Self Preservation (18 page)

“Rubbish,” Alex said, turning away to look over the crowd. “He's just…fun to play with.”

“Look at you… You're just as nervous as I am…maybe more!”

Tadd continued to stare at Alex, who finally looked back at him smiling weakly. “It's called empathy.”

“I never thought I'd live to see the day,” Tad said, leaning back in the pew. “Alexander Parker in, dare I say it…”

Alex closed his eyes. “I really wish you wouldn't.”

“Love,” Tadd said, laughing as Alex rolled his eyes. “Love, love, lovedy love.”

Alex began to get up as Tadd scowled at him. “I can't believe you're in love with…him.”

“What do you mean by…him?” Alex mocked as he sat back down.

“He's such a…flake.”

“He's absolutely adorable, and in no way is he flake-like,” Alex said indignantly.

Tadd pointed at Alex. “Ha!”

“Sod off.”

“Lovedy love,” Tadd said, giggling. “I knew that kiss you planted on him in the club would lead to no good. Of course you'd fall for him…to piss me off, if for no other reason.”

“Does it piss you off?” Alex asked, smiling.

“No…yes… I don't know.” Tadd shook his head. “This just sucks.”

Alex looked over at the door again. “What?”

“I could really, really enjoy this more if I didn't have to worry about myself,” Tadd confessed with a sigh.

Alex frowned. “You really are an ass.”

* * *

Davis ran his hand down Jack's chest as their tongues intertwined. He pressed into him. Jack took Davis by the arms and pushed him away, breathing heavily as Davis stared up at him confused.

Davis licked his lips and searched Jack's face. “What's wrong?”

“Why did you leave?” Jack asked, cocking his head to one side and wiping his mouth.

“What?”

“When you came to New York a year ago, Davis. After that night, why did you leave the next day?”

“I didn't know you wanted me to stay.” Davis gestured with a huge shrug. “You were so quiet that morning. I thought you were upset by what happened. I thought you wanted me to go.”

“No, damn it!” Jack yelled, startling Davis. “I was terrified you'd leave…and then you did.”

“I'm sorry, Jack,” Davis said, reaching out. “I didn't—”

“It doesn't matter now, Davis.” Jack backed away. “Don't you see it?”

“I see you, Jack… I want you.”

“No, Davis.” Jack placed his hands on his own chest. “You don't want
me
. You want the me from six years ago. I'm not that guy anymore. We changed him, you and I. We both did it, and it altered us…as a couple and as individuals.”

“I don't understand,” Davis said, stepping back and looking away.

“Yes you do, Davis.” Jack moved into his line of sight. “You may not want to admit it, but you know it's true. You're clinging to who we were, not who we are. We used to be so in tune with one another, Davis, no one could come between us. The fact that a year ago we were so disconnected that we crossed our signals to that extent proves it.”

“I'm sorry, Jack,” Davis said as a tear ran down his cheek. “I take it back… I take it all back.”

Jack walked over and pulled Davis into his arms. “You can't take it back, monkey face. I wish you could—we could, but we can't.”

Davis pressed his face into Jack's chest. He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath.

“Even yesterday at the diner…the intense instinct to run away with you…but it's too late. I knew it then, and I know it now. Part of me will always want to run away with you…to go back in time, but…”

“Do you really love Tadd?” Davis asked as he pulled away and looked up at Jack.

“I do. I knew I did, but I didn't know how much until yesterday when I realized Tadd was more important to me than a part on a TV show.”

“But why him, and why now?” Davis asked, scowling.

“I don't know,” Jack answered, laughing as he squeezed Davis in his arms. “I can't explain it any more than I could the way I felt the first time we made love. I understand how difficult this is for you, Davis. As much as I love Tadd, it still doesn't make it any easier seeing you kissing another guy.”

Davis smiled and Jack reached up to wipe the tears off Davis's face with his thumbs. Davis scanned Jack's face and could see he was telling the truth. His heart ached as Jack watched him with pleading eyes, begging him to understand.

Davis reached up to brush the hair off Jack's forehead. “I do want you to be happy, Jack.”

“Thank you,” Jack said with a half smile. “You don't know how relieved I am to hear you say that.”

“We were first loves,” Davis said with a shrug. “Maybe first love isn't supposed to last, no matter how much we want it to.”

“Maybe,” Jack said, kissing Davis on the forehead.

“You really love him?” Davis asked, biting his lip. “You're sure?”

“Yes, monkey face,” Jack answered, laughing as he gently ran his hand over Davis's cheek. “I really love him.”

“Okay,” Davis said weakly as he sniffled a little and inspected the flower in his hand. He grimaced as he attempted to fluff it back out. Having got it as close as he could to the way it looked before he smushed it, Davis held it up and pinned it onto Jack's lapel.

“Then let's go get you married,” he said, looking up and smiling.

“Okay?”

“Yeah.” Davis sighed, smiling up at him.

Davis ran his hands over Jack's jacket, smoothing it out; then he smoothed out the back. He reached down and ran the palm of his hand over Jack's ass.

Jack turned, frowning at Davis with his head cocked to one side.

Davis grinned innocently. “It was just one for the road.”

Jack let out a deep laugh as that familiar smile spread across his face. He leaned down and gave Davis a soft peck on the cheek. “Promise me one thing.”

“Anything, handsome,” Davis said, adjusting himself.

“Don't go away again. Mom and I both…”

“I won't,” Davis said with a shrug.

“Thank you,” Jack said as he turned and opened the door, then walked out into the hall. He held out an arm. “You coming?”

“Yeah,” Davis said, taking his arm and walking down the hall.

They opened the door leading into the church and Tadd and Alex stood up, anxious. Davis pulled Jack by the hand over to Tadd, took Tadd's hand, then placed it in Jack's. He looked up at Tadd. “Take good care of this one.”

Tadd smiled, looking into Jack's eyes. “I will, Davis. I promise.”

Davis glanced at Alex briefly with a sullen expression as he began walking toward the pews. He felt a hand grab his arm.

“Thank you,” Tadd said, turning Davis back around.

“For trying to steal your fiancé?”

“Yes, actually,” Tadd said, confused but laughing.

Davis winked and turned again to head toward the pews. He shrugged at Deseree and quickly glanced at Candace, who gave him a little wink. It filled him with relief. He sat down between his two favorite gals and watched as Alex went to the pew across the aisle. Davis glanced down as Candace took his hand. He smiled and looked over as Deseree took his other one.

Jack and Tadd walked together and stood in front of the minister, taking one another by the hands. The minister began the ceremony and Alex peeked over at Davis from across the aisle. He turned back toward the front as Davis cast his eyes over at Alex. Davis noticed Deseree looking at him with a grin, and he quickly turned his attention back to the front.

The minister got to the part where he asked if anyone knew just cause why these two should not be joined together, and Davis watched as Jack, Tadd, Alex, Deseree, and Candace all turned to look at him. He blushed and rolled his eyes as Deseree started to laugh. Candace squeezed his hand as everyone turned back.

Davis watched as Jack and Tadd each slid rings onto the other's finger. He bit his lip, feeling his chest ache a little. The minister announced they would be exchanging their vows and music began to play loudly over the church speakers.

Tadd and Jack walked over to a single candle sitting on a small table to the right of the pulpit. They each knelt down and held hands. They looked at one another and Tadd started saying something to Jack. Davis was thankful he couldn't hear over the music, but watched Jack's face, seeing him smile as he gazed into Tadd's eyes. Jack then began speaking to Tadd, smiling as he talked. When he finished, Tadd hugged him and Davis could see Tadd whispering the words
I love you
into Jack's ear. They separated and Jack picked up a long match. He lit it, and Tadd joined hands with Jack as they lit the candle together.

The music began to fade and the minister said, “With the lighting of this candle, may your two lives be joined together into one.”

Jack and Tadd stood and the minister continued, “You may kiss one another.”

They looked at each other, grinning as they embraced, and pressed their lips together. Davis shut his eyes, feeling his chest ache.

“With this kiss, may your love be joined together for eternity,” the minister added.

Jack and Tadd separated and looked lovingly into one another's eyes. They began laughing as the room erupted with applause that rolled through the sanctuary.

The guests were mingling outside the church as Tadd and Jack made their way down to the limo by the curb. They waved and shook hands with people, and when Jack got to Candace he gave her a big hug, smiling as she whispered something into his ear. Tadd leaned over, giving her a peck on the cheek. Davis and Deseree watched from the front door of the church as Tadd and Jack climbed into the limo. Alex glanced briefly at Davis, fidgeting as he tried to figure out what to do with his hands. He turned and went down the steps.

“Are you ready?” Deseree asked, placing a hand on Davis's shoulder.

Davis looked up at her. “Can you give me a minute?”

“Of course.”

Davis turned around and went back into the church. Entering the auditorium, he inspected the deserted space and sighed, realizing he felt a little empty as well. A hand touched his shoulder, and he turned around to see Candace.

“You know a part of me wishes it had been you up there.”

Davis wrapped his arm around her shoulders. “I know. Me too.”

“When Jack's father ran out on me all those years ago,” she said, placing her hand over his heart, “it felt like a part of me died. For a long time I suppose it did. I worked like a demon, singing in whatever dive would have me, slowly building a career. I've wasted a lot of years hiding behind that, too afraid to let anyone else in. Do you understand what I'm getting at here?”

“Yes, Candace,” Davis said as she reached up, touching his face. “I'm sorry.”

“For what?”

“I shouldn't have run away like I did,” Davis said, looking at her. “Regardless of what happened between me and Jack, I shouldn't have cut you out. You've always been wonderful to me. You deserved better.”

“My home will always be your home,” she said, starting to tear up. “Nothing will ever change that, my beautiful boy. Just don't waste any more of your life living in the past. I think we both deserve better than that.”

Davis hugged her, squeezing tightly. “I love you.” His jaw quaked as he began to cry once more. He'd lost track of the number of times it had happened that day—and it was only just a little after noon.

* * *

Davis followed Deseree and Candace from the elevators into the rooftop restaurant where the reception was being held. The room looked out over downtown Chicago through floor-to-ceiling windows on two sides. The lake was only a block or so away. Sunlight poured in, giving the space a warm, happy feel. There were long tables set up covered with tablecloths and small arrangements of white flowers. Another huge buffet was set up along the back wall banked by tons of white flowers. The bar was just on the other side of the food, and an orchestra was playing next to the bar, with a dance floor separating them from the tables.

“Thinking about putting on another show?” Deseree asked, coming up behind Davis and looking over at the dance floor.

“We only know the one number,” Davis said with a sigh.

Deseree giggled as she put her arms around his waist, hugging him from behind. “Think anyone would notice?”

“Maybe if we wait till they're all drunk,” Davis speculated.

“Come on, you two,” Candace called. They turned and followed her over to the table where Jack and Tadd sat in the middle of the room.

“Hey guys,” Tadd said, grinning. “Take a seat, please.”

Davis laughed as he pulled out a chair and sat down. “That actually sounded genuine.”

“That's because it was,” Tadd said, winking at him.

“This wedding was a lot more fun when everyone either secretly loved or hated everyone else,” Deseree said, flopping down into a chair.

“Hear, hear,” Alex said, walking up behind them, his hands filled with champagne flutes. “That's my girl.”

“Oh goody.” Deseree clapped. “The other half of my dark side is here.”

“Honestly,” Davis said, taking a glass from Alex, trying not to look at him.

“Alex,” Tadd said, shaking his head, “give Deseree a glass and quit hoarding it over there.”

“It's okay,” Deseree said, leaning back in her seat. “I can't.”

“You're on the wagon!” Jack said, holding his glass up. “I've finally made it to the big time. I now have a famous friend that's been to rehab.”

“Jack Monroe!” Candace cried disapprovingly.

“I have not, Jack.” Deseree looked up at Davis. He grinned as she turned her attention back to Jack. “I'm knocked up, okay.”

“Holy shit,” Jack said, sitting up in his chair. “I'm gonna be an uncle!”

Deseree's arm swept the air around the table. “Christ, no husband to speak of…just a gaggle of fags.”

Candace took a sip from her glass. “There are worse things. Take it from me.”

“Yes, and good things…like eating whatever the fuck I want and having a built-in excuse for the gluttony.”

Alex bowed and offered his hand. “May I escort m'lady to the buffet?”

“Why, yes, kind sir,” Deseree said, doing her best Scarlett O'Hara impersonation as Alex helped lift her out of the chair.

“Try to bring her back in one piece,” Davis said with a sideways glance.

“Of course, love,” Alex said with a grin. “It
was
me trying to keep her out of jail last night.”

“What?” Tadd and Jack asked at the same time as Alex placed an arm around Deseree and led her off toward the buffet.

“He's kidding,” Davis said, taking a drink and feeling his face turn red.

Jack gazed suspiciously at Davis. “Then why are you blushing?”

“None of your business,” Davis said, trying not to smile. He turned to Candace. “Don't you just hate those nosy married people that constantly stick their nose in other folks' business?”

“Yes,” Candace said, laughing.

Jack huffed and placed his arm around Tadd. “They're turning on us already, honey.”

“And we haven't even left the reception dinner,” Tadd groused.

“Oh please,” Candace said, leaning back and crossing her legs. “The minute you said
I do
, you became yesterday's news.”

Jack ran his hand through the air in a Vanna White gesture. “My mother, everyone.”

“I gave you life,” she said as a waiter came by and filled their champagne glasses. “You'd think that would be enough.”

Davis patted Candace's hand. “Some people are never satisfied.”

“I take it all back,” Jack said, looking at Davis. “You can go right back where you came from. I forgot how much fun it
wasn't
having you two gang up on me.”

“Good times.” Candace sighed.

“It's nice to see you smile,” Alex whispered from behind Davis.

Deseree set her plate, piled high with food, on the table. “I'm starving.”

“Jesus,” Davis said as everyone else snickered.

“I knew I shouldn't have let you go without me,” Davis said, giving Alex a dirty look.

“I was merely her escort,” Alex said from behind Deseree's chair, “not her parole officer.”

“Yeah,” Deseree mumbled, shoving a piece of celery into her mouth. “He lets me do whatever I want.”

“Yes, well, he won't be there to hold your hair back while you puke it all up either.”

Deseree smiled, crunching the celery. “That's not true. Alex said he'd marry me
and
slip a great big diamond ring on my finger.”

Davis shook his head. “It'll also be the first and last great big thing he'll slip you.”

Jack, Tadd, and Candace all whooped as Deseree laughed, looking back at Alex.

“He's got us there, gorgeous,” Alex said, leaning over and giving her a peck on the forehead.

“Wait a minute, how do you know he has a great big anything to not slip me, anyway?” Deseree asked, looking over at Davis.

Tadd's mouth fell open as he looked up at Alex, and Jack and Candace turned their attention to Davis.

“Don't be ridiculous,” Davis said, taking another drink. “It's just an expression.”

Deseree turned around and eyed Alex's crotch, as did Candace.

“How about a dance with your new husband?” Tadd asked, holding out his hand.

“Of course,” Jack answered, jumping on any chance to escape the direction that the conversation was taking.

They got up and made their way to the dance floor. Deseree beamed at Davis, as if she knew some sort of secret.

Davis shook his head at her and picked up a piece of shrimp, effectively gagging her with it by shoving it into her mouth. “You really shouldn't speak.”

“Damn, that's good,” Deseree said, chewing.

“I think I'll go grab some food as well,” Candace said, getting up out of her seat.

“Wait,” Deseree said, jumping up. “I'll come with.”

“You have a mountainous plate of food already.”

“I have to get more of those coconut shrimps,” she said, running after Candace.

“Good Christ, she's gone off the deep end.”

Alex sat down next to Davis. “Cravings.”

“What about them?” Davis asked, feeling his cheeks burn. “I don't have any… What?”

Alex looked at Davis with a half smile. “She's having cravings. They'll come and go over the next nine months.”

“I know that,” Davis said, sucking down the last of the champagne in his glass. “How do you know that?”

“I have three sisters,” Alex answered, reaching over to grab an open bottle that he'd brought back to the table with him. He refilled Davis's glass. “The youngest of which lived with me for a year while her husband was deployed overseas. She happened to be pregnant at the time.”

“Really,” Davis said, picking up his glass. “I'm surprised that didn't throw a wrench into all your evil plotting and man trickery.”

“It did actually,” Alex said with a large smile. He was watching Tadd and Jack come back to the table. “I think that's around the time I got a key to Tadd's apartment.”

“Of all the sneaky, underhanded, dishonest…”

“Be careful, darling, your beloved's coming back to the table. Wouldn't want him to know you've been cheating on him.”

Davis tapped his finger on the table, fuming as Jack and Tadd sat back down. Deseree returned with a plate full of shrimp and a large glass of water.

Davis looked over at her with pleading eyes. “Honestly, Des… You will be allowed to eat after today.”

“Zip it,” she said, sitting down. “Have a shrimp.”

Jack laughed, happy to be surrounded by all the people whom he most loved. He took Tadd's hand and squeezed it.

“Happy?” Tadd asked, beaming.

“Deliriously.”

Davis smiled at them for a moment, then turned to look away. He caught Alex staring at him, but it was Davis who broke eye contact first. Candace came up behind them and handed Alex a microphone. He nodded at her as the orchestra finished a song.

“And now,” the singer announced, “we have some friends and family of the newlyweds who want to say a few words to the happy couple.”

Alex stood and switched on the microphone. He smiled and looked down at Tadd and Jack before turning his attention back out over the crowd. “Hello to everyone that knows me, and to those who do not…dry your eyes, the night is still young.” He glanced down at Davis out of the corner of his eye in response to Davis's miffed puffing sound.

“I'm Alex Parker, Tadd's oldest but not necessarily dearest friend. When he called to inform me of the events that had led up to this fated nuptial, I was, of course, sickened by the desperation of it all…but not surprised.”

Tadd leaned back, bracing for the traditional affectionate jokes at his expense. Jack laughed. He placed his arm around Tadd. Davis grinned, though he tried desperately not to as Deseree whispered, “I love this guy.”