Second Opinion (22 page)

CHAPTER 26

PRESENT TIME

The details of the week after Rachelle left me are fuzzy in my memory, probably because I spent the majority of that week drunk off my ass. All I could think about when I was sober was that Rachelle was married. She was probably off on her honeymoon enjoying all of the sex, and I was home alone, drowning my sorrows mostly in tequila.

But none of it really mattered anymore, and as I lay in bed after a shitty night’s sleep, I finally came to a pretty huge realization.

People fear change. It’s a fact of life.

When Rachelle smashed my heart into a million fractured pieces, I thought I’d never heal. I made mistakes. I hurt women. I didn’t allow myself to get too close to anyone because I was afraid I’d never pull myself out of another heartbreak.

But then I saw this blonde woman with brown eyes who I’d known for years in a totally different light.

Avery was my savior, and I hadn’t even known it. Ditching her for the night and reminiscing on my past with Rachelle had shown me I needed her. She’d healed those parts of me I thought were unhealable.

She’d singlehandedly shown me maybe there was someone else out there for me when I’d been convinced for far too long that Rachelle was the only one.

It was too soon to call it forever, but it wasn’t too soon to admit Avery had managed to fix some things that had been broken for a very long time.

And it was time to let her know that.

I wanted to tell her everything. I’d already relived all of those memories in the past ten hours; it couldn’t get worse than reliving them alone.

Change is difficult. It’s scary. But most of the time, change has to happen to get us to the right place. And the right place for me was beside Avery.

But first I needed to see Rachelle. I needed to bury the past, to get my questions answered so I could move on.

I finally texted her back. I didn’t wait until “our time,” because it wasn’t our time anymore. It no longer held that meaning for me. Now it just represented the time when I’d stupidly left Avery’s in favor of a past that haunted me.

Her text composed of ten little words, two short sentences, and forty-one characters got a reply that was the exact same length.

I can meet u today at ten. Bfast @ Wrens.

As the brother of an English teacher, I hated abbreviating “you” to “u,” but I was texting her back to let her know I understood her secret message.

Ten, two, forty-one was significant to both of us.

Ten was my room number in the fraternity house where I’d first made love to her the night of the Captain Morgan Confessional. And 241 was the classroom where we’d first met in COM105.

Somehow ten, two, forty-one became significant to both of us.

I wasn’t sure why I felt the need to craft a text that met the same numerical significance hers had, but I did it anyway. It hadn’t taken much thought considering it had once been a habit for both of us.

Her reply was instantaneous:
I’ll be there @ 10. Can’t wait 2 see you.

I didn’t have the mental energy to reply. I needed to save my energy for two things: first, to actually meet her in person, and second, for the night I had planned for Avery.

I texted Avery next.
So sorry about last night. I’ll explain it all tonight. Dinner at my place? –G

Her reply was
not
instantaneous.

In fact, I didn’t get a reply from her. I kept my phone next to me all morning. I went for a quick run and had it in my pocket. I showered and kept it on full volume just outside of the curtain in case she might call. I slipped it into my pocket as I made my way to Wrens for breakfast with Rachelle.

Wrens was a local bakery and sandwich shop. It was an easy solution when I didn’t know what else to eat, and it had always been a favorite of Rachelle’s. And the bonus was it was close to my house.

I walked into the place and glanced around, but I didn’t see her. The waitress seated me, and I ordered a coffee, opting to wait for Rachelle before ordering my meal.

I didn’t have a long wait.

I saw her walk in the door and glance around, much like I had only moments before. Her eyes locked on mine.

My eyes flicked down to her left hand, third finger in.

It was empty.

I felt myself inhale a sharp breath. I wasn’t sure what emotions were attacking me in the rush that filtered through my chest and into my stomach. I’d figure it out later. For now, I had to just live in the moment and see where this conversation took us.

Besides, just because she didn’t have a ring on her finger didn’t mean she wasn’t married. It didn’t mean she wasn’t seeing somebody. It didn’t mean she wasn’t in a serious and committed relationship.

She hadn’t been wearing a ring the last time I’d seen her, either, but she sure hadn’t been available then.

Not that it had stopped her.

I stopped the direction of my thoughts as she began her walk toward me. I took a sip of coffee, needing something to do to occupy my hands while she approached. I felt awkward and unsure of myself, and it was unfamiliar and uncomfortable.

I wasn’t sure if I should stand to greet her or remain seated. I was in a booth, so it wasn’t like I could just back up my chair to stand. I’d physically have to scoot out of the booth. And standing meant a hug, but I preferred to keep my distance. I didn’t want to touch her or feel her against me. It was too goddamn dangerous.

She’d always been dangerous, but I’d never seen her that way. I’d always simply seen her as the woman I loved, the one who I adored.

But as she slid into the booth across from me, I saw someone I didn’t recognize anymore.

Her eyes betrayed her cool exterior. She took me in, warmth turning to heat as she looked at me, but her eyes showed signs of exhaustion. Deep circles shadowed her normally bright eyes. She looked older, far more than the four years that had passed since I had last seen her. Lines from laughter—or maybe from frowning—were etched around her lips, and tiny webs of wrinkles crinkled the corners of her eyes.

But despite all of that, she was still the gorgeous Rachelle I’d always known.

“You look good,” she said. Her voice was still the same voice I’d fallen in love with.

“As do you.”

Those were the first words we’d spoken to one another in four years.

“How are you?” she asked.

I shrugged. “Surprised to be sitting across the table from you.”

She chuckled, but it was more out of courtesy than anything else. The smile didn’t reach her eyes.

The waitress came by for her drink order, and I opened my menu. I already knew what I was ordering, but I needed something to do, somewhere to look.

All I could think of was the fact that this entire situation was all wrong.

I was sitting here across the table from a woman who was entrenched in my past. That was where she belonged.

Seeing her sitting across from me confirmed what I’d already realized that morning. Rachelle was my past.

Avery was my present.

And with any luck, Avery would be my future, too.

I probably didn’t deserve her, but I was done beating myself up. I’d denied myself happiness for long enough. It was time to stop punishing myself under the guise of protection. It was time to start living my life, taking risks, and allowing myself to love and be loved in return.

And Avery was the girl I wanted to do all of it with.

“Denver omelet, side of wheat toast, and pancakes.”

I glanced up at her. “Bagel with nonfat cream cheese and strawberry waffles.”

She smiled, and this time it reached her eyes. “Funny how we can so easily fall into old roles.”

“Remembering what you like to eat for breakfast isn’t falling into an old role, Rachelle. And I was actually planning on scrambled eggs instead of an omelet.”

Hurt passed briefly across her face, and I’d realized my tone had been much harsher than I had meant it to sound.

But then I realized I didn’t care. She was hurt because she didn’t know my breakfast order anymore? Well that was her goddamn fault.

Neither of us said anything for a minute, and thankfully the waitress appeared to take our orders. Sure enough, she ordered a bagel with nonfat cream cheese and strawberry waffles.

And just to be spiteful, I ordered French toast and sausage.

“What are we doing here, Rachelle?” I asked tiredly. Fuck, I was exhausted. I rubbed my eyes with the heels of my hands.

“Breakfast.”

“What are you doing in town? Another conference?” My words were laden with spite.

She sighed. “A family wedding. My cousin’s getting married tonight.”

I glanced away from her. “Where’s your date?”

“I don’t have one.”

My eyes shot back to hers. I raised an eyebrow, and she raised one back at me.

I hated it when she did that.

That was my move.

The waitress dropped off Rachelle’s coffee.

She poured in two packets of the blue sweetener and one cream, and then she stirred. The spoon’s clank against the side of her mug was loud in the silence at our table.

I heard the noisy din of a Saturday morning breakfast in a restaurant, but I couldn’t really process the noises surrounding me.

“This is awkward,” I finally said. Someone needed to break the silence.

“It doesn’t have to be. Our history goes back far enough that we should be able to sit at a table together.”

“That’s not the point, and you know it. You killed me, Rachelle. I was never the same after what you did to me.”

“I’m sorry.” Her voice was so soft I barely heard her. Our eyes locked. Hers were pleading with me for forgiveness, but it wasn’t something I had in me to give her.

I’d always deemed myself a forgiving and forgetting type. I didn’t hold grudges. I was easygoing. But this was different.

This woman had led me on after she had already broken my heart once. I’d believed we had a future together, and then she ripped it away when she’d known all along she was going to.

That was unforgivable. She could apologize all damn day, but what she’d done was malicious. Maybe it was wrong of me to hold that against her, but she’d done so much damage that I was still dealing with.

It had taken that spark of intense feelings I had for Avery for me to even consider trying for something serious again. All of my treading for the past few years had been solely due to Rachelle’s actions.

I sighed. “You invited me here to talk. So talk.”

“I was a bitch, Grant. What I did was wrong, and I know that. It was selfish and cruel.”

I nodded. I couldn’t disagree with anything she was saying, so she continued.

“I met Michael about a year after you proposed. I wasn’t over you when I met him, but he helped me move past you.”

“I don’t need the dirty details.”

The waitress dropped off our food.

“I want to tell you everything.”

I shrugged and poured the syrup over my delicious French toast. I attacked my food with a vengeance while Rachelle picked at hers.

“My point is I have never gotten over you. You’re the first man I really loved, and you still own my heart.”

I snorted.

“I know I fucked up. But I want another chance.”

I couldn’t help it. I flat out laughed. What a ridiculous notion. I shook my head. “No, Rachelle. I can’t go down that road again. I didn’t even really want to meet you here today.”

“But you did. That says something, Grant. That says maybe it’s not over.”

“I really just came to see what you had to say for yourself. I had some questions about the last time we saw each other.”

“Then let’s start there. What do you want to know?”

“How is it possible you left me to go marry some other dude the next day?”

“Everything had been planned for months. Michael comes from a very wealthy background, and his family paid for everything. We had a wedding planner who handled every last detail. I had nothing to worry about. His mother took care of everything, regardless of what I really wanted. And then this conference came up. I jumped at the chance to see you. I had my doubts about Michael, but everyone around me kept telling me how perfect we were. All I kept thinking was
you
were the only man who was perfect for me. Everyone else was miles beneath you.”

“Then why did you end that week the way you did? If you’d have been honest with me then, if you’d have told me then what you’re telling me now, maybe things would be different now.”

“I was scared. I did love Michael, but not with the sort of passion I loved you with. And that stained our marriage from the very beginning. He had always known there was someone else in my heart, and that’s what eventually broke us up.”

“You’re divorced?”

She nodded.