Authors: L. Divine
Second Chance (13 page)
“You know, you can go upstairs with all that.” Chance can't say nothing to us. Jessie's passed out on his lap, but it looks like something else completely.
“Dude, why don't you take her home? She's gone,” Jeremy says.
“I wish I could, man. But she's too damn heavy. Her boots must weigh thirty pounds alone.”
“So, are you really going to take Mrs. Bennett on for running off at the mouth?” Jeremy says, turning the conversation back to us.
“There's a difference between running your mouth and throwing racist slurs,” I say, pulling away from him a little. How could he not be upset about her behavior?
“Yes, but you also have to know when to fight and when to take flight.” That last statement really hit home. Maybe Jeremy's right about Mrs. Bennett. Maybe I should leave this battle for someone else to fight. But, I don't want to let Ms. Toni down, and I especially don't want Mrs. Bennett to get away with her racist comments.
“You really think I shouldn't go up against Mrs. Bennett?” I ask.
“No, I don't. I think it's a suicide mission,” he says, sitting down on the bottom porch step and pulling me down next to him. Chance and Jessie are sprawled out on the lawn in front of us, recuperating from the drinking.
“So, you think she should just get away with her comments? Is that how you want to go through life, not fighting?” I ask. I know Jeremy's hella mellow, but I can't respect passivity, especially not in a boyfriend. He's got to be willing to fight for something.
“I admire your tenacity, Jayd. And don't get me wrong. I know how much of a bitch Mrs. Bennett can be. I'm just saying you won't win because she is that much of a bitch and so are a lot of the teachers and administrators up there. And, she's got their ears. Why do you think it was so important for her to be my character witness? She's been teaching at South Bay for twenty years and ain't going anywhere anytime soon. It's not right, and it's not for me to judge. It just is what it is.”
“And that's it? She wins by default, she's allowed to go around shooting off her racist opinion, and we all have to take it?” I say, feeling myself get hot. This is some bullshit. “How can you be so nonchalant about it? She basically said I was your flavor of the month, and you could care less.”
“Jayd, let's be clear: Mrs. Bennett isn't my spokesperson, and neither is anyone else. You already know how I feel about you, and you shouldn't allow what anyone else says to influence your thoughts,” he says, turning my chin toward his face. “You can't change the way people think, only the way you respond to them.”
I hate to admit it, but he's right. I'll just have to wait and talk to Ms. Toni about this more on Monday. And, as for Carly, I have to shake her comments off, too. I really shouldn't trip off of her because I actually feel sorry for her. If this is her life out of high school, I can see why she's so damn bitter. Right now I have to get this boy to take me home and get ready for work tomorrow. I also have to go with my Dad tomorrow afternoon, which is another battle all its own.
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After Jeremy dropped me off last night, I went right to sleep, not worrying about the smell of smoke in my hair. But it's been bothering me all day at work. And, after being with my dad's family this afternoon, I'm sure I'll need to do a rare hair washing at Mama's house tonight if I don't want to smell like smoke all week.
Don't slip up and get caught.
Restricted caller. It must be my Dad.
Restricted caller. It must be my Dad.
“Hello,” I say.
“Hey, girl, it's your daddy. What time you get off work again?” he asks.
“I get off at three today.” I check the clock to see how long I have until the reunion. One hour.
“All right, I'll be there at three. And, did you bring your stuff with you? No need to go to your mother's house if you did.” He's always trying to get out of seeing my mom. After all the shit he's put her through, I don't blame him. It must kill him with guilt to see her.
“No, I didn't, and I need to change out of my work clothes.”
“Oh, okay then. Well, I guess I'll see you in a little while.”
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After cashing out the register with Shahid taking over my spot, I clock out and sit outside to wait for my daddy. He pulls up in his black Acura TL five minutes late. He always has to make an appearance.
“Hey there, Jayd,” he says through the driver's side window. “Sorry I'm late. There's always so much traffic on the 405.” No shit. That's why he should leave earlier. But, as usual, he needs a reason to start the complaining marathon about driving to this side of town, and the congested traffic is the perfect culprit.
“Hi, Daddy,” I say, opening the passenger door and sitting down on the hot leather seat. Thank God I'm not wearing shorts.
“So, how was work?” he asks as he pulls out of the parking lot and toward my mom's house. “Did you get paid today?” Like I'd ever tell him when I get some money. This dude is the brokest property owner I know of and the most selfish too. You'd think he'd put my mom and me in one of his houses or apartment buildings, but no. She had to sue him for child support, and he's always late on the payments.
“No, Daddy, I didn't. Did you remember to give me an allowance?” I ask.
“You got a mouth just like your mama, you know that, Jayd?” he says, making a left onto LaBrea as we head to my mom's house. I hope she ain't home because if she is, she's liable to come downstairs and say hi to him just to piss him off. Because of the foul way my dad divorced my mom, Mama's had a gris-gris on him from the time I was born. He can't set foot on Mama's yard, and he doesn't try to, either. He's got enough sense to be afraid of her, and my mom too.
“We don't have to talk at all, if you like.” He hates when I get passive aggressive on him. I love playing with my dad's head. He's just too easy to piss off.
“Fine, Jayd. Have it your way. All I know is you better hurry your little sassy ass up and come on. I've got the family waiting at the house, and it'll take us at least forty-five minutes to get back to Lynwood in traffic. You could at least say thank you.”
“Thank you,” I say as I slam the door and make my way up the walkway to my mother's apartment. I can't wait to get the rest of this afternoon over with. It's impossible for me to be in a good mood around my dad.
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When we finally arrive at his house, the entire family's here waiting for us. I'm sure they want to grill me about my mom's love life, school, and their favorite subject, my loser uncles. They just love to rub it in how my oh-so-powerful grandmother has raised some trifling men. And how, in their opinion, my mom's on the same path.
“Hey, Jayd. How's Lynn doing these days?” asks my aunt Trish. My dad has seven sisters and five brothers. And they all have children and grandchildren. They're a tight-knit group, making those of us not raised in the family feel like outsiders. Unfortunately, I'm the only outsider here this afternoon.
“My mom's good, Aunt Trish. How about your family?” I ask.
“Oh, everyone's just fine. You see, Kim, just pledged AKA over the summer,” she says, referring to my cousin wearing a pink and green sweater with the Black sorority's letters across her chest. “We're so proud, she being a legacy member and all. Tina and her husband, Mark, just had their third baby, and he's being relocated to Spain for his job at the engineering firm. And, Preston over there started Stanford this fall. As you can tell, we're doing just fine.”
“Cool,” I say. I'm ready to go. Mama's house is only a twenty-minute walk from here. If I didn't have my stuff in my dad's car, I would sneak out like I did last year at his Christmas party. After my little stunt, my dad didn't talk to me again until I called him for Father's Day.
“Jayd, I want you to say hi to your uncle Willard,” my dad says, pulling me away from my post up against the wall and toward the Bid Wiz table. Everybody's drinking and smoking and having a good time, except me. All the kids are outside playing in the backyard. And, the cousins my age are somewhere talking about me and what I'm wearing, I'm sure.
“After this can you please take me home?” I ask. “I have a lot of homework to do.”
“You know you could try to be social, Jayd. It wouldn't kill you.”
“I was social. Didn't you see me over there talking to Aunt Trish?” I say.
“What about your cousin Nina and the other kids your age? What's wrong with you, girl?” he asks.
“Hey, Uncle Willard. Congrats on the marriage, the lung, everything,” I say, giving him a big hug. I don't have anything against him. I really don't know him all that well, so I don't know where he fits in.
“Well, thank you, Miss Jayd. So, did your mama get married again? Oh, who am I kidding? It was hard enough marrying her off the first time, I'm sure, with that fiery temper of hers.” Well, that seals it. Everyone in my dad's family has something to say about my mom. Why would I want to be around folk who really don't like me? I just want to go home and forget this part of my day ever happened.
12
The Sell-Out and the Sistah Lover
“Seems like you got a hold on me/It must be voodoo, cause baby, I want you.”
âYOYO
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“ J
ayd, don't you hear that alarm clock, girl? Get up before you're late,” Mama says, half asleep herself.
ayd, don't you hear that alarm clock, girl? Get up before you're late,” Mama says, half asleep herself.
“I hear it, and you, Mama,” I mumble, automatically checking to see if my pink do rag is still tied to my head. “I'm up.”
Damn, the weekend went by fast. All I can think about is seeing Jeremy again. I love school now. I wish I could get there a little earlier on a regular basis to watch him and his crew surf. But I know Mama would know I wasn't going to school early for any productive reason and then, out of spite, make me get up early every morning and do my spirit work. I've learned to stay one step ahead of Mama at all times. She always knows when I'm up to something.
I crawl out of my bed and grab my clothes for the day off the back of the bedroom door. As I reach for the knob, I stub my toe on the side of the dresser drawer.
“Ouch,” I say rather than my first thought, only because Mama can hear me.
“Be careful, Jayd. You act like you don't know your surroundings.” Something about Mama's words or the way she says them brings on an intense feeling of déja vù, like I've done this before, which makes me remember last night's dream.
“You're out of your element, Jayd. You don't belong here.”
“Who are you?” I ask, to a voice with seemingly no body. I'm stuck in a dark room with no visible doors or windows. It feels like a big, black box, and I'm in the center. The voice is coming from all directions. It's a woman's voice, and it sounds like Jeremy's mother.
“You don't belong here. You don't have the sight, child. You can't see.”
“Jayd, what the hell is wrong with you?” Mama asks, grabbing my arm.
“Nothing, I'm fine. I just thought I forgot to do something last night, but I didn't,” I say, lying through my teeth.
“Funny. By the look on your face, I thought you'd seen a ghost or something,” Mama says, smiling slyly. I know she knows I'm not telling her the truth, but she'll wait for the shit to hit the fan before letting me know she knows.
“Nah, I'm fine. Let me hurry and get in the bathroom before Bryan wakes up.”
“Have you done your homework for me, Jayd?” Mama asks, already knowing the answer.
“No, Mama. I haven't had time.”
“Well, little Miss Jayd, you better make time. Meet me after school at the beauty shop. Netta and I will have a quiz ready for you.”
“It's Monday, Mama. What are you going to Netta's for today?” I ask, confused that Mama's standing Tuesday appointment has been changed. Netta doesn't even take any other clients on Tuesdays so she and Mama can talk about whoever and whatever they want for as long as they can.
“Netta has a doctor's appointment tomorrow, so we'll be at Kaiser all afternoon and won't have time. Besides, Mondays are usually slow,” she says.
“Mama, please not this week. I have a major English test and I need to study,” I plead, hoping Mama will cut me some slack, although I doubt it. I've been seriously slacking in my spirit work.
“No, Jayd. There will always be something else. You need to learn how to balance both your worlds. That way you'll never be out of your element.” And with that last hint at what she knows, Mama gets back in her bed and goes back to sleep.
“Damn,” I mumble under my breath as I close the door.
“What did you say, young lady?” Mama asks with serious attitude in her voice. I swear she stole Lexi's canine hearing.
“Nothing, Mama,” I say, stepping toward Daddy's room. As I enter to grab my stuff out the closet, Bryan turns over and looks at me from his bottom bunk bed.
“Wake me up when you come out the bathroom, Jayd.”
“All right,” I whisper, trying not to wake Daddy and Jay.
“And don't stank it up either,” Bryan says.
“That's all y'all's nasty asses. I smell like roses, punk,” I say, pushing my Hefty bags back into the closet and heading for the bathroom. As I rewrap my cornrows before my morning shower, I see Mama has left one of her usual notes for me on the mirror. She must've just put it there while I was in Daddy's room. As if I needed something else to do, now I have to run to the backhouse and make this bag. I hope I don't forget any ingredients in my haste.
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As soon as I step foot on campus I head straight for my locker, only to find KJ already there waiting for me. When I reach my locker, he rushes me, knocking me off balance and into his arms.
“I know you miss this,” he says, like he's really the pimp he's not.
“Fool, you need to get up off me. You're messing up my clothes,” I yell, pissed that he caught me by surprise, but loving the way his athletic body feels. “What the hell do you want?”
“I want a second chance,” he says bluntly and almost sounding sincere. I'm not prepared for his madness this morning.
“KJ, what are you talking about? You've had more than two chances already. It's time to give someone else a chance,” I say, not meaning to be cruel, but it's over, and he needs to accept that. I wish he hadn't hurt me like he did because I think we made a good couple. But, not anymore. I will not give in to my soft spot for him.
“Oh, and the drug-dealing, rich surfer boy is more worthy than me,” he says, like a wounded puppy. I think this is really getting to him. Not because he cares about me, but because his ego can't take being replaced by Jeremy.
“KJ, please. You act like your homies and you don't get your hustle on,” I retort, pushing him away from my locker and turning the lock. I can still smell his cologne on my clothes, just like when we were together. Damn, why does he have to smell so good?
“Hey, what's your new combination? You know how forgetful you can be,” he says, making me remember how he used to go to my locker for me during summer school to get my books because, as usual, I had left them in my locker.
“Don't try and sweet talk me now, Negro. It's over, which means you are no longer privy to combinations, bear hugs, or anything else for that matter,” I say, shaking off memories of good times. People otherwise absorbed in their own worlds are starting to look at us, including Misty, who's headed our way.
“Here comes your girl,” I say, opening the locker door and retrieving my Spanish book.
“Unless you've got a double,” KJ says, reclaiming his position in front of my locker as I close the door shut. “I don't know who you're talking about.”
“KJ,” Misty snaps at him like she really is his woman and he just got busted with the next-door neighbor's wife. “What's wrong with you?” she asks, not acknowledging me at all, which is just fine with me. I'm sick of the broads and drama this dude carries with him. If I could've been his only one, he wouldn't need a second chance.
“Misty, let go of me and mind your own business,” KJ says, snatching his arm away from her tight grip.
“You are my business. And, you're humiliating yourself over her,” she says, pointing at me but still not looking me in the eye. This broad's got her nerve, talking about somebody humiliating themselves. She could write a book on the subject, I'm sure.
“Misty, stay out of this, please,” he pleads, stepping away from the locker and in between Misty and me. There's the warning bell, just in time. As I walk away from the soap opera still going on at my locker, KJ yells to me right over Misty's head, “We'll talk about our reunion song later, baby.”
When I turn around to send him hate radars, Misty catches my eye instead. Out of all the looks I've ever seen Misty give meâhate, vengeance, envyânever have I seen her send me a jealous vibe so clearly. She does want KJ all to herself. If that's really the case, maybe she's been playing me and him from jump. And if that's true, we do deserve a second chanceâat least at being friends.
“Hey, Jayd,” Jeremy says, catching me by surprise and giving me a big kiss on my cheek. “I'm running late this morningâhigh surf and all.”
“High surf?” I ask.
“Yeah. It means it's a good morning,” he says, smiling brightly. “See you at break?” he asks as he walks away from me toward his class. I remember Ms. Toni's warning last week and had planned on catching up with her.
“No, baby. I have to talk to Ms. Toni this morning. How's lunch?” I ask as the bell for first period rings over my head. I'm officially late. Luckily, Mr. Donald gives us an extra minute to get to class before he marks us tardy. After all, it is first period.
“Lunch, it is,” he yells as he runs off to class. I don't know how I'm going to justify my blossoming love for Jeremy to Ms. Toni, but she'll just have to understand.
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As I sneak into the ASB room, I can see Ms. Toni sitting at her desk, as usual, with a huge orange sweater on that looks radiant against her mahogany skin.
“Good morning, Ms. Toni,” I say, wrapping my arms around her neck, surprising her.
“Well, well, well,” she says, grasping my wrist and turning her neck up to look me in the face. “Look what the cat dragged in.”
“Ha, ha, ha,” I say, releasing myself from her grip and taking a seat in the chair opposite the small desk.
“So, have you thought any more about what I said regarding Mrs. Bennett,” she asks, getting right to the point.
“Yes. But, truth be told, I don't know if going up against her will honestly do any good. She's been here for too long and shares the mindset of most of these folks up here,” I say.
“Yes, Jayd, that is true. But that doesn't mean your voice shouldn't be heard. And how do you know what most of the folks up here think?” she says, twisting her face up as if to say I think I know it all. “Maybe most people are too afraid to voice their opinion and just go along to get along. Your voice may be the one to change that.”
“My name is Jayd Jackson, not Sojourner Truth. And honestly, I'm tired of fighting with ignorant people. It just doesn't do any good,” I say.
“Yes, it does. If nothing else it'll let Mrs. Bennett know you aren't afraid of her. And, instilling that fear in her is more powerful than your little young self can imagine right now. Take my word for it, Jayd. Confronting Mrs. Bennett is the right thing to do. And going through the proper channels is also the most effective way to do it.” Damn, she's good.
“All right, Ms. Toni. I'll do it,” I say, feeling the gravity of my decision.
“I knew you would. That's why I already scheduled a conference tomorrow morning during second period. Your English teacher has already been notified of your absence. So, be ready, girl.”
“Well, thank you for leaving it up to me,” I say. “Did I ever really have a choice?”
“Well, of course you did. I just knew you'd make the right one, unlike with that Jeremy boy. Speaking of which, how's life with the ex-con?” she asks, turning her chair toward me and letting me have what's been coming to me for almost a week now.
“He was found not guilty,” I almost whine.
“This time, but what about the next?” she asks while bringing a hot coffee mug to her lips. “I've known these Weiner boys for a long time, Jayd, and they're all alike: typical rich, spoiled P.V. brats,” she says.
“Well, I met his family this weekend, and they seemed pretty nice,” I say, feeling like I'm Jeremy's attorney. “Besides, Jeremy's his own man.”
“Yes, and as his own man, you should respect the fact that he will make his own mistakes. I just don't want you to be a part of his downfall.” I know Ms. Toni's only looking out for my best interests, but right now she's getting on my nerves. I don't need anybody else telling me what to do with Jeremy. Will we ever have a chance to just make our relationship work without all this outside drama?
“Whatever happened to just being with the one you want to be with?” I say, like I'm talking to someone who doesn't know about love and heartache.
“Jayd, I know it can be all exciting and everything, finding a new man, especially after what you went through with KJ,” she says. “But remember, baby, trouble comes in all shades. Now, unless you've come to tell me something new, or help me with this stack of paperwork,” she says, picking up a full manila folder, “I've got business to handle.” Ms. Toni can be a cold sistah sometimes.
“All right, Ms. Toni,” I say, realizing her patience with me has run out, “I'll talk to you in the morning.” I pick up my backpack from the floor and get up to leave.
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