Secrets (21 page)

Not at all. And I could use a few people on my team. She lowered her voice. I hate going home. It's always such a strain. Jane envied her as she thought of it, her own parents had been dead for years, and this year she didn't even have Jack ' or their son ' but at least she had the girls.

We'd love to come, if you're sure your parents wouldn't mind.

They'd be thrilled. It was bending the truth a little bit, but Gabby felt better going home on Christmas Eve, with Jane and the girls. They went to the apartment on Fifth Avenue in a limousine, and a light snow had just begun to fall. Jane started singing White Christmas on the way, and the spirit was contagious as Gabby and the girls started to sing with her.

One of the maids was stationed at the door, taking coats, and Gabby cringed a little inside, as she saw Jane's eyes widen at the opulent decor. It was one thing reading about the Thornton-Smiths, and another visiting them. There was the usual overdecorated tree, perfectly done in silver and green, with antique German angels hanging on it and little knots of fruit, stretching up to the second floor, and the enormous living room filled with Louis XV furniture looked sumptuous and elegant as Gabrielle's mother walked quickly toward her and gave her a kiss, shook Jane's hand, and introduced her to everyone as one of the actresses in Gabby's show. Gabby blushed, but she was pleased when her father made a fuss over them, and there were even little gifts for them, when they went into the dining room. The table was set for fourteen, and their closest friends were there, the Armstrongs, the Marshalls, old Mrs. Hampton, the Proctors, and William Squire Hunt. They were people Jane had read about and it was all a little bit like a dream, being there with them. Charlotte was wearing a heavily beaded red satin evening gown, and Gabby had worn dark green, a dress her mother had sent her from Bendel's after all, and not one of her evening gowns from the show. Jane had worn an exquisite taupe chiffon Brac, and she looked magnificent, and the girls looked innocent and sweet. It was a storybook night, and they sang carols afterwards and sat by the fire, and Gabby was actually glad she had come. Her father read from A Christmas Carol, as he did every year, and there was brandy and buttered rum and eggnog. The entire evening was a feast, and Jane was actually sad to leave when they finally did. She and Charlotte had gotten along extremely well. They chatted about Hollywood, and Charlotte was fascinated, as were the other guests.

You'll have to come and see us on the set while we're here, Jane urged, and for once, Gabrielle didn't even cringe.

I'd love to. Charlotte was thrilled, and promised to come down the following week. The two women kissed, and Gabrielle kissed her parents good night, and yawned as they got into the car waiting downstairs. She sat back against the seat next to Jane, and looked like one of the girls.

You know that wasn't half bad, for once. She grinned mischievously and Jane laughed.

Shame on you. They're wonderful. You're a very lucky girl.

Gabby groaned and smiled at the girls. They thought she was lucky too. In fact, they were enormously impressed with her, and with Jane as well. They had finally realized that their mother wasn't so bad after all. If she knew people like that' Wait till we tell Dad ' Alyssa said, and Jane laughed. They were funny kids, but wasn't everyone, and as Jane went to bed that night, and she kissed the girls good night, she found herself thinking of Zack, and wondering where he was, and with whom, on Christmas. He hadn't called her since he left, and she couldn't get him out of her head, as she drifted off to sleep, thinking of the party she'd gone to with Gabby.

There was a definite chill between Mel and Sabina when he returned. He got back two days after they all went back to work, and for the first few days he slept in his own suite of rooms, for the first time since they'd left California. But Sabina didn't say anything. She offered no explanation as to why she had gone home, and it was Mel who finally cleared the air, when he took her back to the hotel after the shooting one night.

I'm sorry if I've been upset. His eyes were gentle but still hurt.

You've had a right to be. Her voice was kind as she looked at him. But I couldn't change my plans, Mel. No matter how much I wanted to. He didn't ask her why, or who meant that much to her. He couldn't imagine that anyone did. She was self-centered and spoiled, and she thought of herself most of the time, yet she was nice to him. And they got along well. Maybe wanting more than that was asking too much of her. Maybe they just had to accept what they had, for as long as they had it. What right did he have to expect more of her?

Are you seriously involved with someone? It was all he wanted to know. He didn't want to make a fool of himself, even for her. He was too old for that.

Not the way you think. This was an obligation I have every year. And it was obvious she didn't want to explain it to him. Sort of a family thing. He wasn't sure he believed what she said, but it was a comfortable lie, for both of them.

I didn't know you had any family. She didn't answer him, and he took her out to dinner after that, and they got back on the right track again. He moved into her room again that night, and she teased him as she lay in his arms, sipping a glass of champagne after they made love.

I was afraid you weren't going to speak to me again. She eyed him with her extraordinary green eyes, and he felt his heart melt again. He was surprised at how much he had come to care about her. More than he would have liked, but she had gotten under his skin somehow, when he wasn't looking.

Why would I be foolish enough to do that?

Because I'm so independent sometimes. The feline look came into her eyes and he laughed. She was right.

You are, aren't you? ' have you ever wanted to be otherwise? To be tied down to anyone?

She was honest with him as she shook her head and offered him a sip of her champagne as they lay naked in her bed. No. Oh ' maybe once ' when I was very young ' but not in a long time. Maybe never since then. I don't think I'd do well tied down. She was tied down in other ways, but not to a man. I was madly in love with someone several years ago, but we never thought of getting married. Actually, he was married to someone else. And that suited me very well. It sounded awful to Mel, and he still remembered how wonderful it had been, being married to Liz.

He looked sad as he looked at his friend. I used to like being married very much' .

There was compassion in her eyes. I know ' that must have been terrible for you ' I mean when ' She hated to say the words, for fear of bringing him pain.

It was. I thought I wouldn't survive it. But I did. And I never wanted to do that again ' to care so much ' and to lose it all' . It was unbearable, just thinking about it ' his children ' his wife ' everything' . I'm content now. I'm used to being alone. And he enjoyed being with her. He was willing to give her plenty of room, and she appreciated it. She was grateful for his lack of questions about her Christmas plans, more than he knew. Another man might not have tolerated it. And she was well aware of it.

Would you marry again? She was curious, in some ways she thought he would.

I'm not sure. I've never wanted to. And I wouldn't want to have children again. I'm too old now.

Nonsense.

He smiled. I don't mean physically. I mean in other ways. I wouldn't want to do that again. It takes a lot of energy and time and love to bring up kids, and I put that into my work now. He rolled over and kissed the inside of her arm. He was a strong, vital man, youthful in many ways, and he was content with his life. And I have enough energy left over for you, I hope ' and enough love' His voice was soft. I do love you, you know.

Thank you, Mel. She kissed him in response, without directly answering him, and then after a long time, she whispered the words that frightened her so much. She avoided saying them whenever possible. But this time she said them. I love you too' . There were tears in his eyes when he kissed her then, and he gently took her in his arms and made love to her.

Mel gave a beautiful party for the cast and crew on New Year's Eve. He took over the entire discotheque Le Club, and everyone had a marvelous time, drinking champagne and dancing all night long, and singing Auld Lang Syne at midnight. He held Sabina in his arms, and kissed her, as a small group near them cheered, and she laughed and threw her arms around Zack after that. He had been dancing with Jane, and he kissed her gently on the cheek before Sabina interrupted.

Happy New Year, sweet friend ' I hope it's a wonderful year for you ' for all of us' . He looked at Jane with a bittersweet look she didn't understand as Sabina swept him away. And Jane found herself kissing one of the cameramen, and then embracing Gabrielle, as the director came over and kissed them both. The only one missing was Bill, and most of them had no official dates. They were just together, as Mel had hoped long before, like one big happy family. And Gabby was relieved not to have to deal with Bill. Jane had even brought her girls, who were awed by it all. It had been an unforgettable vacation for them, and they were leaving the next day to go back to L.A. And the entire cast was returning to the West Coast in two weeks.

Zack danced with Jane again afterwards, and he held her close in a way that he never had before, and it stirred her very soul. They hadn't had much time alone since he'd gotten back, but she'd been busy with the girls, and there were a lot of last-minute changes in the scripts. The evening ended for most of them at 4:00 A.M. and double-decker buses Mel had rented took them back to their hotels. Zack sat next to Jane and held her hand, and Sabina and Mel sat side by side in the backseat. Members of the cast had begun nothing them together recently, but no one said anything. They seemed right for each other somehow, and when Zack dropped Jane and the girls off at their room, Alyssa turned to Jane with a curious look.

Are you in love with him, Mom?

With whom? For a moment she was taken off guard, and she blushed. With Zack? Of course not, we're just friends. But Alexandra wasn't so sure. She had seen the way he looked at her, and she was suspicious of him, but at the same time she liked him. They both did, but they still thought Bill was the better-looking of the two.

At the same time, he was passed out in his room, having drunk an entire bottle of Scotch alone. But loneliness and his preoccupation with Sandy had finally gotten to him. And the girls were disappointed not to have seen him again. Alex had had fantasies that at midnight he might be standing nearby, and might kiss her too. Mel was right, all the young girls in the world would be panting at his feet soon.

Jane took them to the airport the next day, and she was sad once they'd gone. She'd be seeing them again in two weeks, but by then, Jack would have done a number on them again. Although she hoped that there would be some lasting effect from their trip. She knew they'd been enormously impressed by Zack and Bill, Gabby's family, the shooting itself, the parties on Christmas and New Year's Eve. But she longed for the solid life they had once shared, even with its lies. Everything had seemed so normal and secure then. It wasn't, of course, but she had lied to herself ' for so many years ' she was thinking of that when Zack called her.

Want to go for a walk? It was snowing again, and she loved the idea. She bundled into her heavy coat, and they headed down Madison Avenue, glancing at the shops, and talking about the girls.

I think the trip was good for them.

They're good kids.

Thank you. You don't have any children, do you, Zack?

He smiled and shook his head. No. She had never asked him that before, and he could have, by someone somewhere. I've always been a little sorry about that. I guess I never found the right girl .

It's not too late. She smiled, and he looked at her wistfully.

Maybe not. And then they walked in silence for a while, lost in their own thoughts. The turning point into a new year was a thoughtful time, when one weighed the past against what lay ahead. And they both had good things in store in the coming year. The show was looking good to all of them, and they talked about it, as they often did, as they walked toward Fifth Avenue on Fifty-ninth. Want to go to the Plaza for a drink?

Sure. They ordered toddies and then went back outside, and he hired a hansom cab to drive them through the park as she snuggled next to him, amazed at how comfortable it was just being with him, and suddenly he looked down at her and she thought his eyes were damp, from the cold she thought, but she wasn't quite sure.

I wish I'd met you twenty years ago ' maybe even twenty-five' And then he laughed, and held her gloved hand tightly in his own, and the hansom cab took them right to the door of the Carlyle. And they had dinner in her room that night, and rehearsed the next day's scenes. But she was thinking about what he had said, and she wished she had met him earlier too. What were you thinking just then, Jane? They were relaxing on the couch, like old friends. She felt as though she had known him for years, and she liked that about him. She liked a lot of things about Zack. His looks, his elegance, his charm, his thoughtfulness, his intelligence, his kindness'

I was thinking how nice you are ' what a good actor, and what a nice man, and that I like you a lot.

His eyes met hers. I like you too ' you've become very special to me. She had the feeling he wanted to say more, but he never did. They started talking about the others instead. Gabby, and Sabina and Mel, and Bill who was still so difficult.