Secrets of My Hollywood Life #2: On Location (11 page)

As I take in the scene, something hits me in the head. I whirl around, but there's no one there. When I look down on the floor, I see a lone goldfish cracker. Weird.
Ping!
An other cracker smacks my forehead. It's so dark I can't see who's throwing them. Stay calm, Kaitlin. Just do one lap at the party and go home.

Drew twirls a lock of my hair around his finger as he leans his head close to mine. I turn my face away. "Stop thinking about that jerk bouncer. You're a star. Especially in my eyes," he whispers, blowing hot air in my ear. "Stop fight ing it, Katie Bear, and let's get back together. I know we can work this time. I'm different now." As he strokes my hair, we both get hit by a school of flying goldfish crackers. "What the...?"

"Well, don't you two look cozy," Sky says as she makes a perfectly timed entrance. She's wearing a green and white tie-dyed dress that gathers at the waist with a large silver clip. "I wonder what your little boyfriend would think if he could see you now."

"Speaking of boyfriends, where is Trevor?" I retort, raising a question I've been curious to ask for a while. I've felt a sisterly concern for hot but naïve Trevor ever since he joined
FA.
"Did you dump him already?"

"He went back to Idaho for the summer." Sky rolls her eyes. "He was homesick. I told him I don't do long distance. Trevvie was upset, but if he misses me, he can try to win me back with some expensive jewelry in the fall."

"Nice move," Drew says admiringly. I step away from both of them in disgust. That's when I see what Sky has in her hand. It's a glass bowl of Pepperidge Farm Goldfish.

"Did you throw those at me?" I ask angrily.

"I might have slipped," she says with a slithery grin. She picks up another one and aims it at my face. "Oops!"

Why does Sky have to act like a fifth grader? That's it. I pull out my cell phone and speed-dial Rodney. "Pick me up at LAX now!" I bark, and hang up, prepared to end this non sense with Drew and Sky once and for all before I go.

"You need to back off," I say shakily to Sky. "Stop trying to make my life miserable just because
you're
miserable playing a
smaller
role than me." Sky's eyes flare. "Oh, and if your assis tant messes with my schedule again, I'm going to get her fired," I warn.

But instead of being intimidated, Sky gives me a sick smile.

I whirl around to Drew.

"Let's get something clear: You and I have no chance to gether," I hiss. "We're costars. Nothing more. Let's do the press we have to do, shoot our scenes, and avoid each other off-camera."

"Katie Bear," Drew coos, reaching for my arm. "Don't fight this."
Ping.
Another goldfish whizzes past my nose. I push Drew away.

"LEAVE ME ALONE! I DON'T WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH EITHER OF YOU LYING SCHEMERS WHEN WE'RE NOT WORKING!" I snap. My chest rises and falls rapidly and it takes me a second to realize the music's stopped and half a dozen people nearby have heard me yell. A flashbulb goes off in my face, which is definitely bright red. Oh God. What have I done?

"If that's the way you want it, fine," Drew whispers, look ing mortified. If there's one thing Drew can't stand, it's bad press. "You don't know what a mistake you just made," he adds, eying the crowd, which is lit up by repeated flashes.

HOLLYWOOD SECRET NUMBER NINE: If you want a successful working relationship with your ex, don't do what I just did. Sure, making out with an ex-flame onscreen is awkward, but if it's in your job description, you've got to do it grace fully and with as few flare-ups as possible. Don't push the writers to rework your scenes together--that could cause one of you to get axed. The proper way to work with an ex is simple: keep your mouth shut, talk to each other only dur ing takes, avoid each other off-screen. If that doesn't keep you calm, just think about the hefty paycheck you'll collect when all this is over.

Even if you're not axed, your ex can still make your life miserable--like I can immediately tell mine will. As my heart pounds and I take a seat at an empty table to wait for Rodney, my two enemies join forces. Across the dance floor, standing underneath a fake palm tree, I see Sky stroking Drew's arm as she whispers in his ear. He seems completely wrapped up in what she's saying because the next thing I know, Drew takes Sky by the hand, gives me one last cold look, and they exit the party together. I'm sure they're off to Sky's limo to plot their next move, which can only mean one thing for me: I'm in deep trouble.

FRIDAY 6/29

NOTE TO SELF:

Call Hayley to find out perfect "I'm sorry" gift for A.

Call Laney again--warn her about public freak-out. Dodamage control.

Schedule extra session w/Paulo to blow off steam.

THE UNTITLED HUTCH ADAMS PROJECT

SCRIPT CONTINUED:

138 EXT. GAS STATION - DAY

CAMERA PANS the scenery - heavy rainstorm, abandoned gas station. Both Carly and Donovan are wet and scared.

CARLY

We've got to keep moving. Are you okay?

DONOVAN

I don't know. I really don't know. Why would those guys want to run us off the road?

CARLY

They want us dead, Don. I'm convinced it has something to do with what Mrs. Murphy caught us reading on her computer You didn't see the rest of that e-mail. It said our class was being groomed to take over the human race. Like Nazis! They've been lying to us.

DONOVAN

You're crazy!

CARLY

Think about it. Those shots she was giving Todd. He threw that desk like the Hulk on speed! They've been drugging us. Our food. Our water. The training. They're breeding us to become superhuman robots.

DONOVAN

But our parents...the school...they would never allow it.

CARLY

Unless the school was in on it. They could have given our parents some bull about how all this would help us excel. But when Mrs. Murphy's minions realized we were on to them, they decided to do away with us.

DONOVAN

Which is why they sent those guys. Do you think Regina knows? She didn't act surprised when we told her about the experiments.

CARLY

No. I've got to call her back and warn her. She's probably freaking out that we got cut off.

DONOVAN

Carly, you told Regina where we were! How else would those goons be able to show up so quickly? Regina is work ing for Mrs. Murphy.

Carly shakes her head defiantly, but she stops when she hears the sound of branches snapping.

CARLY

Shh Did you hear that? Someone's coming! RUN!

Ten:
Trailer Talk

"Nadine? Liz? Is that you guys?" I yell as my trailer door opens. The two of them had run out to do errands while I was sulking in front of the TV in full makeup and wardrobe (a bloody tee and grass-stained jeans) watching a
Gilmore Girls
rerun. I'm waiting to be called to the set to shoot a tense scene with Drew. It shouldn't be hard to act ticked off--he hasn't spoken one word to me since my blowup at LAX.

I can't tell if Drew and Sky actually like each other (if those two start dating, it's a sign of the apocalypse for sure) or are just united in their quest to destroy me. Either way watching Drew and Sky laughing and kissing up to Hutch is unbearable. So instead of sitting on set watching the scene before mine from my comfy director's chair (yes, stars really have those), I'm hiding in my trailer, miserable and cranky. It doesn't help that Mom and Laney just blasted me over this article they had Nadine deliver. This is from the new issue of
Hollywood Nation:

KAITLIN AND SKY--The War Rages!
Meow! As the second month of shooting begins on the set of Hutch Adams's new flick, the
Family Affair
stars are crackling more than fireworks on the fourth of July! "The bad blood is getting worse," a source tells
In the Know.
The feud between KAITLIN BURKE and SKY MACKENZIE reached a high at the
Antarctica
premiere. Kaitlin arrived with costar and former flame Drew Thomas at the premiere party at LAX and was tossed out in the cold. "LAX is Sky's turf," sniffed one pal. After Kaitlin finally got inside, things got uglier when witnesses say Sky pelted goldfish crackers at her. An onlooker tells
In the Know,
"Kaitlin lost it and began screaming. She told Drew and Sky she wants nothing to do with either of them." Drew and Sky were re portedly mortified by the public shaming and vowed to get even. "Drew wants Kaitlin, but he knows hanging out with her archenemy will make her jealous," says a set source. And since Sky broke up with
FA
costar Trevor Wainright, she's been on the prowl. "Sky thinks Drew is a great catch and can't stand seeing him waste his time on Kaitlin," adds the source. Let's hope the three of them simmer down. There's over a month of shooting left on the Adams film. Production on the new season of
Family Affair
begins in August.

For once, the tabloids didn't get it wrong.

"Carol's office is very upset!" Mom yelled when she and Laney conference-called from separate locations (Laney en route to a photo shoot with George Clooney, Mom at her Botox appointment. Shh...) minutes after Nadine, Liz, and I had finished reading the story. I put them on speaker phone so we could all discuss.

"CAROL IS A LUNATIC," Laney's voice screeched over the roar of the 101. "I TOLD HER I WON'T ALLOW HER TO PUT MY CLIENT IN SUCH AN UNCOMFORTABLE POSITION AGAIN" Laney said. Who knew Laney could be so supportive? I knew there was a reason why I was paying her a small fortune to rep me! "I TOLD CAROL SHE SET OFF A TICKING TIME BOMB BY SENDING DREW TO PICK YOU UP...WHAT? NO YOU SLOW DOWN IF YOU DON'T LIKE MY DRIVING! GET IN ANOTHER LANE!"

"I bet Carol reminded you that she's calling the shots," Nadine replied.

"You're all missing the bigger problem," I butted in. "Madison. Sky has her trained to kill. She's messed up my call time and now she's giving out my schedule!"

"You're being too hard on her," Liz said defensively. "The pressure of being a new assistant is intense. Maddy feels ter rible about screwing up."

"I talked to her about the scheduling mishap," Nadine explained. "She said Carol's office called her looking for me and when she couldn't find me, she remembered overhear ing me say you were at Austin's. She found his address on MapQuest."

"That's bull!" I practically cried. "How'd she know Austin's last name, huh? I can't believe you two are defend ing her."

"KAITLIN," Laney yelled, honking her horn to get our attention. "THE BOTTOM LINE IS CAROL WANTS YOU AND DREW TO MAKE AMENDS. AS MUCH AS I HATE THAT CONNIVING DICTATOR, I'D HATE EVEN MORE TO SEE YOU LOSE THE TEEN TITAN AWARDS HOST ING GIG OVER THIS AND...AAAAHH!!!" We heard tires screeching. "THAT'S MY EXIT!"

I knew I officially lost this round, which is why I surren dered by promising to keep quiet on set. It shouldn't be hard--no one is talking to me anyway. Temporarily ap peased, Laney and Mom hung up.

"Hey."

I recognize the soft voice immediately and my thoughts come crashing back down to Earth. "Austin!" I exclaim. "What are you doing here?" I throw my arms around his stiff body (he's wearing a red zip-up hoodie and navy track pants) and hold on tight.

"Uh, Liz and I have to pick up something from the pro duction office," Nadine says hurriedly, ushering a willing Liz out the door to give Austin and me some privacy. Austin and I stare at each other, unsure of what to say.

I left Austin a message on Friday night and called him again from the Save the Sea Lions auction I had to chair on Saturday (don't ask) to talk about what happened, but he didn't want to discuss Friday's date massacre over the phone and my schedule this week has been too crazy to slip away and see him. So after a strained three-minute exchange about Austin's family ("They're fine"), peewee lacrosse ("It's work") and filming ("It's okay"), it was almost a relief to hang up. We agreed to wait until we were together to, well, duke it out.

"Camp ends at two on Thursdays so I thought we could finally talk. Is that gash real?" Austin touches the red track marks on my cheek. His fingers are warm.

"No, but it's cool, huh?" I launch into HOLLYWOOD SECRET NUMBER TEN--gory makeup tricks--avoiding what I'm sure will be an awkward conversation for just a few minutes longer. Film makeup artists are responsible for creating everything from cuts and bullet wounds to makeup looks that will age you thirty years. My set artist has been filling me in on how they do it as he applies Carly's scratches (using maroon eye shadow, a stipple sponge, a black makeup pen cil, fake blood, and an ice pop stick) and gashes (tweezers, a flat wooden spatula, powder, concealer, flat cotton swabs, red bruise makeup, flesh putty, heavy black thread, and Krazy glue!). The coolest thing he's taught me is how to make fake blood. He uses Karo syrup, a splash of blue and green food coloring, and his secret ingredient--Coffee-mate to control the flow of the blood gushes. I'm having fun walking around with black-and-blues instead of picture perfect makeup for a change.

"Maybe I'll hire you to do my makeup for Halloween next year." Austin gives me a slight smirk.

"Does that mean we're going to be together next Hal loween?" I'm afraid to hear his answer.

Austin plops down on the tan suede couch and motions for me to sit next to him. I do, but I leave a careful few inches between us. "We'll make it that far if movie stars stop show ing up at my door to take you out on dates," he semi-jokes. "I'm not used to a fight with my girlfriend making
E! News.
"

I wince. He's got a beyond-valid point. At that moment, I have an overwhelming urge to spill my guts about every thing, Carol's scheme and how bad Drew hurt me, but--

What's the point in confiding in him if I lose him...I could never forgive myself if that happened. No, I can't over load him with my stupid Hollywood problems. It's not like I'm Spider-Man and I'm saving a city.

"The head of marketing, Carol Ingram, wants Drew and me to do a ton of pre-movie release publicity together," I tell him, shoving aside the nagging feeling that telling a partial truth isn't the same as being honest. I fill Austin in on what Laney and Mom think, but leave out how she knows Carol is pushing for me and Drew to look like a couple. "I know I wasn't upfront about my history with Drew in the begin ning, so when I found out I had to go to all these events with him, I didn't know how to tell you," I explain apologetically as Austin listens intently, hands resting motionless on my knees. "I knew I had to do press with Drew at the premiere, but I didn't know he was going to ambush me at your house. I SWEAR." My mouth feels like sandpaper as I wait for his reaction.