Secrets and Shadows (12 page)

“I’m fine.”

“Liar.”

I shrugged and headed to the sink.

“Are you pregnant?”

My head snapped up and I glimpsed myself in the mirror. Not good. “Not unless I’ve been chosen for immaculate conception.”

It took her a moment, but she got it. “So.” She grabbed a paper towel, wet it, and rubbed at the ends of my makeshift ponytail. “Why are you puking your guts out during bio?”

“I just…” How could I explain without giving everything away? Or making her think I’d lost it? “Something must not be sitting right with me.”

“Bul . Is it the dissection? You got a soft spot for pigs? You can opt out and use that computer program.”

I tried to imagine the process on a screen instead and headed for the toilet again. Dry heaves rattled me until my head ached. Even on a computer screen dissection—the slow examination of anatomy

—would remind me of death. Of violent nightmares spiraling out again and again in slow motion.

Amy knelt beside me, stroking my back. “I had to do this for my mom a couple times,” she confided.

“But she was dumb about drink. You’re not suffering from the same thing, are you, Jessie?”

I shook my head—slowly—not sure what to do with my mouth. There were plenty of words to explain the situation. But none of them were believable.

“This has to do with Pietr.”

I could give her that much, so I nodded.
Ow.

“Bastard. Why are they always such bastards?”

“Marvin seems okay,” I suggested.

She let go of me and adjusted her sweater. “Yeah, he does seem pretty okay, doesn’t he?” Her eyebrows drew together as the wheels in her head turned. “Sure, Pietr’s dating Sarah, but that’s not new.

So what’s real y got you tied up in knots—what happened with Pietr you didn’t tel me about?” I felt freshly sick. “What happened the night you sneaked out?”

“You know.”

“No. Not the first night you sneaked out. The night of Pietr’s birthday. What happened between you two?”

“Was that when I went to see Max?”

“Ha!” Amy snorted.

“That’s what Sarah probably believes.”

“And you can thank me later for talking to her long enough to create an interesting reason you’d get grounded.”

“
I’d
never stay out al night with Max.”

“Lots of girls would … Hey! Don’t change the subject. What real y happened?”

My eyes slammed shut in self-defense, like I could wal out her words and worries. But the darkness behind my eyelids drew me back to that evening, and—my stomach made a noise and Amy dodged out of the way. “False alarm,” I apologized. Rising with a grunt I returned to the sink. Surely there was nothing left in my stomach.

Amy reached into her purse and withdrew a smal bottle of mouthwash.

“You’re not supposed to have that in school.”

“Wel , hel -o, Dick Tracy.” She pressed it into my hand. “Do us al a favor and break this rule. Mints aren’t working.”

aren’t working.”

I opened the little bottle and took a swig, swishing it into al the unholy flavored nooks and crannies of my mouth.

“I’m going to ask one more time,” she chided. “Okay, no, that’s a lie. I’m going to keep asking until I get the truth. What happened the night of Pietr’s birthday?”

I swirled the mouthwash around until it felt like every taste bud on my tongue had peeled off. Where would someone in my position start? With the CIA, the Russian Mafia, or werewolves? I spat and cupped a hand for water.

“We learned a lot about each other. He surprised me.”
Not with a bouquet of flowers, either. With
fangs. And far more body hair than the average guy ever developed.

A crease appeared between her eyebrows. The next words she said fel out of her mouth one by one, cut from the other. “Did. He. Hurt. You?”

“No! No. Geez, Amy.
No
. It’s just—we’re real y, fundamental y, so different.”
He changes into a
frightening wolflike thing and tears through the woods eradicating the rabbit population. I like to watch
an occasional reality television show.

“People can be different, even be dating, and nobody in the pair winds up kneeling before the porcelain throne when they take a scalpel to a pig’s head.”

I shrugged. “You’ve told me before you don’t fol ow my particular brand of logic.”

“You’re stil not giving me the whole story.”

I made a show of trying to fix my hair. The results only reinforced what I already knew: Sometimes trying to fix a thing only made it worse.

“Dear God,” Amy said. Pul ing out a brush, she freed my hair from its impromptu ponytail. “Ask for help, for once. For a change.”

I glared into the mirror and let her do her best.

“So what happened the night of Pietr’s birthday that makes you freak when you see the head of a dead animal?”

I seized the sink to brace myself as the image of Nickolai’s beheading overrode my vision, as fresh as the night I’d witnessed it.

“What the—?” Amy held me by the shoulders, supporting me as my legs wobbled and threatened to give out.

“Sorry.” I fought for control, locking my traitorous knees in place.

Someone brushed Amy aside, taking al my weight even before I realized who else had joined us.

“Catherine,” I whispered.

Then I fainted.

I woke in the nurse’s office. Catherine and Amy whispered to each other, voices as animated as Catherine’s hands.

“Of course my brothers are idiots,” Catherine agreed. “It comes with testosterone. I believe its letters T-E-S-T are not a reference to male anatomy, but a warning to the opposite sex. They
test
us.

Repeatedly.” She sighed. “You have a brother?”

I tried to sit, but my head felt lead-loaded.

“Yes,” Amy said.

“Has he never been an idiot, a disappointment?”

I could only imagine what raced through Amy’s mind. She loved her brother, but he’d walked out on the family, enlisting as soon as he was legal. When she’d needed an al y most.

“Yes, he’s been an idiot,” she admitted.

I rol ed over on the cot to watch through slitted eyelids.

Catherine sat back, arms folded. “But you love him.”

“Of course.”

“
Da. Kohneeshnoh.
Of course.” Cat stared directly at me. “And Jessie says things can’t work between she and Pietr?”

“Come on. He’s total y blowing her off. And hanging on to Sarah even tighter than before. I mean,
gross
. I just don’t get it. What happened to push Jessie and Pietr apart and throw Jessie and Derek together?”

“Hel o, Miss Gil mansen.” The school nurse stepped in front of me, blocking my view and pinching my wrist for a pulse.

“I feel much better.”

“Congratulations. Your pulse is normal. How long have you been purging?”

“What?” I sat up. And hated myself for doing so. My head pounded. “Purging?”

“Yes. Bingeing and purging.”

I blinked, realizing. “You think I’m bulimic?”

“Aren’t you?”

“No.”

“You col apsed after vomiting repeatedly, according to your friends.”

I bent around the nurse and glared at Amy and Cat.

Amy shot me a look that clearly meant,
If you’d told the truth to begin with …

“If I could keep stuff in my stomach, I’d be happier.”

She put a hand on my forehead. “You don’t feel warm, but let’s take your temperature. We’ve had a few students in here with headaches and stomach trouble. Did you eat anything questionable yesterday or today?”

An odd question. Maybe there was something wrong with the school food. Luckily I’d had none of it. “I don’t think that’s the problem.”

Catherine leaned forward in her chair, waiting.

I looked pointedly at them. “Aren’t they going to get in trouble for sticking around? Missing class?”

The nurse agreed and hurried Amy and Cat out. Cat raised an eyebrow at me. Amy stuck her tongue out.

“So, Miss Gil mansen, if it’s not food-related and you have no temperature”—she placed a thermometer in my mouth—“what do you blame for your vomiting?”

Why did nurses ask questions when you had to keep a thermometer under your tongue? Like dental hygienists getting chatty while they cleaned. “Nightmareth.”

“What?”

The thermometer beeped and she yanked it out, examining it, and me, critical y.

“I’ve just been real y shaken up. I’m having some nightmares and not sleeping wel . That and the smel of preserved pig flesh…”

“When was your last period?”

“Seriously. It’s nightmares.”

She nodded. “Then you have to see someone about them. If your nightmares can trigger this reaction…” Her lips pressed together. “Have you spoken to Counselor Maloy?”

I sighed. Previous discussions with Maloy made me wonder why
he
wasn’t starring in one of my nightmares himself.

“If not him, find someone else. A professional.”

I considered Counselor Harnek from middle school. She’d come to my rescue once and wanted an update, anyhow.

The nurse tugged open a drawer in her desk, taking my silence for noncompliance. “Cal her. She’s new but wel recommended.”

I glanced at the card she set in my palm. Dr. Sarissa Jones. A string of letters rivaling the alphabet fol owed her name, proclaiming her academical y proven abilities. Of course
hers
was the card I’d be given.
Been there, done that
. “Thanks.”

“As a precaution, don’t eat anything spicy. Try saltines, ginger ale. Keep things simple,” she suggested.

“Yeah. Simple.” She had no idea how attractive
simple
sounded to me.

“And, Miss Gil mansen?” the nurse cal ed as I hit the door. “I’l be checking up on you.”

* * *

It seemed everyone was checking up on me. Outside the nurse’s office they’d lined up, oblivious to the scolding by the lone substitute teacher stuck on hal duty: Sophia, Amy with Marvin, Catherine with Max

—even Stel a Martin paused to give me a once-over (and Max a long look) as she hurried to class.

And of course there was Sarah, Pietr’s arms wrapped around her like a blanket.

His eyes were the first on me, and first to pul away.

Amy tugged free of Marvin and joined Sophia and Catherine, forming a wal in front of me. “Wel ?” she asked.

“Stomach flu.”

Amy shook her head. “It’s
not
going around.”

“Heat stroke,” I tried.

“It’s autumn in Junction.” Her fists landed on her hips. “Tel me the truth or don’t bother tel ing me anything.”

For a moment I looked over her shoulder and caught Pietr’s eyes. They were the coolest blue I’d ever seen, and stil my knees threatened to buckle.

“Fine!” Amy snapped, stalking off, grabbing Sophia and Cat by the arms so they had no choice but to fol ow.

Sarah stepped out of Pietr’s shadow and touched my arm.

“I’m okay. It’s not worth worrying about.”

Pietr’s eyes bored into my forehead accusingly, like he was shouting the word
liar
. But only until he knew I’d seen him.

Suddenly another face was in front of mine, blocking Pietr from my sight. Derek. The guy who’d starred in my dreams before they’d been overridden by nightmares. Handsome—actual y, consistently stunning

—and I, wel , the only thing stunning about me was my breath. And not in a good way.

“I heard you fainted.” He looked me up and down, maneuvering between Sarah and myself to slip an arm around me. My backpack hung over his shoulder, beside his own. “Sarah, I’l take over.” He grinned at Pietr, his look ful of chal enge.

I didn’t care. At least that’s what I repeated over and over, fuzzy headed, as I let Derek lead me away.

Behind us a very satisfied Sarah said to Pietr, “She’s always adored Derek.”

* * *

“I’m fine,” I protested.

She ignored the statement. “He was at work, but said a family friend, Wanda, would pick you up in twenty minutes.”

I groaned.

“Get your things. You can wait on the bench by the office and watch for the car.”

My feet dragging al the way I obeyed.

Catherine passed me in the hal , bathroom pass in hand. She arched an eyebrow at me. I shook my head.

I’d barely gotten myself situated on the bench when she showed up again.

“What’d you do, lap the place?”

She shrugged, sitting down beside me. “I didn’t real y need to go. I like to roam.” She glanced at my backpack. “Heading home for the day?” She clicked her shoes together when I nodded. “No place like home.”

“Yeah.”

“I’m sorry my brother’s being such a jerk.” She paused. “But you probably aren’t helping things by kissing Derek.”

“I don’t want to talk about either of them.”

“Hmm. Jessie, I need to ask you to do something—”

The door opened, and Wanda stood before us amidst the swirling leaves, her severe blond ponytail flapping in the wind.

“Crrrap,” Cat snarled.

“Nice to see you, too.”

Cat’s head whipped around so she looked only at me. “Please inform Wanda that I do not wish to speak to her directly.”

I glanced at Wanda. “What she said.”

Wanda peered down the hal . “Please tel
her
that it is imperative we meet and discuss plans. I understand we left on—uncertain—terms, but we are running short on time. In several ways. And certain recent behaviors on the part of her family—”

I swal owed, remembering the night at the abandoned church.

“May lead us to take more extreme measures.”

“Baiting a trap isn’t extreme enough?” Cat retorted.