Secrets and Lies 3 (The Ferro Family) (5 page)

“
S
o how long are we
going to sit in here?” Beth looks around. There are some hugeass windows along the wall, but climbing out of them with her broomstick skirt is going to be a problem.

I shrug. “We can grab lunch later. I need to talk to you—I have a problem.”

She grins and pops up to sit on a sink. “Is it a hot problem?”

“Yes.” I put my bag down and lean on the sink next to her. I stare at the empty stalls as I speak. “I’m supposed to model again tonight. I don’t mind doing it, but Carter and Emily are still mad at me for agreeing to model. And then there's the thing with Nate. I’m thinking I shouldn’t do it. Right?”

Beth is a good listener. She rarely assumes anything and thinks before she talks. “Is it just awkward? Or is there more to it?”

I stare at the pink tiled floor and try to figure out what’s bothering me most. “I’d rather shove pins in my eyes, but I gave my word. They all expected me to flake, and the pose isn’t that revealing. I guess the worst part is the best part—time alone with Nate. It’s almost worth the agony just to see him for a little bit.”

“He didn’t talk to you in class the other day?”

“Not more than anyone else. He was in teacher mode.”

“So, what? You’re going to seduce him?” She makes a face. “Kerry, there are a lot of other guys to go after. Guys that won’t get you expelled, or him fired.”

I grip the sides of a sink, lift myself up, and slide back on it. “I know, but there’s something about him. I don’t know how to describe it. Things weren’t like that with Matt, or J—” I suddenly realize what I was about to say. Shit. Neither of us told her anything about that night. I was too mortified to relive it, and Josh seemed to think Beth would kill me. So we remained silent.

She’s cutting holes into the side of my face with those pale blue eyes. “Kerry Hill, you better tell me which brother did something to you so I can castrate him right now. My friends are off limits! Damn it! They know that, and one of them hooked up with you, anyway. What the fuck?”

“It wasn’t like that. The night when we were at the STIC, Josh took care of me. I was drunk enough to kiss him but lucid enough to realize things with Nathan feel different. Nothing happened between us. He made sure nothing happened to me.”

She folds her arms across her chest and stares down at them. Anger lines her delicate features, making her face tighten and her jaw lock.

“I’m sorry, Beth.”

She shakes her head. “It wasn’t your fault. It’s him. Josh. He’s been trying to get into your pants from the moment he met you.” She suddenly darts from the bathroom, and I wish I couldn’t hear it, but I can. Beth starts screaming at her brother to leave me alone and stay away. I know there are tears on her face because I can hear the warble in her voice. It echoes down the hall.

A professor tells them to take it outside, and the shouting dies down. A barrage of emotion collides into me. I understand her frustration with her brothers, but at the same time, I wish I had just one person who cared that much about me. Actually, someone caring about me even a fraction of the amount Josh cares about Beth would be nice.

I’m used to fending for myself. No one has my back. Not even my mother.

My life is a mess, and wearing sweats every day is the least of my problems.

I
walk
out of the building and head toward the cafeteria. I’m starving, and it’s better than nothing. As I pass by the art building, I feel someone looking at me. I turn and see Carter standing in front of a giant sculpture of a raven’s claw. It’s nearly ten feet tall and adorns the entryway to the building. He’s leaning against it, but as soon as he sees me, he turns and walks away.

I have no idea how to patch things up with him. I still can’t believe what Emily said, that Carter likes me. He was just being nice. Josh's voice echoes in my mind, ‘There’s no such thing as a nice guy.’

Ironically, Josh seems to be a nice guy, despite the idiotic things pouring out of his mouth. If I needed help, he’d be there and ask nothing in return. I wonder if there’s more to the story of Josh and Carter than the parts I know. Cheating doesn’t seem to be Josh's thing. He’s too proud to sneak around.

As I watch Carter walk away, I realize I miss him. It sounds corny, but some people are just easy to get along with. People who make you feel good about yourself and have an easy way about them. Carter is one of those people.

I tuck my chin and walk faster, hoping to avoid the lost puppy thing I’ve got going on, when I slam into someone. I nearly fall over, and my bag slides off my shoulder. A set of strong hands steady me.

Nate asks, “Are you all right?” He glances around to see what I was running from.

Damn, it’s that obvious. “Yeah.” I muster up some false confidence and beam at him. I can do this. I can talk to a super-hot teacher-man and not make an ass of myself. “I’m just in a hurry, that’s all. Sorry. I wasn’t looking where I was going.”

Nate’s eyes lock on mine and tingles rush over my skin. I wish I could reach out and touch him. I can’t fathom what he thinks of me. I’m a train wreck. When Nate seems satisfied that I’m okay, he leans over to pick up my bag. At the same time as he bends down, something cold smacks me in the face and sticks to my skin. Mortified, I touch and feel cold slime under my fingers.

Nate stands and looks at me and then in the opposite direction.

Chelsey calls out, “Hey, Bacon! Quit flirting and get to class, you greasy girl!” She’s standing with her pack of bitches and holds up an empty bacon wrapper. Laughing, she takes a picture as the piece of cold meat slips off my cheek.

Nate is about to walk toward them, no doubt ready to write them up for assaulting another student. But I don’t want to be the girl who was attacked with bacon. That’s just embarrassing. I touch his arm and shake my head. “Don’t. It’s fine.”

His jaw tightens as he stares at her and then looks back at me. “No, it’s not fine. She hit you.”

“Right. With bacon. It was a joke.”

“It left a mark.” He touches my slimy cheek with the tip of his finger, but I jerk away.

“I’m fine.” I can’t talk about this with him. I look like a loser, and I can’t stand it. “I’ll see you later.”

As I walk away, I hear his voice behind me. “Come a little early if you can. I’d like to talk to you.”

“
W
hat a bitch
!” Beth is fuming. “She threw a slab of bacon at you?”

“It's not like it was huge. It was just a quarter of a pound.” I’m finishing up my hair and makeup before I head to be the model again. I think of the money—it’d be nice to have a pair of jeans again. Mom and Matt will be here in two days. I can’t walk around in sweats the entire time. I need to look like I’m holding it together, even if I am getting hit with breakfast meats as I cross campus.

Beth is sitting on my bed and rocks back, laughing. “That was the weirdest thing I’ve ever heard you say.”

“Then you haven’t known me very long.” I turn toward her and smile. “Listen, I’m not going to let her get to me. Besides, I found an amazing place for the meat.” I point under Chelsey’s bed.

Beth’s jaw drops. “You did not!” She jumps up to see what I did, rushes to the other bed, drops to her knees and looks for it. “I can’t see it.”

I grin. “I know. It’s between her bedding and the mattress. Her bed is going to smell like bacon for the rest of the year, and she’ll have a big ugly oil stain on her pretty sheets. What goes around comes around.”

Beth gets up and walks over to the mirror. “I think Karma is supposed to take care of the bacon bitchslapping in its own time, but I like how you helped it along. Good thing you haven’t been sleeping here much. Hey, isn’t your mom going to sleep there this weekend?”

I shake my head. “No, I told her she can’t stay with me, so she got a hotel.”

“That makes it easier.”

I frown. “Not really. What am I supposed to do with that? I’m not over Matt. I want to be, but I’m still hung up on him.”

“What about Nate?”

I shrug. “I don’t know. That can’t go anywhere. I thought Matt would be my everything. I’m sick of being so incredibly wrong, you know?”

“That’s why you should just have fun for a while. Stop thinking about everything and just do what you want.” She tucks her feet under her butt as she sits on my bed.

“That’s not bad advice.” I turn back to her with one eye lined black and the other bare.

“You get some brothers, and we’ll talk.” She pauses for a few moments and then says, “If you like Josh, and you want to be with him—”

I’m holding the mascara wand and nearly stab myself in the eye. I whirl around and laugh. “He’s not my type. You don’t have to worry about that. Like ever.”

“But you kissed him, right?”

“I was drugged. I would have kissed Chelsey that night.”

Beth makes a face and sticks out her tongue. “Fine. But if you change your mind, don’t hide it from me, okay? I’d rather know why you suddenly stop being friends with me. It’s happened before, hence the request.”

“You have nothing to worry about. You’re stuck with me.”

B
eth drives
me across campus to the art building. The sun has set and the streetlights are glowing dimly. As I slip out of her car, she leans over and says, “You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to—there are other ways to talk to him.”

“I know, but this is fine.”

“It takes a lifetime to build a reputation and only seconds to destroy it. Make sure you figure out the fastest way to trash it. We need to flambé mine tomorrow. I need a makeover. I’m sick of being the good-girl hippy-chick. I want to dress like Catwoman in black leather and freaky nails. Rraarr,” she says, pawing the air like a cat.

I laugh and shake my head. “Deal. Go shopping with me. We can both pick out some new stuff. Just remember we’ll be shopping from the super-sale, double-discounted clearance racks they put on the sidewalk in hopes a hobo will steal the merchandise.”

“Awesome! That means the odds of finding weird clothes are even better! Maybe I should go for hobo glam? What do you think?”

“You could totally pull it off.” She laughs in agreement before I slam the car door and walk inside. The hallway lights are on energy saver and won’t flick to full power for another twenty minutes. I head to the classroom and find it empty. Nate must be in his office.

I put my bag down and walk back down the corridor to find him. I stop in front of a massive oak door and knock. The plaque to the right of the door says NATHAN SMITH and gives office hours below.

The door swings open, and I’m face to face with him again. He’s looking at me funny, almost like he feels sorry for me. I don’t do pity, so I act like it’s not there. “Hey, you wanted to talk?”

“Yes, please come in," he says, standing aside while holding the door for me. As I walk past him, the scent of his cologne hits me hard. It’s the same scent he wore the night we met. It’s perfect for him and that artistic, shy, and confident thing he has going on.

I stop in front of his desk and turn around to see that he didn’t close the door all the way. Male teachers do that when they’re alone with a female student. It’s supposed to make things less awkward, but it makes me think of sexy things neither of us should think about or want. I'll have to change my major to French Lit after tonight. I’ve alienated all my friends in this department, and I know I’ll have to be around them for the next few years. Too bad I can’t speak French. Maybe I should be a PE major. I already own the wardrobe.

Nate stops my inner ramblings, “I appreciate your offering to model for this class, but I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

I bristle. I didn’t expect him to do this. “Why?”

“Kerry, you’ve lost all your friends over this, and I’m hearing uncomfortable rumors. Coupled with the incident in the quad today, it’s just not prudent. I’m afraid I need to ask you to quit.” Nate is standing between me and the door. I refuse to rush out in a burst of tears. Actually, I’m pissed.

I keep my temper in line and shake my head. I find enough confidence to pull it off and spit out the word. “No.”

He flinches, surprise blowing apart the serene expression on his face. “You can’t be serious.”

“I am. I’m staying. I’m going to get ready.” I point past him and step forward, but he doesn’t move.

My forehead is at his lips. I stand there and stare at a pearly white button on his blue shirt. “Kerry,” he breathes my name, and when I feel his finger under my chin, lifting my face up toward him, I want to melt into his chest. I want his arms around me. Why does this guy feel like home? I’m a fucking nomad. I don’t belong anywhere, so I don’t understand this reaction.

My chest fills with warm, muted hope. I won’t let it grow beyond recognizing how he makes me feel. It’s not reciprocal, not like that anyway. He thinks I’m hot and likes my voice. That’s a million miles away from 'you feel like you’re part of me.' I could write a manual on how to get rid of a guy in ten minutes or less. I should ask him about having my babies and just get it over with.

Then his hand is on my arm, just above the elbow. His fingers brush against my bare skin and images flash behind my eyes of the night we were together, of slick skin on skin, of the way he felt beneath my fingers. I nearly choke and step back. I can’t endure his touch and still hold the crazy thoughts inside my head. They’ll tumble out of my mouth like an old lady tripping down a flight of stairs.

I force a smile, and he just watches me, standing there—close enough to kiss, but far enough to not touch. My heart pounds harder, thrumming in my ears. It sounds like a death march. I know what’s coming, what he’s going to say. If I stay, he goes. I feel it.

When his lips part, I don’t want to hear the words, so I back away and hang my head. “If it means that much to you, I’ll find a different job.”

The corners of his lips lift. He seems surprised. “Kerry, thank you. You have no idea how much that means to me.”

I glance up at him and see the relief on his face. His blue eyes soften and lock on mine. He steps toward me and wraps his arms around me, hugging me tight. At first, I want to pull away, but it could be the last time he touches me like this, so I stay. I wrap my arms around his waist and hold on tight. When I look up, he smiles down at me.

“I’m glad I met you. I’m glad you’re in my class.”

“Really? Why? It just jacked everything up.”

“Maybe fate wanted us to be something other than a one night stand.” He leans in and presses a soft kiss to my lips.

My eyes close and my knees turn to jelly. He’s kissing me. What the hell just happened? I don’t get it. One second he’s telling me goodbye and the next his mouth is on mine. I’m still his student. I’m still in his class. This relationship still can’t happen.

“Hey, Nate! I’m sorry, but I think I’m going to have to drop tonight’s class.” Carter’s voice comes from the hallway at first and then he pushes inside.

We break apart quickly, but it’s too late. He saw us together.

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