Settling Up (6 page)

Pain shot through my scalp because the thing was still attached to my damn head, so as he pulled, it plucked right out of me. Anger, heat, the fire of a million suns burned in my neck, my face, my heart. I pressed my lips together, tight, in hopes that the yelling I was doing in my mind wouldn’t leak out.

Seriously? Come on, man!
I didn’t have very many of those suckers left and he had flat-out stole it right off my head.

“Whoops, I guess that one was still hanging on.” He chuckled and threw the strand of hair to the floor as if it was a piece of garbage now.

I watched it waft to the ground, forehead furrowed in sadness.

“And how is everything?” Our waiter sidled up to the table, craning his neck to check if he needed to clear our plates yet.

“We’d like the check,” I said through mostly clenched teeth.

Thomas tipped his head to the side as the waiter left (I swear I saw a hint of a smile cross the older man’s face as he turned to leave). “Is everything okay, Lauren?”

I shook my head. “I’m sorry. No. It really isn’t. I’m just not feeling this, Thomas. You’re really nice, I just hate dance music and it seems really important to you, so I’m not sure that we’d be a good fit. I’d be happy to split the check. I’m so sorry for wasting your time.”

He furrowed his eyebrows, his face holding the distinct flavor of surprise (really?). “Oh. Well, I suppose I understand. Darn. I guess you’re right, though. I mean, life with me is pretty much like life in a bumping club all the time, so…”

He left the sentence hanging, and me wondering if that was some sort of DJ catch phrase, but I couldn’t think too much on it because the waiter came then with the check.

We split the check, I gulped down the rest of my wine (to Thomas’s obvious chagrin), and I was sitting safely in the darkness (and quiet) of my car no more than five minutes later. I let my head hang forward, forehead resting on the cool steering wheel.

The fact that my old list would’ve definitely prevented me from going through that date was hard to ignore, but instead of dwelling on it, I called my sister.

“How’d it go?” Her voice reached that excited-Betsy pitch that made me flinch slightly.

I filled her in. On all of it.

“Oh, no.” I heard her stifle a giggle at the end. “I’m so sorry, Laur.”

“Haha. I heard that. You’re just as bad at hiding your giggling now as you were when you were five.”

“Sorry. I just can’t believe he ripped your hair out of your head.” She giggled more. “Actually, I can’t believe you didn’t stab him with your fork after he did it, knowing how crazy you are about your hair right now.”

I rolled my eyes, not appreciating the use of the word “crazy”, but feeling a little pride in the restraint I’d shown in the given circumstance.

“Anyways, it doesn’t matter because you’ve got another date on Friday, with the tattooed cat guy.” Betsy let out a little squeak of excitement.

I sighed. Oh lord. What had I gotten myself into?

“
W
hat’s wrong with
you
?” Mack’s voice resounded around me where I sat, head down, eyes closed at the Blackjack table. “There a new bald spot you want to show me?” I could hear him chuckle softly to himself.

I peeled my face up off the felt table and gave him a distinctly unamused look.

“Bad date hangover.” I groaned, patting my hair back into the comb-over.

Mack’s eyebrows hitched up. “Oh?” He started dealing cards, getting us started on our first game.

I watched him for a second, unsure if I should take the slight catch in the word as evidence that he didn’t want to talk about it. I mean, I wouldn’t blame him. Listening about some sad woman’s defeated love-life couldn’t have been on his list of things-he-wanted-to-spend-his-time-on.

“So what happened?” he asked, holding me with his blue, slate eyes.

I sighed. Okay. I guess he did want to listen.

“He was a CPA.” I took a hit and lost the round.

Mack collected the cards and my chip. I set out a new one.

“With a secret desire to become a world-famous disc jockey.” I arched an eyebrow and watched Mack freeze. His face crumpled into laughter, that deep resounding sound that made it impossible for me not to join in.

“The reason I know this is not only because he told me, but also because he played some music for me. On his phone. In the restaurant.” I motioned that I wanted to stay with my current cards with a horizontal swipe at the air.

Mack was laughing more with each new phrase I spit out. He shook his head. I won that round and he collected the cards, putting out more.

“And he danced at me. Aggressively.” I motioned for another card.

At this, Mack stopped. “No. He didn’t.”

I nodded, eyes wide and wild. “Oh yes. Oh yes he did. Like this.” I mimicked the head pumping, shoulder rocking, arm flailing Thomas had performed last night.

Mack held his stomach as he laughed, only straightening up after a loud throat-clearing warning from the pit boss behind him.

“Yeah. And he drank wine like Hannibal Lecter and yanked hair right out of my scalp.” I sat back and pursed my lips together, taking the chips I’d won on that last round.

Mack’s shoulders shook with silent, restrained laughter as he cleared the cards and laid out new ones. “That sure does sound like it would leave you with a pretty bad case of the why-did-I’s the next day, ” he said. More chuckling.

I sighed. “Yeah. And my sister has decided being a stay at home mom forced her to miss her calling as some sort of pimp, because she’s booking me dates right and left.”

“Right and left, huh?” Mack’s jaw tightened slightly as he gave me another card.

“Yeah. Got a date with some tattooed cat guy on Friday.”

“Tattoos?”

I let my head wobble from side to side. “I listened to your advice. Fiddled with percentages and stuff.” My shoulders lifted into a shrug.

Mack’s teeth glinted in a wide smile. “You did?” He shook his head. “I mean, not that I’m surprised. I give great advice.” He cleared his throat. “I’m glad I was able to help — er — well, maybe help. It sounds like I’ve doomed you to really bad dates with this plan. Maybe you were right about me making you settle your standards.”

I waved a hand at him, hoping to dismiss his worries. “Nah. You were right. The date was really good before all the dancing started. Plus, I had weird dates before, too, with the other list. It’s one of the reasons I stopped dating all together for a while.”

Our hands moved quickly as the rounds went by while we chatted. It felt like when Rachel and I used to play. Actually, Mack brought something else to the table, something warm and supportive that Rachel didn’t always have. She was more of a “suck it up”, “here’s what you gotta do” sort of advice giver. All said from a place of love, of course, but Mack had a way of making me feel like he completely understood me that calmed me down.

“
One
of the reasons you stopped?” he asked.

“I’m trying to get tenure. I was working on a bunch of writing for academic journals to try to get more street cred.”

“Street cred sounds incredibly important in the professorial world.”

I raised my eyebrows in a don’t-I-know-it way and nodded, but then I broke into a giggle and shook my head. “Okay, we have to stop talking in slang; we’re sounding too much like my date last night.”

Mack raised an eyebrow. “The money man was a master of slang?”

I squinted one eye. “I wouldn’t say master, but he totally used it a lot, dude.”

“He must’ve sounded like an undercover cop in a bad eighties high school movie.” Mack chuckled.

I nodded emphatically. “Uh huh.”

We sat and played a few hands in silence. But a thought kept nagging at me, making my teeth sink into my bottom lip as I wondered.

“What?” Mack said, seeming to read my mind again.

I bit my bottom lip in my hesitation to ask what I really wanted to ask. “You don’t think I was too harsh on him, do you? Should I have given him a second chance? You’d tell me if I was being too picky, wouldn’t you? Like you did before with my old list?”

He stopped what he was doing. “Absolutely, Lauren.” He shook his head, starting the card game again. “Honestly, this guy sounds like a wacko and I think you made the right call.”

I let the breath I was holding slowly leak out in relief. “Okay. Good. My sister said that she doesn’t want people to think I have these expectations because I think I’m perfect. I
know
I’m far from perfect. I really do. I just also know what it looks like when two people really work together and I want that so badly.” I let the corner of my mouth lift up into a hopeful smile.

Mack nodded his head as he watched me. “I get it. I really do. And I don’t think you come off like that.” He squinted one eye. “Well, anymore. I was wondering about you that first day, but now that I’m getting to know you, I can see that you’re coming from a good place.”

My heart felt light as the warmth of that statement settled into my bones. “No one but my sister has ever really gotten me.” I let my eyes lock with his. “Thank you. That means a lot to me.”

Mack nodded once.

“Okay, I have a plan,” I said, scooting forward in my seat. “I think you need to be my dating gut check. Maybe I’ll go out on a first date with a guy and then tell you about it and you can tell me whether or not I should go on a second one. That way I’ll know I’m not being picky or mean.”

Mack laughed, but he was already shaking his head. “Lauren, you don’t need me to tell you whether or not you should date a guy more than once. You’ll know you should because it will feel right.”

“But what if I don’t? I don’t have the best instincts when it comes to people, you know.” I rested my chin on my hand. “Numbers, facts, those are easy. People? They’re so complicated.”

“Yourself included,” he said. “I think you need to make peace with the fact that
facts
are not going to be half as important as
feelings
when you’re talking love.”

I nodded, figuring the guy knew what he was talking about, having been deep in love before. I wanted to ask more about Tess, but Mack’s jaw was doing that clenching thing that told me he probably wouldn’t be open to it, so I let it rest. For now.

The next few hands flew by in silent concentration. I won three in a row and I’m pretty sure that streak would’ve lasted longer if a woman in her twenties with big bouncy blond hair didn’t walk in with her equally bouncy-haired brunette friend. My eyes latched onto their hair like lasers and I couldn’t look away. I wanted it so badly, that feeling of taking your hair for granted because you didn’t know any better, of not having to worry at every moment whether or not your bald spot was showing.

Mack cleared his throat, breaking my trance. Oh goodness. He must’ve seen me staring longingly at the hair on those two girls.

“Oh. Sorry. I…”

“Still losing hair?”

I nodded, lips downturned. “It’s thinning all over now. I’m pretty sure by next week I’m going to look a heck-of-a-lot like the Crypt Keeper, rocking a single stringy curtain of hair.” I smiled, trying to make light of my inevitable future. At the rate I was losing the stuff in the shower each morning, I could see no other outcome.

Mack’s face crumpled into something that looked half like a smile and half like a whole lot of pity.

“And you’re still just going off the information your sister found on the Internet?” he asked.

“No. I’ve got an appointment with my doctor, but they couldn’t get me in until next week, so… until then…” I shrugged.

“Well, let me know how it goes,” he said, wrapping up our last hand as we both noticed another dealer walking over to switch with him. He winked and, unlike the creepy feeling I got when Thomas had winked at me the night before, it sent a warm fluttery feeling deep into my chest. “I’ll see you before that, though.” He smiled and waved as Holly took over.

I smiled and shot a goodbye wave after him, then I looked up at Holly, a younger dealer who wasn’t my favorite (obviously because she was no Rachel or Mack).

“Hey, Holly. Sorry, but I think I’m done for the day.” I collected my chips and went to cash out, but I couldn’t help but watch Mack as he set up at his new table. Mack could tell me things everyone else had been trying to tell me for years, and for some reason they stuck with me when he said them. Mack understood me. Mack could do things that on other people seemed creepy, but on him seemed kind and reassuring. Mack centered me.

I let the thoughts sit deep in my mind as I drove home, feeling quite happy the guy was in my life and hoping that didn’t change any time soon.

I
smeared
black eyeliner along the edge of my eyelid, then leaned back and inspected my handiwork. I turned my head to the side and nodded, having fun with my sister’s suggestion to edge-it-up a bit for Tattooed Cat guy.

Sorry. Ray.

His name was Ray and he was an engineer and I was going out with him tonight. I poked at my arm skin, exposed because of the springy dress I was wearing.
Maybe I should get a tattoo. Maybe I should get two. Hmmm.
I tipped my head as I examined my arms in the mirror.

“Checking on your guns before the big show?” Betsy walked into the room with a basket of laundry.

My cheeks reddened at getting caught. I was preparing for my date at her place because it was closer to the city and because I was mostly a nervous wreck and needed all the help I could get making dressing decisions. Left to my own devices, I would’ve had seven lists going and wouldn’t even be close to being ready to go.

“I was right about the eye liner, wasn’t I?” She leaned forward in the mirror to get a better look.

I nodded. “I like it. It makes me feel dangerous.”

Bets laughed. “Watch out. Professor Sinclair on the loose! You never know what she might do.”

Rolling my eyes, I said, “No seriously. Thank you for letting me get dressed here. It didn’t make sense to drive all the way home and back.”

Betsy lifted her eyebrows in agreement, then she waved her hand. “No worries. You coming here tonight saved me from a fight with Josh, actually.”

I wrinkled my forehead in question as I watched in the mirror.

She smiled, but put a hand over her mouth to cover it. “He used the laptop after I checked your dating profile messages the other day. Jumped to some crazy conclusions. Thought I was looking behind his back.” She shook her head, still smiling.

I stood up and turned to face her. “No!”

Betsy nodded. “He was particularly angry about the hunky tattooed guy you’re seeing tonight. Once I showed him it was actually your profile, he calmed down.” She began putting the folded clothes from the basket she’d brought with her into drawers, the scent of her lavender detergent wafting into my nose and making me feel even more at home. “I suppose that’s what I get for forgetting to tell him about you dating again.”

“You hadn’t told him? You guys tell each other everything.” Were she and Josh having problems? I knew I was taking up a lot of Betsy’s time, plus with her taking care of the girls… I hoped I wasn’t causing any sort of rift between them.

As if reading my mind, Betsy said, “Hey, we’re totally fine. He’s just been busy at work and I’ve had a lot going on with the girls lately. It’s normal. When you and Ray settle down, you’ll learn that every relationship has its ups and downs, hot spots and cold spells.” She waggled her eyebrows at me as she mentioned my date’s name.

“Psssh. We haven’t even had our first date yet. Aren’t you jumping ahead a tad? Plus, Mack said I shouldn’t look at a relationship as settling down. He said it should be exciting, an adventure, settling up.” I smiled, proud of how much sense that was starting to make to my brain, to my heart even.

Betsy dropped the towel she was holding so her hands were free to wave around in mock excitement. “Well, of course. If the magnificent Mack said it, it must be Lauren Law now.”

I pointed a finger at her. “Don’t get jealous just because I have a friend other than you. It was about time, I’d say.” Even though I considered Rachel a friend, we definitely had maintained a
lighter
sort of friendship. With Mack, right from the beginning, there had just been something about him that made me feel like I’d known him forever.

Betsy smirked. “Not at all. I think you two are cute. Tell me, do you give him as good of advice as he seems to give you? Is this a two way conversation or more like a counselor/patient deal?”

I bit my lip as I thought for a second about everything he’d told me the other day at the climbing gym. I looked to Betsy and nodded. “I think I’m helping him, too. He confided in me the other day.”

“About what?”

“His wife.”

“He’s married?”

I shook my head. “Was married. She died.”

I told Bets what Mack had told me the other day sitting in the pebbles at the gym.

“Wow. Okay. I take the teasing back. It sounds like you might be as good for this guy as he is for you.”

I shrugged. “I hope. Though he doesn’t always seem as willing to talk about it at the casino. I’m going to keep trying. He’s just a hard nut to crack.”

Betsy nodded. “I get it.” She walked over to me and straightened the diamond necklace Mom had given me. “Alright. Speaking of cracking some nuts, you’ve got a date to get to, sister.”

We laughed and I scooted downstairs and out the door. I’m not sure if it was because of our conversation about Mack or nerves from my impending date, but that damn ball of doubt didn’t leave my throat the whole way into the city.

R
ay was already
at the restaurant when I got there. He had chosen the place, a cute little new age spot that looked like hummus and things made of barley were pretty much guaranteed to be on the menu. He looked exactly like his profile picture. His tattoos (well, the ones I could see creeping down his arms and up his neck) were all really cool and artsy, definitely not of the degrading-to-women or trying-to-scare/gross-you-out variety, which I appreciated.

He had a great smile, too. And he turned it on full force as he stood up and held out a hand toward me. I placed my hand in his, but instead of shaking it like I had expected him to, he just closed it in his and placed his other hand on top, creating a little hand pocket and squeezing down slightly. It was unexpectedly different and didn’t hold a fraction of creepiness, instead filling me with warmth and great expectations for the dinner to come.

He squinted slightly as he smiled down at me because he had one of those great whole face smiles. I pulled in a deep breath and was pleased by the garlic and exotic spices I could smell milling about the place. I couldn’t wait to take a look at what they had on the menu.

“Lauren. So glad we could make this work.” He still held my hand in the palm sandwich and he squeezed it once more before letting it go and helping me into my seat.

“Thanks,” I said as he walked around the table and sat on his side. “I have to say that, based on your profile, you seem like a very intriguing person.”

The moment I spit out the sentence I regretted it. I could already feel heat rising up my neck, a sure sign the terrible red rash was spreading. What the hell kind of first comment was that, Lauren? I sounded like I was conducting an job interview, not making small talk on a freaking date. I pulled in a slow breath and resolved to be better at — well, everything.

Ray laughed. “I definitely think that’s the first time I’ve been referred to as a very intriguing person.”

I cringed, but tried to make it look like a smile. “I’m sorry. I’m nervous and I don’t know why I said that. You’re just… you don’t seem boring, was all I was trying to say.” I grabbed at the water glass in front of me and gulped half of it down as if it were some speak-better elixir. If nothing else, the coolness in my throat might calm the neck rash a bit.

He shook his head. “Don’t worry about it. Really. But you’re wrong actually. I’m very boring. I would much prefer a night in with a pizza, a good book, and a cat curled up next to me than a night out on the town — unless, of course — it’s with a beautiful lady such as yourself.”

Books. Staying in. I wasn’t super into cats, but this guy was definitely starting to talk my love language. I leaned forward.

“What kind of books do you like?”

“You’re probably going to think this is silly, but I made it my mission to read as many classics as I could when I was in high school and I’m still trucking along.”

I lifted my eyebrows in appreciation. Classics. That was good.

“I’m currently in the middle of
The Brother’s Karmotzov
, but man,” he shook his head, “if it’s not kicking my butt. Russia seems like a pretty depressing place, is all I’ll say. Plus, it doesn’t help that my next book in line is
Nicholas Nickleby
and it keeps taunting me, making me want to just skip ahead and read that.”

I let my eyelids drop closed for a second out of appreciation for one of my favorite authors. “Ah. Dickens. One of the best.”

“The best.” Ray narrows his eyes at me.

I tip my head. “I don’t know. He is pretty great, but I’ve always had a thing for Hemingway.”

Ray held up both his hands. “English. American. They can both be the best from their respective countries.”

I smiled and shimmied down into my seat more. I hadn’t had a good literature discussion in a while, save during my time with Mack the other day. This was fun. I loved math. Math was my ultimate favorite, but for a girl who didn’t know how to socialize with real people growing up, books were my second sanctuary, after numbers.

Our waitress walked over at that moment. “Good evening. Can I get you two started with something to drink?”

Ray and I looked at each other, glanced down at the table where our menus sat, untouched, and then looked back up at each other, laughing.

“You know. We haven’t even had a chance to look. I apologize. We’ll definitely be ready to order next time you come around.” He flashed her an apologetic smile.

She told us to take our time and that it was no big deal, walking off to take care of her other tables. Ray and I dutifully picked up our menus and started to look, laughing a little as we turned the pages.

“I’d say that’s a good sign,” Ray said from behind his menu. His eyes poked up over the top as he watched me. “If you can get me to forget about food for even a few minutes, you’re something special.”

I nodded my head. “Gosh, me too. The last time I went out with someone I was practically guzzling wine right out of the bottle just to dull my poor assaulted senses.”

He chuckled and put his menu down. “That bad?”

“Unfortunately,” I said.

“My last few haven’t been all that awesome either, come to think of it.”

Lifting my water glass, I said, “To a night of redemption, then.” We clinked glasses and drank our water. “So what’s good here, Mr. Restaurant Picker?”

Ray’s face lit up. “Just about everything. It is a vegetarian place, by the way. I hope that’s okay. I’ve been veg only for about ten years now and I like to come here — well, first because it has actual things other than cheesy bread that I can eat, but also because it helps me get that side of me out on the table right away. Literally.” He laughed.

I felt a happy tingle start in my stomach, and it wasn’t just hunger. This was going really well so far. The guy was not only easy to talk to, but honest. This was getting better by the minute.

“I try not to eat a ton of meat, so that’s cool with me. This place looks great. But seriously, what are your top three choices for a newbie?”

He lifted his menu again and tapped his fingers against his lips while he perused. “Hmm… top three? I’d have to say either the stuffed peppers, the risotto, or the yakisoba.”

I thought for a second, looking over the items he’d listed. “I think I’m going to have to go with the risotto. Thanks.” I smiled at him and put down my menu.

“Do you mind if I order a bottle of wine?” he asked as I went for the last bit of my water.

Freezing for only a second at the memory of the last bottle of wine I’d shared, I pushed away the shiver-inducing sounds of Thomas’s Hannibal sipping and said, “That sounds lovely.” Ray was different. My neck rash was calming down, possibly even going away.

“Great.” His brown eyes met mine and he whole-face-smiled at me for a moment before asking, “Okay, so we both enjoy reading. I remember you said something on your profile about Blackjack?”

I nodded. “Numbers are kind of my thing, so the game helps me relax.”

“That’s cool.” Ray ducked his head a bit. “I’m not really allowed to go into casinos anymore.”

I leaned forward, eyebrows lowered in question, wanting to hear more about that.

“I should rephrase that.
I
don’t allow myself to go anymore. I used to have kind of a gambling problem when I was younger.” He swatted the air. “But I’ve got it under control now, don’t worry. I just try not to tempt myself if I can.”

Smiling, I nodded, wondering why honesty wasn’t on my list anywhere. It was so nice that Ray was being so upfront about everything. Even calculating with my old list (because I couldn’t let go that easily), this guy was rocking the numbers.

Our bottle of wine showed up and my shoulders hunched for a moment as I waited to see if this weird-about-wine thing was, in fact, going to become a thing. But Ray was a completely regular and not at all intense wine drinker. We clinked our glasses together and he didn’t say word one about how much I was drinking out of my glass at once. Plus, I wasn’t feeling the need to guzzle anything because I really wanted our date to last.

We chatted about work over our wine. Ray was a civil engineer and had recently headed up the project to update one of the local high-traffic bridges. When our meals showed up, we talked about our homes (well, his house and my condo), the things we loved about them and the projects we wanted to complete on/in them, while warm, garlicy, smells wafted into our noses and savory food began to fill our bellies.

As the ratio of food to empty plate fell steadily and the minutes clicked by on my watch, I started to think about how this date might wrap up. Ray had been flirty, putting a hand on mine or brushing against me. He had been kind and thoughtful. And I realized I really wanted to kiss him. I also realized that Mack had been completely right. I wanted to see him again. I felt it, deep in my bones. This couldn’t be the last time I saw Ray. Just like Mack had said I would, I knew I wanted a second date.

After we’d paid the bill, Ray and I still sat there at the table. We watched each other and matching smiles pulled at our slightly-stained-red-from-the-wine lips.

“I had a great time,” I finally said.

“Me, too.” Ray reached a hand out and took mine in it.