Second Chance Cowboy (12 page)

She hesitated. “What if I don’t want
to?”

* * * *

The air pulled from Chance’s lungs. He
took another gulp of his ice water and, in his haste, sucked it
down the wrong pipe. He broke into a coughing fit, gaining an
inquiringly eye from the watchful couple two tables over. He shot
them a look of apology and then brought his attention fully on
Carly. “What did you say?”

“
I said I don’t want to
start taking the Pill again. I’d like for us to try and get
pregnant.”

“
Pregnant?” The word fell
from his thick tongue.

“
A baby. A little extension
of ourselves. A mini Chance or Carly.” She gazed at him in
perplexity.

Apprehension shot through him and his
vision distorted. Oh hell, he hadn’t expected this conversation.
“Are you sure? This may not be the best time.”

“
I’m sure. What time would
be better?”

“
When you have your memory
back,” he blurted.

She hesitated. “Sure, I’m missing
memories, but what I do know is enough and we can fill the voids
with new ones. Is it my memory loss or is it something else?” Her
disappointment came with lowered eyes. “Are you still not
ready?”

Still? Damn right, he wasn’t ready.
This was déjà vu. They were having the same conversation they did
before she got pregnant with Devon, but his hesitation now wasn’t
because of first-time father jitters.

He wasn’t saintly by a long shot, but
he supposed there must be some cardinal rule against impregnating
his ex-wife while she suffered from amnesia, especially since
earlier in the week, she loathed the ground he walked
on.

Yeah, this was complicated.

“
It’s a big step.” Bigger
than she could imagine
.

“
But exciting, right?” she
interjected.

He shrugged. Exciting wasn’t the word
he’d use. He couldn’t tell her what he actually thought. “So my
heart palpitating, hands sweating and stomach knotting is from
excitement, huh?” He began toying with his silverware.

Chance scanned people passing,
anything to keep from looking at Carly. He brought his gaze to her.
She watched him with such deep vulnerability. Pain tore through him
like a dull knife.

“
Chance?” She pointed to
the butter knife he held tightly in his hand. “Maybe you should put
the knife back on the table before someone calls the police
thinking you’re holding me against my will.”

He dropped the knife and it made a
loud ding. He didn’t care if the couple two tables over looked
again. In fact, he couldn’t think of anything or anyone but the
spinning in his mind.

“
You know, it’s okay to be
apprehensive when thinking of having a child. I’m scared too, but
most couples are when they decide it’s right.”

One thing he knew, if her memory came
back, they’d not only have to deal with their broken marriage, but
an innocent child would be in the mix. How could he do that to an
innocent child?

After Devon’s death, they hadn’t
talked about having another. He wasn’t even sure she wanted to. Her
feelings now were not those of the brokenhearted woman grieving the
death of her child. Could he hold her off? He had to
somehow.

“
I think we can discuss it
further, but first you have to get a clean bill of health. Once the
doctor gives you the go-ahead, we can talk about things
later.”

She smiled widely and her eyes
brightened. “You’re right. I will need to speak to Dr. Maxwell.
Tomorrow is my appointment.”

Hell, when he used the word later, he
meant months, maybe years. Not days.

Chapter
Eleven

CARLY SMOOTHED HER hands down the legs
of her jeans and looked at Dr. Maxwell across the sterile, white
examination room. She usually hated coming to the doctor’s office,
and wasn’t sure why, but this time she had personal motivation
making it bearable.

“
Tell me, Doc Maxwell. Is
it safe for me to get pregnant?” The Doc eyed her through thick
glasses.

The older man, seasoned in his medical
knowledge, only hesitated a moment. “The bruises are healing fine.
You told me you’re no longer taking the pain medication that I
prescribed. I don’t see any underlying condition that would
interfere with a healthy pregnancy. Not physically. However, your
memory hasn’t returned.”

“
But that wouldn’t be a
reason to not get pregnant. You said yourself, all of my memories
may never return so then the opportunity would be lost.”

“
That’s true. And as I’m
saying now, there is no reason why you can’t carry a baby to
full-term.”

Smiling, she sent Chance, who sat
silently next to her, a promising look.

Maxwell jotted down a few words in her
file, shut it, and sat down on his swivel chair. His expression
seemed pensive. “Carly, have you had any new memories pop
up?”

Unease washed over her. “Everything’s
a little vague. I have thoughts flash in my mind, but I can’t
differentiate between real and fantasy. It’s frustrating. The
explosions of thought are quick and confusing,
dreamlike.”

He nodded and slid his glasses off.
“Your memories are trying to work back into the conscious
mind.”

“
Her memory is coming
back?” Chance shot forward and Carly glanced at him inquisitively.
He’d been on edge all morning.

Maxwell nodded. “That’s what we’re
hoping for.” He scratched his head, appearing to mull over his next
words. “Are you serious in starting a family right
away?”

Carly glanced at Chance then back at
the doctor. “I know I’m sure.”

She wasn’t so certain Chance felt the
same regarding anything. She’d hoped last night after their
wonderful day together at The Riverwalk, they could have continued
the intimacy in bed. When they arrived home, Chance excused himself
for important business and didn’t come to bed until after she’d
fallen asleep.

“
I suggest to all my
patients who are considering parenthood that it doesn’t hurt to be
vigilant. I’ll write a lab order for a blood draw and a urine
specimen. It’s a normal work-up to check for iron and glucose
levels, but you’ll have to fast for twelve hours before the test.
It wouldn’t hurt to start on prenatal vitamins. Once we get the
results, I’ll have my nurse call you and set up an appointment so
we can discuss where we go from here. I’d recommend using birth
control for the time being.” He swiveled around to say specifically
to Chance, “The tests should come back within the week. In the
meantime, relax.” She was glad that someone else could see that he
was uptight.

“
Dr. Maxwell, when did I
stop taking my prescription for the Pill?” she asked.

The doctor opened her file, skimmed
the information and nodded. “That would be a good question to ask
your gynecologist when you see her, but I do have a note here, when
you visited me a year and a half ago, you were on oral
contraceptive.”

“
I have a feeling that I
wasn’t taking anything, but I can’t put the puzzle pieces
together.” She rubbed her temples, wishing her thoughts were
clearer.

“
Maybe Chance can answer
those questions for you,” Dr. Maxwell said.

She glanced at Chance, who was staring
straight ahead. “It seems my husband and I are unclear on several
things.”

****

“
Are you upset because I
told Dr. Maxwell that things are unclear between us?” she asked on
the ride home. The tension had become a suffocating
cloud.

He shook his head, but didn’t look at
her. “No, not at all. But Carly, I need to be honest. I’m not ready
for us to have a child. I know that may make me look like a
jerk.”

She could see the cords in his neck
tighten. “I was getting that feeling. I’m starting to realize our
marriage may not have been as stable as I’ve assumed.”

“
Let me
explain—”

“
No, Chance. I need to
explain. I know I’ve been putting a lot of pressure on you about
work, having a child and making changes. All along, I’ve forgotten
that I have been excessively busy myself and neglecting our
marriage. I’m always volunteering for one charity or another. I’ve
ran myself ragged. If I’m expecting you to do better, so should
I.”

He glanced at her, one corner of his
mouth was turned downward. “We can take this day-by-day,” he
said.

“
And we will.” Carly
realized that not only would she need to work on her marriage, but
also on the memories that she’d lost. Instinct warned her there
were things her min didn’t want to remember.

The rest of the ride back to the Swift
Wind was quiet. When they arrived, Carly saw Lila’s red convertible
and spotted her sitting on the porch. When she saw them pull in,
she stood up.

Carly slid out of the passenger side
of the truck and approached her friend. Lila’s long hair was piled
into a messy bun, as if she’d crawled straight from bed. However,
she was wearing her work scrubs and they were spotted with
blood.

“
Hard day in the emergency
room?” Carly asked.

“
I hope it’s okay I dropped
in.” Lila appeared uncomfortable, which didn’t happen often for the
confident woman.

The hairs stood up on Carly’s neck.
“Of course it is.” She wrapped her arms around her friend’s
shoulders. Something was wrong. Lila’s furrowed brow and thin mouth
spoke volumes.

Carly glanced at Chance over her
shoulder, in silent request. He nodded his understanding. “I’ve got
some work I need to do in the office,” he said. The screen door
slammed behind him.

Lila nervously played with a tendril
of hair that had come loose from the rest. “I came right from work.
I wasn’t sure I should bother you. I needed, well, I was hoping for
a girl chat.”

They sat together on the swing. Carly
lifted her friend’s trembling hand and gave it a light squeeze.
“Honey, you’re always welcome here. Friends are good at listening.
Tell me what’s wrong?”

Lila lifted her dark eyes. Unshed
tears made them glossy. “I...Duke and I had sex last night, and the
night before.”

“
Sex? With
Duke
?”
The words dashed off Carly’s tongue. She never thought she’d link
Lila’s name with Duke’s ever again, at least not
intimately.

Lila averted her eyes into the
distance and whispered, “Yes, Duke and I slept
together.”

“
How did this happen? I
mean, I know
how
it happens, but you hate Duke, right?”
Carly’s words broke off into silence. Maybe Duke hadn’t been so
wrong when he said Lila had forgave him.

She lowered her eyes. “I hate Duke,
somewhat anyway, but being with him is great. God, Carly, he is
irresistible and the moment I saw him standing on my doorstep,
every ounce of reasoning melted away.”

“
Did he come to your house
for a booty-call?” Carly’s eyes narrowed. Friend or not, Carly
wouldn’t sit back and watch Lila be used again.

Lila chuckled nervously. “I hadn’t
seen him since he left that morning when he broke things off.
Suddenly, out of nowhere, he shows up at my front door. He had,
umm…he said he was in the neighborhood and stopped by on a whim.
One thing led to another and,
oh
, he has, if possible,
gotten better between the sheets than back when we were in a
relationship.”

Carly shook her head in confusion.
“Lila, you two have only been broken up for a couple of months. You
act like it’s been years.” She sighed at Lila’s quandary. “It’s
normal to still have feelings for him.”

Lila nodded in agreement. “Right.
Although, it sure seemed like it had been years.”

Carly scanned the yard for prying eyes
or ears. She guessed Duke was somewhere working on the ranch. “So
what’s the verdict? Are you two together again?”

“
Are you kidding?” Lila’s
mouth bent into an awkward angle. “Sex is one thing, but a
commitment is another. Duke McGraw could drop to bended knee and
pledge his love for me, and still, it wouldn’t change a thing. My
emotional attachment for him is long gone.”

“
You cut the emotional
connection awfully quick.” Carly looked at her friend with
uncertainty. She remembered how deeply Lila cared for Duke, and how
hurt she’d been when he abruptly broke it off. Carly wasn’t
entirely sure Lila had gotten over it. “I’m worried about you,
honey.”

Lila turned wide-eyed and pale. “Don’t
be.”

She narrowed her eyes. “Please tell me
this isn’t for revenge.”

Rolling a shoulder, Lila sighed. “Not
revenge, Carly. The sex is good. Actually, it’s fantastic. So why
shouldn’t I indulge? When it’s over, it’s over. No one will get
hurt.”

Carly sighed. This didn’t sound like
the Lila she knew. “Have you two made plans to meet
again?”

“
Tonight.” Excitement
sparkled in her voice. “You warned me to be careful with him and I
didn’t listen the first time. This time, I’m going into this with
eyes open wide and heart protected underneath three layers of
steel.”