Seducing the Wolf (65 page)

Taylor shook her head slowly. “What’s even sadder about all this is that I know you still love her. I see the way you look at her sometimes, like when you dropped me off at her house last weekend. I know that every time you see her and Boyd together, you’re reminded of everything you had and lost. And it makes you angry and miserable. It makes you hate yourself even more, and that hate spreads to others like poison.”

Turner was silent and grim, staring fixedly at the ground as his daughter’s indictments cut through him with the precision of a surgeon’s scalpel.

“Mom says you’re punishing me for her sins, and I agree with her. But I believe it goes even deeper than that. I think you’ve been wracked with guilt ever since Micah died. I think his death haunts you because he wasn’t your son, and you took him away from his mother. Rather than accept any responsibility for your actions, you found it easier to blame everyone else. You blamed Mom for betraying you and breaking up our family. And you blamed me and Manning for letting Micah get hit by that car. You hated us for it. But that wasn’t the only cause of your resentment. When Manning almost hit you that day at the hospital, I saw the fear in your eyes. There you were, a grown man—an armed FBI agent—and you were afraid of an angry sixteen-year-old boy. That fear made you feel like a coward all over again. And it solidified your hatred for Manning, a hatred that’s been festering for more than twenty years.”

Turner’s stony gaze snapped to Manning, then Taylor. He’d heard enough. “I’ve said what I came to say.”

With that, he pivoted and started toward the rental car.

“You’re going to be a grandfather,” Taylor blurted out.

Her father froze midstride.

Taylor waited for him to turn around. When he didn’t, she pressed ahead. “I’m having a baby, Dad. Manning and I are bringing a child into the world together. A child who was created out of love. A child who will be nurtured and raised in a home full of love.” She smiled softly at Manning and then looked back at her father. “If you wake up tomorrow morning and decide to pursue your vendetta against Manning, just know that we’re not the only ones you’ll be hurting. You’ll also be hurting your innocent grandchild. If you can live with that…then God help you.” 

Turner bowed his head, his shoulders slumping as all the fight slowly drained out of him. When he finally turned around and looked at them, his eyes were shining with tears.

“I’ve been such a damn fool,” he confessed, his voice raw with pain. “Every word you said about me is true. I hope…I hope both of you can forgive me someday.”

“I hope you can forgive yourself, Dad,” Taylor said gently. “Sometimes learning to love and live with yourself is more liberating than being forgiven.”

Turner closed his eyes as two tears rolled down his cheeks. He looked so broken that Manning could only feel compassion for him. When he looked at Taylor, her eyes were glistening wetly.

“If you have a son,” Turner said humbly, “please consider naming him Micah.”

Manning and Taylor smiled tenderly at each other. “We already have.”

Turner swallowed hard and nodded.

After another moment, he turned and made his way to the rental car. They watched as he opened the passenger door and removed a large padded envelope. He walked back to the house, climbed the porch steps and slowly handed the package to Taylor.

“I’ve kept these from their rightful owners long enough,” he said quietly.

Manning and Taylor stared at the unmarked envelope, then gazed wonderingly at each other. “Our letters,” they whispered.

Turner nodded, his eyes rimmed with sorrow and regret.

They stood there watching as he returned to the car and drove off. Then they went inside the house and closed the door.

“Let’s change our clothes and eat first,” Manning murmured.

Taylor nodded, clutching the package to her chest.

They dined by candlelight on the terraced deck, eating with one hand while the other formed an intimate link across the table, and their bare feet kissed on the floor. As they talked quietly about what Taylor’s father had revealed, the contents of the package were never far from their minds.

As soon as they finished their meal, they moved to the seating area to delve into their lost letters. Taylor’s hands trembled as she unsealed the package with all the sacred reverence of a biblical scholar unearthing ancient scrolls.

The letters were still in their original envelopes, though they’d been opened. There were eleven in all.

“You wrote to me first,” Taylor whispered, looking at the postmarked dates. She carefully sorted out the letters and gave Manning the ones that were addressed to him.

He stared down at her neat, curvy handwriting and felt his throat tighten painfully.

“Can we read them to each other?” Taylor asked softly.

He nodded. “You go first.”

She made herself more comfortable on the cushioned sofa, tucking her legs beneath her before she drew a deep, shaky breath and began reading his words:

Dear Taylor,

I wanted to give you a chance to get settled in your mom’s house before I wrote to you. And I guess I needed time to get my thoughts together before I put pen to paper.

I hope you’re doing well. I hope you’re sleeping through the night. I hope you’ve found things to smile about. And I hope you’re still playing your violin.

Thank you for giving me one of your bows. Every time I look at it, I smile and think about you. But then again, I’m always thinking about you. 

I wish I could tell you that I’m doing okay, but I’d be lying. Nothing’s the same without you, Tay. Basketball camp starts next month, but I’m not looking forward to it. Mike, Marcus and Q are coming for a visit soon, but I can’t even get excited. Nothing feels right anymore.

I miss you, Tay. I miss your smile. I miss your laugh. I miss seeing your beautiful face. I miss being with you.

I hate that we won’t be able to spend our 17th birthdays together. But I’ve been thinking about what you said when you told me we have to think about our future in order to make it through the present. You were right. So I’ve been thinking and planning ahead, Tay. I talked to my parents, and they want you to come for Thanksgiving if it’s okay with your mom. She and Tru can come too. Also, my parents offered to fly you out here next May so you can go to the prom with me, and I’m saving up money from tutoring to buy my plane ticket to come to your prom.

The last time I spoke to Mike, he told me that one of his friends at Morehouse has a girlfriend who goes to college in New York, and he catches the bus every other weekend to go see her. Since I’ve kept my grades up and have already received a scholarship, Dad says I’ll probably get a car for graduation. So I’ll be able to visit you at Juilliard whenever we want.

I know I’m probably getting way ahead of myself, but I can’t help it. You’re my girl, Taylor, and you always will be.

I hope you don’t regret what we did the night before you left. Making love to you was the most amazing experience I’ve ever had. I’ll never forget it.

I hope to hear from you soon.

Love forever,

Manning

By the time Taylor read the last line, tears were streaming down her cheeks. She gazed at Manning and slowly shook her head.

“You lied to me,” she whispered.

“About what?”

“You used to tell me you were bad at writing letters. But this letter…It was absolutely beautiful.”

Manning’s chest tightened. “I meant every word.”

“I know. That’s what made it so perfect. You were making plans for us…including me in your future.” As Taylor closed her eyes and held the letter to her heart, Manning leaned over and tenderly kissed her tears away.

“Do you want to continue?” he murmured.

She nodded, sniffling. “It’s your turn.”

Manning swallowed hard as he unfolded her letter and began reading aloud:

Dear Manning,

How are you? I sincerely hope you’re doing well and taking care of yourself.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve started this letter, only to stop and put it away. I have this insane belief that if I don’t mail this letter to you, everything will go back to normal soon. Micah will still be alive, and I’ll still be there with you. I know it’s crazy to be in denial about everything that’s happened, but denial is easier than facing this nightmare reality.

My dad’s here now. My mother sent for him, so he’s going to be staying with us for a while. Sometimes when I look at my parents, I think they might still love each other. But then they start arguing, and I realize I’m only imagining things…wishing for things that aren’t there. They’re never going to be like your parents, and I just have to accept that.

You’ll be going away to basketball camp in another month, won’t you? I can’t remember the exact dates, but I hope you’re looking forward to it. I know how much you enjoy playing basketball, and you’re so good at it. I’ll miss coming to your games and cheering you on, but I’ll be there with you in spirit.

I sleep in your letterman jacket every night. It still smells like you, and wearing it makes me feel close to you. I miss you so much, Manning. I miss the sound of your voice. I miss hearing you call me Tay. I miss playing my violin for you. I miss hugging and kissing you.

Being separated from you feels like the worst punishment. And maybe that’s what it is. But all punishments eventually come to an end, don’t they?

No matter what happens in the future, you’ll always have my heart, Manning. And I’ll never regret letting you be my first that night. It was the most unforgettable night of my life, and I’ll cherish the memory forever.

All my love,

Taylor

Manning stared at the hearts Taylor had drawn above and below her name, then closed his stinging eyes and said thickly, “I wish to
God
I’d received this letter back then.”

“So do I,” Taylor whispered. “The thought of you receiving that cruel letter my father wrote…It just breaks my heart. I’ve been asking myself the same question over and over: What if I’d mailed off the letters myself while my father was at work? If you’d received just
one
of them, you would have known where my head and heart were.”

“And what if I’d just picked up the damn phone and called you? What if I’d called during the day when your father wasn’t home?” Manning shook his head, filled with impotent fury and frustration. “I’ve been driving myself fucking crazy with all the
what ifs
.”

“Me too,” Taylor admitted.

They read the rest of the letters, sharing each other’s profoundly heartfelt words and feeling the anguish, confusion, disappointment and anger that poured from the pages. They talked about everything—everything but the nightmares that had been tormenting them both.

The final letter was from Manning, and it was filled with the raw pain and bitterness that would consume him for the next two decades:

Taylor,

I got your letter today. I’d been waiting weeks to hear from you, so I was excited when I came home from basketball camp and finally found a letter from you. I got even more amped when Mom told me you’d also called. I couldn’t open your letter fast enough. But after I read it, I almost wished I hadn’t.

What you wrote hurt like hell. I know how devastated you were when Micah died. To be honest, I still blame myself for what happened. But I was hoping we could work through that. I was hoping you could forgive me. But I guess you can’t. And I guess that explains why it took you so long to respond to my letters, which is what I was afraid of.

I called to talk to you, but you wouldn’t even come to the phone. What’s up with that, Taylor?

I wasn’t going to send another letter, but I had to try one more time to reach you. What you wrote reminded me of the way you tried to break up with me that day when we argued about Nicole. Have you been looking for a reason to get me out of your life? I don’t know what the hell to think right now. My mind is all over the place.

If I don’t hear from you after this, then I’ll know you meant what you wrote in that letter, and I won’t bother you ever again.

Love,

Manning

Taylor finished reading and shook her head sorrowfully. “I’m so sorry, sweetheart. I’m—”

“Shh. You have nothing to apologize for.” Manning gathered all the letters and returned them to the large envelope, then pulled Taylor onto his lap and kissed her deeply and reverently, showing her without words just how much she meant to him.

When their mouths parted, she wrapped her arms around his neck and clung to him like she was afraid to let go. He rested his cheek on top of her head, took one of her hands and threaded his fingers through hers.

“We’ve lost so much,” she quietly lamented.

“We have,” Manning agreed. “But we’ve gained so much more. You came back, Taylor. After all these years, you came back to me. We’ve been given a second chance to create new beginnings, and that’s exactly what we’re going to do.”

“Yes,” she whispered, taking his hand and gently pressing it against her flat abdomen. “To new beginnings.”

Manning smiled softly as he imagined her belly expanding, becoming rounder and fuller over the next several months. He closed his eyes for a long moment, awed and humbled by the thought of his child growing inside her. A precious little miracle.

Their
precious little miracle.

He held her closer as fireflies danced around them, flickering points of light darting through the dusky summer evening. With his hand resting on Taylor’s stomach, he took in their idyllic surroundings and felt a deep languor settle over him.