Secrets of My Hollywood Life #2: On Location (20 page)

"We'll be down in a minute!" Matt yells. "We're trying to find the right scent for the occasion." There's a crash upstairs as if he's dumped the contents of an entire drawer onto the floor.

"While we're waiting, Laney wants to talk to you," Nadine tells me. She walks over to the hall phone and presses the speaker button. "Okay Laney go."

"HAPPY WRAP PARTY!" Laney screams cheerfully.

"Gee, Laney, you're in a good mood," I notice.

"WHY SHOULDN'T I BE? THE WITCH IS DEAD!"

"Which witch? Carol, Sky, or Madison? Wait. You don't mean that literally, do you?" Liz asks in alarm.

"I MEAN CAROLS FINISHED. FINITO SHE'S OUT OF THE HOLLYWOOD INNER CIRCLE. NOT ONLY HAS SHE BEEN TAKEN OFF THE MOVIE, WAGMAN HAS ALSO TERMINATED HER CONTRACT WITH THE STU DIO. SHE WON'T WORK IN THIS TOWN AGAIN." Laney sounds practically giddy I can hear street traffic through the speaker. "CAROL NEVER UNDERSTOOD BOUNDARIES. THAT'S WHY I LEFT HER FIRM IN THE FIRST PLACE. SHE WAS ALWAYS TOO AGGRESSIVE WITH HER PUB LICITY MOVES. YOU CAN'T ACT LIKE GOD WITH YOUR CLIENTS...I'M TALKING HERE, BUDDY! DON'T TELL ME TO USE A HEADSET! I HATE HEADSETS!"

"Is that so, Laney?" Nadine winks at me.

"Laney, you never told us what happened between you two," I realize.

"SHE RUINED MY CLIENT STEVEN SUMMERS'S TOP SECRET WEDDING," Laney reveals. "SHE TIPPED OFF THE PAPARAZZI AND THEY WERE STAKED OUT AT STEVIE'S HOME BY LAND, SEA, AND AIR. CAROL THOUGHT WE'D GET MORE PRESS FOR STEVIE'S LATEST LEGAL THRILLER IF HIS WEDDING WAS ALL OVER THE PAPERS. WHEN SHE TOLD ME WHAT SHE DID, I QUIT"

"That's so admirable, Laney," I offer.

"I HAVE MY LIMITS, KAITLIN," Laney sniffs.

Nadine and I look at each other and grin.

"NADINE TOLD ME ABOUT YOUR BOYFRIEND," Laney adds, sounding almost caring as she lays on her car horn. "STAY IN YOUR LANE! I'M SORRY, KAITLIN."

I feel a lump form in my throat and the tears start to flow. Nadine sees my face and quickly rushes Laney off the phone.

Why does breaking up have to be so painful? The nastiest gossip item or most abusive session with Hutch doesn't hurt half as much. I wonder...Does Austin feel this miser able even though he's the one who did the breaking off? Does he miss me like I miss him?

Rodney and Matty strolling down the stairs saves me from a full-blown weeping session. The two are blinged out in shiny gold watches and rope chains around their necks and reek of a mix of colognes, but I have to admit they both look adorable. Rodney is in a button-down black pinstripe shirt with black dress pants, while Matty is wearing a navy silk shirt with gray chinos. The sight of them makes me smile. "Are you two finally ready?" I ask, wiping my eyes.

Rodney nods. "Do you think this shirt makes me look fat?" He models his large frame in the oversized gold mirror that hangs above the glass table.

"Would I steer you wrong, Rod-o?" Matt asks as he pushes Rodney out of the way to look at himself.

"You're a knockout, big guy," Nadine assures him.

Forty-five minutes later, Rodney is handing the valet the keys to the Lincoln and we're stepping out onto the long winding driveway of Hutch's palatial Malibu pad, which overlooks the Pacific. The front of the brightly lit, sprawling Spanish-style pink house is overflowing with people to the invitation-only event (I spotted some crashers being escorted off the premises by security on the drive up) even though the bulk of the party is being thrown in the four-acre back yard. As we walk onto the patio I can see a large screen play ing a gag reel from filming; tiki torches illuminating the kidney-shaped pool, which some fully dressed partygoers are swimming in; a lavish buffet table; a DJ booth; and if I'm not mistaken, the All-American Rejects rocking out on the stone patio. A dozen waiters, wearing the black superhu man suits from the film, are passing out hors d'oeuvres and shotglasses with fluorescent blue drinks that look like the superhuman shake the baddies drank. The five of us find a vacant table next to the pool. As I go to sit down, Nadine stops me.

"Why don't you get the hard part over first?" Nadine sug gests. "Find Drew and Sky so you can give Hutch his gift, thank Hutch for the opportunity to work with him, and race back to the table to hang with us." The four of them smile encouragingly while Liz pushes me away from a waiter holding mini mozzarella-and-tomato kabobs.

Sky it turns out, is not far off. In fact, she's standing right in front of the projection screen throwing a tantrum in a red Chloe slip dress and super-high heels. Her bodyguard is trying unsuccessfully to calm her down.

"I DON'T CARE IF EVERYONE IS ON THE BLOOPER REEL!" she barks at a dude who looks remarkably like Rod ney. "I DON'T LIKE BEING MADE FUN OF!"

As fate would have it, a Sky gag appears onscreen at that exact moment. It's one of Sky muffing her lines. At the end of the clip, she screeches, "I suck!" Revelers around me are laughing, as they have for all the scenes I've witnessed, in cluding ones with me (like when I accidentally fell back wards out of a fake window, taking the wall down with me). Sky does not share their amusement.

"TELL THEM IF THEY DON'T SHUT THIS OFF RIGHT NOW, I'M NOT D-JING TONIGHT!" she yells, shaking her bottle-blond hair side to side as her bodyguard drags her away.

"That girl is mental," I hear someone behind me say. I turn around and see it's Drew. He's wearing jeans and a tight zip-up black sweater that shows off the result of weeks of running, jumping, and swordplay.

"Are you talking to me?" I ask coldly, surprised Drew isn't copping an attitude.

I notice Drew's gotten a buzz cut since we had Teen Titan rehearsals yesterday. "Chill, Katie Bear," he says, throwing an arm around my shoulder. "I actually came over to apologize."

I eye him suspiciously.

"You rejected me," he explains, "and I was insulted so I took Sky up on her offer to make your life hell." I push his arm off me. "But I didn't realize how insane that chick was!" Drew runs a hand through his short hair. "Leaking stories to the tabs, throwing tantrums on set...I started getting bad press from hanging with her." I don't say anything. "I know it was a lame move," Drew admits. "But cut a guy a break. It takes a big man to admit his jealousy you know."

I can't help but laugh at Drew's horrendously bloated ego. It's almost funny to me now. This is who Drew is, and I see that now. What's happened between us is ancient history and surprisingly doesn't hurt so much anymore.

"I miss that laugh, you know," Drew says, stepping towards me again.

I groan and put my arm out to block him. "Please Drew, I might not have a boyfriend anymore, but that ship has sailed. Why don't you try being single for a few weeks and hook up with someone much hotter on your next project?" I read in
Variety
that Drew starts filming the thriller
Kingdom Come
this September.

There must be something compelling about my sugges tion because Drew actually backs off. "Let's just find Hutch and get our parting gift over with," he suggests. "I doubt Sky will be back in time to join us." Drew offers me his arm. I roll my eyes jokingly and link with his for the short walk. As we pass by the screen shows another clip of Sky. She's spit ting into her hand and rubbing it on Matty's face, who looks like he might gag.

We find Hutch in his cabana, holding court with a num ber of admirers as he lounges on a wicker chaise. He's dressed up for a change, in a white linen shirt, dark jeans, and Birkenstocks. When he sees Drew and me, he stops puffing on the cigar he's smoking and yells, "MY TWO FAVORITE ACTORS!"

I eye the martini spilling out of his hand as Hutch stands up and opens his arms wide to give the two of us a group hug.

"Are you guys having fun? This is a fab party, isn't it?" He hiccups. His eyes are brighter than I remember and the bags are gone. His hair is pulled back neatly in a ponytail, the goatee is gone and is that--no it can't be--a smile on his face? "You two did a stupendous job. Stupendous! Didn't they?" Hutch says to us and to the group around him. I spot Daniella among them and flash her a smile.

"Kaitlin, Drew, be honest." Hank asks as he swishes his vodka tonic. "Isn't this man much nicer when he's not sitting behind the camera?" The comment elicits a roar from the peanut gallery. Hank's right, so I don't answer.

"It's true," Hutch chuckles, squeezing Drew and me tightly. "As soon as I'm done with principal photography my attitude completely changes!"

"Is it your attitude or the alcohol?" Hanks jokes.

"Sky, Drew, and I have a present for you, for directing us so skillfully," I say trying to avoid the awkwardness. I pull the thin envelope out of my purse and hand it to our director.

HOLLYWOOD SECRET NUMBER SEVENTEEN: Its customary for stars to buy "thank you" gifts for their costars, director, and crew when they wrap a big movie. (Customary, but not obligatory.) Most stars I know chip in and buy their director a present. But big guns, like actor George Culand, some times buy gifts for everybody from the smallest PA. to craft services. Other times, in lieu of a gift, stars throw, or should I say "host," because stars get everything for free, the wrap party. That's what Hutch is doing tonight.

Hutch opens the envelope and laughs. "It's a spa package for Le Petit Retreat Day Spa to help me relieve stress!" he tells the crowd. Everyone laughs.

"I have a present for you guys too. For everyone here ac tually," Hutch says as he hugs us both. "The winner of the Hutch Adams movie name contest." One of the P.A.s from the set hands Hutch his megaphone. "Can I get everyone's attention?" Hutch booms. I tense automatically, as if we were back on set and Hutch was about to launch into an other tirade. "Everyone who wants to know the name of our outstanding film, meet in the cabana pronto." I breathe a sigh of relief.

It takes a few minutes, but everyone crowds around. I see Nadine and Liz standing by the bar with Rodney and Matty squeezed next to them, munching on wasabi chicken skewers. Sky is nowhere to be seen, although plenty of people are talking about her.

"I heard she came back, saw herself onscreen again, and practically had to be carried out kicking and screaming," someone near me whispers.

Hutch seems to be enjoying the commotion. "Okay people, this is it," Hutch calls finally. "After much discussion, Daniella and I have picked a winner. Well, what we think is the winner. What the studio decides after hearing our pick is another matter." Everyone laughs. "But in our book, this ti tle fits our film like a glove." He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a wad of cash, held together by a rubber band. I'm assuming that's the $5,000 prize money. Silence settles over the crowd.

"
The Untitled Hutch Adams Project
will now be known as
Pretty Young Assassins
submitted by Nadine Cobb! Nadine, where are you?"

It doesn't take long to find her. Nadine lets out a deafen ing scream like nothing I've ever heard escape from her lips before. She pushes through the crowd and squeezes me in a tight hug.

"I won five thousand dollars!" Nadine shrieks.

Hutch hands over the wad of dough. "Brilliant, my dear," Hutch beams. "The suits are going to love this, especially the idea of referring to the film as
PYA.
Outstanding."

"Thank you, Hutch," Nadine says sincerely. "You've just personally funded my vacation to the Greek Isles."

The crowd quickly disperses after that, with some folks hanging near Drew to hear his life story. ("My mom said I was only three when I made my first film on our trusty cam corder.") Others rush to hear the All-American Rejects' next set. As I head back to my table, Hutch pulls me aside.

"I want to apologize for saying I should have hired Sky over you," Hutch says, breathing alcohol on me. I freeze. "She had me at hello, as Tom Hanks would say," Hutch con tinues dizzily, mixing up the Toms. "I guess when all hell broke loose and you started to get bad press I questioned my casting choice. Thank Buddha I didn't change my mind. I've been watching the footage and you are a breath of fresh air. A true fighter. I thought you should know that."

"Thanks, Hutch," I reply gratefully. "Coming from you, that means a lot."

When I rejoin my friends, Rodney is giving a toast. "To Nadine." He holds his fluorescent blue shotglass high in the air. "And to
Pretty Young Assassins
!" We clink glasses with Nadine, who is flushed and smiling wider than I've ever seen her.

"My original title suggestion was plain old
Project Elimina tion.
But this new idea came to me as Sky and Kates tried to claw each other's eyes out," Nadine giggles. "That title would definitely lure me to the theater opening weekend!"

Pretty Young Assassins.
It's a cool title. A hundred times bet ter than my lame pick:
Code: Blue,
which is what Mrs. Mur phy says when she realizes Donovan and Carly have stolen her computer files that discuss Project XT's sinister master plan. I guess I should stick to acting, not writing.

"Do you like it, Kates?" Nadine asks hopefully.

I reach over and squeeze Nadine as tightly as I would my ragged teddy bear, who is waiting at home on my unmade bed next to my
Notting Hill
DVD.

"It sounds like a surefire blockbuster to me," I say. But there's really only one thing on my mind: Austin. Sadly, I don't think he's thinking of me.

FRIDAY 8/10

NOTES TO SELF:

Teen Titan Awards
Schedule

Tape opening film segment: Sat. @ 8 A.M.

Rehearse skit with Drew: Sat. @ 1 P.M.

Full run-through: Sat. @ 2:30 P.M.

Interviews re: Awards: Sat. 7 P.M.

Final dressing fittings: Sat. 9 P.M.

**Stop by Awards gift suite during break. Wait 4 Liz!

SUNDAY: Arrive @ 6 A.M. for makeup. Red Carpet @ 3

P.M., SHOW TAPES AT: 5 P.M.

FA
start date: 8/21!!!!!

eiGHTeen:
The Show Must Go On

"Kaitlin?

"Kates?

"Hellooo?

"KAITLIN!"

Nadine's loud voice finally startles me out of my daze and I smack my head on the Teen Titan Awards dressing room mirror I'm standing in front of.