Second Chances (9 page)

Matt knew where Mason was taking her. Mason always got that look on his face when he was thinking about some animal or another, especially horses and puppies. He’d let them have a few moment to themselves. As much as it pained him to let her go right now, to not touch her, he knew from experience the importance of
them getting alone time with Claira. Even though they would be sharing equally in her life and love, they needed to build their own relationships with her, too. “You guys go ahead.” He waved them off. “I’ll help Grey get the boys settled into bed and meet you there in a few.”

No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t take his eyes off them until the darkness swallowed their
silhouettes and then moments later a soft glow of light filled the barn. He’d bet his last buck that Mason was trying to figure out how to talk her up the latter to the hay loft. He let out a chuckle as he reached for the door handle and pushed his way inside. The sooner he kicked Grey’s ass and got the boys in bed, the sooner he could join them.

Self-loathing wasn’t something Grey was unfamiliar with, at least not lately. H
oly hell, he needed his ass kicked for the way he had spoken to his boys downstairs. Hell, he’d kick his own ass if he could, but that wouldn’t erase the picture of Car and Con looking back at him as they climbed the stairs, expressions of disappointment and rejection smothering their innocence.

An apology wouldn’t fix it. Not this time. His behavior toward his sons, to
ward everyone, had been inexcusable, and just since he’d met Claira. Even though she had definitely thrown a wrench in his plans to live comfortably numb from his neck down for the rest of his life, he knew that he had been acting like a prick for the last few months.

He knew it, but he couldn’t
seem to stop himself. When he’d begun to notice the things he was unable to recollect about Sarah, bitterness and guilt devoured him. The more the bitterness ate at him, the more he’d pulled away from his family, afraid they would see him for the failure he was. The more he pulled away, the more they seemed to go on without him, without her. When he watched them all go about their lives the more bitter he became. It was like watching a train wreck with no power to stop it or to even look away.

Meeting
Miss Robbins seemed to ignite something inside him that intensified the bitterness. Witnessing his brother’s reactions to her, feeling his own body’s betrayal, made him realize he no longer had a choice. His family, even his own damn body was moving on whether he wanted to or not. Having his choices taken from him made his blood boil. He was always in control, goddammit. Why couldn’t he control this? Why couldn’t he fix it?

“Is daddy Matt coming to read to us tonight?” Con’
s small, innocent voice pierced his heart, snapping him from his silent rage. “Or is that part of our punishment, too?”

Grey’s heart broke and it was all he could do to hold in the sob that filled his chest. He had been so caught up in his own misery that he hadn’t said a word to either of his sons as they bathed and he got them ready for bed. He was such an ass. He fell to his knees and pulled Con out of his bed and into his arms, reaching out to grasp Car’s little arm.

Car flinched away from him and sat on the edge of the bed, refusing to look at him. Oh, God. What had he done? “Car, come here, son.”

“
No!” Jumping from the bed, Car ran past him. Grey looked back to see Matt holding his trembling little body in his arms, his face buried in the crook of Matt’s neck.

Grey’s eyes connected with Matt’s and the unspoken anger that radiated from his brother and the scared expression on his son’s face would have brought him to his knees if he hadn’t already been there.

Without a word, Matt turned with Car in his arms and walked to his bedroom down the hall then closed his door.

“I’m sorry, daddy.” Con
sniffled and his arms snaked around Grey’s neck. “We didn’t mean to make you mad at us again. We don’t need daddy Matt to read…”

“Oh, Con.” Grey hugged his son to his chest and fell
back to the floor with him in his arms “Don’t say that. You didn’t make me mad, son. Daddy Matt can read to you any time you want him to. I’m the one that should say I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled at you and your brother.”

“But we shouldn’t have gone with the Papaws to the barn to see the puppies. I wouldn’t have gotten sick with my nose and then you wouldn’t
have needed to yell at us.”

“No, Con.” Grey sat up and stood
Con on his feet. When his son wouldn’t meet his gaze, he hooked a finger under his chin and lifted his little face. When Grey saw his bottom lip trembling with the effort to hold back his tears, it was more than he could bear. He stood and picked Con up, sitting him on the bed next to him. God, how did his father’s do it? He’d never seen them cry, not once, and he was about one breath away from bawling like a baby in front of his six year old son. He had to fix this. He had to fix himself.

With an effort he thought was beyond him, Grey took a deep breath and cleared the lump in his
throat. He could do this. He had to get this right or he would lose his son’s respect, if he hadn’t already lost Car’s. That, above all else, was intolerable. “Yes, you weren’t supposed to be in the barn. But, son, I had no right to speak to you and your brother that way.” He paused and draped his arm around Con’s little shoulders. “I know I haven’t been easy on you boys lately, and…and…” God, how did you say you were a dickhead asshole in first grader language? He swiped his hand through his hair and took another deep breath, telling himself he could do this.

“
You haven’t done anything wrong, Con. I couldn’t ask for two better sons than you and Car. And I want you to know that I would never,
ever
get mad at you for being sick. Understand?”

Con nodded and wiped at his eyes as Grey fought against his own tears again. “
You’ll still be grounded when you do things me and your dads tell you not to,” he continued on to keep the lump in his throat from choking him. “But I’ll never dismiss you or talk to you again the way I did tonight. Okay?”

Con
nodded again and Grey pulled him onto his lap. “Ah, son. I love you. Don’t ever doubt that.” He gave Con a tight hug and held him out so that he could look into his eyes. “Am I forgiven?”

“Sure, daddy.
But, tomorrow, can you talk Car into picking the black puppy? I really like him but he won’t even think about it.”

Grey laughed and lifted Con
from his lap then settled him under the covers. For life to be that simple again. “I’m not sure if I can talk Car into anything tonight, buddy, but I’ll give it a shot.” He wasn’t sure how to fix this thing inside him. He just knew he had to do it. He needed his sons.

“Night daddy.
I love you.” Con said on a yawn and Grey leaned down and ruffled his hair. “Good night, buddy. I love you, too.”

H
e turned out the small Scooby Doo lamp beside his bed and walked to the door, pausing to glance back at Con before he stepped out and quietly closed the door behind him.

When he stepped out onto the porch, in desperate need of some fresh air, Grey noticed the ligh
t that flooded the barn. He peered down the drive and saw just what he’d expected. She was still there. Mason must have taken her out to the barn to see the puppies. No way in hell could he deal with seeing her again, but he couldn’t make his feet move to retreat back into the house. Instead, he found himself crossing the field between the barn and the house, making sure he stayed in the shadows.

He felt ridiculous sneaking around in the darkness on his own property. He told himself he wasn’t spying on his brother, just waiting for her to leave so that he was sure he didn’t interrupt anything.
Yeah, he was doing Mason a favor by hiding in his own fucking tractor. He climbed up into the cab of the nearby combine, completely concealed in the darkness, where he waited for Claira to leave.

He wasn’t dumb to his brother’s plans, nor could he blame them. She was beautiful. He felt the attraction to her the first time he saw her. The feminine sway of
her hips when she walked, the small dip at the base of her spine, and the perfectly shaped, plump little ass that made him want to sink his teeth into her.  He was an ass man, through and through, and what he’d seen of it, her ass was a kin to things only his dreams were made of. Sarah’s ass had been perfect.

Grey cursed
and banged his head against the tractor’s steering wheel. When he thought about Sarah and Claira in the same moment, his chest felt like it would burst open and spew out what was left of his heart. There inlayed the problem that he didn’t know how to fix. How could he ever let go of Sarah enough to be with a woman that compelled him and his brothers the way Claira did? How could he possibly forget her more than he already had, and still be able to breathe?

No o
ther woman had made his body want to try until he saw Claira standing in the middle of her classroom covered in green paint. What was it about her that called to him? Grey didn’t know the answer. All he knew was that he wasn’t prepared to deal with any of it.

His breath still
ed when the barn door opened and the light spilled out into the yard. Thankfully Mason had closed it behind him or Grey’s hiding spot would have been exposed. She was snuggled against Mason as they strolled through the darkness. His eyes were drawn to the gentle sway in her hips as they walked away from him, toward her car.
Jesus
, could he get any harder?

Once they were ou
t of sight, Grey groaned against the pain in his groin and quietly climbed down from the cab of the tractor then slipped into the barn. Even over the aroma of hay and horse flesh, he could still smell her. The light fruity scent nearly drove him fucking mad when they had all been crammed into the kitchen together. Now, he could detect the faint spice of her arousal mingled with that fruity concoction. At least he imagined he could. Had Mason tasted her? He would know for sure when Mason returned.

The last person Mason expected to see when he stepped back into the barn was Grey. The smile on his face fell and he steeled himself against
the urge to punch Grey straight in the gut. All that would accomplish would be to push him farther away from them. He saw the war Grey was fighting with himself, felt it even. But just like a stubborn thoroughbred, he would have to let Grey make the first move toward trusting in himself, and them. The old saying,
you can lead a horse to water
, ran through his head. Grey was his own man. He was a control freak. Mason knew that asking for help was going to be damn near impossible for him. He also knew it was inevitable and he was determined to be there for him when that time came.

Instead of confronting him, he silently nodded to Grey and walked to one of the far stalls in the back of the barn.
He picked up a curry comb and began grooming one of his prize brood mares, Darza. When Grey leaned his arms over the stall door, Mason held his tongue and ignored him. Long moments past and only the rhythmic sounds of the horse’s breaths and the wisp of the brush filled the air.

“She’s breathtaking.”
Grey finally said, breaking the silence between them.

“That she is,” Mason
agreed without missing a stroke of the mare’s illustrious chestnut coat.

Grey watched his brother and after a moment he let lose a small cough to clear his throat. “I wasn’t talking about the horse.”

Mason moved the brush from the horse’s neck and ran it along the length of her side. “I know,” was all he said, again without looking up at Gray.

“I’ve been a prick.” Grey added after another awkward moment of silence.

Mason paused for only half a heartbeat and then moved to the horse’s hind quarters. “I know that, too,” he firmly replied. This time he stopped and looked at Grey, but didn’t say anything else.

Grey shook his head and leaned back to look down at
his boots. He swiped at the hay poking out from under the stall door with his foot, wondering what in the hell he was doing out there. “Is there anything you
don’t
know, smart ass?”
Fuck!
He was doing it again.

Mason
ignored his brother’s taunt and walked around to the far side of the stall where he began the grooming routine on Darza’s other side. He wasn’t going to be lured into a fight with Grey, but he wasn’t going to let him get by with an easy out. “Yeah,” he barked. Resting his arms across Darza’s rump, he looked directly at Grey. “I don’t know
why
your being a world class prick. Care to enlighten me, or do you plan on taking your show on the road?”

“You threatening to kick me out?”
Grey didn’t take to threats too well. It chafed his ass to have to take one from his little brother. It made his gut churn to think he’d pushed this thing so far that his brothers were actually considering it.

“Nope,” Mason leaned into the mare and began stroking her coat again. “Just figured you were so damn unhappy here, you’d be leaving. I’d like the chance to prepare our boys, is all. Before we come home and find a note that you’d up and left us.”