Secrets in the Lyrics (19 page)

Man, they weren’t kidding about fucking sand storms.  We missed most of it but what
I did see, I wouldn’t want to deal with on a daily basis.

Judd stopped by to see us today.  He said he won’t be able to make the show because
he’s got some mission to go on in the mountains.  I’m becoming accustom to him, only
because everyone is pretty sure he’s in love with my sister’s best friend, Annabelle.

I was telling him that we were going home for some time around March or April
from the looks of our ever changing schedule,
and that I think Ryder is planning on asking my sister to marry him on her Spring
Break from SCAD.  We’re hoping it works out so that I’m home and we can all go to
Cade’s beach house in Destin.  My mom may even try to be there.

No one but Cade, Ryder and Judd know I’m hoping to be home during that time though,
just in case it doesn’t work out.  That’s one thing Judd has taught me.  He said. 
“Anything that has to do with the military is
subject to change
.”

I still haven’t had a chance to talk to Ivie like I want to.  She and I have both
been so busy with getting ready for the show tonight, and restrictions on this base
are tighter on us because we are in an actual conflict zone, so we don’t have as much
time to hang out.

Looking at my watch, I realize it’s time to get to the concert area for rehearsal.

I start walking that way and realize how they were right and another sandstorm is
moving in.  Judd warned me that if it moves in while we are here, they may put us
on lockdown since we aren’t soldiers. 

That makes sense though, we don’t need to be in their way while they’re trying to
protect us.

I really do need to talk to Ivie, but her hormones are still all over the place and
I don’t want to hurt her.  I know I need to be positive without fear before I talk
to her.  She deserves that, she deserves the world.  I’m just trying to figure out
if I’m the guy to give it to her.

I finally reach our area.  Shaking out my scarf, I look over at the guys and Ivie. 
“Man, this sand is for the fucking birds.”

They all nod in agreement and Ivie laughs.  “Yeah, well you should try having long
hair in it.”

We all laugh and start rehearsing.  After a couple of hours, Keeg and Stoney tell
me they’ve got some shit to take care of before the show in a few hours.  Which means
they found a couple of chicks to hook up with.

When it’s finally just Ivie and me, I touch her arm, pulling her to sit by me.  “We
need to finish our talk from the other day.”

She looks at me.  “Gable, I don’t know if I can handle it right now.  It kills me
that you have this power over me.  You have the power to ruin me.  This time I don’t
know that I’d recover.”

I touch the side of her face.  “Look, I know we have so many things to work through. 
I just want you to know that you’re it for me.  When I saw that guy kissing you the
other night, I was ready to rip his head off.”

She looks at me like I am Satan and I just set her on fire.  “You saw me the other
night?  So that’s why you came to my room and fucked me.  You don’t want me, but you
don’t want anyone else to have me, either!”

She spins around to leave and I try to grab her arm.  “Ivie, it’s not like that.”

She makes it to the door when the horns go off. We were told that means we have to
stay where we are.  She kicks the door.  “FUCK!”

Good, this means we are stuck here together and she’ll have to listen to me.

“Don’t you come near me!”  She screams at me with tears in her eyes.  She slides down
by the wall.  “Why do you do this to me?  You know, at least when Chad beat the shit
out of me it was just physical.  I can’t handle all of your mind games.  Emotionally
you are killing me.”  Tears are freely rolling out of her eyes. 

I sit down on the floor across from her and she draws her feet up, bringing her knees
to her chest. 

“Ivie, I don’t deserve it, but please just listen to me.”

“What choice do I have?  We’re locked in here, right?”

“I wish that wasn’t the only reason you were listening to me.”

About that time, we hear an explosion.  It shakes the walls around us.  A set of stage
lights fall over and shatter.

Another explosion, this time more shit around us starts falling.  I look over at her
and she is shaking with pure fear. 

Grabbing her hand, I pull her to me, picking her up and throwing her over my shoulder
fireman style.  I run over to the stage area and let her down.  “Get up under the
stage, baby, and cover your head.”

She crawls quickly up under there and I go in after her. 

Pulling her to me, I wrap my arms around her and kiss the top of her head.  “I love
you, Ivie, I really do.”

Hiding up under a stage shaking in fear isn’t my idea of a good time.  Especially
being that I just had this melt down with Gable and now he’s holding me.  I want to
be angry with him, I want to tell him to get the hell away from me.  I can’t though,
I need him.

He strokes the side of my face.  “Shh baby, it’s okay.”

“D-don’t c-call me ba-baby.”

“Just rest.  Just rest.  We’ll talk later.”

I must have dosed off because the next thing I know, I’m being put on the stage on
my side.

I open my eyes and Gable smiles.  “The firing has stopped but the sandstorm still
has us on lockdown.”

I sit up, hanging my feet off the stage.  He sits down by me.  “Ivie, I’m gonna talk
and you’re just gonna listen.  I’ve got some things to say and I’m going to try and
make them come out like they are supposed to, but I can’t promise anything.”

I nod and shrug.  “I’m kinda trapped so what else am I going to do?”  This annoys
me.

He throws his hands up in frustration.  “I’m a fuck up.  The other night, I was on
my way to tell you all of these things in my head.  I stopped when I saw that guy
kissing you.  I was going to just go back to my room and keep it to myself.”

He touches my hand and looks into my eyes.  “But I couldn’t.  I thought about the
fact that I couldn’t stand to see you with someone else, you’re supposed to be with
me.  The thought of you kissing someone else, having sex with someone else, marrying
someone else, having kids with someone else, I can’t do it.  You have always been
mine.  Hell, whether or not either of us were willing to admit it.”

He looks at me as if he’s expecting me to say something. 

I motion to him.  “Can I speak now?”  He nods his head.   “How can I believe you,
Gable?  The whole pregnancy thing brought so many things to the front burner.  So
many things that we’d been avoiding.  Then, how you treated me after I lost the baby.” 
I shake my head, trying to avoid the tears that are ready to spill.  “I cried for
two solid days.  You made me feel like I was nothing but a mistake to you.  I was
freaked out and I guess I should’ve called you the minute I found out, but I was scared. 
How was I to know that before I could tell you, some psycho would take all of it away
from me?  He took my spirit, my drive, a baby I didn’t even know that I wanted, but
most of all, he took you.”

He scares me by grabbing my face and pulling it to his.  “Baby, he did not take me
from you.”

“Yes, he did, you left me.  Had it not been for Scarlet, I don’t know what I would
have done.  I thought I was losing my mind, and besides a few generic texts, I never
heard from you.”

He looks up at me with tears in his eyes.  “I planned on coming out to Scarlet’s like
I said, but when I went back in the house...”

He stops and I see him trying to swallow, he continues.  “I saw my room and how hard
you fought.  Then, I walked around the bed and the carpet was saturated with blood. 
One spot was his, but there was a good sized spot that was yours.  I lost it.  I knew
that you could’ve died right there, along with my baby.  I began to wonder if maybe
that was one of the reasons my dad never came back after he went to prison.  Was it
because he was afraid to lose it all when someone walked away from him?” 

I go to say something and he stops me.  “I know that’s not true, my dad was a coward
and a jackass.  I acted like one, too, but I learned I was trying to distance myself
so it didn’t hurt so fucking bad.  What it did show me, though, was how it would feel
to not have you in my life, in my bed as my partner.  That’s not a life I want, Ivie,
not even close.  I want you with me for the rest of my life.  I love you.”

“Gable.”  I wipe the tears from my face.  “I can’t promise I’ll go right back to how
we were before.  I can’t promise to go straight back to being in your bed every night. 
I can promise you that I love you and I want to be with you.  It’s just, trust is
going to be an issue for me right now.  I lost a lot.  So, at the risk of sounding
like a broken record, I’m not putting a label on this.  I don’t want to be with anyone
else, but I can’t give you myself completely yet.  If I do and this doesn’t work,
it’ll kill me this time.”

He slams his mouth to mine.   “I love you and I’m going to spend the rest of my life
proving it to you every day.”

All of the emotions and adrenaline pumping through my body seem to go straight to
my core while he’s kissing me.  I run my hands down his chest to his crotch and I
feel his hardening cock though his jeans.

He runs one of his hands over my hardening nipples.  Lowering his head, he bites
at the nipple through my shirt.  Pulling my shirt over my head and taking my bra off,
he pushes me back on the stage.  He starts unbuttoning my jeans to slide them down
and he looks up at me, with hooded eyes.  “Baby, I have to taste you.”

Kissing my inner thighs and working his way to my core, the first flick of his tongue
on my clit makes my back arch up and I practically start bucking off the stage.

He whispers to me.  “Hold on baby, we are going to do this right.”

After a few minutes of exhilarating pleasure, he climbs up my body.  Looking down,
I see at some point in all of my bliss he’s stripped his clothes off, too.

I can’t help but chuckle and he smiles at me.  “Babe, that does nothing for my confidence.”

“No, it’s just I didn’t realize you’d taken your clothes off, too.  I guess I was
too busy eating up all the pleasure you were giving me.”  I glance back down at his
amazing cock.  “And nothing should ruin your confidence.”

He grins.  “Oh, well by all means, I’ll continue.”

A few moments later he’s thrusting into me.  We both at first enjoy the slow tantalizing
way we are enjoying each other’s bodies, but after a few minutes our need for each
other wins.  We are both grinding and moving faster and faster.  Nipping and biting
at each other, my legs are over his shoulders while he’s slamming into me.  We are
both sweating when we finally both come.  I scream his name as I feel a warm jet shoot
inside of me.

Looking at each other, we smile.  As he kisses my temple, I look into his eyes.  “I
know I’m on birth control now, but should we be using condoms anyway.  Nothing is
100%.”

He smiles.  “Baby, I want nothing between us, and if we are that 2% that gets pregnant
with birth control, then that’s what happens.  We will deal with it.  I’m proving
to you that this,” he motions between us, “Is the real deal.”

“I love you, Gable.”

About that time the door bursts open with Keeg and Stoney.

Stoney screams. “WHAT THE FUCK!  OH MY EYES, MY DAMN EYES.  I CAN’T UNSEE THIS SHIT!”

Keeg laughs.  “Well it’s about fucking time.  If I had to walk up on her in mid sex
dream again, I was seriously gonna lose my shit.”