Secrets of a Jewish Mother: Real Advice, Real Family, Real Love (23 page)

BOOK: Secrets of a Jewish Mother: Real Advice, Real Family, Real Love
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Lisa’s Second Act
After twenty years as a practicing attorney, I resented it. I started thinking to myself, Why should I spend my time solving your problems? You created them, you solve them. Meanwhile, I spent my years chauffeuring my kids around while talking back to talk radio. I decided I could do a better job on the radio than most of the people I was hearing. I had a vision of a show that would bridge NPR and commercial radio, of providing real information in a down-to-earth and relatable way. I also felt very strongly about certain political issues. It was almost as if I needed my voice to be heard.
With Bill’s financial and moral support, I scaled down my law practice and went to the Connecticut School of Broadcasting. I knew I needed to update my skills since my college radio days. Months later, I auditioned at my local radio station, and as luck would have it, a spot had just opened up on Saturday mornings. I grabbed the slot and set aside savings from my law practice to fund my new company. My show aired September 30, 2006. Connecticut Governor Jodi Rell was my first guest. As soon as I got behind the mike on live radio, I knew that I had finally found the thing at which I was a “natural.” It was the easiest thing I had ever done, and by far the most fun.
Radio has given me an excuse to talk to fascinating, interesting, accomplished people. More than that, some of them have become my friends, my mentors and my inspirations. I feel that I am doing something meaningful with my life. In July of 2009, I was honored to accept an award for Gold Coast Best Radio Personality. ■
Jill’s New Career
Most people ask me two questions: “How did you get on the show?” and “Why would you do a show like this?”
In September 2006, I got a phone call from someone casting a new reality show called
Manhattan Moms.
I saved the message and still have it on my answering machine. It was supposed to be a show about “glamorous New York City moms and their family and friends.” I was intrigued and went through the casting process. My parents and sister thought I had nothing to gain and everything to lose. Bobby and Allyson were 100 percent supportive. My priority was to protect Allyson, and to this day I remain very controlling over when and what she films. The producers eventually said I was perfect and the show would get “green-lit” by December of 2006.
Months went by and I never heard a thing. Then Allyson and I were having lunch in June of 2007 when I got a call that the show was green-lit and ready to go.
The answer to “Why would you do a show like this?” is simple. I saw it as an opportunity to promote our business and promote the charity work we do. Zarin Fabrics has been a landmark destination for discount drapery and upholstery fabrics since 1936. How many companies get an opportunity like this to promote their business on national TV? I am a spokesperson for Kodak and have written a book with my family. I travel the country for speaking appearances and have never had more fun. How many people get a chance to cook their grandmother’s latkes recipe on the
Today
show, gossip with Joy Behar about current events and have their photo in the Best Dressed pages of weekly magazines? Yes ... it could go to my head, but I have Lisa and Mommy to keep me grounded, don’t worry!
I can’t say that being on a reality show was a dream of mine, but it has opened up doors and let me become even more of a connector. I now have a much larger network for fixing people up or helping them get a job or giving relationship advice.■
Gloria’s Take
I never thought both of my daughters would end up in the media. But I can see they are both naturally talented at what they do. I do think they got their verbal skills from me. To tell the truth, the whole journey has been amazing to watch and participate in. I am very proud of both of my girls. ■
ask yourself
1.
Have you thought about changing your career?
2.
What is stopping you? Think about that carefully. If it’s money, how much money do you really need to get started? Most schools have scholarships—investigate.
3.
Can you take a baby step forward to your next career?
4.
If you do nothing, how unhappy will you be a year from now?
5.
Are you afraid of success? This is common. Our advice: You should only have that problem. Don’t create barriers that aren’t there; real life is hard enough.
6.
Are you afraid of failure? Also common. But is it worse to have never even tried than to have tried and failed? Sol says that the only things he regrets are the things in life he didn’t do. He doesn’t regret one thing he tried to do and failed. He wishes he had made more mistakes—it would have meant that he had tried more things.
In Conclusion
Most people in the world do not have the luxury of being able to choose a “career.” Some women live in a society where their roles are so restricted that their real job is to take care of their family. Circumstances drive others into a boring job that they need to support their family. It is a blessing to be able to discuss career options. We are enormously grateful for the opportunities we have been given in this life, by our society as well as by our parents, spouses and children. We take none of this for granted.
Most people don’t start out doing what they were “born to do.” But many people do discover a talent or ambition they secretly hope to accomplish. Be brave. Take one step at a time. If you are meant to achieve this goal, there will be signs along the way. Look for them.
As we said at the start of this chapter, career experts we are not. We’ve made lots of mistakes, too many to list in this chapter or in this entire book. But here is what we have done—in this, the middle of our adult lives, we find ourselves with careers that are fun and rewarding. They aren’t the careers we started out with, and that’s our lesson. If it wasn’t too late for us to find careers we love, it’s certainly not too late for you.
6
Marriage
If anyone who has been married
a long time tells you her
marriage is and always has
been perfect, she is lying
 
 
 
 
W
e come from a long line of long marriages. Our paternal grandparents, Ben and Helen, had sixty-six years together (and celebrated number sixty at Café Baba in Queens, complete with belly dancers ... don’t ask), and our maternal ones, Sylvia and Jack, fifty-three years. Mommy and Daddy celebrated fifty-two years this past December, and Aunt Cooky and Uncle Sy count over forty. Lisa and Bill are in their twenty-ninth year, and Jill and Bobby just celebrated their ninth anniversary. In today’s world of fragmented families, we truly count our blessings (and spit a lot).
All of our Jewish mothers knew how to keep their marriages intact, if not always blissful. Looking back, every couple made compromises and faced unique challenges. No one in our family became very rich; no one starved. Everyone put family first, ahead of themselves. Maybe one reason they stayed together for life was partly generational; people didn’t view their lives strictly through the prism of happiness. We were taught that it is normal to go through bad times in a marriage, even bad years. But if you have shared values, shared goals and an underlying affection for each other, you stick it out and pray that the good years will return.
What secrets did they know? What qualities did these women possess? They knew when to push and when to pull back. They knew when to spend and when to save. They knew enough to know that a lot of life is just plain luck, and some of it depends on the luck you make for yourself. We, Lisa and Jill, have been lucky enough to learn these secrets and more. Our mother’s voice is the voice in our heads, and occasionally the voice that comes out of our lips too. Even as we recognize them, we can’t believe we are actually repeating those same words....
Why Even Bother Getting Married?
Historically, marriage for women meant property rights, protection of her children and the legitimacy conferred on her relationship by society. It still does. Women who fool themselves into thinking that being someone’s mistress is the equivalent of being someone’s wife are just that—fools.
Hence the oldest trick in the book—getting pregnant to get the ring. This ploy still works a lot of the time; we don’t approve of it as a trap, but we’ve seen it work. If you are thinking of getting pregnant merely to hook your man into marriage, ask yourself what you will do if it doesn’t work—are you prepared to raise that baby alone, if necessary?
If you have decided to marry and have convinced the man in your life that it is time to walk down the aisle, and he meets all the criteria we laid out in the dating chapter, we say mazel
tov!
Being married in our view is a great and important thing. A strong marriage is the basis of a strong family.
More and more people today are having kids without the commitment of marriage. Although we are not sociologists, we are opinionated, commonsense women. It seems pretty clear to us that two parents are better than one. Men are not disposable commodities in a family unit; the influence our father had on our characters and choices was profound. And men who marry, who live with their wives and children, as opposed to those who do not, are far more likely to commit to consistent parenting and providing obligations. Kids really do need men in their lives, much as we Jewish mothers sometimes hate to admit it. Marriage is never perfect, but often it is the best we can do to give our children the best chance of becoming well-adjusted and competent adults.
If you don’t intend to have children, then why get married? Societal respect, legal issues and moral convictions may be your reasons. Love may be your reason. We don’t care why you get married, but if you do get married, we wish you lots of
mazel
(luck). Other than love,
mazel
is the most important ingredient.
BOOK: Secrets of a Jewish Mother: Real Advice, Real Family, Real Love
3.92Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub
ads

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