Secret Worlds (322 page)

***

Two weeks passed. Marren stayed true to his people’s ways. I barely got to spend time with him without the company of someone else desperate for his decision on one matter or the next. Most of the matters dealt with Jiren in some way. And even when I did get time alone with him, his mind was continuously on Jiren. We barely discussed a ceremony to make us—our relationship—official. He assured me Okelo would be taking care of the details. I wasn’t assured.

Always Jiren on Marren’s mind. Not something he begged me for a few short months ago.

“Is Jiren the only one of his kind?” I asked while he waited for a meeting with the rest of the Ancients. I stood at the end of a table, next to where he would sit when company did arrive.

“He is the last of his kind.” He spoke to me while he stared out of the window carved from the wall. The view overlooked the forest and mountains. His form held me in a state of sadness and anger. He hadn’t returned to his former self yet. The evidence of his prison still showed on his body as his tanned skin still seemed too pale, his body slightly weaker with his slouched shoulders, and even his eyes were clouded with deep purplish hues under his lower lids.

“What happened to the others?” I asked, desperate for his conversation.

“Those who didn’t turn to pure energy, ended up getting killed or went into hiding on the mortal realm. Those who did become like Jiren were bound to something. Exactly how, we don’t know.”

“There’s something else I don’t understand.”

“What is that?” He sounded almost enthused with my curiosity. I forced back a smile.

“Why didn’t Jiren kill you when he had the chance? He gloated about doing it when he fought me. He wanted me to watch you die then take your form and mislead the races into thinking they were going back to the mortal realm, and by the time they’d figured out what was really happening, it would be too late for them.”

Marren nodded as I explained. He seemed to understand where my concern was coming from. “I’m afraid I don’t have an answer to that question.”

“How about this one, how could you tell which one was the real me?”

Because I can sense you. Plus only you, the real you, can hear me when I talk to you like this.

I walked toward him, closing the gap in between us. Every nerve in my body reaching out to him before we touched. “What if he comes back today or what if he’s already here?”

Marren’s gaze fell over the scenery out of the window. His jaw clenched a few times, then let out a long aggravated sigh. Immediately, I wished I hadn’t brought it up. I tried to form an apology, but the words stuck in my throat, swollen shut by an onslaught of tears. I backed away, turning to leave the room before they fell. My heart ached for him. All of him. Yet, the only thing I seem to be doing was pushing him farther away from me.

I reached the table before he pulled me back into him, covering my face with his chest. “Why do you cry, uwoduhi?”

I pulled back, confused because he didn’t know. “Because I’ve upset you.”

He smoothed the hair from my face, tucking a few loose strands behind my ears. “Nothing you’ve said upset me. It’s him. I’m going mad thinking about Jiren.”

“Stop thinking about him and start thinking about the ceremony.” Which was to be the following night, and I had absolutely no idea what to expect. Okelo kept herself busy with Serid, the ceremony and other minor errands Marren thought of to keep her busy.

A burst of warmth filled me. Marren was happy about that. Even excited when he let himself think of it. “Yes, the ceremony.”

He couldn’t hide the smile if he tried.

“Reschedule the meeting. Insist that the others stay for the celebration and do the meeting afterward. You’ve barely eaten, and you aren’t sleeping well.”

I wanted to go further, but someone stepped into the room, forcing Marren to stiffen and me to back away from him. I was too late. The meeting would happen anyway.

I left the room immediately, wanting time to think and be alone. I walked to the cliff that gave a glimpse of the realm—most of the realm anyway. Much smaller than the mortal one, I discovered, but immortals didn’t have desires or needs as much as humans, nor the greed. And this was only meant as a temporary basis. I wondered if I would recognize the mortal realm and if this realm would still exist once every creature crossed over. Would we wait until we had the baby, or would we wait for Jiren to start something again?

All those questions and more filled my mind, a swirling chaos that made me dizzy and nauseated. It was hard enough to eat before I got sick but even harder to keep the food down. Two weeks prior, I experienced the fluttering of the child within me for the first time. Now, it seemed my belly swelled to the point I needed to wear loose fitting pants and long baggy shirts. And the child protested every crouch or movement that would limit its space. I let out a shuddering sigh as the nausea continued on.

Grass grew over much of the rocky ground. I stood in a thick, lush patch. It appeared soft, cool, and comfortable. I decided to lie down on it and watch the clouds drift by in their weightless, floating motions. The grass was all I expected and more. It was a soft pillow, matched by the softness of the clouds. The cool breezes came over me, softly cooing me into a light slumber, light enough to still hear the soft sounds of footsteps approach. I tried to open my eyes, but they were so heavy and unwilling to move. But I didn’t need my eyes opened to see who it was. I felt him, breathed him in, and tasted him in the air. My body immediately gravitated toward him and his warmth.

What happened to the meeting?
I asked as my body relaxed and sank further into the grass.

There was a shuffle and I heard him lay beside me. His arm overlapped me with his hand lying over mine, hugging my fingers to his.
I told them the meeting was canceled until after the ceremony.

A burst of warmth and excitement came from my body’s center. I opened my eyes and straddled Marren’s waist with too much speed. Having forgotten the reason I laid down to begin with. It all came back to me as the sensation of me continuing to move to the other side of Marren, yet my body stood still. I laid my head down on his chest with a miserable groan. He rubbed my back gently while the child protested being squished by two bodies.

Let’s go get you something to eat and a little rest.

Just as soon as I can move
, I said and slowly half rolled and half slid to his side. Marren’s arm made the perfect spot for my head. The curve of his arm wrapped around me in a tight and comfortable embrace.

“Nothing is more important to me than you, Relena. I’m sorry I made you believe otherwise.”

I played with a leather lace on his vest, twirling the material between my fingers while he did the same with a strand of my hair. “I understand. Believe me, I want Jiren’s head on a platter as much as—if not more than—everyone else. Mine just happens to come with a little more of a personal grudge.”

“You, hold a grudge?”

It was meant as a joke but struck something within me. I clutched the lace I played with in my fist and pressed my lips together so tightly I thought I would cut them with my teeth.

“Did I say something wrong?” Marren asked.

“No, but it’s the whole topic of him. He just…just…”

“Shush, uwoduhi. You shouldn’t stress over him. Think of the baby.”

“All right, if you want me to not stress, why can’t we crossover and have the baby there?”

“Because changing while pregnant isn’t safe.” There was a hidden fear behind his words. Something dark crossed his eyes, and I understood part of the reason why Marren had been so edgy that day when we crossed over. I was carrying his child, and I had gone through a change.

“Why?” I sat up, pulling my knees under me. The nausea subsided.

He propped himself up on his arm and toyed with a piece of grass that he pulled from the ground. “It’s something my people always feared, but could never exactly put into words.”

His emotions filter through every level imaginable. He was so conflicted about the crossover and still worried if he made the right decision. I didn’t need our private communication or touch to get that much.

“Marren.” I paused, waiting for him to turn his gaze on me. When he did, I thought my heart would break free from my chest, much in the same way it would when he and I first talked in my room after he rescued me from the Cyrs. I put as much love and faith into my words as I could when I said, “I’m okay. The baby is okay. We’re okay. Nothing is wrong with the baby, but I really would love to have her at home. In our own private home.”

I realized that was the first time I thought of the baby as a girl. I smiled only for it fade far too quickly.

“We can’t cross over, even if I wanted to, we can’t. We must make sure that Jiren isn’t going to do anything, and we need to find out how to finish him. The danger is too high for the baby. You could go into labor early or shifting into your normal human body could…” He choked off.

Guilt filled the hollow pit of my stomach like an iron ball wedged in there. I leaned into him, wrapping my arms around his neck and shoulders, and placed a long peck on his neck at the base of his jaw. I felt his arms wrap around me tightly, pulling me into him, so closely that our bodies seemed to blend together.

I’m sorry.

Marren’s body trembled.
No need to apologize. Gvgeyu, waya uwoduhi. I thought I wouldn’t get to see this day. That you would die, along with me, and the child. I thought that I wouldn’t see you again and kept sensing you somewhere near me. I kept trying to tell you to come closer, but when I realized what the forest did to me, I tried to keep you away.

I had a slim chance of repeating his words, his beautiful enchanting language. With how it affected me, calming the angriest storms that raged within, I was sure it could do the same for him. At least I hoped. If he didn’t die of laughing.

I pulled from him, ignoring the hurt in his eyes, and cupped his face with both of my hands. Staring deep into the black orbs I loved so much, I whispered, “Shush, gvgeyu. You have me forever, I promise.”

His eyes grew wide with shock? Alarm? He was frozen in place. Stiff and unmovable. His lips were parted as if the words he searched for were lost in the wind. I feared I had screwed up and said he was the furthest thing from my heart, which hung suspended, afraid to beat. He pulled me into him so hard and so fast I couldn’t think. His lips pressed into mine and moved them to his will. His tongue slid over my lips and along mine. Such heat and such passion exploded from him. I experienced his freeing emotions. He compared it to the way the eagle feels when flying on the first spring day after a long and cold winter. A strange idea to me, but he was filled with so much love and joy and pure elation.

“Uh-hem,” Enid said.

We froze. So caught up in the moment we didn’t hear anyone approach. Marren loosened his grip on me and helped me to stand. We faced Enid, seeming as though he had been smacked in the cheeks with how red they were.

“Yes,” Marren cleared his throat, “what is wrong, Enid?”

“Okelo wishes to run through some of her last minute ideas with you, and A’lainn, here, is needed elsewhere.” His eyes fell on me, and I understood what he meant. I had to be prepared for the ceremony.

Reluctantly, Marren released me. All the while, I knew his eyes were on me, watching me walk away. I turned around, before disappearing into the hall of the mountain. His eyes met mine, and I realized I said the right thing at the right time.

My nerves and insides were tied into knots as I prepared to go through with the one thing I swore I would never do…until
him
. I smiled to myself as my heart drummed through every panic-stricken moment; every piece of clothing placed on me. Every inch covered in white and bright beads. My body vibrated with itching nerves firing off. The pants and soft knee-high boots, the weird half-skirt that wrapped around my right hip, even the bodice that went over an off-the-shoulder chemise. Each one made me want to rush out of the room. My hair was pulled from my face in three braids—one in the back and one on each side, with beads and white leather laces tied at the ends.

Why are you so nervous?
Marren said in our private way.

“I’m not nervous.”

Okelo glanced at me with the other werewolf girl, whose name I didn’t remember. Their looks spoke of worry and questioned the stability of my mind. I realized I had spoken aloud.

I smiled. “Er…right? This is normal jitters? There’s no real reason to be nervous, is there?”

Both girls shared a smile and a giggle while Okelo shook her head.

“You two could not be any more perfect for each other. It’s probably that you’re anxious and can’t wait to belong to him forever,” Okelo said.

Right. Forever.

I’m not nervous.
I spoke to Marren this time.

I can’t wait to see you.

A nervous chuckle escaped me. I found myself bouncing a little. The baby kicked her annoyance.

“Careful or you’ll bounce right out of your dress,” the other werewolf girl spoke with the edge of a giggle at the end of her words.

“I can’t help myself. I’m scared.”

“What for?” Okelo asked. Her brows had furrowed together in the way a parent’s would while staring hard at their child who had done something they should have thought better than to do.

I opened my mouth to offer some form of explanation, but only air escaped and an “Um…?”

Both girls dug into the giggling this time. I had to admit, even to myself, the idea of me being nervous was a little ridiculous. I’ve already given myself to Marren so completely and irrevocably that this ceremony should make perfect sense. Even as a small step toward forever with him. A bubble of giddy laughter sprung from my belly and out of my mouth. Loud and light.

My heart danced and I knew Marren did the same.

See you soon,
I said.

See you soon,
Marren whispered back.

With the final burst of laughter, my body calmed, and with it, a serene peace came over me.