Seduction (The Journal of the Wolves of Spruce Hollow) (34 page)

I knew.

It was the little things, that he did that for me every single day that told me so. Things like making sure that I was warm and tucked in on the couch.

Hmm
,
I wonder where he’d gone?
 

My body was warm and relaxed and I felt fantastic as I snuggled deeper into the blanket. It was a relief, really, as I’d felt so awful the past few days. When I’d asked Roan about it, he’d had the strangest look on his face and then said that Weres didn’t really get sick. But, I’d certainly felt sick. Getting used to this new me was a challenge and I worried that I would never feel normal again.

Roan and I had never made love on the couch before but I was definitely going to add it to my list of “Best Sexual Experiences Ever” as my orgasm had been so intense, that I nearly saw stars and thought I was going to pass out.
 

Just before I came, Roan had whispered to me to look at him instead of closing my eyes and hiding from him. It was definitely more intense when I looked at him during sex. It was like he was looking right into that secret place deep inside me where I hid the vulnerable, naked, pink version of myself. Only Roan had the ability to cut me right open and wrap his hands around the fearful, defenseless girl that lived inside.
I wonder if he realizes that he does that to me?

My experience in the bedroom was extremely limited but my body just sang whenever Roan touched me. There was nothing better than having his hands and mouth on me. He just seemed to innately
know
what I needed from him. He did and said everything right when I was in the throes of passion. I especially loved it when Roan said dirty things to me when we fooled around, it made me feel like so wanton and horny.
 

Smiling a naughty, self-satisfied smile, I stretched my entire body as far as I could. I still couldn’t touch the end of the couch with my feet. But it didn’t matter how tall I was, I’d still managed to snag the hottest male Were in Spruce Hollow.
 

I felt like the cat that swallowed the proverbial canary.
Roan Sabre was mine, ladies, and I wasn’t ever giving him back!
 

Pushing myself into a sitting position, I saw a hastily scribbled note sitting in the middle of the coffee table.
It was probably from Roan
. I reached out my hand and grabbed for it, anxious to find out where he’d gone.

Aspen,

I’m gone out with Griff and Caver. We’re going out for a beer. I’ll be back later. I won’t be too late.

Love you,

R.

“Oh, I see,” I said aloud. “It’s like that, is it?”
 

I felt deflated.
 

Roan and I had just experienced an intense connection during sex and he’d just got up and left to go to a bar as soon as I fell asleep!
What the hell?
And to top it all off, he didn’t even wake me up to say that he was leaving.
 

My face flushed with outrage at Roan’s callous treatment. I felt enraged and disappointed that my mate would leave me like this.
 

I knew that he’d only gone out with Caver and Griff but wasn’t I part of the Were pack now too? Wasn’t I going to be invited to gatherings now that Roan and I were mated or was I going to continue to be brutally shunned like I was in the years following Roan’s departure.
I’m truly one of them now, for the love of god!

“Calm down Aspen. You are letting your emotions get away from you. Yes, it is true that our mate left while we slept and has gone out without us. But you have been feeling unwell. I’m sure Roan felt that you needed your sleep and didn’t want to wake you when a note would have been sufficient,” my wolf reasoned.

“Yeah, right. He left me a crummy note like I was one of his little girlfriends and not his freaking mate! Don’t you think that I deserve more respect than that?”

”Yes, but I doubt that that our mate bothered to leave notes for any of his ex girlfriends and he certainly never signed them with “
Love you
,” my wolf said firmly in an attempt to quash my little tirade.
 

“Do you seriously think it’s okay for him to just take off like this and leave me to go to a bar to hang out with god knows who. I know what kinds of girls go that bar, wolf. I’m sure those little floozies are hanging all over him as we speak.
He’s mine, my mate!
He should be here with me!” I growled at the thought of Roan with other women.

I suddenly felt very alone. I’d let Roan in and let him see me when I was weak and vulnerable and he’d rewarded me by ditching me and going to a bar without me.
 

Why did falling in love have to hurt so much? Wasn’t I supposed to be happy now that I had my mate?
 

But right this moment, I was anything but happy. I was alone and my mate was out drinking with the pack members!
 

I started to sniffle as my eyes filled with tears. Well, that was just fine. He wanted to go out to a bar and let slutty women ogle him? Then I would just have to go to the bar too and see how much he liked it when other men looked at me.
 

Reaching for the phone, I called Sorcha and wiped my tears with the back of my hand. If anyone would be up for going out to a bar on a moments notice, it would be her.
 

“Hello?”

“Sorcha? It’s me, I need you to come to the bar with me,” I said as I hugged myself and did a little dance that Sorcha was still at home.
Ha, I was going to give Roan a taste of his own medicine!
 

Sorcha was totally on board, like I’d known she’d be. You can always count on your BFF, even when your own blood bonded mate blows you off.
 

I looked at the clock, I’d have to hurry, she was coming to pick me up and I had less than an hour to get ready.
 

Hurriedly, I raced to the shower and washed Roan’s scent off me. He was all over me. My neck, my boobs, inside me, my hair and my face. I could smell him everywhere. He had marked me well. No male Were would dare come within ten feet of me. The smell of our co-mingled scents told them that I belonged to Roan and was therefore off limits.

And why wouldn’t I want to belong to such a man? He was handsome, strong, intelligent and capable. He was a generous lover, that much was certainly true.
 

Chills suddenly ran up my spine, just thinking about the two of us together on the couch.
 

Stop it, you horny little bitch, I can’t let your lust for him cloud my plans for tonight.
 

I hopped out of the shower, quickly toweled myself off and ran to my room. I needed as much time as possible to get “sexed up”.
 

Darting by the mirror in the hallway, I caught my reflection and stopped short. Lord, I had a big hickey where Roan had bit and sucked between my neck and shoulder during sex.
Lovely.
He always gave me such a hard time about how I lost control during sex and bit him too hard, when in reality, he did the exact same thing to me.
 

Well, maybe not
exactly
the same thing as he had a lot more control than I did. But I never complained about him biting me because I was usually too caught up in mating to really notice it. It wasn’t until afterwards, when I saw all the nips and bites on my neck and shoulders that I know that he’s bitten me too.
 

Roan got pretty hot and demanding when he was inside me, his hands and mouth were usually everywhere. He liked to touch and taste everything during sex. I sighed. I could wash his scent off me but it didn’t matter, it was permanently tattooed on my soul.
 

God help me, I was in love with him.
There was no denying that. I finished drying myself off and pulled on some panties and my tightest jeans. They made my ass look fantastic. I may be skinny, well, at least according to Roan, but I wasn’t lacking at all in the boob and butt category. I decided to go for my white push up bra and barely there white spaghetti strap top.
 

That would certainly give Roan an eyeful of what he was missing at home. I even put on the bracelet that he’d given me for Christmas when I was a teenager, the one with the wolf and little girl charm. I’d taped it to his door when I’d trashed his room in a fit of rage at New Years all those years ago and hadn’t seen it since. But Roan had given it back to me this morning before he’d gone in to work to check out how Caver and Griff were making out in his absence.

“Remember the bracelet that you gave me for Christmas a long time ago?” I’d asked him as I sat on the bed and watched him get dressed.
 

He’d looked over at me as he buttoned his jeans low on his hips, a smug look on his handsome face and said, “I don’t think that belongs to you anymore, you gave it back to me, remember?”
 

“Roan, I was sixteen years old and madly in love with you. You broke my heart you know. I was hurt and angry that night.”

His eyes were guarded as he searched my face. “I have carried this with me every single day for the past five years,” he said quietly as he reached into his jeans pockets and pulled out my bracelet, “It was the only piece of you that I had left. I guess it sort of became my good luck charm as I had it when I was deployed over seas.”

I sat there and stared at him, my mouth slightly agape in shock as he held it out the delicate filigree bracelet to me. My hands were trembling as I reached out to touch it and just as my fingertips made contact, he snatched it back again.
 

“Aspen, if you
ever
give this back to me again, it will be the last time you see it. I promise you. Understand?”
 

I nodded, feeling sheepish, as he offered it to me again. Our fingers touched as I took the bracelet from his extended hand. It almost felt like an electric shock. Would it always be like this between us? Would he always affect me so? Sometimes, I felt like maybe I was the only one who felt this way because Roan had certainly never admitted that he’d ever felt anything like that whenever we’d touched.
 

Come to think about it, he rarely ever talked about feelings, in any form whatsoever. Sometimes, I wondered whether he even had feelings? My head still reeled with shock every time he’d told me that he loved me. It was a rare treat the few times that I’d heard those words from him.

Perhaps it wasn’t very manly for tall, hulking Were males to discuss their feelings with their mates. But it would be nice to know once in awhile whether someone cared about you. Whenever I was with Roan, I felt like I walked around wearing this giant “I love Roan” heart on my sleeve. It wasn’t hard for him to tell that I was absolutely in love with him.
 

So, why couldn’t he do the same for me?
 

Men.
 

I shook my head as I finished up my look with smoky “whore eyes” and glossy, pouty lips. My hair, on the other hand, was a wild, curly mess. I had a love/hate relationship with my hair. It was long and fell down my back in a riot of strawberry blonde curls. I suppose I would have found it quite beautiful…on someone else’s head. Sighing, I scrunched mousse into my curls and blow dried my hair while I heated up my flat iron. Oh, I was going all out tonight. Roan wasn’t going to know what hit him.
 

I carefully divided my hair into sections and pulled the flat iron through it until I had long, silky hair falling down my back in a smooth curtain. I had just enough time to finish the last strand and check my reflection in the mirror when Sorcha honked her horn in the driveway.

Chapter 38

~Roan~

I
t was just after eight pm and I was finishing my seventh beer with the intention of ordering a round of shots, followed by many more beer. There was no question about it tonight.
 

I was getting drunk.
 

My mood was dark and sulky as I sat hunched over in our regular corner booth. I was miserable. Thank god for the vibration of the bar music and the buzzing sound of the patrons around me. It helped to drone out the chaos in my head. Griff and Caver were unaffected by my black demeanor and continued to talk with their usual lighthearted camaraderie. I didn’t know how they could stand me right now. Fuck, I could barely stand my own company.
 

What I needed to do was man up and tell Aspen that she was pregnant. I wanted to, I really did, but I just couldn’t do it. I’d stood and looked at her sleeping on the couch before I left the house and had nearly woken her up and told her. But the thought punched me right in the gut and rendered me unable to form coherent sentences and I’d chickened out.

Fuck, I was such a coward when it came to Aspen.

I’d already run through a hundred different scenarios in my head. Ones where I waited so long to tell her the news that Aspen found out she was pregnant on her own. Or that I let my proud, excited wolf loose and allowed him be the one to tell Baby the news.
 

Inside, I was deeply conflicted and knew that I wasn’t handling it well at all.