Secrets From the Past (26 page)

Jessica answered me at once. ‘Mom and Dad
did
have a great love affair! All of their life together. And we witnessed it, Serena. You and me and Cara, their daughters. We grew up with it.’

I nodded, held onto her hand tightly.

She continued to speak softly. ‘And if Dad did sleep with Val, so what? It was probably a one-night stand, when they were on the front line. Something like that. And anyway, you know what men are like. And just because a married man sleeps with another woman briefly, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t love his wife. That’s just the way men are.’

I sat back, gazed at my sister. ‘I do understand what you’re saying,’ I began, and then my mouth started to tremble and the tears came once more. After a moment, I managed to add, ‘But Mom and Dad were different from everybody else. They had a big love, a grand love. They were true blue, so special …’

‘What’s wrong? What’s happened?’ Cara said in a loud voice, slamming the door behind her as she came rushing into the room, obviously filled with concern.

I looked up at her and tears slid down my cheeks and splashed on my hands and I couldn’t get control of myself. It’s the shock, I thought. I’m still in shock. I groped around in my pocket for a tissue, dried my eyes and tried to get hold of my floundering emotions.

Cara came to me and took hold of my hand. ‘What’s the matter, Serena?’ she asked in the gentlest of voices.

I couldn’t speak. I just shook my head.

Jessica said, ‘I want you to look at some pictures which Serena found a little while ago. They’re very startling and upsetting. I’d like your opinion of them.’

Jessica got to her feet, went to her desk, brought back the blue folder. ‘There are captions on the back of some of them. But no date when they were taken.’

Cara sat next to me on the sofa, and began to look at the pictures. When she came to the last few she exclaimed, ‘Oh my God! What the hell are these?’ and she looked from Jessica to me, shock settling on her face. After a moment, she took a deep breath. ‘They’re pretty damned strange – weird, don’t you think? What in God’s name was Dad thinking when he took these?’

‘Y
ou think Dad had an affair with Val, and that you’re the result of that affair, don’t you, Serena?’ Cara said in her inimitable, very blunt way, giving me a penetrating stare as she spoke.

‘I do,’ I replied. ‘Most of the dancing pictures are suggestive, and in two of the nude shots Val looks extremely pregnant. Also, my name is in the captions. What else can I think?’

Cara made no response.

Instead she got up, opened the French doors to the terrace, and said, ‘It’s stifling in your office, Jess. Let’s go and sit outside for a while.’

‘Good idea,’ Jessica answered, and followed Cara. I tagged along behind, immediately realizing it was so much cooler outside. Raffi had rolled down the canopy earlier in the day, so the terrace was shaded and pleasant, and there was a light breeze blowing up from the sea. I suddenly could breathe better, felt less constrained. Perhaps now that nauseous feeling would go away.

We sat down in the white wicker armchairs, surrounding a wicker coffee table, just a few steps away from the French doors and Jessica’s office.

After a moment, Cara continued, ‘Look, I can’t say I blame you for jumping to conclusions. The pictures are startling, even shocking, in a certain sense. They’re also a bit odd, because those sort of photographs are not Dad’s style. Are you sure he took them?’

‘I’ve no way of knowing,’ I answered. ‘However, they were in his filing cabinet. The first of the dancing pictures are rather beautiful, could easily be his, but I’m not so sure about the pregnant nude shots.’

Cara nodded in agreement. ‘If he did take those, then Tommy Stone was far ahead of his time, and rather daring. When was it that those pregnant nude shots of Demi Moore appeared in
Vanity Fair
?’

I shrugged. ‘I don’t know.’

‘And I’ve forgotten,’ Jessica added. ‘Some years ago, though, and you’re right, of course, Dad
was
ahead of his time, in many different ways.’

Cara gave me an odd look, frowning. ‘The Serena referred to in the captions might not be you, you know. Maybe Val was pregnant by her boyfriend, and had already chosen that particular name. There’s another thing – those photographs could have been taken before you were even born. Or after.’

‘I suppose so,’ I replied quietly, staring into space for a moment, wondering exactly when Dad had shot them. In the distance, I could hear the birds twittering in the trees at the edge of the lawn, beyond the sound of Raffi’s lawn mower, and I closed my eyes for a moment, remembering other lovely summer days like this, when I had lingered here with Mom, drawing pictures while she read scripts … so long ago. My throat closed. I sat very still.

‘Val couldn’t be your mother, Pidge,’ Jessica announced, taking me by surprise.

I opened my eyes, sat up straighter in the chair and stared at her. ‘What are you getting at?’

‘
We
were here when you were born,’ she answered, and looked across at Cara. ‘You remember, don’t you? You and I were at Jardin des Fleurs when Pidge was born here, on the sixth of July 1981. We were home from boarding school for the summer, and we went into Mom’s bedroom to see our baby sister the day after her birth.’ Smiling at me lovingly, Jessica finished, ‘You were just two days old, Pidge, and a little pink poppet.’

‘She’s right, Serena,’ Cara interjected. ‘And aside from Mom and Dad and you, and us, the only other person present was Harry.’

Cara’s expression changed, and she exclaimed, ‘Hey, what about Harry? You should call him, Serena, and ask him what he knows about the photographs.’

‘Why? What’s he going to say? And maybe he doesn’t know about them.’ I shook my head vehemently. ‘Anyway, he’d never tell us a thing. Harry was devoted to Mom and Dad, and if there are some terrible secrets from the past he’ll never divulge them, because he’d never betray Tommy … anything he knows he’ll take to the grave.’

‘Yeah, you’re right about that, I’m afraid. But I’ve just recalled something else.’ Turning to Jessica, Cara said, ‘Do you remember that year when Dad was in New York on business, and Mom was shooting in Paris, and Granny had to take me to the Chelsea Flower Show? You must remember it, because you were a stick-in-the-mud, you didn’t want to come with me. The headmistress let me go up to London and I stayed with Granny at the Dorchester, and I went to the flower show with her and Aunt Dora.’

‘Yes, I do remember. I had some exams looming and stayed at school. When you got back you said Val had put the cat among the pigeons,’ Jessica answered.

‘That’s right! And it was because she’d got engaged to her boyfriend. What was his name? Wait a minute … it was
Jacques
! And he was a war correspondent.’

‘So you met him?’ I asked, raising a brow, intrigued and curious.

‘I did. He worked for a French newspaper, and Aunt Dora didn’t like him,’ Cara explained.

‘Talking of Aunt Dora, don’t forget she was Granny’s twin, and they looked alike. There’s the family resemblance,’ Jessica pointed out, smiling at me again.

‘I hadn’t thought about that,’ I muttered. ‘So did Val get engaged, Cara? Did she marry Jacques?’

‘I’m honestly not sure. But I do know there was a big fracas because Aunt Dora objected.’ Cara gave me a small smile. ‘I’ve always loved that saying of Granny’s – it’s going to put the cat among the pigeons.’

‘No kidding,’ I said, shaking my head, thinking how she’d never stopped using it.

Jessica laughed and then told me, ‘I’m quite positive I never saw Val again. None of us did. She sort of disappeared.’

‘Maybe I should talk to Harry after all.’ I threw Jessica a questioning look.

‘I don’t think so, Pidge, leave it alone. Listen, I have to ask you something important. Where’s your birth certificate? That will tell us a lot.’

For a moment I was puzzled, and then it came back to me. ‘In the safe in New York. A couple of years ago, when Dad was living at the apartment, he mentioned that he’d put my birth certificate and some other family documents in the safe, plus cash, and he gave me the code number.’

‘So what did it say on your birth certificate?’ Cara asked, standing up.

‘I don’t know, I never looked. At the time, I was going off on assignment, meeting up with Zac. I had my passport, that was all I needed.’ I shrugged. ‘I’d always had a passport, so had you two. Let’s face it, we did start travelling when we were just kids.’ I shook my head. ‘I guess the birth certificate wasn’t ever at the front of my mind.’

‘So take a look at it when you get back to New York. I bet it says you were born here, and that it also gives the name of Mom’s obstetrician.’

Cara said, ‘Yes, do that. I’m going to get a bottle of water. Do either of you want anything?’

Jessica said, ‘A lemonade, please, Cara.’

‘I’d love a ginger ale,’ I said, hoping that this would make the sick feeling go away.

She watched her twin rush into the house, and then Jessica said to me softly, ‘I think you have to put all of this out of your mind, Serena darling. I really do. You’ve so much going for you at the moment, and Zac’s waiting for you in New York. You have a life to live.’

‘You’re absolutely right, and I will move on,’ I promised her, knowing how much she worried about me. ‘But there’s just one other thing I want to ask you.’

‘You know you can ask me anything, Pidge. So go ahead. What is it?’

‘Why do you think that Dad kept those photographs? And why on earth did he leave them lying around the way he did?’

‘I’ve no idea why he kept the pictures, unless of course they were important to him. Or because he always kept his pictures from important shoots, and you know that he did.’

‘Of course I do, and he did keep everything. Copies, I mean. On the other hand, they were just there in the bottom of the filing cabinet, not even in a proper file. A bit careless, don’t you think?’

For a moment Jessica did not answer, and then she said carefully, in a low voice, ‘No, not careless, Pidge. He forgot about them, I believe. In the last year of his life he became … 
forgetful
.’

I sat up, leaned across the coffee table, my eyes focused on hers. ‘Are you saying Dad had dementia? Or something like that?’

‘Dementia was starting to cloud his mind. In the last six months of his life he wasn’t the same Tommy; he wasn’t your magic man any more, darling.’

Tears filled my eyes; I blinked them away, brushed my eyes with one hand. ‘Why didn’t you tell me?’

‘If you’d been about to visit us, we would have mentioned it, but you were in Afghanistan. Cara and I didn’t want to give you upsetting news when you were in the middle of a war. We didn’t want to worry you when you were in danger.’

‘You’re always thinking about me, Jess, and Cara, too. Caring about me. But you could have told me.’

She shook her head. ‘No, we didn’t think that was the right thing to do.’

‘Did Harry know?’

‘Eventually. Because he was coming over to see Dad, to stay here, and we felt it was only right to prepare him.’

‘Was it that bad?’ I frowned, still focused on her intently.

‘No, it wasn’t. Most of the time Tommy was … Tommy. But he did have little lapses, and we needed Harry to be forewarned. For his own sake.’

‘I understand.’

‘Don’t be angry with us.’

‘I’m not.’

‘When are you leaving me, Pidge?’ she now asked, and there was a hint of sadness in her voice. I thought of Allen Lambert, glad that she now had a nice man in her life, who was seemingly devoted to her. I said, ‘I’ll be back in July with Zac. But he and I will be worker bees during the day.’

Her pealing laughter echoed along the terrace. ‘What a lovely term, worker bees. Well, you’ve prepared me for that already. So what can I say but that you’ll have some lovely suppers to keep your strength up.’ My sister paused, and eyed me curiously. ‘You told me you and Zac will be getting married next year. I hope it will be here, that you’ll have your wedding here?’ It was a question.

‘Where else? A bride gets married from her family home, doesn’t she?’

‘That’s true,’ she murmured, her smile wide.

Cara was suddenly back with us, carrying a large tray, which she put down in the middle of the coffee table. She handed Jessica her lemonade, and I reached for my ginger ale. This had been Dad’s antidote for a queasy stomach, and I hoped it still worked as I poured a little of it into my glass.

After gulping down some of the bottled water, Cara announced in that gloomy voice I dreaded, ‘You can’t trust birth certificates, you know. They can be so easily altered, especially by a doctor, and even more especially if you’re a beautiful world-famous megastar with a certain amount of money to spend.’

Jessica glared at her twin. She was furious, and said angrily, ‘What’s that supposed to mean, for God’s sake?’ She took a deep breath to steady herself. ‘What exactly are you getting at? What are you implying?’

‘Nothing, don’t get so het up,’ Cara answered in a sharp tone. ‘I think you should know that it’s quite easy to doctor all kinds of documents … I’m simply alerting you, that’s all.’

Giving her a sharp look, Jessica snapped, ‘What we should do is burn all the photographs and the damned captions, and forget they ever existed.’ Now, turning away, ignoring Cara, her eyes were fixed on mine. Jess said slowly, in a solemn voice, ‘You’re our sister, do you hear, and Mom’s daughter. Forget about Val – she never existed, as far as you’re concerned.’

I simply nodded. I didn’t trust myself to speak. Jessica was so warm and loving and loyal, I thought I might start to cry again.

Jessica had spoken firmly, confidently, in a positive tone, and she sat back in her chair, looking like the wise eldest sister. Well, she was the first-born twin by ten minutes, and eight years older than me. The three of us were silent for a while, sipping our drinks, lost in our thoughts. I knew the twins were endeavouring to control their tempers.

Suddenly, Cara spoke. She said, ‘You know, it’s so easy for a woman to get pregnant, as long as she’s got a man handy. All she has to do is lie down, open her legs and let him do the hard work.’