Serenity (34 page)

“You compared yourself to an orangutan,” Ren finally said.

He laughed.

“I think that pretty much shot your chances of winning to hell.”

“I withdrew.” He took a step closer. “Weren’t you listening?”

“You shouldn’t have,” Ren whispered. “You had your chance to get your life back. To make your dad proud.”

“My dad will survive. He has to love me. I’m his son.” He stepped closer, taking her face in his hands. “It isn’t a life I want if you aren’t in it.”

Ren started to shake her head. “Everything in my life turns to shit.”

Jolin leaned in to brush his lips against hers. “You make my life better. You gave me a life I didn’t know I was missing.”

Ren felt herself melting into him. “I have nothing to give you.”

“You have everything.”

Jolin brought his mouth to hers again. The students leaving the gym bumped into them, pushing Jolin closer and blocking them from the view of the principal. He pulled back and rubbed his thumb across her lip. “I’m not letting you push me away.”

Serenity

Friday, November 7

7:30 a.m.

Jolin held her hand tightly in his as they sat in the middle of the senior class bleachers watching the cheerleaders do a dance routine. It was Friday morning and the homecoming court was going to be announced momentarily. The gym was full of plastic trellises and fairly lights, getting ready for the dance happening next Saturday night. Large, white thrones lined a stage at one end of the gym waiting for the royalty to sit in them.

Serenity didn’t want to be here, but Jolin said she had to embrace a little of the high school world so later on she didn’t feel like she’d missed out. She’d told him she would never feel like she missed out, but now here she sat. His thumb made small circles around the side of her hand and it was all she could do not to pull him out of the gym and plant her mouth to his. She wondered if he felt the same way.

Jolin leaned in and rubbed his nose behind her ear, giving her a small kiss that sent a shiver through her. “You look good today.”

She laughed. Since his mom took an interest in her, she tried to dress more conservative.

Finally, the cheerleaders took a seat on the floor and the lights were turned low. The twinkle lights sparkled.

“I want you to come to the dance with me,” Jolin whispered in her ear.

“I would if you were king, but you know, you withdrew so I guess no luck.” She shrugged.

“If I knew
that
I wouldn’t have withdrawn,” he said sullenly.

“Oh well.”

Jolin frowned.

The principal walked to the front of the decorated stage and waited for the students to quiet down. “May I have your attention?” Slowly the room quieted.

Ren looked down at the area on the floor where the cheerleaders sat and scanned for Elizabeth’s head. She was gone.

She leaned into Jolin. “Looks like the bitch got her wish.”

He shrugged.

The lights swirled around and one by one, the royalty was announced and walked into the gym to the cheers of their class. Each girl was dressed in a white gown with a crown of sparkling fake diamonds. The boys were in tuxes. Ren had never attended the assembly before and was curious how they knew to wear gowns.

“How did they know to wear a white dress?”

“At the meeting they were told to all get white dresses and tuxes. So if they won, they were ready.”

“And if they don’t?” Ren raised her eyebrow.

Jolin’s eyes turned dark. His voice was tight when he spoke. “Don’t do that.”

Ren smiled and sucked her lip ring into her mouth, slowly letting it out. She knew Jolin had a weakness for her piercings.

He grabbed his chest and moaned. “Just wait.”

Ren couldn’t help the huge smile that formed on her face.

The band started a drum roll as the principal cleared his throat. “And now for the king and queen of the senior class.”

The lights stopped, and the room got quiet.

“The Queen for this year’s homecoming court is Elizabeth Freeman.”

The students went wild as Elizabeth walked through the gym doors and stood in all her glory in what looked like a strippers wedding gown.

“Holy shit, she’s ready for the pole,” Ren said under her breath.

“And the King is…” The principal opened another envelop and pulled out a card. “Jolin Daniel.”

Ren turned to look at Jolin, who had gone completely white. The students around them started pushing at him, but he seemed to be in shock. It apparently didn’t matter he withdrew. They liked who he was whether he was the star quarter back or not. Just like Jolin liked her with all her bumps and bruises.

Slowly, he turned to Ren, a crooked grin tugged at the corner of his mouth. “Looks like you’re going to homecoming with me.”

-oOo-

Jolin walked into the small apartment carrying a box of Ren’s meager belongings.

“My mom threw a few things in the car for you.”

“She didn’t have to do that,” Ren complained.

“She thinks you are the second coming with healing powers.”

Ren rolled her eyes.

“Hey, I’m not stuttering.” He shrugged past her and dropped the box in the tiny room she was using as her own. “Be back in a minute. Unpack or something.” He waved her away.

Ren opened the box and looked at the sad assortment of clothes. It wasn’t even full. She fell back on the bed, which was the only piece of furniture in her room. Brenda offered her and Quill a room above the coffee shop. It was postage stamp small, but it was safe and clean. Of course the case worker wasn’t thrilled about no direct parental guidance, but Brenda was downstairs and checked in on them often so she was letting it slide. They would turn eighteen in four months and would be on their own anyway. Saved the state having to support them, and then kick them out of a group home in the middle of the school year.

She heard Jolin come in and bang around in the other room. She questioned what she was doing letting him in the apartment. His presence overwhelmed her. She’d never had anyone help her before. Ren wiped a tear from her cheek. Jesus…even his mom was pushing into her life.

Jolin leaned against the door frame. “What are you thinking about?’

Ren gave him a sideways look. “Nothing.”

Slowly, he moved into the room. Just that simple movement…the way his body moved with a confidence she could only pretend to have, made the tears flow.

“Worried your mom will come back?”

She shrugged and swallowed the lump in her throat. “I don’t know. She disappeared when Ben got out of jail. Took every cent left in the house. She probably will show up again when she needs money.”

“Your case worker said my mom and Brenda can look in on you.”

“Yeah. We only have four months until we turn eighteen so it makes sense to save the state relocation and foster fees. Means I get to graduate without changing schools.” Ren tried to smile but it faded before it got far. “Why are you still here?” Her voice was thick with the emotions she wasn’t used to showing. “Why don’t you leave?”

“What?” Jolin slid next to her on the bed, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her into his body. “What are you talking about?”

She struggled to release herself from his hold.

“Ren,” his tone warned.

“You’re smothering me. I need some space. You think since you helped me, you have a right to tell me what to do.” Ren didn’t know where the words came from, they just spewed out like a crazy woman had overtaken her body.

“What the fuck?” Jolin released her and jumped up. “I’m smothering you? How? What have I done?”

This she could handle. Ren knew how to deal with anger.

Jolin moved to stand directly in front of her. “I don’t care what shit you say, I’m not letting you push me away.”

“I…” she started.

“Shut up, Ren,” he snapped. “I know this is hard for you. I know you don’t want to feel anything, even if it’s good. You’re afraid you’ll open up and let me in, and I’ll leave. But I won’t. I’m here, and I’m not leaving, so suck it up and let yourself trust. Trust that I won’t hurt you.”

“I’m…” she started again.

He put a finger over her mouth. “No. I am not making a mistake.”

Ren couldn’t help the smile tickling the corner of her mouth.

She opened her mouth to talk again, but stopped when he glared at her.

Jolin reached out and took her hands in his. “Look, Ren, it isn’t like I’m not putting myself out there.”

“I told you to take your life back,” she mumbled.

Jolin dropped her hands and moved to the door. She worried he’d do exactly what she’d asked and leave, but he turned around. “Dammit, Ren, that isn’t what I was saying. I’m all in. From the day you came to my house.” He held up a hand to stop her from talking. “From day one I was all in. No matter what I thought I wanted, all I could think about was you. I’ve put my heart out there and don’t you think I worry you’re going to keep pushing me away? That you don’t want what I’m offering?” His voice cracked. “It fucking kills me when you push me away. It tears at my heart.” He reached up and wiped at his cheek.

Ren’s heart ached. It ached since the day he put his lips on hers. She wanted him so bad, but knew if she let him in and he turned his back on her, she’d be destroyed. “I’m scared,” she whispered.

“And I’m not?” He sniffed.

Ren shrugged, finally meeting his gaze.

“I’m fucking terrified.”

Ren gave him a little smile. “If you keep talking like that your mom is going to think I’m a bad influence.”

“My mom loves you.”

“I don’t deserve you guys.”

Jolin came back over to where she sat. “You deserve so much more.”

“I don’t want to go to homecoming.”

Jolin snorted. “Is this all a ploy to get out of the dance? Because I don’t care what you do, you are going with me to the dance. I have to go, and I am not going without you.”

“Why do you want me to go so bad? I have this sinking feeling when I get there it’s going to be pigs blood and mayhem.”

“What the hell? Pigs and mayhem?”

“You know.
Carrie
? The movie? Oh never mind. My point is it’s weird you want me to go so bad. Are you setting me up to get screwed over? Jumped by the cheerbots in the bathroom?”

Jolin climbed onto the bed, pushing her back to straddle her. He pulled her arms up, pinning them next to her ears. Leaning over her, he placed a kiss softly on one cheek, then the next. “I want to go with you…” He placed a kiss on each corner of her mouth. “Because I kind of like you.” He pressed his lips against hers in a hard closed mouth kiss. “Nothing would make me happier than wrapping my arms around you in a slow dance.”

Jolin let her arms go and sat back, supporting himself so he wasn’t crushing her. His gaze was serious. Maybe he was going to let her off the hook after all.

“So, where do things stand with you and Brock?”

Ren was speechless for a minute, surprised at his question. “He dumped me.”

Jolin snorted again.

“After you left me in the hall.” This time Ren held up her hand. “I know, just listen. He pulled me to the side and told me to stay away from him because he had everything he wanted. That was when he told me his dad was kicking us out.”

“So he isn’t going to come around anymore?”

“He wasn’t my boyfriend.” Ren shifted, trying to get out from under him. She wasn’t going to tell him she offered herself up to him anyway he wanted in a last ditch effort to keep the house.

“I don’t want him holding anything over you.”

“We’re done. Totally. He doesn’t want anything to do with me.” Then she added. “What about Elizabth?”

“You know that boat sailed.”

“You could probably get her back if you wanted to. You know the school did choose you as their
king
.”

“I don’t want her back. She was using me. I thought you understood that. You do understand that don’t you?”

Ren scowled. “Using you for what?”

Jolin’s cheeks turned pink.

“What?” she asked again.

“Sex. Okay. She likes sex, and she wanted to have me around so she could take Brock’s status without having to give up the sex. She has a rep as a goody-goody.”

Ren didn’t know what to say. In a weird way he was used in the same way she’d been. Sex was a tool to get what you wanted…nothing more.

Jolin rubbed his face. “Jesus Ren, say something.”

“I’m sorry she did that to you. I know how it feels to be used,” Ren finally said. “Does she still can you for a booty call?”

“No. I told her to stop.”

“So you two are over?”

“Completely one-hundred percent. I don’t want her. I’m not sure I ever really did,”

“Okay. So I guess we’re both single.” Ren smiled.

“I guess we are.” He reached around his back and pulled something out of his pocket, holding it close so she couldn’t see what it was.

“I have something for you.” Jolin’s voice was so sincere. Ren felt a tug at her heart.

“Okay?” Ren said, drawing out the word.

Slowly, Jolin opened his hand to show her a tiny white, plastic horse.

Ren squinted up at him. “Okay?” she said again.

Jolin huffed before explaining. “It’s my white horse.”

Ren let out a loud laugh then covered her mouth. The weight of what he said hit her, and she felt the tears bubbling up again. She’d told him he had rode in on his white horse and saved her.

Jolin placed the horse on her chest and reached around his back again. This time he pulled out a piece of blue construction paper.

Almost immediately a lump formed in her throat. With shaking hands, she took the paper from him and read what he had written in crayon across the front.
Will you go to prom with me?
Small globs of glue held sparkles on the corners. Along the bottom of the invitation Jolin had written in pen,
An invitation only eight years late, but I have come back on my white horse and am here to make up for every day I missed spending with you. I will not let you miss this one!

Ren felt the tears she’d been holding backslide from her eyes as she took the paper invitation so similar to the one he had given her for his tenth birthday. “Yes. I’ll go with you.” Her words were just a whisper.