Serena (11 page)

She tried to excuse herself on this score. Indeed, she might be getting past the age of finding a husband—a true love that would love her in return—but she was still young enough to feel all the desires any normal young woman felt. With a heavy sigh, she set these thoughts aside as she hurried to collect her gloves, hat, and Spencer.

* * *

It was nearly twenty minutes later that the young people were on the road to Sir Newton’s kennels. As it happened, they made a lively and jovial group. Sir Jasper and Warren found themselves pleased enough in one another’s company and in accord on nearly every subject that cropped up between them. Freddy rode behind them, the only one seriously dissatisfied. Serena could not help but notice that he was not in the least bit interested in trying to keep up with Warren and Jasper’s dialogue, and the road was too narrow for him to ride beside the curricle. She restrained the giggle that crept up her throat from escaping.

As his lordship worked the driving reins in easy fashion he kept up a stream of delightful conversation.

He was obviously trying to set her at ease. He couldn’t. He was the reason for the tremors scurrying up her spine and her heartbeat’s increased rhythm.

Serena was all too aware of these things and the fact that sitting beside him raised her temperature beyond, so beyond warm.

She was more than thankful when he began a lengthy anecdote about an adventure Freddy and his schoolmates had embarked upon not so very long ago, for laughter seemed to help her nerves.

As this involved a monkey and the headmaster, it tickled Serena into laughing quite a bit, and she relaxed.

Looking at Freddy, she realized the more she laughed, the more sullen he became. She frowned over it, for the time had come for him to see on his own that his courtship was fruitless and unwise. She had hoped to spare him hurt, but it was beginning to look as though she was not going to be able to do that. It saddened her to think she might have to give him a set down. Her hope all along had been that he would grow tired of courting her and decide to return to Oxford on his own.

“You and your uncle, Miss Moorely, have a very special relationship,” his lordship said after eyeing his grumpy nephew and taking a quick look in her direction. “It is obvious that you dote on one another.”

“Yes,” she said softly. “He is a dear, and I have been very fortunate. He has been father, mother, and friend all these years.” She bent towards his lordship and said confidingly, though she couldn’t understand what prompted her to do so, “He often appears gruff and ill-tempered, but that is only his way. He has an overactive sense of humor and likes to tease incessantly.”

He chuckled. “And his sense of humor, I see, has rubbed quite nicely onto you. Teasing has become an art that you manage with a great deal of style.” His blue eyes twinkled as he looked at her. If he hadn’t turned away to watch their progress down the road, she would have been lost in his eyes.

She tried to ignore the effect he had on her as she repressed a smile and said, “I shall take that as a compliment, though
I am not sure
you meant it as one.”

“Aren’t you?” His brow went up. “But I did mean it as a compliment. I could not sit in your company and do anything else but admire you.”

“La,” she said with a soft chuckle and a shake of her head. “You, my lord, do that so well, that it doesn’t even sound practiced to me, yet I have this feeling that you are purposely trying to charm me and not for the usual reasons.” What did she hope to accomplish speaking thusly to him? What was wrong with her? Nothing. She was doing what she always did, riding her instincts, and her instincts told her that something more than flirtation was on his mind.

Of one thing she was certain, he was making an effort to win her interest, but what his ulterior motives were she could not guess.

“Have you been hurt in love?” he asked suddenly.

“No … at least …
no, not
hurt,” she answered, looking at him inquiringly. She was surprised by the question.

“Yet you are wary of the revered emotion.”

“Am I, do you think? Perhaps time has taught me that men of consequence are not always sincere. Their motives hinge on factors that usually have to do with furthering their place in society, plumping up their pockets or their egos. That knowledge disappoints; it does not hurt.”

“And who disappointed
you
, my beauty?” He appeared genuinely incredulous.

“Oh, as to that, you must know that young girls are easily disappointed,” she answered evasively.

“Did some buffoon stir your passions and then make a marriage of convenience with someone else? For that is what it sounds like.” His lordship seemed determined on this subject.

She eyed his profile until he turned his gaze from the road and his eyes once again locked with hers. She broke away from the intensity of that look, and a nervous laugh escaped her before she sighed and said, “My lord, I am three and twenty. It would be an odd thing indeed if my passions had not been stirred once or twice, don’t you think? And our society encourages ‘marriages of convenience’, but, no, no one has actually betrayed me in any way at all.”

“Then my question is, why so leery …?” he asked, his voice low and husky as it weaved a pattern through her mind, into her nerves, through her blood and took hold of her heart. “For leery you are and in spite of the heat I can see in your dark eyes. The fact is, when a man, any man looks into them, he is drawn to you, even against his will. Surely you have received offers over the years.”

His words blasted a bevy of shooting stars through her blood. She looked away as she answered him with a question. “And you, my lord. Let us not make this
all about me.
How old were you when you lost your heart to some lucky female, and she broke it?” She looked back at his profile, and as he turned she was moved by the emotion on his face. Even in the cool breeze, she felt as though she were on fire. Too many clothes, she thought. She wanted to take off some of her clothes.

“Now how do you know that I had my heart broken?”

She released a short laugh. “La, but of course you did, for I see your opinion of love in your eyes, and that opinion speaks of caution.”

He gave her a half smile. “Indeed, I was not much older than Freddy.”

She frowned, for this is just what she had been concerned about: injuring Freddy for the next woman, the right woman. She asked again, “So then, some woman did break your heart?”

“She did.”

Surprised, even though she had asked the question in the belief that he had, in fact, been hurt as a young man, she said, “Odd that, though I wondered. I find it hard to believe.”

“Do you? Well, at the time I lacked the title, for my dear father was still alive, and my fortune was more of an allowance. In addition to these faults, I was, you see, quite naïve. The lady in question teased me, kept me at her side because it amused her, but she had her sights on a title and a greater fortune.” He shrugged. “I suppose she meant to keep me in the wings in case her earl did not come up to scratch.” He grinned wickedly. “The unsuspecting fellow never stood a chance, and now, as it happens, I feel sorry for him, though I envied him at the time.”

“Well, good riddance to her. She is not worth keeping in your memory,” Serena said with strong feeling.

He eyed her. “You actually mean that, don’t you?” He gave her a rueful look and said before she could respond, “Do you know, she wasn’t married to her earl more than six months when she offered me her time and her body.”

Serena felt a blush charge into her cheeks but asked, “And?”

“My affection for her had been too damaged, and it was never my style to trespass on another man’s wife.”

“That is … quite commendable,” Serena said admiringly. “However, the horrible woman made you a cynic. That is too bad.”

“Perhaps she did. I am not quite certain, however, that I am as jaded about your gender as you suspect.” He sighed and then gave her a quick look. “It is my hope that Freddy won’t go through a similar experience. He is far more innocent than I was at his age and less equipped to handle it.”

“You underestimate your nephew,” Serena said simply.

He frowned at her, and she wondered at it. What had she said to make him look so suddenly grim?

“You, Miss Moorely, are a contradiction of yourself.”

She laughed. “You may call me Serena, and am I? Whatever do you mean? I am myself at all times.”

“Are you? Tell me, for I am curious. Freddy, you must have noticed, is vying for your affection with Warren and the reverend and I suppose countless others. What must he think is his chance against these more mature and experienced gentlemen?”

She laughed. “He thinks they are too old for me.”

His lordship grinned. “He is still such a boy. Look how he rode off in a pet because you decided to ride in the curricle with me, instead of on horseback beside him.”

She sighed. “At nineteen, for that is what he is although he is forever telling me he is nearly twenty, one still takes a pet when one is overly displeased and can do nothing about it. It is natural.”

He looked at her as though studying her intently but was halted from any other comments as Sir Jasper rode up to the open carriage and pointed out, “Look, a small herd of deer.”

The deer jumped and pranced through the thick of the woods, catching everyone’s attention as they crossed the far field.

Serena clapped her hands together. “Oh lovely!” She couldn’t help but feel that this had been a delightful morning—nearly the best she had had in weeks. Her uncle was on the mend, the weather was exceptional, and she was sitting with a man whom she had begun to love with every fiber of her being. Yes, he was a bit of a mystery, but one that she wanted dearly to unravel.

“You know you are ravishing …
you must know that
,” he said suddenly as his eyes devoured her.

“Must I know that?” She arched a look at him and wished they were alone. Would he have kissed her if they were alone?

He answered her as though reading her mind. “If I could send the outriders to perdition, I would, for a chance to kiss those luscious lips of yours.”

“And what should I say to such boldness?” she attempted to tease, but her voice was breathless and, she knew, inviting.

“
Yes,
you would say yes …”

~ Nine ~

YES
,
YOU WOULD say yes
kept reverberating in her mind. It was true. If he had tried to kiss her, she would have unabashedly reciprocated. She hadn’t felt this way since she was years younger and infatuated with Warren.
No, wait
. S
he hadn’t felt this way, even then.

Infatuated with Warren, giggling and joking with her friends as they confided in one another, she had dreamed of kissing Warren. When he had finally kissed her, she remembered it had not quite met her expectations. They had kissed any number of times after that, and she had announced to one of her friends, Cecilia, that kissing didn’t really excite her. Cecilia had just gotten married a few months before and was her ‘confidante’ on such matters.

Cecilia had laughed to say, “Well then, either he is a very poor kisser … or you don’t really want him.”

“Did you want your husband, er … in a sensual way before you were married?” she had asked, for she was nineteen at the time and worried that something might be wrong with her.

“Oh yes, Serena—don’t you remember what I told you when I first saw him?” She giggled.

“Yes,” she had answered on a laugh. “You said you were ready to throw off your clothes and have at him.”

“Precisely. That is something you have to feel. I think it is very important.” She smiled. “And, Serena, we did quite a bit more than kiss before our wedding day.”

“Cecilia!” Serena had exclaimed, both curious and surprised. “And here I was thinking you were the responsible and staid one between us.”

“Love drives … er … lust, and those things don’t mesh with prim and proper, Serena. Besides, prim and proper never did for me, and you? Oh my Serena, they would never do for
you
.”

Those words tickled her brain now.
Love
—and everything that went with it were things that had all charged into her brain and made a mess of her logic when she looked at Daniel Pendleton.

Thinking of that conversation now made her sigh heavily as she walked a little away from the group, all of whom were in a debate over the merits of one breed of hound over another.

Sir Newton was overseeing some of his hounds when he announced that he would have Freddy act as a
whipper-in
and they would take some of the hounds for a bit of exercise.

Serena nearly laughed out loud as she watched Freddy looking like a youth who had been given his favorite sweet and couldn’t decide what he should do—eat it or save it.

She knew he would normally jump at the chance. After all, being asked to whip was an honor and a prize for an avid fox hunter. She knew he had never held this position, and she could see the excitement in his eyes.

Freddy loved hunting, following the hounds as they worked, everything about it, so she was surprised when he hesitated and said to her, “But, Serena, it will mean that I shan’t be in a position to give you my company home.” Clearly he found this disturbing. He turned to his uncle, who was watching him thoughtfully and said, “Uncle Danny, I am going to take Newton’s invitation, but …”

“Never doubted for a moment that you would do anything else,” returned his lordship. “’Tis everything you love.”

Freddy looked at Serena and sighed heavily, “Well, as to that—not everything.”

Serena saw his lordship’s eyes glitter and suspected a caustic remark was on the tip of his tongue, but he only asked his nephew mildly, “Well, where is the rub?”

“Can’t leave Serena to those devils …” he said but looked only at Warren.

“Then you have nothing to fret over, my boy. Depend on me to see her safely home.”

“Yes, but what about them?” Freddy still looked worried.

“I don’t mean to see any of them home,” his uncle said and chuckled.

Freddy grinned. “Aye, but they might try and—”

“I very much doubt they will look so foolish as to try and
escort me
back to Moorely.
Absurd.
Besides, I think I heard Warren already excuse himself. He told Newton that he was promised to friends for a luncheon, and I know Jasper has an appointment with Tuthill in town, because I was supposed to join him, and am just as pleased not to.”

Freddy’s face brightened. “Right then, I shall trust you to see Serena safely home.” He took Serena’s hand and bowed low over it. “Till later then.” He turned back to his uncle and said happily, “Thank you, Uncle Danny.”

Serena had observed all of this with interest. Was that guilt she saw flitting across his lordship’s face?

A moment later, Warren had taken a step towards Serena and said quietly, “Lady Channel tells me that you and she are friends. When I mentioned I was riding over to Moorely this morning, she told me to make certain I brought you along for lunch. Do come with me, Serena.”

“For one thing, I cannot ask his lordship to drive me there.”

He sighed. “No, I don’t suppose you could … but will you be comfortable enough alone with the blasted fellow?”

She laughed. “Indeed, I will.”

He eyed her strangely for a moment, “Upon my soul! Is it like that, then?”

“Like what, you horrid man?” she put up her chin.

Jasper called out, “Come on … if you are riding to town with me, we must be off.”

His lordship walked over to Jasper and quickly explained as Serena watched them nod and frown. Warren took her attention at that moment as he bent over her hand and said softly, “I hope, Serena, that I read matters incorrectly. I really don’t wish to see you hurt.”

She said nothing to this as she watched him leave, but it troubled her. Was she so obvious? Had his lordship noticed her decided preference for his company?
Oh my, how humiliating if he has
. No. Why should she be embarrassed? She turned and found his lordship, his large, strong arm bent to receive her hand.

She hesitated, and he took her gloved fingers and boldly linked them through his arm. “Time to go. You must be getting hungry. I know
 … I am
,” he said with dalliance in his blue eyes and the curving of his lips.

His mouth was sensuous and his voice was a caress.
She was, she knew, lost
. She couldn’t speak, so she didn’t answer him. She discovered that even the light touch of his hands on her waist as he helped her into the open curricle sent a rushing river of sensation through her system that she could not deny to herself. Here was the man who made her want to give herself body and soul.

A few moments went by, and then she cleared her throat to ask when he took the horse off the main pike to a wide dirt bridle path, “What are you doing? I am not sure you can get through this shortcut with a curricle.”

“Ah, Newton tells me that we can.” He frowned. “I know it is a little bumpy, and I am sorry for it.” He stopped the big cob leading the curricle, put on the brake, and turned to her as he set aside the reins.

“Oh, don’t be, I have been enjoying this glorious day, and I love the woods,” she responded happily.

“And I have been thinking about nothing else,” he answered.

“Nothing else?”

“But this,” he said, taking her into his arms.

His kiss was a feathered touch of his lips on hers. She trembled in his arms and realized she wanted more, so much more from this one man.

As though reading her mind and her body language, he brought her in hard against his rock-solid chest, and his kiss was no longer quite as gentle as he parted her lips with his own.

She felt his tongue sweetly explore as it entered her mouth, and shivers of desire scattered all reason. Again, she thought of Warren and the fact that his kisses had never done this to her.

Serena knew that his lordship had awakened something in her, something that had been brewing just beneath the surface. She had been dissatisfied with need and discovered that this man satisfied that need.

His tongue met with hers and guided it into motion. She tasted the velvet smoothness of it against her tongue with some trepidation at first, unsure how to reciprocate, until she finally just let go and gave herself over to tasting him. It was as though he knew she had never done this before, and he expertly showed her the way.

He started to pull away from her as he made an inarticulate sound, but then, as though thinking better of it, he crushed her back against himself, and she thought she might not be able to breathe as two kisses became three and four.

“Serena …” he said, putting his head back. “You want me as much as I want you …
say it
.”

She didn’t know why, but she balked. She wasn’t sure of herself, of him, of anything, but his words were not the words she longed to hear from him, and she stared at him and said, “No. I shan’t say it. You shouldn’t ask me to.”

He chuckled. “Obstinate woman,” he answered, and then his mouth was on hers again. He broke away and nibbled down her neck, opened her Spencer, and his touch, the way he cupped her breast even over her day gown, made her heart react with a drumbeat of fevered desire. She felt her thighs clench beneath her gown. She was aware that her body jerked with passion. She made no effort to stop his audacious lovemaking.
She didn’t want to stop him
. She knew this was all wrong. She did not try and fool herself into thinking this was a ‘forever’ thing and that they would continue and that he would … no, she would be smarter than that, and expect nothing more than the moment. She knew that he probably didn’t love her, but she wanted this time with him, even if he walked out of her life tomorrow. She would have this. She would have the now and the memory of this glorious day.

“Say it now,” he demanded huskily. “Tell me you want me as I want you. Tell me you want no other.”

“No,” she answered. “I don’t believe in doing things on
demand
.”

He looked down at her and frowned. “Do you give away your kisses and the free use of your body so readily then? Shall I expect to turn a corner and find you in … let’s say, in Freddy’s arms?”

She pulled up straight. Those words slapped her hard, and she glared at him. “
Think
what you will. Now, kindly take me home.”

He had hurt her. What had gone wrong? Had his kisses been for one reason alone—to wean her away from Freddy? Was that his game? Oh, but it hurt.

How could he have feigned such desire? He couldn’t. Instinct told her that whatever his reasons, his kisses had been real. He did want her. He did like her. She had seen it in his eyes, on his face. Hurtful words, however, had the power to obliterate logic, and for a moment she was too hurt to think about anything but his words.

How could he have asked such a thing of her? His accusation had been unfair, and it had stabbed her to the quick.

Another thing was clear, all too heartbreakingly clear. She was in love with him. She had kissed him and allowed him liberties because of how she felt about him, because she had undeniably been caught in the moment and the passion that had sizzled between them. Perhaps, she admitted to herself, she had even hoped her feelings for him were reciprocated?

* * *

They continued down the dirt path, and Serena was surprised that the curricle was able to make it to the road that took them to the Moorely drive.

It was, however, torture sitting in silence with him. Serena hadn’t been able to even glance his way and held herself erect, her lips tight, her thoughts buzzing furiously in her mind. Life had suddenly become so completely complicated.

Why had she allowed him to kiss her like that … touch her the way he did …?

A man could kiss a woman and make delicious love to her, as Daniel had just done only a short while ago, and still be able to easily walk away. His lordship probably didn’t feel anything for her but a mild physical attraction. He would leave soon—return to his home and forget her.

Could she now forget him?

No. Even though he had insulted her and made her furious with him, she knew she wanted him still. What was she to do? She could not deny that she was three and twenty and had spurned all suitors because she had been waiting to feel what she felt right now. What, just what, should she do? Could she somehow win this man? How? She only knew how to be herself. She had never actively sought to win a man; even when she had been infatuated with Warren, she had never made a push to have him.

This was so very different. His lordship was so very different.

She watched him as he waited for the Moorely livery boy to hold his horse steady before he put down the driving reins, jumped from the leased open-air curricle, and put out a hand to help her take the short steps.

He flipped the boy a coin and asked him to water the cob while he walked Miss Moorely to the house.

She could see from his behavior that he meant to try and make it up with her. Everything about him was presently solicitous. Politely he remarked, “Watch the bottom step … there …”

She noticed the crack in well-worn step and said, “What then? Should I hop over it?”

His eyes sparkled with amusement. “I only meant step light.”