Second Chance Romance (15 page)

“I did. I’m sorry Jules, I’m so sorry. It doesn’t change how I feel about you. You’re who I want and nothing will change that.” I could tell he was being honest and I wanted nothing more than to let it be. “Let’s just take this one day at a time. Melissa said there are some options that might help but she wants to talk to one of her colleagues first.” He kissed my temple and I closed my eyes.

The next morning I woke with Noah holding me tightly, still in his clothes from yesterday. I looked at his handsome face and I decided that there was some reason that fate brought us back together. The fact that I couldn’t give him a baby someday was still weighing heavily but if it really didn’t matter to him maybe with time it would heal me too.

“Morning gorgeous.” He smiled.

“Morning.” I chimed in.

“There’s my girl. Feeling better today?” His voice held concern.

“A little.” I tried to be reassuring. “I don’t know if I will ever be able to get past this completely but I just want to live in the present.”

“I’m glad. I promise it will all be worth it in the end.” He kissed my lips lightly. “We should pack up and head downstairs. If we don’t leave in an hour we are going to get stuck in a ton of traffic.”

I stood up and stretched. I picked out some comfort
able clothes for the ride back and packed everything else in my suitcase. We headed downstairs hand in hand and greeted Joe and Melissa who were laughing and smiling at one another. Noah ran this thumb over my knuckles as we entered the kitchen.

“Good morning guys.” Joe said enthusiastically.

“Morning.” Noah and I said at the same time. We stood around and talked for a little while before heading back to the city. I hugged Melissa and thanked her again. She said she would make me an appointment some time next week to finish her exam.

The ride back was quiet and neither of us talked much but it wasn’t uncomfortable silence. I was deep in thought when Noah said something that I didn’t quite catch.

“Jules did you hear what I said?”

“Huh. Sorry, I was daydreaming.”
I joked.

“I asked if you were okay staying at my place tonight. This weekend was emotional for both of us and I just want to hold you close.”

“Yeah that’s fine. I have work tomorrow anyway.” He smiled brightly and held my hand a little tighter.

We pulled into the parking garage and headed up to the condo. I put my bag in the bedroom and headed to the kitchen to make us something to eat. We cleaned up and spent the rest of the day snuggled in bed watching trash TV and eating junk. It was definitely what I needed after yesterday. I drifted off sometime after eleven only to wake up a little after one. I headed to the kitchen to get a glass of water when I saw Noah’s phone was going off
, it was a text. I decided not to be nosy since it was probably just Jackson but then it went off again. I peeked at the screen.

Carrie: Noah I really need to talk to you. I know you said we could meet on Wednesday but I really need to talk to you before then. Please call me in the morning.

I wondered what she needed to talk to him about and why he didn’t mention it earlier. I headed back to bed and tossed and turned the rest of the night. Noah got up at his normal six in the morning but since I didn’t sleep well I opted to stay in bed. He came back a little while later from his run and I heard him in the shower. I vaguely remember him kissing my forehead before leaving for work. I woke up a little after nine. I showered and dressed in a pair of jeans and a chunky soft sweater. I fired up my laptop and checked my emails before heading to school. There was one from Chase. There were no words just an attachment. I clicked on it. It was a picture of Noah and Carrie dated this morning. They were embracing in what looked like more than a friendly greeting. My stomach turned. I wondered what was so important that she was sending him messages at one in the morning and meeting him this morning. I thought I was more secure in our relationship than this. I picked up my phone to call Chase and noticed a couple texts from Noah.

Good morning have a great day!

Hey, let’s me for dinner tonight @ Lola’s say 6

Something just felt off. I scrolled through my contacts until I got to Chase and hit send.

“Hey Jules.” He answered on the first ring.

“Hey Chase.”

“I’m assuming you got my email. Listen I don’t want to meddle in your business or anything but it just seemed really suspicious. He seemed annoyed at first but then his whole demeanor changed. I just don’t want to see you hurt again.”

“I know, thanks Chase. So are you staying in the city still or are you headed home?”

“I haven’t made up my mind yet but I think I might head home for a couple weeks and figure it out. I’ll let you know.”

“’Kay.” I said and then there was an awkward silence.

“I love you Jules.”

“I know Chase. Still doesn’t change anything.”
I said flatly.

“I’m here if you need me.”

“Thanks. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Bye Jules.”

“Bye Chase.” I hung up the phone and part of me wanted to just go home and go back to bed. I wanted a redo. I decided to go to the library at school to do some research. I packed up my things and headed down to the parking garage. I climbed into my car and stared at myself in the mirror. I had a sinking feeling that something was wrong. I pulled into school and went to check my mail. There was a letter from Dean Chavez saying that there was no longer and issue since Professor Mitchell had resigned and passed a polygraph.
Well at least one thing is going right.
Thankfully it was the last week of classes until finals and then I was done. I was heading out to meet Noah when my phone rang.

“Hey baby.” Noah said.

“Hey, I was just getting ready to leave.”

“Can we reschedule? Something imperative just came up and I have to deal with it. I’m really sorry. I’ll try and stop by later and see you in between sets okay?”

“Sure. I hope everything’s okay.”

“Everything’s going to be fine.” I don’t know who
he was trying to convince.

“Alright, see you later then.” Then he was gone. No goodbye, no I love you, nothing.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

Skyfall

We will face it together.

I woke up in a cold sweat remembering the conversation that Noah and I had earlier. It seemed like he had been avoiding me for the last couple days. Ellie said she didn’t know anything, I figured she would know if something was up since her and Jackson were officially an item now. I tried to write it off as it being work related but I wasn’t overly convinced. Finally this morning Noah showed up at my door first thing. I was slightly annoyed with him and his behavior.

“Hey.” He said shyly.

“Hi.”

“Can I come in?” I opened the door the rest of the way so he could come in.
I went into the kitchen and started making a pot of coffee. He followed me and took a seat at the table.

“Sorry about this week. I was trying to work through some stuff.”

“And shutting me out.” I spat.

“Listen Jules, we have to talk about something. It’s big. But I want you to listen to everything I have to say before you start in okay?” I nodded.

“It’s about Carrie.” He paused watching for my reaction. I remained looking at him intently. “She’s pregnant.”
I was not prepared for that!
It felt as if someone reached into my chest and squeezed my heart, crushing it. He called my name and tried to take a step toward me but I held my hand up telling him to stay where he was. I felt my world crumble as Noah finished talking. “We will face this together.” I knew what I needed to do; it was as much for him as it was for me.

“Are you fucking kidding me Noah! You expect us to face this together? You got the girl you were supposed to marry pregnant and you expect us to face this together? Have you lost your fucking mind?!”

“Jules.” He cried reaching for me again, I stepped back.

“I’m not mad at you Noah. I’m happy that you will get the chance to be a father. It’s what you wanted and since it wasn’t in the cards for me to give that to you I’m glad. You know I’m not a bitter person, I’m not Carrie’s biggest fan but I wish you both the best.” I felt the tears
brim over and fall onto my cheeks. He reached out and I didn’t fight him this time. I found solace in his touch.

“I love
you
Jules. You’re the one I want to be with. Do you have any idea what this has been like? I thought we could do this together.” He wrapped me tighter in his arms.

“Do you think Carrie would ever let that happen?” He shook his head no. “I love you too Noah but you deserve a family and I can’t give that to you. I will
always
love you and I know what love is thanks to you but I can’t take this away from you. You need to go find Carrie and let her know.” I pulled away from his embrace and went to my room leaving him standing in the kitchen. I allowed myself to grieve and cry for a little bit but when I was done old Jules was back with a vengeance. I didn’t need anyone to take care of me. I wasn’t that girl. I wasn’t one to let anything hold me down. I was the girl that picked myself up and dusted myself off. After a couple days I would be back to pre-Noah Jules.

I turned my iPod dock up as loud as it will go and blasted ‘Thrash Unreal’ by Against Me because other than the junkie part the song pretty much has me pegged.
I realized that I’ve been a fool and I’ve been blind. I can never manage to leave the past behind.

I took a little more care getting ready for school. I started finals today and really didn’t need Noah’s distracting news but I was placing that out of my mind. I was ready to start living.
I made my coffee in a to-go cup and noticed there was a note from Noah on the counter, I picked it up and stuffed it in my bag and headed to school. I knocked on Professor Gommerman’s door to hand in my thesis.

“Come in.” I opened the door and walked into his office, which was the size of a closet. Tons of books lined the wall and his
desk dominated the small space.

“Miss Kline.” He beamed. “I’m looking forward to reading your thesis.” I handed him the thick blinder containing my thesis. I was proud of it and the irony wasn’t lost on me. We made small talk for a few minutes before I headed to my first final. I finished quickly and was relieved that it seemed pretty easy. I headed to the front of the lecture hall and placed my exam on the desk before heading out to the library to wait for my next final to start. I looked over my notes before pulling out Noah’s letter.

My Jules,

I wrote this because I feared what your reaction would be. I hoped more than anything that I wasn’t going to be right. But, I know you as well as you know yourself. I want you to know that this was totally unexpected. I was just as surprised as you are. I’ve spent the last few days trying to get the courage to tell you and hope that you wouldn’t push me away. I never wanted to hurt you. All these years I thought I was protecting you and I realize now how much pain I caused you, as unintentional as it may have been. I don’t want to be with Carrie and the thought of having a baby with her scares me to death. (I know what you’re thinking. I loved her enough at one point to make a baby with her and now I have to deal with the consequences. I wish more than anything that it was you.) The fact was I was blind and trying so hard to move on with my life, to forget you that I didn’t see her for her she truly is. I don’t expect you to fight this with me but I wish you would reconsider we could try and work out some kind of custody agreement, anything. Please reconsider this Jules. I love you. It’s always been you. It will always be you.

You can’t leave when I’m still holding on.

Yours,

Noah

I tried to wrap my head around everything. I haven’t figured out much yet except I felt so low. I packed my things into my bag and took the ten-minute walk across campus to my last final of the day. I needed to let Noah go. I needed a hiatus from life.

When I showed up at work later that night there was a vase of pink peonies, my favorite, in a vase with no note. Ellie came bouncing in happily until she saw my face. I told her everything that happened. She
was shocked and said she hadn’t heard anything from Jackson and doubted that he knew anything. She asked me what I planned on doing and I told her that I called it off with Noah. She looked like she wanted to say something but knew better and kept her mouth shut. She proceeded to tell me that both Noah and Jackson were out in the club. I headed to Adam’s office and told him I needed some time off. He wasn’t happy but he tried to be understanding.

I waltzed up to Keith and told him I wanted a change of song. I picked
three songs instead of two as a farewell. I chose ‘Stronger’ by Kelly Clarkson, ‘Chalk Outline’ by Three Days Grace and ‘The Bitch Came Back’ by Theory of a Deadman. I stripped down and sashayed out onto the stage mouthing the lyrics.