Sentient (2 page)

Stacey felt like such a bitch for her reaction, but she had wanted to get out of there before she started to cry.  She didn’t want him to see that.  She knew she was being unfair.  When she’d picked him up she’d felt his response as she’d hugged him and she’d been beyond happy that he’d found her attractive, obviously so.

What was also clear to her is he’d still seen her, at least partially, as his little sister’s friend, not just the friendship that had grown between them over the years or the woman she’d become.  She knew she should be patient, but she’d been waiting for him for a long time.  Ten years in fact.

She’d had a major crush on him when she was thirteen.  He was her best friend’s older brother and he was never impatient and always had time for them when they were younger.  She couldn’t help but crush on him; he was incredibly handsome on top of that and in shape from working on the ranch.

When she was sixteen and her friend had died, she’d been a wreck.  She had just needed someone to talk about it with.  The first time she’d written him a letter it took her a while before she’d had the guts to send it.  Then he’d written back and told her all about how he missed the past, but also about living in the military.

Before long their letters weren’t about their loss at all.  It had become about their lives and what was going on with them at the time.

As time went on and she grew up, her childish crush turned into something much more through those letters.  She’d fallen in love with him.  Over the years she’d told him more about herself than even her parents knew, probably more than she’d ever shared with Claire as well.  She knew it wasn’t healthy to wait so long for another, and despite how she’d felt she had started to date in college.

But her boyfriends never lasted for very long.  Every man she’d dated had come up way short in her comparison to Kris.  Kris was so handsome and strong, but he was also gentle in the way he treated her.  So she felt like a total bitch.  She knew he was still dealing with his injuries and should have given him more time, but she’d been waiting for her chance with him for so long, when she saw him at the airport she just didn’t want to wait another minute.

In her mind they needed to try, even if it didn’t work out in the long run, at least she’d be able to get it out of her mind and have no regrets in the future.  She feared she would never move on if they didn’t at least try.  She just hoped whatever happened they would be able to stay friends.

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When Kris woke up in the morning he was positive about two things.  Stacey had feelings for him, and he was an idiot for letting her storm off yesterday.  He still thought she could do better, but he knew most of that was just feeling sorry for himself.  When he had thought about her letters last night he could see it now reading between the lines.  She’d had never came right out and said it, but with the added knowledge of yesterday’s interactions it became almost obvious.

He took a shower and got dressed for the day.  He planned to spend the morning with Terry going over the books for the last couple of years to get a good grip on things.  It was a bit dry and boring, but something he needed to know.  Most of the money came from breeding and selling, though some came from folks who paid to have their horses stabled there.

He waited until nine in the morning before he tried to call Stacey. 

She sounded a little guarded, “Good morning, what’s up?”

He asked, “Do you have plans for lunch?”

She opened up a bit, “No, what did you have in mind?”

He felt nervous like entering his first skirmish with live rounds, “How about a ride and a picnic, our old meadow?  I’ll ride by your house around noon.”

She chuckled and sounded much more relaxed, “Brings back memories, I’ll see you then Kris.”

He couldn’t help but smile as they said their goodbyes and hung up.  He wasn’t sure he was doing the right thing, but he’d be a damned fool not to take the chance.  He loved her like family already; the only question was could he be in love with her, and would it work out?

He was willing to take a chance to find out.

The rest of the morning seemed to drag, but by eleven he had a pretty good handle on how things were run and didn’t see anything that could really be improved.  He thanked Terry for the overview which she just waved away and he headed for the kitchen.  He wasn’t a great cook, but he managed to throw together some chicken sandwiches, potato salad, and six pack and put it into a duffel bag cooler.

He made it out to the stables, but he needed help from Bill to get his horse saddled.  He did manage however to mount on his own which boosted his confidence somewhat.  Somehow pulling his weight up was easier than holding up the weight of the saddle, although he did need to swing his leg twice before it went over the horse.  He hadn’t ridden in years, but it all came back to him by the time he reached the trail.

He was practically born riding a horse after all.

He hardly paid attention as he automatically guided his horse down the trails he knew so well.  His felt both wistful of the past and for the first time in a long time, excited about the future.  When he made it close to her house he could see her holding her horse’s reigns, waiting for him while talking to her father.  She looked up and beamed at him, her father looked at him warily and he suddenly felt like a teenager again going to meet a parent.

“Stacey, Mr. Carver, pleasure to see you.”

Mr. Carver frowned, “Call me Steve, Kris.  Take good care of my daughter will you?”

Hearing the unsaid or else Kris nodded slowly, “Always.”

Stacey gasped and held up a backpack cooler, “You made lunch?”

Kris chuckled, “Of course, I invited you remember?  But I bet yours is better though, so bring it along.”

She nodded with an amused smile and mounted her horse with a graceful ease that made him feel broken.  But he suppressed the feeling, not wanting to ruin what was to hopefully be their first date of many.

Steve said, “Have fun,” he looked like he was in pain as he turned and walked away.

Stacey giggled, “I may be twenty three but he still thinks I’m twelve most of the time.”

Kris asked in a faux careful voice, “Does he still have that shotgun?”

Stacey snorted and they both laughed a bit as they rode out onto the trails.  The meadow they were going to was up in the hills a ways and had an excellent view for miles around while being extremely isolated and high up.  The view was picturesque, the houses looking so small against the mountain backdrop, it was beautiful.

They chatted comfortably on the way there and he found himself glancing over quite a bit at her.  She was wearing light brown boots, a pair of blue jeans that looked painted on, and a light blue sweater shirt that revealed just a peak of her generous cleavage.  Her body was undoubtedly sexy, but it was her bright green eyes and animatedly happy and beautiful face that kept drawing his eyes.

He wondered if he was really the man she thought he was, but in any case was determined to find out.  When they rode into the meadow he dismounted the best he could and they tied up the horses to a tree before he spread out the blanket.

After he laid out the blanket and put down his cooler he turned to find her extremely close.  Her eyes were filled with desire and she slowly stepped closer, her body now touching his lightly.  He stared at her full lips then into her eyes.  He leaned down slowly as he brought his hand up, touching the silken skin on her face as if it were delicate porcelain.  Her lips parted slightly and he closed his eyes as their lips met.

He had anticipated this kiss during the morning, and he found his imagination fell way short of the reality of her soft silken lips against his.  His fingertips ran across her cheeks and into her raven hair as he cupped the back of her neck, his thumbs caressing her jaw and the side of her neck.

The kiss was soft and tentative as they explored each other’s reactions.  It turned a little more passionate as they found a rhythm and he groaned into her soft mouth as her hands caressed along his chest and stomach.  They broke the kiss and she smiled shyly and bit her lip.

Stacey said softly, “Now we can relax and eat.”

He furrowed his brows, “Food?”

She slapped his chest, “Yes food.  I just needed to settle my nerves about our first kiss.”

Kris asked, “And the second?”

She smiled and sat on the blanket, her voice purred, “Purely anticipation.”

Kris joined her on the blanket and couldn’t help returning her smile.  She dipped her hand in her cooler and pulled out some small wedges of egg salad sandwiches and fed him one.  Kris decided her lunch won hands down, but she insisted she try some of what he made for her.

The drinks were the same as they both pulled out beers.  They ate a slow lunch, feeding each other while they sat close and talked about things.  His short term plans for the ranch and getting a handle on things.  She talked a little about her veterinarian business getting a couple of horse and cattle ranch customers and then they settled into a silence.

It wasn’t an awkward silence; they just already knew almost everything about each other and felt no need to fill it with inane small talk.  He could hardly keep his eyes away from hers as he read the obvious desire and love in them, plus everything he knew about her, he came to the conclusion it wouldn’t be very hard to fall in love with her at all.

He put his arm around her and she made a cute shrieking noise when he laid back and pulled her against him.  Their faces were just an inch or two apart as he stared into her eyes.

“I think there’s been enough anticipation,” he stated.

They leaned into each other and their lips met in a scorching kiss.  She melded her body against his as she moaned with need into his mouth.  She was incredible in so many ways and he wanted her badly.  The confined tight feeling in his jeans was mute testimony to that fact as she melted against him.  When they broke off the kiss she was practically on top of him, her hands roamed his chest as he drew circles on her back with his fingertips.

They looked into each other’s eyes and he knew the need and desire he saw in her eyes was an echo of his.  He felt a surge of guilt though, was he taking advantage of her feelings for him?  He hadn’t worried about that in the past when a woman as beautiful as Stacey threw herself at him, he took his pleasure and in the process made sure he gave it as well.

But Stacey was different, he loved her like family and would do anything for her, die for her.  He sure as hell wouldn’t screw her over just for a pleasant tumble.  That’s why he wondered if it was too fast, what if he changed his mind?  What if she was just something he wanted to believe in and grab a hold of at a time in his life he felt beaten and alone? 

She meant more to him than that.  Should he wait until he fell in love with her?  Until he was positive how he felt?  Based on the way she was looking at him, he knew she was ready.  Desire and lust just didn’t seem like a good enough reason when it came to her.

He whispered, “Stace…”

------e b o o k h e a v e n . o r g------

She smiled a little bit at her childhood nick name said with so much longing, but there was also hesitance in his voice.  She could see how much he desired her in his eyes, and in the large bulge in his pants, which was making her mouth water and her core tighten in anticipation.  She yearned to go down on her knees for him, and straddle his body and take him deep inside.

Her heart drummed in her chest, she wanted so badly to give herself to him.  She’d waited so long already, and she wanted to be his.  There was a deep desire within her to submit herself to him, to trust him with all of her, in her mind she was already his.  But she could also see the reservations in his eyes.

She needed him to belong to her as well.

She thought she understood his reservations, things were moving too fast and he wasn’t sure of her yet.  Men were slower that way and she’d had a ten year head start.  If he wasn’t such a good man he’d have already taken and used her.  She knew he cared and part of her loved him more for that, but only a part.  The rejection she saw also hurt, regardless of the reason.

She kissed him again, this time softly.  She put all her love into it as they lay on the blanket, exploring each other’s bodies while their tongues met in a slow dance.  His hands burned wherever they touched her and she ached for him in areas he seemed intent on avoiding.  It was getting to the point it felt torturous. 

She was tempted to continue the seduction, sure she could change his mind if her hands wandered further south.  But that’s not what she wanted, she wanted to be pursued and taken, not the other way around.  She reluctantly broke the kiss and sat back up, a little annoyed that he’d started something he clearly wasn’t prepared mentally to finish.

She blushed a little at the thought, she’d never slept with a man on the first date, but this was Kris.  Still, maybe it was better to wait.  She didn’t want him to have any doubts about them when they joined for the first time, she didn’t want him halfway.  She closed her eyes and let her head loll back as he played with her hair and gently rubbed her back.  She let out a soft moan, he was obviously trying to drive her crazy, she couldn’t believe how moist she was below, or how strong the ache in her core was that only he could fill.

She lifted her head and bent forward to reach the cooler and dug out two more beers.  When she sat back she twisted so she wouldn’t be right on top of him anymore and handed him a beer.  She couldn’t stand to be touched by him anymore if he was putting on the brakes.  As it was she had an immediate date with her vibrator when she got home.

She smiled despite herself at the dazed expression on his face.  Desire and lust wouldn’t be a problem between them, she just hoped he worked through whatever was holding him back soon.

She asked, “What are you thinking about?”

He blew out a breath as he sat up and took a deep draught of his beer.

“Cold shower.”

She giggled, “Does that help?”