Second Chances (6 page)

Elizabeth spun around. Her eyes had narrowed. “Has he … would he ever hit you or anything?”

“No. My father doesn't hit.”

“Good, because that would just be sick.” She patted her hair then straightened her new black T-shirt that was cropped above her belly button. “So, how do I look?”

“Great. I like your top.” I turned toward the door. “I think I hear Mom calling you.”

Elizabeth went into the hallway and leaned over the banister. “Yes, Aunt Jan?” she yelled.

I couldn't hear the answer Mom sent up the stairs but heard Elizabeth say, “Phone's for me. See you later.” Her feet clattered down the stairs double time in her new clogs.

I followed her down at a slower pace as I wove my good leather belt through the loops of my jeans. I'd just finished buckling it when I reached the kitchen. Elizabeth was leaning against the wall with one hand cupped over the phone receiver, her back toward me. She didn't see me waiting in the doorway.

“Have you eaten today? You still have to eat even if he doesn't come home. No, Mom? Mom? Are you still there? Stop crying…. Just go to bed, all right?” Her voice dropped. “You've got to start taking care of yourself. It doesn't matter if he doesn't come home.”

I left then, walking as quietly as I could through the kitchen and keeping an eye on Elizabeth to see if she turned around. I stepped inside the store and started breathing again.
What was going on with my aunt and uncle?
I jumped when my father's voice boomed across the room.

“There you are. I let your mother go for a walk and said I'd close tonight. Come on. Let's get these cans on the shelves.”

“Sure, Dad.”

We worked side by side in silence. Every so often, Dad would point at one of the cans I'd placed on the shelf, and I'd adjust it so the label was facing forward or move the can so that they were all perfectly spaced. He kept going into the storage room and bringing out boxes of canned stuff. Soup, waxed beans, ravioli, spaghetti sauce, stewed tomatoes, corn, fruit in syrup. We worked steadily and silently for over an hour. Every time I thought we were done, Dad would get up and go find some more boxes.

“How's your summer going?” he asked after his last trip to the storage room. His voice took on a formal tone like it did whenever we were alone together.

“Good so far.”

“Your mother tells me William will be here next weekend.”

“I haven't seen him since Christmas. I wish I could have gone with Mom to Toronto when she went to visit him.”

I clamped my mouth shut. I'd forgotten Dad hadn't wanted her to go. She'd taken the bus four times since last summer to see William, and Dad had tried to talk her out of it every time. He'd roamed the house half the night when she was gone. Said he couldn't sleep with her away.

Dad grunted. “Your brother has his own life now. Your mother has to accept that. He'll come home if he wants to see us.”

I bit my bottom lip to keep from saying something that would provoke him. “Anything else, Dad?”

“No, looks like we're done here. You can head out. I expect you to be on your best behaviour and take care of your cousin.”

“Yes, sir.” I walked quickly to the front door before he changed his mind and made me alphabetize something or start lining up chocolate bars.

I met Mom near the road. She was just starting up the path. Her face in the full moon's light was silvery. She was holding buttercups and daisies in front of her like a bridal bouquet. She reminded me of a fairy in
A Midsummer Night's Dream
, my favourite Shakespeare play by a long shot. I was glad she couldn't see my face clearly.

“Are you off to the beach?” she asked. “Isn't Elizabeth going with you?”

“She's already there. I stayed to help Dad.”

“Ah yes. The replenishing of the shelves. Thanks for that. I needed a break.”

From the store or from Dad?
“Were you alone all this time?” I asked.

“Yes.”

“Maybe next time, I can watch the store and Dad can go with you.”

Mom laughed. “Now when has your father ever wanted to go for a walk with no destination? He'd much rather stay home and watch television or read the paper.”

She had me there. “Well, I better get going. There won't be any beer left if I'm much later.”

“Darlene … “

“Just kidding, Mom.”

“Sometimes you worry me. If you say something flip around your father…. Well, you know he worries about you and doesn't have a sense of humour when it comes to what you might get into.”

“I know. I'll be careful.”

Mom stepped closer and gave me a hug. “He does love you,” she whispered. “He just worries so much.” She kissed my forehead and brushed my hair out of my eyes before letting me go and continuing up the path.

I turned to watch her until she climbed the steps and disappeared into the store. I kept walking toward the beach with a question stuck in my mind that I tried to hum away. I couldn't quite manage it, but even if my mother'd been standing in front of me at that very moment, I still wouldn't have found the courage to ask why her hair smelled of cigarettes when she told me she'd been all alone on her walk.

I circled the crowd until I found Michelle, Danny, and Elizabeth sitting on a log near the water. Danny had an arm slung over Michelle's shoulders and they were listening to Elizabeth. She must have said something funny because they all burst out laughing as I got closer. She was turning into quite the comedian. I dropped down next to Danny.

“At last,” said Michelle. “We were starting to think you weren't coming.”

Danny took a bottle of beer from a small cooler sitting at his feet and snapped off the lid with a bottle opener. He handed the bottle to me. “You look like you could use one.” He bumped against my arm. “How's it going? We missed you today.”

I turned toward him. “Okay. Made five whole dollars babysitting. How's the ice cream business?”

“You know, it's a job. I'm digging your cousin. She's got a great sense of humour.”

“Does she?” The words were out before I thought about how they sounded. “I don't think she likes cottage life,” I added.

“Understandable. It's good of her though, you know. Toughing it out for the summer. Can't be easy.”

“What do you mean?”

“Come on, Darlene. She's given up her lifestyle in TO, a boyfriend and all her friends to come stay with a family she barely knows in the middle of nowhere. You should really cut her some slack, you know.”

“What's she been saying?”

Danny's shoulder rubbed up and down against mine in a shrug. “Not much, but it doesn't take a genius to read between the lines.”

“Yeah, we've been working her like a dog. She barely has time to lie in the hammock and read or go to Kingston with
my
friends.”

“Come on, Darlene. If you keep excluding her, she's going to find other ways to keep busy.”

I looked over at the person who was ruining my life. Elizabeth and Michelle had their heads close together, talking about something of obvious importance. Every so often they laughed like they were the two most amusing people on the beach. Elizabeth's face was glowing in the firelight. She didn't look lonely or left out to me. Why was I the only one who saw through her act? I raised the beer bottle to my lips. My face felt flushed and I took a deep pull, letting the beer fill my mouth and travel down my throat to drown the bad feeling rising up from my stomach. I tuned in Danny mid-sentence.

“… to quit our jobs mid-August and hitchhike to Vancouver. Michelle has a lot of family living on the mainland and Vancouver Island who we can stay with. It'll be a good break before school starts.”

“Her parents won't care if the two of you go on a trip alone together?” I asked.

“She hasn't asked them yet, but we're trying to get a few more people to come. Interested?”

“Probably not. I have to help Mom in the store.”

“Oh yeah, the store. Well, maybe next year.”

“Yeah, maybe.”

I looked across at my cousin. She was dancing across the sand toward us, swinging her hips back and forth and rotating her stomach like a belly dancer. Her hair swirled around her as she spun in a circle. She ended up behind us and bent down to put her arms around Danny's and my shoulders. “What are you two so serious about? This is a party! Come on, let's dance.”

She pulled Danny by the arm to his feet and dragged him closer to the fire. He pretended to resist at first, then held up his hands in mock surrender. They began moving their feet in time to the radio, which was thumping out “Bad Moon Rising.”

I looked across at Michelle. She was watching Danny and Elizabeth with a big smile on her face, but her eyes looked like somebody had just given her some very bad news. I grabbed two beers out of the cooler and moved next to her on the log, knocking against her leg with mine.

“So what did you buy in Kingston?” I moved closer so she'd have to look at me and not my cousin and Danny.

“Just the Rod Stewart album,
Every Picture Tells a Story.
He does that song ‘Maggie May.' Ever heard it?”

I shook my head.

“The album just came out in May. I'll play it for you some time. I really wish you'd come with us.”

“Next time, hopefully. Mom needs my help with William gone. I'm beginning to realize how much he did in the store. This is the first summer he hasn't spent a few months at the lake. Say, do you want to go talk to Penny Rogers? I see her over there.” I pointed to a group of girls at the far end of the beach.

“Let's go.” Michelle stood up and grabbed my arm. She'd had more beer than I'd realized. We circled the fire and walked across the sand, past the small group dancing. Now Elizabeth was slow waltzing with Danny. I tried to block Michelle's view. She saw anyway and lurched hard against me.

Phil and Greg, two of Tyler's friends, were strumming guitars near the water. Tyler was sitting beside them watching Jane Ratherford and a couple of her friends dancing barefoot in the sand. Tyler had his head back drinking from a beer bottle, and by the look on his face and the way he was leaning, appeared to already have had several. The sweet smell of weed drifted our way. I waved as I passed by them and kept walking toward the path, holding Michelle upright.

“I think I just want to go home,” Michelle said as we neared Penny's group. “Not feeling so great.”

“I'll walk you.” I was glad for any excuse to leave. I wouldn't be coming back.

T
he
next afternoon, Elizabeth was just getting out of bed when I ran upstairs to get my bathing suit. I'd been sound asleep when she'd come home from the party.

“How'd it go last night?” I asked her as I rifled through my top drawer to find a hair elastic.

“Great! Where did you disappear to so early?”

“You were busy dancing, and Michelle wasn't feeling so great, so I took her home. After that, I just came home too.”

“Too bad. You and Michelle missed a good time.” Elizabeth flipped back her hair and stretched her arms over her head. She was sitting on the side of her bed, dressed in pink baby doll pajamas. “We're going to see a movie —
Cactus Flower
— in Campbellford later this afternoon … at least, Danny and I decided to go. I'm not sure about Michelle yet. Danny said he'd ask her this morning.” Elizabeth pouted and flicked a hand in the air as if she was tossing away Michelle.

“I saw that movie last year in Ottawa,” I said. “If you like Goldie Hawn, you'll enjoy it.” My new being pleasant tactic seemed to be working. No more rising to her bait. I began to hum.

Elizabeth nodded. After a few seconds, her eyes focused on mine. “Oh, here's something that might interest you. I spent quite a bit of time talking to your friend Tyler last night. He's very funny and
sooo
interesting.” She was watching me, her Mona Lisa smile pasted on.

“I'm glad you're getting along with my friends,” I said carefully. I picked up my hair brush and an elastic band and slammed the drawer shut. “I'm off to another babysitting job. Have fun at the movie.”

“Have fun babysitting. Danny and I will be meeting up with Tyler after the movie when he's done work. I'll say hello for you.”

I stopped smiling and stared at her.

Elizabeth pushed herself out of bed and pulled her top over her head with one swift motion, arching her back and flashing her naked breasts in my direction. They were perfectly round and about the size of small grapefruits with pointy brown nipples. The tan line from her bikini showed how her skin had darkened to a mocha colour in the sun. She was slender and her waist curved in just a bit over her narrow hips.

I averted my eyes as she strutted past me to the door. I looked in the mirror at my own pale skin and the freckles on my arms and spread across my forehead and cheeks.

“Just off for a shower,” Elizabeth said, swinging her pajama top across her chest as she stepped into the hall. “I'll tell you all about my adventure when I get back.”

I waited until I heard her enter the bathroom and the door closing before I followed her out of the bedroom.

There was another car in Candy's driveway — a black four-door Chevy with a New York licence plate, the side panels covered in dried mud and the windshield splattered with dead bugs. The car looked like it had been driven over some nasty back roads. I wondered who'd come visiting.

Loud guitar music led me down the path and around the house to the back yard. I looked toward the back of the property. Candy was sitting on a blanket under the oak tree with Sean running around in front of her. He was wearing a saggy diaper and nothing else. His mouth looked like he'd taken a bite out of a mud pie.

I didn't see the two men facing away from me in lawn chairs at the edge of the patio until I was halfway across the grass. I lifted a hand in a quick wave. They were both watching me but neither waved back. I felt awkward knowing they were staring at me as I walked toward Candy. The smaller one started to get up until his friend said something that I couldn't hear and motioned for him to sit down.

I focused on Candy. She looked pretty in a flowery yellow dress that reached her ankles and billowed around her in the breeze off the lake. She smiled when she saw me and patted the blanket next to her. I made it the last few steps and lowered myself down beside her. I couldn't see her eyes behind the round oversized sunglasses that dwarfed her face and made her look like a kid playing dress-up. The two men were now facing me and they each mouthed hello as Candy pointed in their direction. I was having trouble hearing what she was saying over Hendrix's guitar wailing from the speakers that aimed out through the open kitchen windows. Luckily, the needle scratched at the end of the record as she finished her introductions.

“… meet Bobby and Kirk, his brother. They've come all the way from Jersey to visit.” They each nodded at me when she said their names.

Bobby and Kirk didn't resemble each other much. Bobby had a dirty blonde Afro and a full beard. He was the one who'd been about to stand up when he'd seen me. His eyes were close-set and he had the look of someone squinting through a fog. He was wearing a red and blue striped poncho that looked dirty around the edges. Kirk was taller and heavier with a crew cut and the bottom of an eagle tattoo showing from under his black t-shirt. His arm rippled like water as he flexed his muscles. He looked smarter than Bobby by a long shot. They were both holding brown beer bottles. Bobby took a few swallows and then rubbed the back of his hand across his mouth. A trail of the white foam dribbled down his beard.

“Hi there,” said Kirk. His smile should have been friendly, but it didn't come across that way. He reached into his pocket and pulled out some aviator sunglasses. He slid them on his face in a quick motion. They hid something in his eyes that had made the hairs on my arms stand up.

“Are you here for a visit?” I asked. Being polite to adults was so ingrained, they could have been axe murderers and I'd have asked them if they were enjoying the sights.

“Just thought we'd hang out with our good 'ol friends for a while,” said Kirk. “What time did you say Johnny would be home?”

I felt Candy shift positions beside me. “I don't expect him until five. If you all want to drive into town to get that tequila you were talking about, don't let me keep you.”

Bobby was looking at Candy like she had something he wanted. He lifted a hand trying to get her attention. Candy kept her eyes on Kirk. Time skipped a few beats.

“Yeah, we could do that.” Kirk stood up. “Come on, Bobby. Let's split for a while.”

Bobby stood too, but not in any big hurry. He kept staring at Candy until he had to turn his back to walk with Kirk away from us. They disappeared around the side of the house.

“Who are they?” I asked.

Candy shrugged. “People that Johnny knows from the States. Nobody important. They'll probably be here a week or so.”

“Bobby seems to like you.”

“You noticed too, huh?” She grinned.

Sean was trying to catch Candy's attention. He was spinning around the yard and squealing in a high-pitched screech. His diaper sagged so low that I thought he would lose it. I gagged when he got close to me. Candy ignored him and lay back on the blanket.

“What a glorious day. I just love it here. I could lie on the grass grooving in the sunshine forever. Such a good change from New York City. You have no idea.”

I wrapped my arms around my legs and rested a cheek against my knee. “Did Johnny go into town?” I asked.

“Johnny? Yeah. He had some things to do in Toronto, so no worry about him showing up soon.”

It wasn't what I meant. In fact, I wanted to meet him, to find out what he had going on with my mom. “What does Johnny do?”

“Oh, this and that. I try not to get involved in his business. It bores me silly. Chasing the almighty dollar is a waste of your life. I'd rather spend my days outside, enjoying the day, communing with nature.” She smiled at me. “What do you like to do?”

“I help my mom in the store quite a bit or I read, swim, you know, the regular stuff. I like to write.”

“A writer?” She squealed. “I should have known! You have that deep, mysterious way about you. I knew some writers in my old life. Have you ever heard of J.D. Salinger?”

“The
Catcher in the Rye
Salinger? Of course! How did you know him? I heard he's a recluse.”

Candy smiled. “A while back, you know, before I met up with Johnny, I made a pilgrimage to Cornish, New Hampshire, where he lives. He and his wife Claire had just separated. We spent several lovely days … and nights together.”

“He'd be a lot older than you, I guess.”

“It didn't matter at the time. I drifted back to New York City, though. I missed the people and the action in the big city.”

“Wow. You've had an exciting life. I've never been far from Ottawa or met anyone famous.”

Candy patted my leg. “You will someday. I can tell. There's something special about you that radiates just like sunshine. It's part of why I like you. Say, I'd love to read something that you've written. I'll bet it's good. Better than good.”

I'd only shared my writing with Gideon and hadn't thought about letting anyone else read it. “Maybe I could let you read a poem that Gideon likes. He's kind of my mentor.”

“Right on. I'd like that. Tell you what,” said Candy. “Sean is ready for a nap, so you can come with me for a swim and I'll still pay you for looking after him. It's so nice to have someone to talk to.”

“Are you sure we should leave him alone? I don't mind staying here and watching him.”

Her voice hardened. “Sean will be fine. Once he's asleep, it takes a rocket to wake him up. We'll have an hour at least.”

“If you're sure.”

“I wouldn't leave him if I wasn't sure.”

The water was cold and I couldn't stand being in it for long, but it didn't bother Candy. I paddled around for a bit and then found a flat rock on the beach that had baked in the sun. I wrapped myself in a beach towel and watched her swim to the little rock island and back. She was a strong swimmer. I dozed off and when I opened my eyes, she was running along the sand at the edge of the water in her bright, pink-flowered bikini, arms spread wide, thick wet hair trailing down her back and calling to me, “Come on in! The water's great.”

“Shouldn't we be getting back? Sean might wake up,” I called.

Candy stopped and shrugged. “In a while. It's early yet.”

“I could go check on him.”

“Really, you don't need to. I'm not kidding when I say he sleeps for two hours every afternoon. Kid's up most of the night.” Her mouth clamped into a straight line. She crossed her arms across her chest and glared at me.

“Okay,” I said.

She smiled at me again, as if I'd given her my blessing, then turned and splashed her way into the deeper water. My stomach tightened when I saw her heading out to the island a second time, her arms slicing through the water in steady strokes. I wondered if Sean had woken up yet and was crying for someone to come get him. The sun went behind a cloud. I shivered, wrapping the towel more tightly around my shoulders and willing Candy to come back. I waited another half hour before she got tired of swimming. She was still drying herself off with a beach towel when I told her I was late and had to get home to help my mom.

I walked through the back door and heard my father's angry voice, rising and falling like wind in the trees. I wanted to turn and run, but he would be alone with my mother and she'd be taking the brunt of his anger. I stepped inside the kitchen. Sure enough, Mom was sitting beside him at the table, her face blank, appearing to be listening while her body language told me she'd tuned him out. When she noticed me standing in the doorway, she motioned with her eyes for me to disappear up the back stairs, but my father saw her shifting expression and turned to spot me where I stood rooted in the doorway. His forehead glistened with sweat and a streak of grease blackened his cheek.

“There you are, Darlene. It's about time you showed up home. Your mother and I were just discussing how little help you are around here — always scribbling away in some book or nowhere to be found. It's time you pitched in more. I'm going to clean up from fixing that bloody washing machine, which took my whole bloody afternoon, and then I'm taking your mother to town for supper before I head back to Ottawa. You'll be in charge of the store until closing. No slouching off.”

“I didn't know it was broken.”

“Pardon me?”

“The washing machine. I didn't know it was broken.”

My father's face pulsed purplish red and his voice rose a few pitches. “Of course you didn't. That would have meant you actually did some laundry or some work around here. Your school marks are average and you can't do anything right around the house. All I ask is that you take some of the load off your mother.” He pounded the table with his fist and the salt and pepper shakers jumped. “And enough of your smartass talking back. I didn't know it was broken. Christ.”

“I didn't mean …”

Mom gave him a hard look as she cut me off. “There's a casserole I got ready for lunch tomorrow, but you can have it for supper. I'm not sure when Elizabeth will be back from town, but there's plenty for her to heat up later.”

Dad took a deep breath, mumbled something, and stood up. He shook his head while he unhooked his suspenders and walked over to the sink, where he began washing his arms with dish detergent. Mom nodded at me and pointed to the store with a slight movement of her head. I started walking as quietly as I could to the door leading to the shop. As I passed her, she grabbed my arm and said quietly, “I don't know what I would do without you. He's just … had a bad afternoon. A migraine and then the washing machine.”

I didn't say anything back, but the anxiety in my throat eased a bit. Dad might not have heard me over the running water if I responded to my mother's comment, but I didn't want to take the chance of getting her in trouble. I straightened my shoulders and walked a little taller into the shop.

It was nearly seven o'clock and I was making my last circuit of the store to tidy shelves before locking up for the night. A rush of cottagers had kept me busy until around six thirty, but it had been quiet for the last ten minutes, and I was ready to get outside while there was still sunshine. I reached the cereal section and picked up a box of Rice Krispies that had fallen onto the floor. I was putting it on the shelf when the bell jangled on the front door. I peeked over the jars of pickles and nearly swallowed my gum.