around me went
black as I read the letter over and over again. I was in shock. I was confused.
What did he mean he was leaving? And did the letter really say that was the
last I’d hear from him? I walked to my bedroom and shut the door. I saw myself
in the mirror and was shocked to see beet-red eyes and tears streaking my face.
I hadn’t even realized I’d been crying.

I was still struggling to
comprehend what I had read.
He’s going to break our tie?
I closed my
eyes and shouted through his wall as loudly and as strongly as I could. I felt
him startle and get up, so I figured he must have been asleep. Then he was
gone. I didn’t hear anything, and all I could feel was the wall. I turned the
shower on as hot as possible. I just wanted to drown out the sound of my
eventual sobbing.

My power seemed to be
intensified by my emotions because I knew exactly what was going on in the room
beside me. I could see Chase discussing something very quietly with Elsie. I
could see Elsie’s face go from fury to understanding to acceptance. It looked
as if she was reading something, but I couldn’t be sure.

My sobbing was
uncontrollable and embarrassing. I hurt so bad, I didn’t want to think. Why,
why, why would he do this to me? I loved him so much that I hated him. I could
never hate him though, not really, but I was shocked, and angry, and then
depressed. I didn’t know what to do, and I didn’t know where to go, or even where
to start looking. I contemplated leaving and just searching for Damen, hoping
my power would take me to him. In fact, that wasn’t a bad idea at all. I closed
my eyes and saw him grabbing his things and walking out of some hotel. I saw
the name Sunside Inn.
That’s it!
I hopped out of the shower, hastily got
dressed, and grabbed my jacket, purse, and keys.

I was about to leave my
room when I heard Damen.
“STOP! Raegan! I didn’t realize your powers had
grown so much! You can’t follow me. Didn’t I make that clear? I don’t want to
see you again. I’m getting in my car right now and I’m going to break our tie
before you can get to me. Do you want to go through that alone? Stay with Elsie
and Chase. Don’t look for me. There will never be an us, understand?”
I
could feel his walls shutting again. I saw him get in his car and speed away.

I threw my head on the
pillow and started another round of tears. I heard the door close and knew
Chase had left. Elsie came in and brought some tea. She helped me to sit up and
take a sip, and then she held me and rocked me. I automatically felt comforted.
My tears slowed, but the pain was blinding.

“I know it’s bad,” Elsie
said, “but Chase, Connor and I are here for you. We love you and won’t ever
leave you.”

I cried even harder after
hearing those words. I felt like my life was pointless. “Elsie, what will
happen when he severs our tie? Do you know about it?” I asked.

“Yes, I’m the only one that
knows. I just knew. I don’t know what will happen. We will have to wait and
see. It could be that it just gets harder and harder to hear each other, or it
could be physical. Either way, I suggest we get you dressed and get some food
in you. I don’t know what to expect, but I think we should expect anything.”

“Okay,” I said. But I
didn’t move. I heard what she had said and agreed, but I could not move my
body.

Elsie went to my closet and
grabbed a black and pink jogging suit and a matching tank top. She pulled my
shirt over my head and helped me with the rest of my clothes.

“Raegan, I’m going to move
you to the couch now. Don’t worry, no one else is going to be coming here today
except Chase…if you want him to. He mentioned coming back in a few hours and
checking on you. Sit on the couch and I’ll make you some soup. Here’s your
tea.”

“Thanks,” I murmured.

Elsie set the TV remote
near me. I just stared into space, numb to the world. I lay down and didn’t
move.
Maybe I could get his attention if I leave
, I thought, but even as
I thought about it, I knew it was an act of desperation. Although I loved him,
and would always love him, I could not let his leaving me affect the person I
was. Even though I believed this, the doing was a completely different game.

Elsie brought me the soup
and put it on the table with a spoon, some water, and a napkin. I wanted to get
up and eat it, but again I couldn’t move. I just sat there, staring.
I’ll
eat it in a minute.

There was a knock at the
door.
Chase is back already?
That was fast,
I thought. Elsie let
him in and pulled him to the side.

“She’s been lying there for
three hours and hasn’t moved once. I made her that soup, and she said thanks,
but she just continued lying there. Do you think we should tell someone?” she
asked Chase.

“Let’s wait a while
longer,” he said.

Chase picked me up and laid
my head on his lap. He rubbed my back until I fell asleep. I dreamt I was alone
on our beach. I was screaming to Damen, but he wasn’t listening. I ran and ran
and ran down the shore looking for him. I felt him close by, but I couldn’t
reach him. I yelled his name, cried, and ran some more until I couldn’t run any
longer. I tripped in the sand and didn’t move. I just cried and cried as the
waves crashed around me. I felt the cold water surround me; it was numbing.

*
* *

CHASE

“Elsie, she’s muttering in
her sleep. She keeps repeating that she can’t find him. She has tears running
down her cheeks.”

All of a sudden the most
heart-wrenching scream came from her sweet face, and I shouted, “I’m going to
wake her.” I felt the need to beat that douche up for her.

“Give her a minute, and
then wake her,” Elsie said with tears running down her cheeks.

I was pissed. Raegan
continued to sleep.

*
* *

DAMEN

I was averaging 120 miles
an hour. It had been two and a half hours since I’d left the hotel and spoken
to Raegan. I hadn’t wanted to, but she gave me no choice. She was so stubborn.
Now the only choice I had was to keep driving until we could no longer feel
each other. Occasionally, I would test my wall to see if it was still needed. I
tried again, and it was harder to feel her. I dropped a few more barriers until
I was able to sense her, but still block her from me. I sensed she was resting
and upset, extremely upset. It hurt to feel her that way. I had to construct
the barriers again or I knew I would turn around. I couldn’t believe that our
link was this strong. I had driven at least 375 miles, and I could still feel
her as strongly as ever. I stepped up the speed. I was attempting to drive the
less-traveled roads, and so far it was easy; everything was barren and the weather
was horribly humid.

I had been driving 140 mph
for twenty minutes when the pain hit me. It was in the pit of my stomach and
excruciating. I started swerving. I had to slow down. The pain lessened, but it
was still there, tearing me apart like a rubber band stretching before it
breaks.

My body was screaming to
turn around. My heart was pounding out of my chest, and I could barely breathe.
I was burning from the inside out. I reached out to feel Raegan, and I could
feel her pain. Feeling her pain was one hundred times worse than feeling my own
pain. We both felt as if we were being physically pulled apart or sliced in
half. I wasn’t sure if I could keep going, and I didn’t even want to. I
couldn’t stand her pain, so I contemplated turning around, but then I
remembered that the quicker I got through this, the quicker she would be
pain-free.

The fact that I was able to
inflict this kind of pain on Raegan was unbearable to me.
I put us both
through this!
I started speeding again, reaching 145. The only reason I was
able to drive and function coherently enough to do so was the fact that I
suspected our pain would stop once I got far enough away. I drove as fast as I
could manage, pushing through the pain for her.

It took thirty minutes of
pain so intense that I contemplated suicide before I realized my weakness would
probably kill her, too. I felt the link finally shatter. Listening to Raegan
scream for almost an hour proved that I was worse than a murderer; if I could
do that to her, I was truly evil. My throat felt raw, and I could not have
spoken if I had wanted to.

I had to believe that I did
what was best for her, but part of me will always wonder. When the link
severed, it left a gaping hole, but I had the oddest feeling we were still
connected. I could not read her mind or hear her sweet voice, but I knew she
was alive. I suspected now that if one of us died, there was a good chance the
other one would not survive either.

*
* *

 
One
hour earlier

“Wake up, Raegan. You’re
having a bad dream,” Chase said as he held me in his arms.

“I did,” I said as I felt
the tears streaming down my face. “Oh, I did. I dreamt that Damen left and
wasn’t coming back. It was horrible. Where is he?”

Chase frowned. “That wasn’t
a dream, Raegan.”

The shock hit me once more,
and I began crying all over again, but quietly this time because my throat was
burning so badly. I sipped some tea.

The pain hit me in the pit
of my stomach. I couldn’t breathe for a second, and then I started screaming
and praying. “God, please help me,” is all that ran through my mind. I ran to
the bathroom and puked, which was more like a dry heave since I hadn’t eaten
anything.

Chase and Elsie ran to the
bathroom door. “Are you okay? What’s wrong?” they said in unison.

After I was sure I was done
dry heaving, the screaming began again. Chase broke into the bathroom. I was
lying on the floor, head pressed to the cold tile, and groaning. I was sure I
was about to pass out from the throbbing. Chase picked me up and carried me
into the bedroom, laying me on the bed. Elsie grabbed a trash can just in case
I started puking again.

“It hurts! It hurts! It
hurts!” I could hear the anguish in my own voice, and I quivered. I could
barely put words together, it hurt so badly. “My body is tearing. It feels as if
my body is being pulled apart and I can’t get it back. I must be bleeding.” I
felt the need to run in the direction of the ache. Chase was holding me on his
lap, arms wrapped tightly around me.

“I can feel Damen. He’s
cussing and driving. He’s at 140 mph and he’s speeding up,” I somehow groaned.

“If I ever see Damen again,
I’m going to kill him for this,” Chase growled back.

Then the worst pain of all
hit, and I could no longer focus. I thought I was going to black out at any
minute, and at that point I hoped I would. Elsie had wet washcloths on my
forehead, and I was shivering uncontrollably. The last pain was in my heart. It
literally felt like my heart had been crushed into two pieces and it would
never be whole again. This wasn’t only the severing of the link; this was an
emotional ache.

There was a void in my mind
– just blank space where Damen used to be. I could feel myself continually
searching my brain for him, but nothing was there. I was empty…hollow. I felt
like there was nothing good about me anymore. I hated life, and I hated him. It
was the oddest sensation being only a shell of my former self.

I did know Damen was alive.
I didn’t know how, but I just knew it. I could no longer see his wall, and
worst of all, there was a hole the size of half my heart. When imagining the
separation, I was amazed we even survived it. I sometimes wonder if it had been
another couple if they would’ve died.

I was lying in my bed,
staring up at the ceiling and feeling empty. I tried my hardest to stop crying.
I was sick of it and didn’t want to waste any more tears. I had spent two weeks
hiding out in my room, refusing to see or talk to anyone. The only person I saw
on occasion was Elsie, and that was just in passing while making food. I didn’t
really eat the food, but I made it and washed the dishes. I knew that Elsie
would’ve taken me to Taylor by now if I hadn’t been eating and pretending to be
getting over it. She thought I was studying and going to class through my
power, but I had lied. I hadn’t been doing anything but lying in my bed and
waiting to become whole again. How could I function when I wasn’t whole? I
wondered if this was how the rest of my life would go.

The emptiness screamed for
me to do something – to fight, to search, to beg or plead. I felt like I would
do anything to fill the empty void. But my pride wouldn’t let me succumb to
that desire. It wasn’t just the emotional emptiness, although that was
horrible, too; it was the link itself that was a constant reminder that something
was missing, like my own body was refusing to function because it was broken.

Everywhere I turned, things
reminded me of Damen. But I didn’t want to let him make me feel this way any
longer, so I’d awoken that morning with the resolve to push past the pain. The
pink orchid he had sent me in class was in a vase. I had been using my power
daily to keep it alive so I’d have it forever, but now it pissed me off. I
grabbed it and smashed it. I was angry. I got out of bed with more
determination. I felt like doing something. It seemed like it had been forever
since I’d moved, really moved. I got up and showered, which was only the third
shower I’d had in two weeks. The only reason I’d showered before was because
Elsie made Chase put me in the shower while it was on. I felt unlike myself and
I wanted to do something that would take my mind off everything. But I couldn’t
think of anything to do to get away.

My heart ached, and I just
wanted to leave it all behind me. I searched through my clothes, and when I saw
a pair of capri leggings and my sports bra, it donned on me that a good run
would help me process things and get me out and moving.
Didn’t Chase say
there was a track on one of these floors?
I pulled a loose tank top over my
sports bra and threw my hair back in a braid. Then I grabbed my iPod and a
water bottle and called Chase.

“Raegan…something wrong?”
he answered.

I felt guilty he assumed
something was wrong. “Hi, nothing’s wrong. I was just thinking about going for
a run and was curious what level the track was on.”

“Oh! That’s great! Do you
want company? It’s floor 700.”

Shoot
, I thought.
How can I
say no? He was there for me when I needed him
.

“Sure,” I said. “I was
gonna head down now. Do you want to meet me there?”

“Sounds good. I’m finishing
up some studying, but I’ll be down there in a while.”

“Thanks, Chase.”

“Anytime, Raegan.”

I got to floor seven and
looked around.
Wow! I can’t believe I’ve never been down here. Not even for
the day spa!
I made a mental note to invite E. for a spa day.
Maybe that
would cheer me up
, I thought.
Yeah, right
.

I was standing on the side
of the track finishing my stretches when I heard a gasping breath in front of
me.

“Rae, do you want to jog
together? I kinda wanted to chat with you.”

I looked up to see gorgeous
blue eyes and black hair. “JAY!”

I stood up, gave him a hug,
and then went back to stretching. He reminded me of Damen, and being close to
Jay made me feel like I wasn’t so far from Damen.

“Sure, you can jog with me,
but I haven’t done this in a while, so feel free to leave me in your dust.”

Jay chuckled and pulled me
up from my stretching position. I had been doing better at shielding others’
thoughts from entering mine, so I didn’t get any flashes from his touch. We
jogged at a medium pace around the track. Neither of us spoke. It was nice to
just get some energy out. Things seemed clearer and simpler while exercising;
however, I figured if Jay wanted to talk to me, we better do it before I was
out of breath.

“So, did you know I was
gonna be running today?” I asked.

He scoffed. “I did.”

“Do you usually run at this
time?”

“I usually run in the
mornings with a friend, but he had to take care of some family business.”

“You know he left then?”

“I do, and I promised him
I’d watch out for you. I’ve been meaning to visit you, but it wasn’t the right
time. By the way, you look really good, even if you’re a little skinny.”

“Skinny? Well this run will
fix that. I’ll be starving soon.”

“You and Chase should grab
some food with me after our run.”

We started picking up the
pace. “That sounds great!” I said. “Did you have something specific you wanted
to talk to me about?”

“I’m really sorry things
ended like they did with Damen, and I’m sorry I was gone when the Carson thing happened. I might’ve been able to stop it beforehand. I can’t help but think
some of this is my fault.” He swiped his hair from his eyes.

“He told you everything,
then? So you know about Carson. I don’t understand how any of this could be
your fault.”

“Well, I’m gonna share
something with you. I know you aren’t talking to Damen, so I don’t see that it
matters now. While you were away on your last mission, I had a premonition, and
I called Damen to tell him about it immediately.”

“What? He didn’t tell me
that.”

“I know. I tried to convince
him to tell you and to stay, but he thinks he’s protecting you by being away
from you.”

“Wait, are you saying he
still cares about me?”

“RAE! Really? How can you
not see how much he cares about you? ” Jay clasped the key that was dangling
around my neck.

I stopped, leaning over and
bracing my hands on my knees as I tried to breathe. “What was your
premonition?”

“That you would be in pain
and danger and that Damen would be connected to it. Damen sees the connection
as meaning he puts you in danger. Listen, Raegan, for all I know, he’s right!
Don’t go doing anything stupid, but I’m not convinced that Damen is the
danger.”

“Why would he think he was
the danger?”

“He has skeletons that
haunt him, plus your little dream discovery further proved that someone was
after him because of his power and his parents might have died because of it.”

“This is all too much!” We
ran harder for a few more laps and then started a cool down walk. “Where does
that leave us, Jay?”

“That’s something you’re
going to have to figure out, Raegan. He’s not here, but I know it’s only
because he cares. What did he tell you?”

“He said he wanted me to
move on.”

I could see fury in Jay’s
eyes. It was charming that he cared enough to be angry.

“He can be such an ass!”
Jay said. He grabbed his phone and threw his arm around me, and then he kissed
my cheek while snapping a photo. “We’ll see how he feels about you moving on.”

“OMG! JAY!”

“What? Two can play at this
game. I’m doing him a favor. Don’t you have some prediction power? Can’t you
see him?”

“Yes, but I try not to
stalk him.”

“Hmphf! Well let’s see what
he does when he gets this,” he said as he pressed send.

*
* *

DAMEN

I had finally been getting
somewhere with my research on Dr. Ezekiel Drake. There were plenty of documented
studies that followed him, and I was pretty sure I had found the island when my
phone vibrated.
What the hell? Who’s texting me?
I pulled out my phone
and saw, to my horror, an incredibly sweaty, almost naked, and very skinny
Raegan being groped by Jay.

What the hell?
I knew I had encouraged
her to move on, but in two weeks…and with my best friend? I had encouraged
Chase to go after her, but somewhere in the back of my mind, I didn’t think
it’d happen. So I responded to the text before I could think about the
repercussions.

--What the F*CK, Sanelle?
What part of ‘watch out for her’ includes molestation?

--Carbonel…what!? Your
little sunshine has become my running buddy. She’s under the impression she
should be moving on…what do you say?

--I say keep your sweaty
hands to yourself, ass-wipe.

--That’s what I thought.
You might be my best friend, but until you make her yours, she’s not. You
might’ve squashed her light out, but I don’t mind setting the fire again.

Was he freak’n serious?
I trusted Jay. I was 80%
sure he wasn’t serious, but that other 20% was driving me crazy! I needed a
drink. I grabbed my keys and headed out.

*
* *

“What’d he say, Jay? You
aren’t a very nice best friend.”

“Hey, I warned him before
he left that you were my friend, too.” Jay was still texting when Chase jogged
up.

“Hey! You two look like
you’re getting into mischief! Sorry I’m so late. I figured you’d be done with
your run…but maybe you’re hungry?” he said.

“I’ll meet you guys at the Pizza Palace at one o’clock. And I’ll meet you back here at seven tomorrow. You too, Chase.
See ya!”

“Wait, you can’t leave
yet!” I yelled. “You didn’t tell me what the text said!”

Jay just winked and jogged
off.

I really wasn’t sure what
to think after that. I was wiped out from the run though, so I decided not to
dwell on the recent news about my situation with Damen.

“So you’re a runner now,
huh?” Chase asked.

“Oh me? No. I’ve just made
a resolution to do some things for myself, like being healthy and working on my
powers,” I said. “So are you gonna run with us tomorrow morning?”

“At seven in the morning on
my summer break? It’s bad enough we are taking classes,” he said.

“This is right up your
alley, jock boy! Plus, I don’t want to hold Jay back. You could run with him or
hang back with me, and that way he could feel free to go at his own pace.”

“Jay’s a big boy. He can
take care of himself. But if you want me to come, I will.”

“Of course I want you to
come. You’re one of my best friends! But that doesn’t mean you have to,” I said.
“What are you doing now?”

“Nothing really.”

“Did you want to come hang
out while I get ready? Maybe you could call Connor and have him and Elsie meet
us at the Pizza Palace.”

“Sounds good, but what’s
going on with you? You almost seem happy.”

“I almost am. I’m still
upset and am resigned to the fact that I’m gonna be an old maid with cats, but
I decided that I can try to enjoy my life, and if I’m going to accomplish that,
I need to keep myself busy. I have to learn to live with only half of myself.”

“Did Jay say something to
you?”

“Not really,” I said as I
entered my room.

I really was exhausted from
my run, but I was determined to not let go of this new enthusiasm to better
myself. If Jay was right and Damen was coming back, I wanted to make sure I was
ready. I gave in to my need to see him.

As I washed the suds out of
my hair in the shower, I focused on the tile. Damen appeared in my mind. He was
in a bar, drinking some amber liquid. The bartender was a girl, and she kept
smiling suggestively at him. He actually had stubble and bloodshot eyes, and my
heart went out to him. He was still hotter than any other guy in that bar,
maybe even anywhere. The bartender slipped him her number on a napkin.
Really?
So original
, I thought. He put the number in his pocket and smiled back. I
couldn’t tell if he was flirting and was really going to call or if he was just
humoring her. My heart ached watching him. I missed him so much. I washed the
tears off my face as I remembered our old connection and how we didn’t want to
stop talking to each other, even during a shower.

Chase and I walked into the
Pizza Palace. It was a Friday afternoon and the place was packed. I had
forgotten that many of the other kids had arrived. There was a band playing on
the stage. They were really good, and I wondered what their talents were.

“Chase,” I said, “I see
them. They’re over there.”

Connor and Elsie were
sitting in a corner both, smiling. Connor was bouncing his head up and down to
the music. He made me laugh.

“Raegan!” Jay came up
behind me, picked me up, and twirled me. “How’s my best friend’s
ex-girlfriend?” he asked.