Selling Out (28 page)

“Oh, very subtle. How do you even know about him? You have
kids or something?”

He snorted. “No kids. Everyone knows Winnie-the-Pooh. He’s
been around since the Great Depression.”

“You would know,” I muttered, right before the salesman ran
over to us. He literally ran. It seemed a little overenthusiastic, even for a
running store.

“Welcome to Ralph’s Running Mart,” he said breezily. “What kind
of racing gear are you in the market for today?”

Major glowered.

I cleared my throat. “I think just ordinary tennis shoes for
me.”

“Oh, we don’t sell tennis shoes, ma’am. Our shoes are
specifically designed with runners in mind.”

“Get her some shoes,” Major growled.

The poor guy seemed to be shrinking in on himself, though
perhaps that was because Major seemed to be expanding, filling the space around
us as if his annoyance were a balloon and the salesman kept blowing and
blowing.

I smiled brightly. “Don’t mind him. I’m looking for
something simple. In fact, what’s your simplest shoe?”

“Well,” the salesman said. “Before we can get to the
shoe-selection process, we need to get your stats.”

“I’m a size seven,” I said.

“Actually, this will be far more accurate.”

The salesman led us a few feet away to a machine in the
corner. The large metal base had feet stickers where my feet should go, handles
along the sides to hold on to, and a large monitor that took a variety of
inputs about lifestyle, dietary choices, and workout habit. It looked like some
sort of arcade dance game that had gotten drunk on wheatgrass. He patted the
side.

“Take off your socks and shoes and hop on. Don’t be shy.”

“Yeah, I’m not doing that.”

The salesman blinked as if no one had ever refused it
before, which I found hard to believe.

Major smiled. “Ready for me to handle it?”

“Yes, please.”

Within fifteen minutes, we were headed back to the hotel. I
had already changed into my new clothes: size-seven cross-training sneakers,
black yoga pants and matching top, and a black hoodie. I still had my money in
the bottom of my shoe. Major had insisted on paying for the clothes, which I
fought until he told me the money was Luke’s. So I let him do it but didn’t
think too hard about what that meant. Luke wasn’t the type to think I owed him
anything for the money. It was me who would feel beholden.

“You realize we’re matching,” I told Major.

He looked pained. “We’re not matching. I happen to be
wearing black, as are you.”

“Yeah, but we’re walking together. Everyone thinks we’re a
couple.”

“Well, we’re not,” he snapped. “You’re with Luke. You should
act like it.”

That shut me up. We walked the rest of the way in silence.

In the elevator, he sighed. “I guess I went beyond Eeyore
and straight to asshole.”

Pretty much. His words had bothered me more than I wanted to
admit. The problem wasn’t whether I was with Luke or not. I had no idea what it
meant to be a couple. I didn’t know how to act any differently if we were. The
surface problems like Henri’s and Luke’s jobs were conveniently keeping us
apart, but the truth was, even without them, we wouldn’t work. I wasn’t built
for a relationship. I only knew how to be the other woman.

The elevator hovered to a stop. I shrugged, staring straight
ahead and willing the doors to open.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I just don’t want to see Luke hurt.”

“So then keep him away from me.”

His eyebrows rose a little. “Is that really what you want?”

“That’s what you want. You and Rico and probably Jeff too.
I’m not really a stuffed bear with cotton for brains. I know you guys don’t
want me with him.”

“We’re just worried about him. He deserves to have this go
right. A real shot at happiness.”

“Well, I can’t be his reward, okay? That’s too much pressure,
and I’ll fuck it up anyway. I’m just a messed-up girl with nowhere else to go.
So don’t put that on me, like I can save him or something.”

The elevator door opened, and Luke stood there.

“I was just coming down to check on you guys,” he said, his
face blank. I couldn’t get a read on how much he’d heard, if anything.

Major stalked past him. “Operation buy shit for your
girlfriend is a success.”

Luke turned back to me. “See, he got the girlfriend memo.”

“Is he always so cheery?” I asked sourly.

“Actually, yes,” Luke said, sounding thoughtful. “That last
was downright playful. For him, anyway. I think you amused him.”

“Oh, well, as long as the men are entertained, I suppose I
have done my job.”

He speared me with a dark look before turning to my clothes,
his clinical gaze raking over my body. “These look nice. Comfortable.”

“You’re wondering how my ass looks in these yoga pants,
aren’t you?”

“And praying there’s a God.”

“I don’t know about God, but I’m feeling merciful.” I
sashayed down the hall in front of him, letting him drink his fill.

* * * *

Back in the suite, the men all split up into separate
bedrooms. We had a few hours before it was time to leave. We were supposed to
be resting, but Luke was far too tense. He kept looking over the old schematics
of the Barracks, even though our entry and exit routes were well laid out.

“Come here.” I patted the bed. “I’ll rub your shoulders.”

He hesitated before throwing down the papers and lying on
the bed. I climbed onto his back, and he groaned.

I laughed. “I haven’t even started yet.”

His words were muffled in the sheets. “But I have.”

With gentle strokes, I rubbed some of the knots out of his
shoulders and back. I knew his mind was on what we were going to do in a few
hours, but I felt some of the worry leave his mind as the tension drained from
his body. But like an electrical current, the worry seemed to flow from him to
me. Our opening moves were pretty well decided, but what happened at the end?
It seemed vague, which I had first assumed was because we couldn’t predict
Henri’s reactions. Still, a question lingered.

“So assuming we get in quietly and you do arrest him. How
are you going to explain that to your boss?”

It was quiet.

“Luke?”

“I’m not planning to arrest him, Shelly.”

Which meant… “I thought you were joking about shooting him
on first sight.”

“I was. I’m going to talk to him first.” He struggled to sit
up.

I moved off him. “You’re going to talk to him. And then
shoot him. That’s…that’s…”

“Murder,” he supplied.

“Not legal. I was going to say that’s not legal.”

“I told you I’ve done worse than you thought.”

Despite his glib words, he spoke with a solemn intensity.
This affected him deeply, his long-standing adherence to the rules not so
easily discarded.

“If I arrest him, he’ll just walk. You know that. And even
if by some miracle he ended up in jail, he would be able to organize things
from there. At a minimum, that would mean putting a hit out on you, on Ella.”

“On you too.”

“I’ve spent twelve years of my life fighting for the law to
take him down. It hasn’t. It won’t. This is the only way.”

The words were eerily familiar. This was the only way.
Everyone wanted Henri dead, but no one had the guts enough to do it. Not Jade,
not Marguerite. Not even me, only Luke. But I wondered how much it would cost
him. I wondered where his breaking point was, and whether this was beyond it.

On impulse I pressed a kiss to the back of his hand. Feeling
silly, I glanced up. His eyes glowed surprise and approval in the dim late-afternoon
light. This close, I could see the gold-and-black striations through the deep
green. I had a sudden premonition than this would be the last sight I’d ever
see.

I shivered.

“Are you cold? Come lie down. We have a couple hours.”
Despite his casual words, none of the intensity had faded. He observed me with
an almost cruel glint in his eyes.

But I knew him better. He felt the same pull of fate, the
same inevitability. It had always been coming to this.

I kissed him, infusing the touch with all the love I
couldn’t say. I couldn’t be a proper girlfriend for him, but God, I could do
this. I undressed him slowly, carefully, my dreams unfolding with each touch,
my hopes flayed open with each caress. His body fit him perfectly—strong and
lean. He had faced down immeasurable challenges but known hunger. I kissed and
nipped and sucked every part of him I found beautiful, learning the ones that
brought him the most pleasure. Then I settled between his legs and filled my
throat with him, drank my fill of him, and soothed him softly until he fell
into a loose-slung sleep. Only then did I feel comfortable in the nook of his
arm, basking in the warmth of his satisfaction.

I woke up ten minutes before the alarm was set to go off.
Stumbling out of bed, I rinsed my face and went outside to the sitting area of
the suite. The only one there was Jeff. He stood at the window, staring out
with a brooding expression. I wondered if he was nervous about what we were
going to do.

He turned when I came out. “Hey.”

“Hey back. Couldn’t sleep?”

His expression was sheepish. “Maybe Rico was right about the
caffeine.”

I laughed, heading to the minibar. “Oh man, you guys drank
all the water.”

“Well, you scared us with that stuff about dirty glasses.”
He lifted the bottle he held, cap gone but mostly full. “Here, I’m good. You
can have the last one.”

“Thanks, Jeff.” I took a drink. “You’re a gentleman.”

He blushed pink. Endearing, despite the fake tough-guy act.
Men with earrings always acted like they were great lovers, although they knew
they really weren’t. But hey, who was I to judge? We were all overcompensating
for something.

He joined me at the table. “What about you—nervous?”

“I guess it hasn’t sunk in yet. Feels kind of surreal. I
mean, if things go well, I might be free of him by this time tomorrow. And if
things don’t go right…” I shuddered. “Probably best not to think about that.”

“I know Luke’s going to do everything he can to keep you
safe.”

I took a swig. “What if it’s him I’m worried about?”

“Don’t. He tends to land on his feet.”

“You’ve known him a long time, then?”

“Forever,” he said. “Since we were kids.”

If they’d known each other since they were kids, then that
meant he’d seen Luke’s hard life. It meant Jeff probably had a story of his
own. In fact, if they’d both been on the street together… “You weren’t a… ”

“A rent boy?” He snorted. “Not likely. I don’t have the face
for it, even if I… Well, no. I did other stuff to get by. Mostly beating up
anyone who got in our way. We all had our parts to play.”

I considered that. “So what can you tell me about Luke?
Besides the feet-landing thing.” Jeff looked away, far into the distance,
though I couldn’t tell whether it was the past or the future.

“He’s a good guy. I mean, a really good guy. If you ever
feel like you need to doubt him, you don’t have to.”

“Hmm. This sounds like the beginnings of another intentions
speech.”

“A what?” he asked blankly.

“Both Rico and Major gave me one.
What are your intentions where Luke is concerned? Don’t hurt him, or
you answer to us
. That sort of thing.”

Jeff chuckled. “Luke’s a big boy. If he’s with you, I’m sure
it’s because he wants to be.” He shrugged. “I gave up trying to control the
future a long time ago.”

“I hear that. Sometimes you just gotta ride it out.”

He granted me a half smile, making him look boyish. “Pun
intended?”

“Always.” I tilted the water bottle to offer the last inch.
When he shook his head, I inclined my head in thanks. “To riding it out,” I
said in a toast before downing the rest.

Luke came out of the bedroom and yawned. “Are you corrupting
Jeff too?”

“Hardly.” I went over and curved against his side. “I’ve
been on my best behavior.”

“See now, I wasn’t even worried until you said that.”

I started to laugh, but it became a little watery. I turned
my face into his shirt, and he hugged me back. I liked to think he understood
all the things I couldn’t say. I liked to think he felt it too, the melodious
tumble of locks fitting together that happened whenever we came close. From our
professions to our backgrounds, everything conspired to keep us apart. But from
the moment we’d met, all I could think about was being together.

The crunch of gravel sounded loud in my ears. The men had
earpieces, but they weren’t made for smaller ears, nor was I familiar with
using them.

Besides, as Luke was fond of telling me, my job was to stay
near him. Stay near Luke. Boy, had he drilled that into my head. Stay near
Luke, and if something went wrong, stay near Major. I suppose the other guys
came next in the “stay near” directive. But if things got that bad, I was
probably fucked anyway. That part Luke hadn’t said, but it had been in the grim
set of his mouth, the veiled look in his eyes when he’d asked me one more time
to stay back.

He couldn’t have made me. I was tired of running. Like
Marguerite had said, I ended up hurt either way. At least this time, I had a
shot.
Make it count.

Luke and Major were stuck with me, while the other two men
circled around. There were several parts of the plan referred to as redundancy,
and I chose not to overanalyze situations where we might need that. I would be
fine, and more importantly, Luke would be fine. One day this would all just be
a funny story that we never, ever told anyone.

As we approached the compound, we didn’t see any signs of
life, which somehow scared me worse. I leaned away from the trees, as if
Henri’s men were waiting there, ready to jump out and shoot us. I had seen evil
in my life, but usually it was in plain sight—most often right on top of me,
pushed inside me, with its hand fisted in my hair. It was the quirk of cruel
lips when my teacher met my father at parents’ night and told him how well
behaved I had been. I wasn’t used to this subterfuge, to shadows that moved and
sounds without a source, and I found I did not like them.