Secret Confessions: Down & Dusty — Casey (2 page)

‘How soon can you fetch my car?’ she asked, folding her arms across her chest like armour.

He shrugged one shoulder. ‘Is that all you can manage to talk to me about after shooting through without a word?’

She scoffed, unable to believe her ears, ‘There were words, Joel. Plenty of them.’

Theirs hadn’t been an amicable split. As with everything where Casey and Joel were concerned, there’d been fireworks. Curse words, plates and a number of other household appliances hurled across rooms so that by the time she’d finally walked out of their little rental house there’d been little of value or significance left for her to take. Not that they’d ever had much between them.

‘So why are you back?’

Holding her chin high, she told him. ‘I’ve come to help Lucky with the pub during the rodeo. She’s had trouble with chefs the last few months or something and wants someone she can trust and rely on while she’s busy.’

‘I see,’ was all he said in reply. And then he glanced at his watch. ‘Well, I guess you won’t be working tonight. We should have dinner, reconnect.’

Something in his voice told her his definition of reconnect would involve getting naked, losing not only her clothes but her self-respect. Sex had never been their problem—it was everything else that had destroyed them—but she did crazy things when Joel started sweet-talking. She needed to be very, very careful.

Then again, she needed to talk to Joel and a public place was as good as any for the conversation they needed to have. He was less likely to lose his shit with an audience around them and she was less likely to break her own rules. Number one of which was: don’t fall for his charms and sex appeal.

‘Dinner sounds good,’ she said, with emphasis on the dinner. ‘We need to talk.’

‘Whatever you want, baby,’ he drawled.

For some reason whenever she heard other people refer to their partners as ‘baby’ her hackles rose, but when Joel said it to her, she went weak at the knees. Her fists curled at her sides as the desire she’d always felt for Joel warred with common sense.

‘Do you want to come out with me to fetch your car?’ he asked.

Casey swallowed. Alone in the tow truck with Joel? She thought of all the times they’d done it in the back seat of his first car (a vintage Holden wagon) and almost went into cardiac arrest. Shaking her head, she said, ‘You don’t need me to, do you? I’d like to check in with Lucky before happy hour.’

He shook his head slowly and stepped even closer to her, serious heat and intent in his eyes. ‘I don’t need you to, but I’d like you to.’

She couldn’t breathe. He was so close she could smell the potent cocktail that had always reminded her of him—engine oil, leather and the coffee he downed as if it was water. Her mouth watered as she remembered the taste of his lips. No! She shook her head and blurted, ‘Joel, I want a divorce.’

‘What?’ His cocky grin vanished and he recoiled as if she’d thrown her fist into his face.

Smooth, Case, real smooth.
This was not at all how she’d envisaged this conversation going. Firstly, she wouldn’t be exhausted after a long drive. Secondly, they wouldn’t be alone in a place where they’d fucked too many times for her to remember. She didn’t need the memories or the visual stimulation. And thirdly, she’d planned to break it to him gently.

‘Let’s not discuss it here,’ she said, shaking her head, her voice cracking and tears stinging at the back of her eyes. No way had she planned on crying. This was what she wanted, what she needed, but the hurt in his eyes made her feel like she’d committed a mortal sin. She needed to get out of there. ‘We’ll have dinner at Lucky’s tonight and talk about this like mature adults.’

His brows rose and she knew he understood the dig. Her biggest complaint about Joel and their marriage had been that he wouldn’t grow up and get serious about being a husband. She’d wanted to save for a house in preparation for having a family, but he’d been keener on shouting his mates drinks at the pub.

‘Okay, I’ll be there.’ He shoved his hands in his pockets. ‘Where exactly is this car of yours?’

She gave him the directions, the make of the car and her keys and he promised to deliver her luggage to the pub as soon as he’d towed the Cruiser into town.

‘You don’t have to do that. Just text me when you’re back and I’ll come get it.’ She was already turning towards the door. ‘I don’t think delivery of luggage is in your job description.’

He hit her with a you-can’t-be-serious glare. ‘Whatever you want to discuss tonight, as far as I’m concerned you’re still my damn wife and when I can, I’ll freaking look out for you.’

She sighed—there were so many holes she could pick in his argument, but she didn’t have the energy or desire. ‘Thank you,’ she simply said. ‘I’ll see you later.’

***

‘Here, drink this.’ Lucky, the petite, brown-haired publican of the Milpinyani Springs Royal Hotel, slid a glass tumbler across the bar to Casey and she downed it without even checking to see what it was. She trusted her old friend and needed something to stop the jitters. Joel would be here any minute. Hiding away in her room, she’d managed to avoid him that afternoon, telling Lucky to get him to leave her luggage at the bar when he dropped it off, but the conversation they were about to have could not be put off any longer.

‘Thanks.’ Casey placed the glass back down on the bar, the hard liquor still tingling on her tongue.

Lucky shrugged. ‘It’s the least I could do after you came all the way back to help me out.’

Casey merely smiled as Lucky went to serve one of the regulars. If it had been anyone else asking her to return to her home town, she’d probably have made some kind of excuse, but Lucky had given her a room at age seventeen when she could no longer stand living under her stepdad’s roof. Knowing how desperately Casey hated home life, Lucky had said she could have free board in exchange for helping with the cleaning and breakfasts for the guests. As a result, she’d always feel a little in this strong and independent woman’s debt.

In hindsight Casey saw Lucky’s offer for what it was—a ruse to help a young, lost soul—but back then she’d really thought that by moving into the pub she was also doing Lucky a favour. She’d found she quite liked cooking and for the first time in her life she had an inkling of what she’d wanted to do for a living. The pseudo job had eventually transformed into a proper one and her years of working in the kitchen at the Milpinyani pub had been good training for her work as a station cook.

And the best thing? Lucky, only about six years older than she and Joel, had been happy to turn a blind eye if she let him stay the night as well. The pub’s accommodation was another one of the many places they’d fooled around over the years. She’d been far too young when she’d given him her virginity, when she’d taken his, but the experience had blown her mind. Her friends had reckoned that your first time always hurt, but although she’d bled a little, she’d never been in anything but ecstasy with Joel.

She’d decided then and there that adults—parents—told all these lies about sex to try and scare their kids into abstaining as long as possible.

‘He’s here.’

Lucky’s whispered warning broke her reverie and all the muscles in Casey’s body stilled as she prepared for the sensual assault of her senses.
Remember why you’re here; there’s more to life than charm and sex appeal
, she warned herself as his shadow came up behind her and she turned to see him sliding onto the stool beside her.

Holy hell! Wasn’t it illegal to look that damn hot?

If she wasn’t only twenty-six, she’d think she was going through menopause, so overwhelming was the heat that flushed through her at the sight of Joel, all scrubbed up now, wearing a pair of clean dark jeans and a long-sleeved black tee pushed up to his elbows, which only highlighted his tanned, muscular forearms. He no longer smelled of grease and old car parts, but rather the edgy, intoxicating aftershave she’d bought him herself. She’d dreamt of that scent for months after she’d left and had only recently managed to eradicate it from her memory bank—at least, she’d thought she had. His hair was slightly damp and he’d even made the effort to shave. This guy gave a full-blown beard a good rep, but she’d always loved the clean-shaven look best because it made an appearance so rarely.

He’d been clean-shaven on their wedding day and she could still remember the feel of his smooth jawline between her legs when he’d licked and sucked her into oblivion in the back of their hired limousine. Oh Lord!

‘These are for you.’ He thrust out a bunch of hand-picked camellias towards her and then, before she could anticipate his next move, he leant forward and brushed his lips against her cheek. It was possibly the most chaste kiss he’d ever given her, but the ripples of desire it sparked were anything but platonic and she guessed he knew it. Bastard. Catcalls and wolf-whistles from locals erupted behind them and it was this public attention that snapped her to her senses.

She dumped the flowers on the bar and glared at him. ‘Did you steal these from the park again?’ There was a tiny strip of grass and a few measly garden beds that constituted the Memorial Park—also on the main street of Milpinyani Springs—and this wasn’t the first time Joel had pilfered flowers for her. Truth was, out this way, there weren’t many gardens blooming with flowers and, when she was younger, she’d thought his efforts kind of cute.

He winked and said, ‘You’re worth it, babe,’ as if he hadn’t heard the recrimination in her tone.

She rolled her eyes and thought she heard Lucky snigger. ‘Come on, let’s go sit,’ she said, sliding off her stool and gesturing to a table in the corner—secluded enough to shield them from prying eyes and eavesdroppers, but still public.

‘Shall I grab us a bottle of wine?’ Joel asked, standing and pulling his wallet out his pocket.

‘Wine?’ She couldn’t keep the surprise from her voice. She’d only ever known him to drink beer or bourbon.

He nodded. ‘Sure, I don’t drink much anymore, but I thought you might like a glass?’

‘Um …’ Although her taste buds danced at the idea, she was already regretting the one glass of whatever Lucky had given her. Any more alcohol might blur her judgement or cause her to forget why she was here. ‘No, thanks. I’ll just have a Diet Coke.’

‘Sure.’ He smiled at her and then turned to Lucky. ‘Can I get one Diet Coke and one normal Coke, please?’

Lucky smiled right back as if she’d forgiven Joel for driving Casey away. ‘Of course, you guys get seated. I’ll bring it over and take your meal order.’

Feeling unsettled, Casey turned away from them and started towards the table, but she’d barely gone two steps before she felt Joel’s palm land gently in the small of her back. Every cell in her body flared and she wished she’d worn something a little thicker, like a woollen jumper and heavy overcoat. Who cared if it would have been inappropriate for the temperature? Joel made her hot whatever she wore.

Deciding not to make a scene, she continued on to their table and was about to pull out her chair, but Joel somehow got there first. He’d always been a gentleman, so it wasn’t unusual for him to open doors or hold her chair while she sat down, but it didn’t feel right to let him do these things now. And he didn’t simply hold her chair. When she sat, he put his hand on her neck and gently scraped his thumb across her nape, his touch possessive as if he still had a right to be so. She shivered despite herself, goosebumps erupting over her skin, and then to her relief he removed his hand.

He sat opposite from her and the self-applauding grin on his face said he knew his tiny touches had affected her more than she wanted them to. Thankfully, Lucky arrived moments later with the drinks and Casey took a long, much-needed gulp of ice-cold Diet Coke. She had an urge to hold the cool glass against her forehead but didn’t want to give Joel that kind of ammunition.

Lucky took their orders, although Casey couldn’t remember what she’d asked for, and then returned to the bar leaving her all alone with her soon-to-be ex-husband. And he was smiling at her like he didn’t have a care in the world. The kind of smile that had always melted her insides and, unfortunately, still did.

She picked up her glass and held it like a crutch, hoping the coolness would seep into her hands and spread throughout the rest of her body. ‘Did you get my Cruiser?’

‘Yep. I’ve ordered in two tyres for you, but it’ll be a couple of days before they get here.’ Joel leant back in his seat and stretched his legs out, not batting so much as an eyelid when his denim-clad leg brushed against her bare one.

The sensation sent a shiver of need straight to her core. Why the heck had she chosen to wear a skirt? It wasn’t like anyone made too much of an effort at the Milpinyani Springs pub but, stupidly, she’d wanted to look good tonight.

‘That’s a pretty fancy drive you got there, baby,’ Joel all but purred and then took a slug of his Coke.

By fancy, he meant brand new and she wasn’t about to apologise for that. ‘Thanks. My new man brought it for me.’

His eyes grew wide and he spluttered his mouthful as if someone had just thumped him in the middle of his back.

Casey bit down on a victorious smile and passed him a serviette instead. He took it and wiped his mouth, all the while glowering.

‘So I guess that’s why you want to break our sacred marriage vows,’ he spat. ‘Hell, it sounds like you already have.’

A wave of guilt swept through her. ‘You’re telling me you’ve stayed faithful to me this past year?’

‘Damn straight, I have,’ he hissed, sitting upright and then leaning over the table so only she could hear. ‘The only relationship I’ve had is with my hand. And every time I jerked off, it was your beautiful face, your sexy body and your fucking hot pussy I was thinking about. There’s never been anyone else for me.’

She squeezed her thighs together, said pussy throbbing with arousal at his angry, raw confession. It was hard to imagine that someone as sexually-driven as Joel could go without that long and it made her feel things she didn’t want to feel. They’d had some pretty powerful make-up sex in the past and right now all she could think about was the kind of sparks that would fly if she let him touch her now when he was a pent-up ball of fury and rage.