Seductive Chaos (Bad Rep #3) (24 page)

So I had taken the praise and the attention and I had run with it. It had come to define me.

But that didn’t mean I was a bad guy.

Right?

Then why was I sitting here. . . alone?

I was alone.

And that pissed me off. I had worked too damn hard and for too damn long to be in the same dingy apartment I had been living in since I was nineteen. I had thought when the Rejects had started to get some attention, it was my ticket out. My chance to prove everyone wrong.

So why was I still here worse off than I was when I left?

Something needed to change. And I was beginning to think I knew exactly what that thing was.

As if on cue, my phone rang again and if it was Jose again, I’d answer and tell him to make his calls.

Because if I couldn’t get to where I wanted to be doing things the old way, then it was time to try something new. Garrett, Jordan, and Mitch wouldn’t hold me back from anything, ever again.

So I grabbed my phone, full of self-righteous fury.

But it wasn’t Jose.

It was Garrett.

“Hello?” I said, answering it before giving myself time to think about exactly what I was going to say.

“Hey, man,” Garrett said, sounding as neutrally bland as he ever did. There was a long moment of silence where neither of us said a word.

I wasn’t entirely sure what he expected me to say. Or what I expected him to say. But currently neither of us was saying anything at all.

I cleared my throat. My earlier anger still simmered in my blood.

“What can I do for you?” I finally asked.

“Well, what do you think, Cole? We’re back in Bakersville. We haven’t heard from you. I figured you’d want to get together so we can hash shit out,” Garrett retorted.

“You mean so you can sit around and tell me what an arrogant prick I am,” I corrected.

“Look, dude, that’s not it at all. We all have shit we need to address. So why don’t you get off your sorry ass and get over here. The sooner the better.”

I bristled instantly. Why did I need to jump through hoops because Garrett and the others had deemed it time to talk? I didn’t appreciate the demand in his tone. I thought back to my conversation with Jose and the opportunities that were already presenting themselves.

I didn’t need this bullshit. I didn’t need three assholes to tell me what they thought I should change.

Fuck them!

“Yeah, well, I can’t.”

I could hear Garrett grinding his teeth. It was loud and it was annoying.

“What the fuck are you talking about? We need to talk. I know you’re pissed. We are too. But I think-”

I cut him off, not interested in whatever psychobabble, hippie love shit was about to come spewing out of his mouth.

“I said I can’t come right now,” I said through clenched teeth.

Then there was silence again.

It lasted so long I started to think that Garrett had hung up.

“Hello?” I said.

“Is that how things are going to be? This is it?” Garrett asked quietly and I felt a twinge of guilt at the sound of regret in my friend’s voice.

Was
this how it was going to be? Was I really going to shaft my band and go out on my own?

Was I really going to leave behind everything that had made me who I am and think only of myself?

The possibility was too tempting to ignore.

But I still couldn’t be the dick that they expected me to be. I still owed them something.

“Look, I’ve got to get my head in the right place. Give me some time. Yeah, I’m pissed, Garrett. I’m really fucking pissed. I don’t want to come over and it turn into another round of the Jordan and Cole agro hour,” I said, feeling really tired. I still hadn’t found any ibuprophen and my headache was attacking my brain with renewed force.

“Cole, man, I don’t think it’ll be like that. You and Jordan just need to hear each other out. You’re friends-” Garrett argued.

“No, he’s your friend. He’s never been my friend. I think that’s fucking obvious,” I said, sounding like a whiny bitch.

“Shit, are you for real? You’ve been playing in a band together for years. Stop being such a pussy. Your feelings are hurt. I get it. But you need to get over that shit for the sake of the band,” Garrett growled. He was pissed. I could tell because he wasn’t neutral anymore. He was spitting nails.

“For the sake of the band? What band, Garrett? Because where I’m standing I don’t see anything resembling a group I want to be a part of.”

Garrett hissed in a breath.

“Well, if that’s how you feel, I won’t stop you. And I’m not going to argue over the fucking phone like two high school cunts. If you want to talk about the band and about what the hell has been going on, you know where I live.”

And he hung up.

I threw my phone on the couch and kicked over the trashcan.

I covered my face with my hands and screamed as loud as I could. Two seconds later there was a pounding on the other side of my wall.

“Shut up! Some people are trying to sleep!” my meth head neighbor yelled through the paper-thin partitions.

I had hoped that my life would change for the better.

How wrong I was.

“Y
ou seem distracted, Vivian. What’s wrong?” Theo asked as we sat in at the table in the foyer of The Claremont Center on Tuesday morning. It had only been two days since Maysie had shown up our doorstep and I was a nervous wreck.

I had skirted around town, dodging places where I was convinced I’d run into Cole. I stayed the hell away from Barton’s, the liquor store, and Deanne’s Diner, only because I knew how he loved their pecan pie.

But even as I tried to avoid him, I couldn’t help but look for him everywhere I went. I was picking up ice cream and facial cleanser at Walmart and I couldn’t help but look anxiously around for that dark head I was desperate, yet loathed to see.

I went through the drive- thru at Burger King for a vanilla milkshake and I found myself peering into the dining room, wondering if Cole was perhaps there, picking up his usual Whopper with cheese.

And when I drove down his street, because it seemed like the shortest way to get to my hairdresser, I tried to suppress the instant swarm of butterflies that unleashed their holy terror in my stomach when I caught sight of his beat up clunker sat out front of his building.

So damn straight I was distracted. I was a huge, giant, sweaty mess of distraction and it wasn’t getting any better. Every hour, every minute, every goddamned second that passed, knowing that Cole and I were in breathing distance from one another felt like a ticking time bomb.

I just waited for it to go off in my face.

I wanted to clench my hands into to fists and shake them at the sky screaming, “Why God, why?” in full melodramatic glory.

But I was at work. And that sort of psychotic behavior just wouldn’t do. So I plastered the fakest of fake smiles on my face and shook my head, as if to swipe all the lingering cobwebs away.

I gave Theo my best smile and even incorporated a little eyelash batting for good measure. “I’m just tired,” I excused.

“You do look a little tense. Is there anything I can do? I give one heck of a massage,” Theo offered, giving me a timid smile. He really was such a sweet guy. Why oh why couldn’t I be hopelessly attracted to him? Why couldn’t I rip his clothes off and have my wicked way with him?

I had felt I had been on the cusp of feeling something towards him. I had been feeling the tingles in all the right places. I had been indulging in the semi-regular fantasy that included him walking into my office, sweeping everything off my desk in a total alpha gesture, ripping my panties off and fucking me senseless on top of the gala budget plan.

Things had been progressing. At least in my head.

But now Cole was back in town. And all of my fantasies, all of my tingles had fizzled into non-existence.

Damn it! I felt like I was back at square freaking one!

“Thanks, Theo. I’m sure I’ll be fine with a good night’s sleep,” I said, brushing off his shyly sexual offer.

Theo looked down at the table and I had the sense he was feeling a tad rejected. I wish he would stop making me feel so guilty. It was starting to tick me off.

“Well, I’m here. You know if you need to talk, or whatever,” he stumbled.

I smiled. Not knowing what else to say. I hated dangling precariously like this on the edge of indecision. I wish I were firm enough in my resolve to be rid of Cole that I could move forward with Theo, no questions. No doubts.

And while Cole was hundreds of miles away, it was easier to work towards that. But now that I knew he was here in Bakersville, even if I hadn’t even seen him yet, I felt like he was pulling me back into his tractor beam. How could one person hold so much sway over another? It didn’t’ seem right. In fact it was downright cruel.

“Thanks, Theo. You’re such a good friend.” I patted his hand and almost cringed at my word choice.

Theo tried to play down his own wince. I had friend zoned him. Why had I done that? Did I want to do that? Why couldn’t I figure out what was going on in my own damn head?

“Well, I try to be,” Theo answered and I hated the look of disappointment on his face. One that I had put there.

I was such a damn fool.

“M
ake it a double, Dina!” I called out, tapping my fingers on the bar. I turned in my stool and looked out at the crowded restaurant. Barton’s was packed for a Tuesday night. But it was Ladies’ Night and women drank half price until closing. Most of Rinard College’s legal aged drinkers were crammed into the space. The girls looking to get wasted and the guys hoping to take them home.

I remembered that particular mating ritual well.

After Theo had left, I had tried to get my head into my workday. I ended up checking my email a half a dozen times and then mindlessly filing. My mind was on anything but work.

It was annoying.

So when Gracie had called and asked if I wanted to meet her at Barton’s for dinner I had agreed, mostly because I couldn’t take going home and drive myself crazy over thoughts of what Cole was doing.

But there was also a part of me that was much bigger than I wanted it to be that hoped to run into him there.

Though I should have known, given the state of his relationship with the rest of Generation Rejects, Barton’s was the last place he’d show up.

So it was with a nagging disappointment that I joined, Gracie, Garrett, Maysie, Jordan, and Mitch for a round of beers and a mountain of hot wings while the guys watched football and us girls talked about the latest episode of Scandal.

We had moved things over to the bar after we had finished eating. It was already much later than I had meant to stay out on a work night, but I was determined to enjoy myself.

As much fun as it was to hang out with my friends, I couldn’t ignore the nagging strangeness of being with this group of people without Cole. Even though he wasn’t there and his name was purposefully avoided like the plague, his presence was felt intensely.

I felt it. And I know everyone else did as well.

“I friend zoned Theo today,” I yelled to Gracie over the noise.

Gracie twirled her straw in her lemonade and widened her eyes.

“You did what?” she asked.

Garrett leaned in, resting his arms on the bar as he tried to hear what we were talking about.

“Who’s Theo?” he asked.

“The cute man who wants in Vivian’s pants,” Gracie teased and I rolled my eyes.

“That’s cool,” Garrett said, looking like he was already regretting getting involved in our conversation.

“Well it would be if I could stop being such an idiot,” I muttered, rubbing my forehead.

“How did you friend zone him?” Mitch asked from my other side, seeming genuinely perplexed.

I noticed that Gracie instantly tensed when Mitch moved in closer to stand behind us. They had carefully sat away from each other all evening. Our group was suffocating under so much unresolved tension.

I had yet to figure out exactly had changed between Mitch and Gracie. But whatever it was, it clearly was there to stay for a while.

I looked at the both of them with raised eyebrows but they ignored my silent question.

They weren’t going to tell me shit.

“I said, “
You’re such a good friend, Theo.”

Garrett and Mitch groaned in unison.

“I don’t even know this dude and I feel bad for him,” Mitch stated, reaching around me to grab his beer. I watched Gracie’s eyes follow him, her expression hurt but tender. And I suddenly knew exactly what the problem was.

They had slept together.

Those sneaky bastards had finally screwed and no one had told me. I met Gracie’s eyes and gave her a look that said
I know what you did, you dirty hoe!

She flushed and quickly looked away. I was totally going to find out about this later.

But I kindly let it go for now.

“I thought you liked him,” Maysie piped up, coming to join us at the bar. Jordan was talking to Moore, Barton’s manager.

“I
do
like him. I just can’t make the leap,” I complained.

Gracie shook her head. “And I think we all know why,” she scolded.