Secret Seduction (11 page)

She blew-dry her hair in front of the mirror. The coincidences still bothered her and were suspicious maybe, but in spite of it, Tanner made her feel safe in a way she could neither explain nor rationalize. What would happen when their red-hot love affair ran its course and she had to see Tanner at work every morning, had to live next door to him?

Maybe by then she would have finished her residency and moved on to a new hospital, a new opportunity, even a new town.

But the thought of leaving her friends and the hospital saddened her in a way she hadn’t expected. Confidential Rejuvenations had an almost magical energy to it. The minute she’d walked into the place, she’d felt the power. It had certainly helped to heal her. From its white, natural stone walls to the elaborate stained-glass window in the reception hall to the interesting architectural archways, Confidential Rejuvenations promised a respite from the hectic world beyond the privacy hedges.

She loved her job, loved the people she worked with. No doubt about it, the hospital was her home, the people in it her surrogate family. She had no contact with her real family, nor did she want any. They hadn’t been there for her when she’d needed them most.

The only person who’d helped her had been the mysterious benefactor who’d stepped forward to pay her way through college and then medical school after Carlo Vega’s trial. At first, Vanessa had not wanted to take the anonymous donations offered to her through a lawyer; she’d been skeptical. No one in her life had ever helped her without some kind of strings attached. But her dream of being a doctor had gnawed at her until, eventually, she’d accepted the money. To her surprise, the benefactor had never made a single demand on her other than to do well in her studies.

She’d never met the person. She still didn’t know who it was. She hoped to find out who this individual was someday and thank him or her for their generosity.

And what of Tanner? whispered a voice in the back of her mind. This casual fling might be just fine for her, but what about his feelings? She was the first woman he’d slept with in four years. The first woman he’d been with since his wife died. There was bound to be some kind of attachment on his part.

That disturbed her more than anything else. The last thing she wanted was to hurt him, but she wasn’t responsible for his well-being. He was a big boy. She hadn’t led him on in any way. In fact, she’d pulled a scalpel on him.

Vanessa groaned, remembering what she’d done and turned off the blow-dryer. What if he fell in love with her? Worse, what if she fell in love with him and she turned out to be nothing more than the rebound girl for him?

Come on, aren’t you jumping the gun? Falling in love? All you two have done is share some great sex.

But what if she could have that kind of rip-roaring sex for the rest of her life? Her pulse leaped at the thought.

“Knock it off,” she said out loud, but she couldn’t stop thinking, what if?

Although it was late, she thought about calling Elle. She was the voice of calm, rational reason, whereas Julie was a starry-eyed romantic, but Vanessa paused. Elle and Dante were still newly together, and Vanessa hated the thought of interrupting something.

Rubbing coconut-scented lotion into her hands, she went to the foyer to retrieve her cell phone from her purse and call Julie.

“Hello?” Julie answered.

“Did I wake you?”

“No, I filled in for someone on the swing shift,” Julie said. “I just got home from work. What’s up?”

“Um, where are we meeting for lunch next week?” Vanessa hedged.

“You called me at eleven-thirty to ask about lunch next week?”

Julie knew her too well. Whenever she needed someone to talk to she always turned to either Elle or Julie. They were like sisters. “No,” she admitted.

“Is this about that guy?”

Darn Julie and her uncanny ability to ferret out romance in the air. “Yes, it is,” she conceded.

“Did you see him again?”

Vanessa ran her fingers through her hair. This was why she called but now that the conversation was rolling, she wanted to back out. Unfortunately, the scent of juicy romance was like a soup bone to a hungry pup for Julie. Her friend wasn’t about to let this go.

“It’s a little bit more complicated than that.”

Julie whooped. “You had sex with him again.”

“You don’t have to sound so tickled about it.”

“Why not? You deserve something good.”

“That’s not all of it.” Through the phone Vanessa heard the sound of a refrigerator door opening, the plop of ice falling into a glass, the pop and fizz of a soda being poured. Julie was a diet cola fiend.

“Ooh, tell me more. How did you find him again? I thought you said you two just exchanged first names. Did you go back to Emilio’s?”

“No.”

“Are you going to make me pry this out of you?”

“It’s not important.”

“Come on, I’d tell you.”

“I don’t want it getting around Confidential Rejuvenations,” she said.

“He works at the hospital?”

“Yes,” she admitted.

“Oh, come on, you have to tell me now.”

Vanessa realized she wanted to tell her. Needed to share this experience with someone. “He’s the new head of security.”

“Omigosh.” Julie laughed. “The whole hospital is buzzing about what a hunk Tanner Doyle is and you landed him. You sly woman, you.”

“It gets worse.” She moaned. “He moved into the condo next door.”

“So?”

Vanessa swallowed, hating to confess her thoughts even to her friend. “So I like him too much.”

“And that’s bad because…?”

“Julie, have you not met me? I don’t do relationships,” she said.

“You know, I’ve never understood that.”

“It’s because you’ve never been to medical school.” The minute the words were out of her mouth, Vanessa regretted them. She didn’t think doctors were better than nurses, but she knew nurses were often treated as second to physicians in the medical hierarchy. The truth was, no hospital could function without dedicated nurses. Doctors got all the glory when the nurses did ninety percent of the patient care. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that the way it sounded.”

“You’re right,” Julie said, forgiveness in her voice. “Medical school requires a degree of commitment that I’ve never experienced. But other doctors fall in love, have relationships and get married. Many of them while they’re still interns and residents.”

“Quite often, unsuccessfully,” Vanessa pointed out and drummed her fingers on the counter.

“You make a good point, but you’re using your work as an excuse.”

That was true. Vanessa blew out her breath.

“What are you so afraid of?” Julie asked.

“Losing everything.”

“You’re not going to lose your career if you let yourself fall in love,” Julie said sensibly.

Vanessa wasn’t just talking about her career. She’d spent too many years under the thumb of controlling men and she was terrified she would fall back into old patterns. “I’m afraid of losing my independence.”

“You don’t have to. In fact, if you’re with a guy who really loves you he’ll admire and respect your independent nature.”

“In my experience that’s not the way it works.”

“Look at Elle and Dante. They have a great relationship,” Julie pointed out.

“Dante’s different from most guys.”

“Who says Tanner isn’t different, too?”

“Come on, let’s be realistic. A doctor and a security guard? I mean what do we have in common besides sex?”

“That’s up to you to discover. Besides, it’s true what they say—opposites attract. Think of it as balancing each other out. He can provide you with the kind of security you never had growing up and you can provide him with—”

“What? What can I possibly give a man like that?” Besides the hot sex of course.

“Loyalty.”

“Loyalty?”

“You’re the most loyal person I know. Yes, it takes you a long time to warm up to people, but once you’re committed to them, you’re committed.” Julie paused. “Maybe that’s the real issue.”

“What do you mean?”

“Maybe you’re afraid to commit to anyone because once you do, you know it’ll be forever.”

Vanessa inhaled sharply. “I’m not afraid of anything,” she denied, hearing her own words ring false.

Julie mumbled something Vanessa didn’t catch, but she could imagine what it was.

“Thanks for listening to me,” Vanessa said. “I’ll let you go to bed now.”

“There are nice guys out there, Nessa. Guys who won’t hurt you when you give them your all.”

Easy for Julie to say. She’d been raised in a happy, middle-class, Leave It To Beaver kind of family—honest, committed, loving. She had no clue what it was like to spend your childhood in the barrio dodging gang members’ drive-by bullets and sexual advances from your lecherous stepfather.

“Tanner and I are just having fun,” Vanessa said. “It’s not even a relationship. This affair will burn out soon enough and then it will be over. We’re grown-ups. We’ll handle it like adults.”

“Sure, sure,” Julie said, but she didn’t sound convinced. “If that’s the way you really want it. Me, I’d rather take a chance on love, even if it means that I end up with egg on my face.”

“Like you did with He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named,” Vanessa said, referring to Julie’s last lover, who she’d discovered too late was a married man.

Julie’s swallow was audible. “Yeah.”

“You’re saying all the heartache was worth it?” Vanessa challenged.

“I’m saying the gamble is worth it. Life is short. It’s either a daring adventure or nothing.”

“Thanks for that fortune-cookie moment.”

“Hey, what are friends for?” Julie laughed.

Vanessa pretended to yawn, using the same ploy she’d pulled on Tanner to get out of an uncomfortable conversation. “I better get some sleep. I have a 7:00 a.m. case.”

“Nessa?”

“Yeah?”

“Would it be so bad if this thing between you and Tanner developed into something more?”

Vanessa let herself imagine the possibilities for one brief, hopeful moment. It sounded good, but she couldn’t help wondering what he would think of her if he knew the real Vanessa. She was afraid to take that chance. Afraid to see the disappointment—or worse, disgust—in his eyes. She shook her head. “It’s not a road I want to go down. Just the thought of it has my knees shaking.”

“That’s what love does to you,” Julie said. “It’s why they say falling in love makes you weak in the knees.”

“Lucky for me,” Vanessa said glibly. “I’ve always had strong knees.”

SLEEP ELUDED TANNER.

The clock he’d plugged into the wall socket beside the mattress thrown haphazardly onto the floor glowed green, letting him know it was 2:36 a.m. Heaving in a deep breath, he cradled his head in his palms and stared up at the ceiling.

Every nerve ending in his body was tuned tight as piano wire. The wound on his arm burned. His inner thighs ached from the wild, and unexpected, sexual activity. But worst of all, his mind felt as if it had fractured into a hundred jigsaw pieces that wouldn’t fit back together again, no matter which way he turned and twisted his thoughts.

He hadn’t felt this alive, this edgy in years. Tanner equally loved and hated the sensation. He tasted his regret, swallowed frustration. What in the hell was happening to him? He didn’t like the way Vanessa unhinged his thinking.

Unhinged him.

And yet he couldn’t stop dreaming about her. Just when he was about to fall asleep, he’d catch a whiff of her orchid perfume or hear the feral sounds she’d made in the middle of their lovemaking. He could see into the gut-clenching bottomless abyss of her dark chocolate eyes, and he’d actually felt…like a man again.

God, but Vanessa Rodriquez knew how to make love.

Tanner allowed himself to think about it, about the shape of her mouth, about her long, slender fingers, the feel of her incredible body writhing beneath his. He knew he should be sleeping instead of getting a fresh boner all over again.

That’s when the guilt set in.

It came at him from two directions, barreling down like speeding 18-wheelers headed straight for each other, and he stood frozen in the middle of the intersection.

He had always been a dutiful man, doing what was expected of him, toeing the line, never stepping out of bounds. Maria had often teased him when he refused to break even the smallest of laws, like not wearing a seat belt for a quick trip to the corner store. She called him her Eagle Scout. He never crossed the kind of boundaries he’d crossed with Vanessa. He didn’t know what possessed him, or why he hadn’t been able to stop himself.

An affair with Vanessa broke all the rules and that only made him want her more. Confusion had him sitting up on the mattress, propping his shoulder against the wall.

Being with her breathed fresh air into his stagnant lungs. Where had being a good guy ever gotten him?

Then there was the guilt that haunted him over Maria. He couldn’t help feeling as if he was cheating on her.