Self Destruct (11 page)

Rebecca

I punched my pillow.  My blankets circled around my body, and I scissored my legs trying to get free.  What I really wanted was to crawl into the warmth of Aiden’s arms, but I insisted on staying at my apartment tonight.  Why would I do such a thing?  Well, that’s easy. I’m a freakin’ idiot.

I promised Aiden I would think about moving in with him.  I thought if I gave myself a chance to miss him a little
, it would be easier to decide. It worked. I miss him, and now I’m not sure I can sleep without him.  How pathetic does that make me? 

Toni had a few things to say about it.  "What the hell are you thinking?  Kate said Cameron might be taking over your portion of the lease?  You know I have no problems staring at his fine ass every day, but what the hell are you thinking?"  "Jeez Toni.  Tell me what you really think," I said sarcastically, and rolled my eyes at her. 

Toni put her hand on her cocked out hip, and gave me a scathing look.  "I like Aiden.  I think he's good for you, but what's the harm in dating for a while?  Just because it's good doesn't mean it has to happen all at once." 

I took a deep breath, and nodded slightly.  "I know logically it doesn't make sense, but I can't stay away from him."  Toni's confrontational posture relaxed.  "Your relationship intense and has moved hella fast.  But if you're happy, I support you."  I reached out and squeezed her hand.  "You are the bestest best friend ever, you know that right?" 

I tried to quiet my mind, but my Toni's words continued to play in my head.  I rolled over to see the time on my alarm clock.  The red light glowed midnight.  I had been trying to sleep for about two hours.  It was possible that Aiden was still awake.  I picked up my phone and sent him a text, in case he was actually asleep. 

Me: Are you sleeping?

Aiden:  Are you next to me?

Me:  You know I’m not.

Aiden:  Then I’m not sleeping.

Me:  I miss you.

Aiden:  Then quit torturing us and get your ass over here.

Me:  I know it'
s stupid, but I need to see at least one night through.

Aiden:  If it is what you need.  I love you.

Me:  I love you too.  I just needed to see what I’d be missing if I didn’t live with you.

Aiden:  It sounds like you’ve decided to move in with me.

Me:  Well, I’m sleep deprived.

Aiden:  I could think of a few ways I could help you sleep.

Me:  That is part of the reason I wanted to stay here tonight.  You’re right I am sore.  But tomorrow…

Aiden:  You know I’m coming over the moment I wake up right?

Me:  I hoped you would say that.  Good night Aiden.

Aiden:  Good night Red. 

I eventually fell asleep as the sun was coming up.  I heard a knock on the front door.  Muffled voices came from the living room, but I ignored them. I tried to go back to sleep, then my bed dipped down next to me.  I felt strong arms encircle me and pull me into a hard chest.  I rolled over and opened my eyes. 

Aiden
's eyes were slightly blood shot, with dark circles underneath.  I gasped. “You look awful!”  He gave me a half smile.  “Gee, thanks sweetie.”  “For you Aiden.  Awful for you.  Of course you're gorgeous, but did you sleep at all?”

“I tried Red, but it didn’t work.  How about you?”  “M
aybe a couple of hours, if that,” I answered.  “Come here then, and let’s get some sleep,” Aiden said pulling me back into his arms.

A few hours later I woke and slipped out of bed.  After a quick shower I went into the kitchen to cook a large late breakfast.  “Good afternoon Sleeping Beauty,” Toni teased, and hopped on the counter.
“I noticed that Prince Charming looked a little rough around the edges this morning.  What's going on with you two anyway?  Did you fight?” Toni pried.

I giggled.  “Uh no.  We didn’t fight. 
I told you Aiden wants me to move in with him.  Neither of us were able to sleep last night, and he showed up this morning.”  “Don’t you think this is really fast Becca?  I know I've already said this to you, and I promised I would support you, but I really think you're moving too fast. You aren’t actually thinking about this are you?" Toni demanded. 

“Toni, would you really be upset if I did decide to move in with him?”  “I just don’t want to see you get hurt.  You move in with a guy, eventually you want more, but what reason does he have if you are living with him?”
she argued.

“I fully intend
to marry her after she graduates,” Aiden announced as he walked into the kitchen.  “If that's true then why didn’t you propose instead of asking her to move in with you?” Toni countered. 

“Do you think a two
year long engagement is too long?” Aiden asked her.  “Really?  The reason you haven't proposed to Becca, after dating for a week, is because you want to wait until she graduates before getting married?” Toni asked in disbelief.  “I want her to have her degree before changing her name, having a husband, and maybe starting a family,” he answered casually.

“Is this a private conversation or can anyone join in?” I asked
irritated.  Aiden looked at me apologetically.  Toni ignored my irritation and continued to interrogate Aiden.  “If your intent is to propose, and she knows this aren’t you kind of engaged already?” “Red, what do you think?” Aiden asked, finally including me.  “Uh, I don’t know.  I’m getting a bit confused,” I replied. 

"Duh, because this is totally whacked!" Toni shouted.  "Hey," I began, but Toni waved her arm to stop me.  "You said he wanted you to move in with him, but you failed to mention he was talking about marriage.  There is no way you can be sure about the future after a little over a week of dating." 

Aiden focused his navy eyes on me as he answered Toni.  "If I weren't living it I wouldn't believe it either.  I never in a million years would have believed I could feel so much so fast.  I could have waited spent more time with her, but it would feel like a lie.  I know now.  I don't want to hide how I feel." 

Toni's attention bounced between Aiden and me.  She must have seen something because she nodded quickly and hopped off the counter.  “I’m going to let you two talk.
”

I waited until Toni was out of earshot before I said anything to Aiden. 
“It isn’t that I’m worried about us working out, or anything.  But, I think you're right.  We should enjoy college before getting married.”   Aiden narrowed his eyes at me. “What are you saying?” 

I pressed him against the counter, rubbing my hands up his arms and his chest.  I kissed his neck, and felt him holding his breath.  “I’m saying we should enjoy every step in our relationship and not speed through any
thing.  I want to marry you too, in a couple of years.  I bet being engaged to you will be fun, in a year.  Until then, let’s have fun with this part.”

“What is this part?  Are we dating?” he asked suspiciously.  “Well, I’ve never done this before.  What is more serious than dating, but not quite engaged?”
I asked. 

“Hmm, I guess our parents would have called it going steady,” he teased.  “We are a bit old fashioned.  Now we call it being together.  I’m serious about you Aiden.  I don’t think of us as
just dating
.  That would mean we were taking our relationship date by date.  I couldn’t even spend one night away from you,” I reasoned. 

His deliciously devilish smile emerged.  “Does that mean you will move in with me?”  “Yes, I don’t see any other option,” I replied vaguely.  “No other option for what?” he
asked puzzled.

“It seems w
e are only able to sleep if we're together.  If we ever want to sleep again we need to live together,” I said semi-seriously.  “Yeah?” he asked excited.  I nodded enthusiastically.  He picked me up and spun me around.

Aiden

“Red
, the place looks great.  Quit stressing yourself out,” I told her, while she frantically straightened up.  There were only minor changes made to the house since Becca moved in last week. 

The only thing I was worried about
living with Becca was that she would redecorate with lace, flowers and those creepy pictures of babies dressed as flowers or bugs. I should have known Becca wasn't the fussy type.  Instead she added some red throw pillows, which were really comfortable. 

Jeremy and I had hung some of my black and white photos on the walls.  Naturally they were al
l abstract pictures of baseball.  The sport has been a big part of our lives since we joined t-ball when we were five.  She didn’t even take those down, but she did add some others. 

I took some un-posed pictures of her in profile,
and some of just part of her face. Jeremy took some pictures of my hands spread on her back, her hair spilling down my arm, and her small hands in my hair.  Becca took some pictures of both Jeremy and I. 

She caught Jeremy from behind stretching with his hands up to the top of the doorframe.  She got one of me sleeping on the couch, but only took a picture of my closed eyes.  It
became sort of a competition between us of to capture the most abstract picture of one of the three of us when we weren’t looking.  We took so many during the first week we had several to choose from to have matted and framed.

Living with Becca was better than I had imagined.  Jeremy and Becca had become even better friends, and I got to hold a sexy red head every night
in bed.  Everything was perfect, except for right now.  “Becca honey the place looks great.  It’s only my dad sweetheart,” I soothed.

She sighed with irritation.  “Things didn’t go well the last time I met your father.  It has to be perfect.”  I kissed her
quickly.  “You're perfect for me, and that is all he is going to care about."

Jeremy walked in to the living room trailed by my father.  “Look who I found walking up to the front door.
Let me take that Mr. Ryan.”  Jeremy grabbed my father’s overnight bag and headed to the guest room. 

“Hello Rebecca.  I'm
glad I'm getting a second chance to get to know you.  I would like to apologize for the way my wife acted the last time we saw each other.  I do not share her feelings, on…well…most things it seems.  So, where would the two of you like to go to dinner this evening?” 

I slowly rubbed my thumb on the inside of her palm trying to remind her to relax.  “Yeah Red.  Where do you want to go?”  “There is that Italian place we went to last week.  How about there?”
she suggested. “I love Italian food.  Would you mind driving Aiden?  You know the way around town,” my father agreed and tossed me his keys.

It only took about five minutes to get to the restaurant.  Parking was easier than usual, and there was a shorter wait time than
when school was in session.  “Dad. I meant to tell you this a week ago, but every time I called the house mom answered.  I wasn’t about to tell her before you.  Becca moved in at the beginning of the week.” 

“Why didn’t you call my cell?” he asked.  “I tried.  I left a couple of messages, without details
, of course,” I answered.  My father pinched the bridge of his nose, a mannerism I inherited. 

“Ah, I caught your mother on my phone a few days ago.  She said she was checking my software updates.  I thought it was odd at the time, now I realize she was lying to me.  She probably deleted my messages.  She wasn’t very happy I was still
coming to see you while you refused to obey her.”

“I’m sorry
I'm causing your family so much stress,” Becca apologized.  “Red,” I began, but my father raised his hand to stop me.  “Aiden, I’m sure you’ve told her she isn't responsible for the trouble your mother has caused, but I think she needs to hear it from me." 

My father turned to Becca, and patted her hand.  "
Rebecca, I don’t know you very well, but I can tell you are an extremely sweet girl.  My son loves you, and I haven’t seen him this happy in years.  I don’t know why Nadine worries more about petty gossip than the well being of her only child.  She is to blame for her unhappiness.  That isn’t a burden that belongs to anyone at this table.  Do you understand?”

It broke my heart to see her eyes fill with tears, but she held them in and nodded to answer my father.  “Good, now let’s enjoy our dinner,” my father insisted. 

Once our food arrived we had moved on to talking about our class schedules for fall quarter, jobs, and of course baseball.  “Why is it we hardly ever talk about you playing ball?” Becca asked. 

I shrugged
.  “I love playing, but it's my last year.  I don't want to spend years in the minor leagues praying for a chance at the majors.  There will be some traveling when the season starts in February.  We probably should talk about that.”

“How much traveling?”
she asked me.  I took a deep breath.  A lot of guys on the team had problems with their girlfriends during the season because we were gone so much.  Many of them cheated, or were cheated on during the away games. 

I wasn’t worried
though. I knew I would never cheat on Becca.  No other woman could tempt me away from her. I believed Becca wouldn’t stray either. 

“We are gone for a week about every other w
eek from February until June," I answered.  “The end of June or the beginning?” Becca asked.  “The beginning.” 

“So we are only talking about three months, and
half of that you’ll be home?” Becca worked out.  I nodded. 

She raised her eyebrow and a mischievous smirk spread across her face.  “I guess
you will have a lot to make-up for when you are home.”  My father started laughing, and slapped me on the back.  Becca realized what she implied in front of my father and turned bright red.

“I think you’ve got your hands full with this one,” my dad said
, still chuckling.  “Son, I believe everything will work out this time.  You, my dear Becca, are a treasure.  I’m glad my son found you.”  He got up from the table to pay the check. 

“Sorry I didn’t
talk to you about the traveling,” I apologized.  “Aiden, it feels like we've known each other forever, but we really haven't.  This is going to happen occasionally.  Is baseball going to interfere with your degree?” she wanted to know.

“No.  I’ve got getting my work done down to a science now.  I want you to know that I will never cheat on you.  I don’t want you to worry while I’m gone that I’m doing something I shouldn’t be.  I usually use the down time on the road to get ahead in my reading and any assignments I can do away from campus.”

“I trust you Aiden.  You know I never would cheat on you either don’t you?”  I smiled and tucked a strand of dark red hair behind her ear.  “I trust you too.  I’m glad you moved in with me.  We will get to see more of each other when training starts.  Plus, I will feel better knowing Jeremy is there when I'm gone.”

It was later in the evening when we got back to the house.  Becca had been stressed for most of the day, and by the time we walked inside she was yawning.  I pulled her into my arms.  Her warm soft body molded to mine.  I wanted to touch her, run my fingers through her hair, taste her, and cover her soft skin with mine.  I wanted to, but she was tired and nervous about my father staying over. 

“Go to bed Becca.  I’ll be in soon."  She opened her mouth to protest, but I interrupted before she could speak.  "Go on Red, you’re tired.”  “I love you, and you’re right I’m exhausted,” she agreed.  She turned to head to our room and I swatted her on the butt.  She squeaked.  “I love you too Red.”

I walked into the kitchen and found my dad having a quiet argument on his cell.  I began to turn to give him some privacy, but he held his hand up for me to stay.  He mouthed, “your mother.” 

“No, Nadine I will not offer Aiden money to reconcile with Vanessa.” Pause.  “This is getting old.  You didn’t even give Rebecca a chance.”  Pause.  “Yeah well, I like her.  I like him with her.  You better learn to accept them together, because I have a feeling he is going to marry her eventually.”

My father looked at me to see if what he said was true.  I smirked, and went into my hiding spot in the pantry.  Hidden inside an old coffee container I pulled out a velvet ring box.  I opened it quietly and turned it toward my dad.  He smiled
approvingly at my choice. It was actually my design.  A one-carat pink diamond set in platinum with quarter carat rubies imbedded in the band.  It was unusual, but perfect for Becca.

“No they aren’t engaged yet, but it is goi
ng to happen.  My guess is soon,” my father continued to argue. Pause.  “Nadine, stop,” he said sternly. 

“Listen closely Nadine.  I will tell you this in the only way you seem to understand anything.  If you continue trying to force Aiden to reconcile with Vanessa, or make any effort to end his relationship with Rebecca
, I will remove all financial support for you. 

I will call my lawyer and tell him to begin divorce proceedings.  I might do that last part anyway, but how much you get out of me will depend on what damage you inflict on our son.  I have proof of your meddling, so don’t think a judge won’t be sympathetic to my position.”
Pause.  “I thought you would come around to seeing things my way.” 

He pressed the screen of his smart phone and ended the call.  “I really miss when you could just snap these things shut.  It made ending an argument feel a little more satisfying.  Ok, b
ring that here I want to see it.”  He gestured for me to hand him the velvet box. 

“Do you think she’ll like it?” I asked nervously.  “I think she is going to love it.  But, I thought you wanted to wait until the beginning of her senior year to propose?”
he asked concerned.

“I did.  I do, kind of,” I answered hesitantly.  “But…” my father encouraged.  “But, every day I feel more in need of making her officially mine.  We spent one night apart, and I couldn’t sleep.  I wanted to go grab her and drag her back here.  She makes me feel like a cave man.  I just want to mark her and tell every guy she is taken.” 

My dad laughed.  “Yeah, that sounds about right.  Well, you have the ring.  When the right time comes around, take advantage of it.”

“Is mom going to be a problem?” I asked.  “I don’t think so.  She knows I’ll cut her off.  I won’t put up with this shit anymore.  She loves the status my job brings her
, but I'm sick of working with George Preston. 

Ted Anderson and I have both quietly offered to sell him our shares of the firm.  We are negotiating
for either that or buying him out.  But, I really want to teach law. 

That'
s the real purpose behind these trips to Spokane.  I have been meeting with university officials at Gonzaga.  Your mother is going to hate it, but I have put up with her society garbage long enough.  She can stay or come with me.  It almost doesn’t make a difference to me anymore.”

“Did you ever love her
?" I asked sadly. “No.  I grew to care.  She used to be fairly nice.  Never as sweet as your Rebecca, but not the harpy she is now.  But love her?  No, I'm sad to say I never did.

S
he was the perfect society match for someone with my background.  I won’t let her force the same life on you.  You only get one Aiden.  You found love.  Hold onto it with both hands."

“It isn’t too late for you dad.”  He nodded solemnly, but said nothing
more.  The ring I was staring at seemed less impulsive and more crucial to my future by the second.  Maybe it wasn’t about perfect timing, but about spending time with my perfect girl.