Second Chances (35 page)

Studying her mother, she realized that she was going to the beach.  Her mother was not going to back down.  “I guess I’ll go get ready,” Hannah said quietly.

In the end, she was glad she went.  She had planned to merely sit and stare at the waves while the girls and her mother walked around with a bucket collecting any manner of debris that interested them.  And so she found a spot and sat.  She ran her hands through the sand, enjoying the feel of the moist abrasion against her skin.  Then she started looking at some of the shells and stones and sea glass she touched.

A black jingle shell first captured her imagination.  She held it up and saw it, saw it as it could be, wrapped in wire, dangling from a ribbon or chain.  She saw sea glass earrings.  She pictured stone anklets.  And suddenly, Hannah was filling her hand with the raw materials for a new project. 

From a distance, her mother saw this and smiled.  Hannah was going to be just fine.  And with that, she was able to focus once more on Rory and Zoe.

The drive back seemed longer.  Hannah smiled to herself.  She always felt that way.  And part of her impatience stemmed from a desire to create.  When they had gone back to her mother’s house after the walk on the beach, she had started designing some new pieces.  She played with some wire.  She played with some ribbon.  She was so glad that her mother had once dabbled in jewelry making. 

For the second time that trip she was disgusted with herself for letting her emotions keep her from taking the SUV Gavin bought her and the phone that she had found so useful as of late.  For example, if she had it with her, she could have already loaded those new jewelry pieces on her site.

Hannah smiled as she realized that she was well on her way to healing.  It wasn’t just the beach.  It wasn’t the outlet for emotions through jewelry making.  It was also a talk she had with her mother that last night after the girls and her father had gone to bed.  Her mother had found her staring out at the dark night sky and announced that they needed to talk.

Sitting down, Hannah knew that somehow this discussion was going to be important.  She wasn’t disappointed. 

“Did you know that I wasn’t your father’s first choice?”  Her mother looked at her with a smirk. 

“No, I didn’t,”
Hannah said surprised.  The way they looked at each other, the way they acted together, she had always believed that theirs was a tale of true love.

“My friend asked me to double date with her and her boyfriend.  Apparently he had a friend who was lonely.  I had nothing better to do, so I agreed to go.” 

Hannah smiled.  That sounded right.  Her mother was ever practical.

“So we went out to dinner and a movie.  I didn’t like this guy from the start.  Oh, but I did like the looks of her boyfriend.”  She chuckled.  “I was terrible to my date.  I ordered the most expensive items on the menu.  I had an appetizer, and a dessert.  I made him pay.”  She leaned back in her chair, smiling at the memory of it.  “Your father was my friend’s boyfriend.”

Hannah’s eyes widened.  “You stole someone’s boyfriend.”  This sounded nothing like her mother.

“We weren’t friends so much as we worked together.  And by the following weekend we weren’t friends at all.”  She looked Hannah in the eye.  “You may find this hard to believe, but I was quite attractive in the day.

“No, I don’t find that hard to believe at all,” Hannah said truthfully.  “I’ve seen pictures.”

“Well, did you know that your father was in the Coast Guard?”  She gave Hannah a look, almost a challenge.

“But you hate boats!”  Hannah was shocked.

“Yes, so I made him quit.”  She leaned back and smiled at her daughter, waiting for her to understand the meaning behind the story.  “Boats were your father’s life, his livelihood.  Then he met me and was willing to do anything to keep me.  People change.  Motives change.  And situations…can change.”  She stood and walked to Hannah.  “Good night, my darling.  See you in the morning.”

It was all Hannah could think about all night.  People do change.  Gavin had changed in the short time that they were living together.  So had she.  She was happy.  She
had
been happy.  Maybe if she could figure out how to forgive, she could be happy once more.  She just wasn’t sure if she could ever trust him again.  And without trust…there was nothing. 

The vehicle pulled into the driveway around 3pm in the afternoon.  Passing
each girl their travel bag, she ordered them to their room to unpack.  Then she grabbed the remaining bags and headed into the house.  Gavin was there, waiting in the foyer.  He looked…nervous.  He looked…scared.  He looked like he was hurting, too.  And for some reason she took some pleasure in that. 

He opened his mouth to speak, but Hannah stopped him.  “If you are about to lecture me about common courtesies, save it.  I just want go upstairs, unpack.  We can talk after if there is something you just are dying to tell me.”  Then she marched up the stairs.

When she closed the bedroom doors behind her, she felt badly.  What had happened?  One minute she was in the car, mentally prepared.  The next minute she saw him and all that hurt and anger just flared up again.  Her head and her heart were in serious conflict.  If only she didn’t feel so much.

Downstairs, Gavin had retreated to his study to think.  She had snapped at him.  Hannah took one look at him and just snapped.  He deserved it.  He sighed.  At the same time, at least she was speaking to him; at least she had offered to speak with him later, too.  Hope.  More hope.

Gavin didn’t want to wait until after the girls went to bed to speak with her.  He had waited four days already.  And the wait was killing him.  So he decided to be patient enough.  He waited for her to come back downstairs.  He waited for the girls to come down in bathing suits begging to go sailing.  And then, he asked the first question he had intended to ask that night.

“Hannah, can we just go for a sail before we have to all get back to work in the morning?”  He waited quietly for a response.  The girls wanted to go, too, so he had that working in his favor.

She looked down at the girls, wearing their bathing suits…and their pleading looks.  Both girls had their hands laced in front of them, and kept mouthing the word ‘please’ over and over again.  She hated to disappoint them.  There would be disappointment enough when they realized that they were moving out.  And she still had no idea where they were going to go.  All she knew for sure was that she wasn’t going to dust off her ad and try to find a new man to take care of them.  This had been disastrous.  Lesson learned.

“Fine.  Let’s go sailing.”  She went upstairs to get ready while Gavin and the girls headed out to ready the boat.  As organized as she was, she came back down and they were off about fifteen minutes later.

Quick to realize that they had forgotten food, Gavin shook his head.  “I’ve got it under control.  I didn’t want you to have to cook tonight so I ordered take out.”  Then he smiled as they sailed over to a nearby marina.  There was a delivery guy waiting for them.  Gavin smiled.

“You have got to be kidding,” Hannah said shaking her head.

The girls swam later.  And after that they went below to play.  Gavin took that as his cue to talk to Hannah.  The talk should come easily, since he had been practicing it for two days.  Bitty had helped him with that.  She had given him the idea.  And as much as he hated to admit it, he was glad that she had come over.  They had a lot to work through, but their time together over the weekend was a great start. 

“Listen,” he began slowly.  “I’ve been thinking.  And I know that you have turned in your written notice.  I don’t suppose you decided to rescind it over the weekend?”

Hannah shook her head.  “I’m afraid not, chief.”

Ah, so they were back to that.  He liked ‘handsome’ better.  Gathering his courage, Gavin continued with what he had rehearsed.  “So, I’m thinking that you are probably no better off now than you were when you first moved in.  Would that be an accurate assessment?”  He could see she was hesitant to answer, worried about where the conversation was going.  “You don’t have to say anything yet, just hear me out.”

Hannah leaned down and looked through the hatch to check on the girls.  They were oblivious to the intense conversation taking place topside.  And she intended to keep it that way.

“Whether you choose to believe it or not, Hannah,” he said, “I care about you.  I don’t want anything to happen to you or Rory or Zoe.”  He swallowed hard.  “I really do love you.”

Hannah’s breath caught in her throat and it sounded like she was trying to choke back a sob.  She had turned away so he couldn’t see her eyes.  And he let her have the time she needed to pull herself together before he continued.

“I can’t just let you leave and worry about how all of you will survive.  That’s not the man I am.  I’m not Brett.  I can’t just leave you to your own devices and move on with my life.”  He shook his head.  “I have no idea how I’m ever going to move on from this.  Seriously.  But I am going to do my best…for all of us.”

Hannah’s head cocked to the side.  “What do you mean?  What are you getting at?  Just say it.”

“Okay,” he smiled shyly.  “I have a proposition for you.”

“Great.” She rolled her eyes to the heavens.

“Here’s what I propose…
”  He waited to make sure she was listening.  When she faced him again, he started.  “We’ll keep doing everything as we had been.  We’ll have our breakfasts together and our dinners together.  We’ll go sailing.  We’ll have our story time.  We’ll keep everything nice and pleasant…for the girls…for all of us.  We’ll share the study in the evenings.  We’ll talk.  And in a week and a half, we’ll spend the last two weeks of the month sailing in the Caribbean.” 

“So far this sounds like a wonderful deal for you.  Why should I go along with it?  And at the risk of sounding mercenary, I’m dying to know what’s in it for me, other than a peaceful co-existence.”  She crossed her arms over her chest. 

“Well, since you mentioned it, I would give you an incredibly generous severance package that would help all of us sleep better.”  Gavin stretched.  He hadn’t realized how tense he was until that moment.

“You are asking an awful lot.  Just how generous are we talking?”  She stared at him, clearly unconvinced that any of this was really working out in her favor.

“To begin with, I’ll pay for you to live in the apartment of your choice for a year.”  He watched her eyes widen.  Hope grew.  “I’ll pay off and give you the Edge.  You seem to like it.  And you need it.  It’ll be yours, in your name, free and clear.”  Her mouth opened in surprise and she clapped a hand over it.  “And finally, I’ll pay for your phone for another year.”

Her head was spinning.  Really.  This would be the answer to her prayers.  She wouldn’t have to worry about anything.  She could take time to find a good job, instead of feeling pressured to take the first offer she received.  She could save money and never be dependent on anyone again.  It was…perfect.

Hannah struggled to process it, struggled to find the down side.  Well, she had to spend a ridiculous amount of time with Gavin for the rest of the month.  That was almost to be expected.  Other than that…nothing.  The girls would be happy.  She’d be happy.  And when they parted ways, she’d be independent.  Mostly.

“I won’t be able to relax in the Caribbean if I have to worry about the three of you.”

“Wait.  What?”  She did a double take.  “You are staying?  If I go along with this then when our time is up, you are staying?”

He smiled shyly.  “Yeah.  I am staying.  I’m taking this beauty,” he patted the boat that they had spent so much time on, “and we’re going to follow my dream.  I’ve decided to live a little before I die.”  He shrugged.

“What about the business?”  Hannah asked. 

“That was my father’s dream.  That’s Bitty’s dream.  It’s not mine.”  He shook his head.  “I’ve given enough out of guilt.  I’ve been more than responsible.  And it made me miserable.  You showed me I deserved to be happy.  You taught me how to be happy.  I can’t give that up.  It’s hard enough losing you.”  He looked away, unable to face her after making such revealing admissions.

“Can I think about it and let you know in the morning?”  She was suddenly nervous, no longer confident in her decisions.  “I mean, the last time I made an impulsive decision…it didn’t turn out so well.”  She gave him a smile.  And she meant it.

Gavin nodded.  He could see she was trying to play with him, joke with him.  And for the first time in days, he felt good.  He felt more confident.  He had no ulterior motive other than the obvious.  He told her outright how he felt, what he wanted.  Now, she had to decide what to do.  And he was confident that she would put the girls first, like always.  It might be a little uncomfortable for her, but she would take his offer for all the right reasons.  And he had twenty five days to make her fall in love with the life she could have, the life he wanted to share with her forever.

Hannah didn’t make Gavin wait long for a response.  At breakfast, she announced her decision.  “I have given this a lot of thought.  And…I accept.”  She shrugged and turned to finish fixing breakfast. 

And Gavin was so relieved.  He couldn’t help himself.  He walked over to her, turned her toward him, and hugged her close.  He felt her stiffen.  She didn’t hug him back, but at least he was touching her again.  “I’ll be home around 6pm,” Gavin said.  “I have to work longer hours this next week as I turn the business over to Bitty and help with the transition.”

“Of course.  I’ll have dinner ready for 6:30pm.”  She slowly turned her attention back to the tea, but really she was thinking.  In her angry state she had completely forgotten how good it felt to be in Gavin’s arms.  Maybe she was going to be working harder for that severance package than she imagined.