Secret Saturdays (15 page)

“Yep,” I said.

“Monday I was in this room meeting with your teacher,” Davon said. “We were at this desk planning today's Advisory and I looked up and this picture almost made my jaw hit the floor. Sean's face popped out at me immediately. We met a few weeks back when we were both visiting his dad in Clinton. I told Ms. Feeney, ‘This is Sean, right?' She bugged out. Her eyes went wide. I told her how I knew him. That's when she told me Sean had just fought in here. She said he threw the first punch. True?”

I stuffed my hands in my hoodie's pockets. I shrugged. “I don't know.”

“Why'd you want me to speak with me, little man?”

“I'm worried about Sean,” I said.

“Me too,” he said. “Ms. Feeney says she sees Sean put kids down all the time. Now he's stepping it up to another level. Fistfighting. She asked me to see if Sean's dad knows. I'll see about Sean's pops, but let me ask you something.”

“Yeah?”

“You tried speaking to Sean? The way you talking with me? To stop his stupidness?”

I wasn't sure, but Davon's voice sounded how Sean's moms' did when she told me I should've tried harder to keep Sean out of trouble. Jackie putting that on me back then made me feel guilty, and Davon putting this on me now made me feel bad again. I got tight because I wished I could do something, but Sean wasn't listening to me. I wanted to stay quiet but I decided to tell Davon that.

“I tried,” I said, “but he's been acting mad different. I don't think he'll listen to me.”

“You should try speaking to him again,” Davon continued. “I don't know much about Sean's relationship with his pops. I do know that when I saw them during that visit, Sean sat as far from his dad as he could. The whole time. Once in a while, Sean's father gave him a compliment, but Sean twisted his lips like ‘Whatever.'

“Sean kept shooting stank looks at him too. Yo, your boy got hostility against his old man. Maybe it was just that visit but they didn't seem close. So I'll speak with Sean's pops but you talking to Sean might have more of an impact.

“When I was your age, I listened to my boys more than my parents. Sean's heading the wrong way. Can you kick it with him? Maybe turn him around?”

I checked on Davon's friends. They were near the windows talking. Ms. Feeney was at her file cabinet flicking through folders. “Yeah,” I told him. “I'll try talking with Sean.”

“Cool, little man.” Davon smiled.

At the same time we both put our hands out for a goodbye pound.

“Merry belated Christmas,” he said.

“Thanks,” I said. “Happy late New Year's too.”

I stared back at Ms. Feeney. She was busy at her file cabinet so I nodded peace to Davon and bounced.

SO SEAN'S FATHER'S IN JAIL.
Sean must've visited him those Saturdays. Part of me wanted to run and tell Vanessa and Kyle Sean's secret and what had happened between me and that jail guy in Advisory. But part of me felt like I needed to keep Sean's secret for maybe the same reasons he kept this thing with his dad a secret in the first place. For the same reasons that me and a lot of kids from our projects and school stayed quiet or lied about our fathers.

Maybe like us he was too embarrassed to admit he didn't have the perfect family that be on almost every TV channel. I knew I was ashamed my father wasn't around, and my dad wasn't even in prison.

I wondered if Sean's moms told him not to put his family business about his dad in the street.

Or maybe Sean made up stuff about where his dad was because it hurt to be real about whatever got his dad locked up.

I knew one thing for sure. If our neighborhood and school knew Sean had a locked-up dad, that would've made him like everyone else with deadbeat dads. He couldn't be king of the hill no more.

But even after all my thinking, I still was mad at the fact that he had lied to me.

Anyway, I couldn't tell Vanessa and Kyle about Sean right now if I wanted to. Vanessa's and Kyle's parents pulled them from school early. Vanessa left school at two o'clock with her mom to go to a dentist appointment in Williamsburg. I already knew Kyle's father had gotten him from school at one thirty so they could visit Kyle's grandparents on Long Island.

I had finally learned Sean's secret. Now, was sharing it with Vanessa and Kyle the right thing to do? Maybe I should just do what that giant told me. Speak to Sean. My thoughts felt tied up in my head. Maybe I needed to write in my rhymebook. It was home, so I rushed there.

 

My mother was in the bathroom hanging wet clothes to dry when I got home.

“Ma,” I said. “Can we talk?”

She slung my last wet T-shirt onto a hanger. “Sure. What's up?” She looked nervous and probably thought something bad had happened with me. She wore the same outfit she always did when she did laundry. Her extra-large green T-shirt that said “Brooklyn” in white script, black sweatpants, and white tube socks. Her hair was pulled back in a bun.

“Nothing's wrong with me,” I said.

“Good. You got me worried.”

“You know how Ms. Feeney invites guest speakers for Advisory?” I said. “Today we met guys from jail.”

“Really?” Ma sounded impressed. “What you learn?”

“One guy knows Sean's father. From jail.”

“Didn't Sean say his dad lives in PR?” Ma said, squinting like she didn't understand and was looking for me to repeat myself.

“Sean lied,” I said. “His dad's really been in jail. He's there now. Him and his mom probably went there that time we saw them.”

Ma nodded.

“What I don't get,” I said, “is where that Puerto Rican stuff on Sean's dresser came from.”

“What stuff?”

“Sean says those key chains, toys, and stuff on his dresser are from his father, in Puerto Rico.”

“Justin,” Ma said. “Wake up. Half of Sean's family is from PR. Maybe they send him stuff and he just says it's from his dad. You know, to front so people won't think his father's locked up.”

“You surprised Sean's dad's in jail?”

“No,” Ma said. “Something didn't make sense about his story. His father was supposed to be in Puerto Rico but still with Jackie? And he loved Sean? Then why didn't he once visit Sean in Red Hook? What free man, who's cool with both his wife and son, lives two, three hours from here and can't visit them?”

“True.”

“Him being locked up might also explain why Jackie stays on a hi-and-bye basis with me. You and Sean are best friends, but she never got close with me. Isn't that strange? She kept her distance to keep the business with Sean's dad private. So no, it doesn't surprise me Sean's dad's in jail. Looking back, now it makes sense.”

“Sean's father is in jail,” I said again, loud. I checked to see if Ma thought I was bugging for repeating myself, but she just looked sorry for me.

“All this time,” I said, “Sean's been dissing kids for having deadbeat dads. It's Sean who has the deadbeat dad.”

“That's how it is,” Ma said. “If someone feels bad about something, he points it out in other people. When I was young, I hated my teeth, so I teased kids about their teeth. While everybody was focused on those kids, nobody was focused on me.”

“But what about Sean getting new games and clothes?” I asked. “Sean's mom is a cashier at IKEA. And his dad's locked up. They don't own a house and land in PR like Sean said. His mom can't afford all his new stuff. Where does his extra cash come from? I thought his dad mailed him that money from PR.”

“Maybe she has other family helping her out,” Ma said. “They could be throwing money her way on the side. That could explain Sean's games, cash, and clothes.”

“Ma, Sean's a fake friend! All his lies. The first lie: his pops is in PR. His second lie: the stuff on his dresser was from his dad, from Puerto Rico. His father didn't send that. He lied to me and said he went to Jersey and Philly this year, but he didn't. He's been a fake friend.”

“Stop acting silly, Justin,” Ma said. “Sean's not a fake friend. He lied about his father. But can you trust Sean with other stuff? If you got into a fight, would Sean jump in?”

“Yeah.”

“When I didn't get my check and you wanted to go paintballing with Sean, what happened?”

“Sean paid my way. And he didn't ask me for the money back.”

I thought about me and Sean and the Grey House. He had chances but he had never once told anyone I had climbed the Grey House. Yeah, I could trust Sean with stuff. Maybe Sean was a real friend. But how could a real friend be honest with you about one thing and lie to you about another thing?

“Justin, do you think I know everything about my friends?” Ma asked.

I thought she did.

“My friends and I sometimes keep things from each other,” Ma said. “But we have each other's backs where it matters. You don't know why Sean lied. Maybe he's ashamed his dad's in jail. Maybe Jackie told him to lie about where his father was. We don't know. But you can't fault Sean for hiding something like that. If your dad was in jail, would you tell other kids?”

I knew my answer. No, I wouldn't tell. And I probably would lie too about where my dad was. Ma reached out and stroked my forehead. I half smiled at her and she pinched my cheek.

“Don't think Sean's not your best friend because he didn't tell you about his father. He probably was just protecting himself. Maybe he thought you'd joke on his dad.”

“I wonder,” I said, “if Sean felt that if his own father could hurt him by going to jail and leaving him to survive alone, then maybe us, his closest friends, who aren't even his blood, could hurt him worse than his dad did.”

“That's probably part of it,” Ma said.

I thought about how Ma talks about boys in the projects being hard. Maybe Sean kept the truth in because he was so used to pretending nothing was wrong with him. Ma hated it when I hid things from my guy friends. Maybe this was why.

“You mind if I go to my room?” I asked Ma.

“Go ahead, sweetie.”

I lay back on my bed thinking about Sean.

Maybe Sean's a fake friend, I thought. Maybe he's not and I should forgive him.

I kept going over the situation again and again like a dog chasing its tail. I couldn't decide if Sean was a fake friend or worth forgiving. I also couldn't keep my eyes open anymore.

I fell into a deep sleep and had a wild dream.