Second Chance Pass (3 page)

She felt like a fool for even wanting him. But there was no denying it—she missed him so much. And not the way a young widow misses having a man in her life. The way a woman longs for a man who stirs her, moves her.

When Mel walked Vanni out to the clinic’s waiting room, Vanni spied her younger brother’s girlfriend waiting there. “Brenda!” Vanni said, going to her, giving her a hug. “I guess if there are only appointments on Wednesdays, there’s a good chance you’ll run into all your friends here,” she said with a laugh.

“I guess.” Brenda shrugged, blushing a little.

“I have to rescue my dad before he runs into a messy
diaper. He’s got the baby at Jack’s. I’ll see you later—probably tonight at dinner?”

“Sure,” Brenda said. “Later.”

Vanni blew out the door and Brenda sank into her chair. The waiting room had been the old house’s front room and was decorated exactly so. Heavy cream-colored velvet draperies covered the front windows. They were pulled back with sashes and always remained open. An ancient sofa and settee, upholstered in burgundy velvet, were flanked by two wing chairs with curved wooden legs. The fabric on the chairs was yellow brocade that had long ago lost its luster. A few Gisele chairs with cane seats were spotted around the room, which, itself, was rarely full. There was only Mel and Doc Mullins to see patients, so unless someone wandered in, the appointments were spaced comfortably apart.

Brenda had an elbow on her knee and her forehead rested in her hand. “Whew,” she said weakly. “Of course I’d have to run into Vanessa. Crap.”

Mel grabbed Brenda’s chart. She just chuckled and went to her, pulling her to her feet. “Don’t worry about that. Come on, let’s check you out.”

“But it’s Tommy’s sister! What if she asks me why I was here?”

“Brenda, Brenda, that’s not going to be a problem.” Mel pulled her along to the exam room. While Brenda stood by the door, Mel stripped off the disposable paper from the exam table and refreshed it. Then she handed Brenda a gown. Mel flipped open the chart and said, “So—you’re here about concern over heavy periods…”

“Yeah, but…”

“I know,” Mel said. “Except, they’re fine.”

“Fine,” Brenda said shyly. “I need birth control pills…” She looked down and Mel just lifted her chin with one finger.

“Sure. I know,” Mel said. “But if Vanessa ever asks you why you were here, you just say you were concerned about your periods and I checked you, told you everything was just fine. How’s that?”

“Really?”

“I don’t talk about patients’ business,” Mel said. “Put on the gown. We’ll have a checkup. We’ll talk about why you’re really here. And Brenda—everything is going to be fine.”

“My mom doesn’t know I’m doing this,” she said. “She thinks it’s my periods.”

“Okay,” Mel said, but she knew Sue Carpenter was pretty sharp. Chances were good she knew exactly what was going on. After all, Tommy and Brenda had been steadies since the start of school and there was no question they were real serious. “I’ll be back in five,” Mel said, leaving the room.

Few seventeen-year-old girls felt comfortable discussing birth control with even the closest of mothers. When Mel returned and Brenda was gowned and ready, she said, “I’ll need to update your pap and, if you don’t mind, I’d like to do a check on you for STDs to be sure there’s nothing we should treat. Should we talk about emergency birth control?”

“Huh?”

“Have you recently had unprotected intercourse?”

“No,” she said. “Thing is, Tommy won’t come near me without my own birth control, even though he has…you know…”

“Condoms,” Mel supplied.

“Yeah. He says that’s not good enough.”

“Well, God bless him,” Mel said. This darling girl, a gifted student who would very likely get lots of offers for full-ride scholarships, had been the victim of a sexual
assault less than a year ago, before Tom had moved here. She’d gone to a beer party in the woods with a bunch of teenagers, intending to have one sneaky beer, and three months later, discovered she was pregnant without having the first idea how that could have happened. If that wasn’t bad enough, Brenda had had a raging case of Chlamydia, which may have contributed to a spontaneous miscarriage.

Mel performed her examination, did some tests, gave her a three-month supply of contraceptives and a prescription and said, “I want to commend you for taking care of your health, Brenda. I know it can be scary to ask for this kind of help when you’re young. But you’re wise to take precautions.”

“What if my mom asks you about this?”

“She probably won’t, but if she does, I’ll tell her that you’re doing just fine.”

“You think that’ll do it?”

“Oh, honey, I’ve gotten very, very good at not telling things. Ask Jack,” she added with a laugh. “You can start taking these right now, but they won’t be effective for two weeks. Try to remember to take them at the same time every day—like right before bed or as soon as you get up in the morning. That will increase the reliability.”

“He’s going away, you know,” Brenda said a little emotionally. “Right after graduation he goes into basic, then West Point.”

Mel put a hand against the girl’s soft, pretty hair. “First of all, you wouldn’t want any other kind of boyfriend—he’s an overachiever and will be a huge success. Cream of the crop. Second, just because you have pills doesn’t mean you have to do anything that you’re not ready for. With me?”

She nodded.

“He’ll be back for leave and vacations. There will be lots of letters between you—wonderful letters.”

She nodded again but said, “E-mails.”

“Just as good. These pills are for your health and safety, Brenda. You don’t have to send him off with something to remember. Don’t be pressured.”

“Oh, I’m not. I understand what you’re saying,” she said softly. “Tom would never pressure me. Besides, I love him.”

Mel smiled. “How nice for you. He’s a very special young man. And you, my dear, are a very special young woman. You’re completely in charge of your body—always remember that.”

Nikki Jorgensen pulled up in front of the Booth ranch and gave the horn a toot before getting out. When she let herself into the house, Vanni was sitting on the floor beside the baby. Little Matt was lying on a small baby quilt with toys he was entirely too young to enjoy spread around him.

“Hurry up,” Vanni said. “He’s
smiling!
”

Nikki threw her purse in a chair and knelt on the floor opposite Vanni. They were so unalike—Vanni being a statuesque redhead and Nikki small and dark, her black hair falling down her back almost to her waist in a straight, silky sheath. Vanni was bold; Nikki was quiet and hated confrontation. Nikki liked to say that while she was studying the latest hairstyles in high school, Vanni, the military brat, was learning to pack a house in six hours and navigate Customs in foreign countries.

They spent a few minutes making faces at the baby until Vanni finally said, “I can’t wait to tell Paul he’s smiling for real.”

And that alone plunged them into silence. “Have you heard from Paul?” Nikki finally asked in a gentle voice.

Vanni shook her head, looking away. “Well, I call him. A couple of times every week. But he’s only called here once.”

“Oh, Vanni,” Nikki said, sympathetic.

“Never mind. He’s probably relieved he doesn’t have any obligation to the Widow Rutledge anymore…”

“I’m sure that’s not it,” Nikki said, giving Vanni’s thick, red mane a stroke.

“A couple of months ago it never occurred to me I’d have feelings for him. I mean, these kind of feelings. I thought of him as my ballast, my rock. And then slowly, he started to mean more to me than that. Since he left… I miss him so much. And not just because he was a supportive friend.”

“Who more likely for you to be attracted to than someone who misses Matt as much as you do? Who loves little Mattie as much as Matt would himself? Besides, it’s not like you just met him—he’s been around since the day you met Matt! You know him better than anyone. You certainly don’t have to wonder what kind of man he is.”

“I’m just afraid… I’m not sure I’m ready to really let go of Matt.”

Nikki laughed. “Vanni, you don’t have to let go of Matt any more than Paul does. He’ll be part of you and Paul forever.”

Vanni gave her a thankful smile, lifting a tawny brow. “That’s what I’ve been thinking lately. It’s not like it has to be a choice, does it?”

“No way, babe.”

“So, how are things with you and Craig?”

Nikki’s smile vanished. “The same. Not good. I gave him an ultimatum. Commitment or we’re over. He just keeps saying he needs time. But how much time? It’s been five years. He knows I want a family, and my clock isn’t standing still.”

Vanni shook her head, doubtful. “He’ll never give you up,” Vanni said, but truthfully, she feared Nikki would
never leave him even if he didn’t give her a tenth of what she needed.

Nikki lifted her chin. “Oh, yeah? You a betting woman?”

“Nikki, do you mean it this time? Really?”

Nikki touched the baby’s foot. “I’m not going through life without at least a shot at this,” she said. “I’m selfish. I want it all. And things have been nonnegotiable with Craig on all of it.”

Paul had been back in Grants Pass for just over six weeks. He’d had that evening with Terri and had promised her he’d be in touch. When she came to him at work and asked if he could sneak away for a conversation, he figured it was about the fact that he hadn’t called as he’d promised.

But no.

He folded his long legs up into her little Toyota parked in front of his office and said, “What’s up?” Through some nervous tears, she explained that she was pregnant and hadn’t been with anyone but him.

“Pregnant?” he repeated stunned. “Pregnant?”

“Yeah,” she said. “It happened that night after you got back to town. You remember. It was a pretty intense night. You can’t have forgotten.”

“How in the world did that happen? You said you were on the pill. I wore a condom.”

“I don’t know,” she said, sniffing. “It’s probably my fault. I’m sorry.”

“Your fault?” he asked. “How?”

“I haven’t had a boyfriend in so long, I got a little sloppy with the pills, missing them sometimes. Your call—it came as a surprise. I hadn’t heard from you in such a long time and I couldn’t pass up seeing you. But you had the condom and I was sure we’d be okay… I don’t know
what went wrong. It must have been me missing pills, you having a faulty condom… I can’t think of any other explanation…”

“Aw, man,” he said. He took a deep breath. “Okay,” he said, getting a grip on his panic. “Okay, tell me what you need,” he said, taking her hand and holding it in both of his.

“Any possibility marriage might come to mind?”

He didn’t even have to think about it. There was someone else; there’d been someone else for a long, long time. “God, Terri, we can’t get married. What did you call us—friends with benefits? We’re consenting adults who like and respect each other and that’s a lot, but at the same time, not enough. You’re important to me, but we don’t have the kind of relationship that would get us married. Keep us married.”

“That’s a little beside the point right now,” she said.

“We don’t really know each other. Not really.”

“We know each other well enough that I’m pregnant.”

“I take this to mean you’ve decided you want to have the baby?”

“I’m almost thirty,” she said, bristling. “I’m not getting rid of it.”

“Okay, okay, good,” Paul said, relieved in spite of common sense telling him this could be taken care of; it could disappear. He did
not
want to be in this position, but he didn’t want this baby erased, either. “I can help financially. I can do my best to support you emotionally. I swear, I’ll stand by you. But, Terri, anything more than that would be a mistake for both of us.”

“Why?” she asked, tears springing to her eyes.

He put an arm around her and held her against his shoulder as much as he could, given the tight space in her car. “Lots of reasons, starting with, before anything
happened between us, we had a conversation about us—neither of us was looking for anything serious. We’ve been together, what? Three times in a year? Four? God, I’m sorry, Terri, but the night this happened, that’s the closest we’ve ever been, and that happened because I was messed up and you were sweet enough to give me an ear. Honey, we’re just not in love.”

“How do you know I’m not?” she asked.

“We’ve spoken once in the last six months. If you had those kind of feelings, I never suspected.” He tightened his arm around her. “Terri, you’re so special and wonderful. But here we are, two people who can go six months without talking, without seeing each other.” He shook his head. “I knew that night was a mistake. I went too deep into my feelings and you got too attached. But it’s just not the real thing. It was my crisis, your compassion that got us where we are today. Marrying you now would only get in the way of you finding what you really need. And believe me, you don’t need me.”

“What am I going to do?”

Selfishly he thought,
what am I going to do?
“Whatever you want to do, I’ll help in every way I can. I’m sorry, but you deserve a husband who loves you as much as you love him.”

“But I’m having your baby!” she said desperately.

“I’ll do whatever I can, Terri, except marriage. It wouldn’t last. It could make us enemies and we have to do better than that.”

“Would I be such a terrible choice for a wife?” she asked pitifully.

There was absolutely nothing wrong with Terri, nothing. The problem was with
him.
He found Terri attractive, desirable, funny and sweet, which was how he’d ended up with her at the time Vanni was married to his best
friend. He’d have given anything to fall in love. When he thought of Vanni his blood pressure shot up and his heart pounded. When he thought of Terri, a smile came to his lips because she was so cute, because she made him laugh and because she was just plain good people. When he thought of Vanni, he was filled with fear and lust and ridiculous hope. He liked Terri; he was totally crazy for Vanni and had been for years. He didn’t know why. He suspected an evil curse made him want something he could never have.