Severing Sanguine: A Companion Book to The Fallocaust Series Book 2 (53 page)

‘You can’t,’
Crow hissed inside of my head.
‘How many times must it be made obvious? You can’t handle being in public; you’re not even human. You belong in Jasper’s basement away from people.’

I shook my head and whimpered, feeling lower than greywaste dirt. “I was doing well. King Silas said it, Nero said it… I can go outside now. I was doing great until… until this…”

And… and it wasn’t that bad was it? At least I didn’t hurt anyone… I just threw up from… from surprise.

But as I said that Crow let out a loud and cruel guffaw inside of my head. He seemed angry at me mentally downplaying what had happened. He didn’t want me to try and put it into perspective; I knew he wanted me to hate myself. Crow was supposed to be my friend but whenever I showed improvement he turned into a cruel asshole.

‘You threw up because you realized the boy you are developing a crush on was revealed to be your chimera brother. What happens if he likes you back? What happens if something else sets you off and you end up hurting him? Everyone who ever went near you ended up getting hurt. You strangled and killed Cooper. Lyle died because the boys brought you things you asked for. Even Nan is probably dead now. I bet Gill beat her to death after he found out she let you go…’

“No,” I sobbed, feeling anger temporarily overshadow my agony. “Nana’s still alive, and it’s not everyone. Nero is fine, and King Silas will come back. I fucking have friends, Crow. I have family. And maybe Jack wants to be my friend too. And if he does he’ll be fine also.” I looked up and clenched my teeth. I couldn’t see him but inside of my head I was glaring daggers into him. “I’m fucking getting tired of you always putting me down, always making me feel like shit. Friends don’t fucking do that.”

Crow growled.
‘You don’t want to make me mad, boy. You don’t want me to be your enemy.’

“You already act like my enemy!” I yelled. I stood up, and in my anger, I grabbed the metal rack containing the janitorial equipment and slammed it against the wall, making its contents rain down on me and come crashing to the floor. “It wasn’t that bad… I’m… I’m fine. I’ll tell Jack I just have a bug. I can handle fucking college and I can handle life.”

‘You’re nothing but a demon –’

“I AM A CHIMERA!” I shrieked, picking up the bottle of bleach and throwing it against the wall. It smashed and a spout of bleach erupted from the top and sprayed onto a wooden handled mop. “I am Sanguine Sasha Dekker, a chimera and a prince! And I will be damned if I’ll regress to a piece of shit under the bed just because I got nervous. And you won’t tell me otherwise. Fuck you, Crow!”

I thought it was adrenaline coursing through me, coating my veins in a hum of electricity and energy, but as I said those words to Crow I realized it wasn’t adrenaline… it was relief. It was liberation.

I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath of the bleach-smelling air. Then I squared my shoulders. In the backdrop of my mind, behind the black velvet curtains, I could see my old friend’s red eyes blazing; his pale skin shining with the silver light of the moon. I could see this friend who had emerged from the stagnant pool of suffering, glaring at me with such a look of hatred I found myself almost stepping back.

But I was brave, so I lifted up my chin.

‘Kill yourself,’
Crow whispered to me calmly.
‘Kill yourself.’

I stared at him. In defiance I locked my eyes with his and I didn’t look away.

“No,” I whispered.

‘Kill yourself, Sami,’
Crow urged. And as if our heated argument had never happened, he smiled at me, his eyes squinting under his closed-mouth grin.
‘Kill yourself, Sami.’

‘Kill yourself. Kill yourself. You’re nothing, Sami. You’re nothing.’

‘So kill yourself, Sami.’

‘You’re nothing, and if you think you can get rid of me, you’re wrong. I’ll always be there; I take many forms. I will always be the demon on your shoulder and you will crumble under my weight.’

I shook my head, what he was saying not only confused me – but it made me uncomfortable as well. I didn’t like this sudden switch in attitude. It didn’t make sense to me, but at the same time… I didn’t want it to make sense.

“I’m not going to do what you tell me anymore,” I said simply.

‘SAMI!”
Crow’s voice started to rise.
‘SAMI! SAMI! JASPER’S LITTLE WHORE BOY, SAMI!’

I put my hands over my ears and shook my head. “I’m not listening to you.”

‘HE FUCKED YOU, SAMI!’
Crow started screaming, his voice hammering against my skull like his words were a battering ram. Each knock making me wince and cry out.
‘AND NERO FUCKS TO THE THOUGHT. YOU’RE NOTHING, SAMI.’

‘SAMI! YOU’RE NOTHING SAMI!’
Crow shrieked in a high-pitched hysterical tone. I screamed with him and started grabbing my ears, wanting to do anything to stop him from yelling at me.

“I’m not listening to you!” I yelled back. I snapped my eyes open, tasting copper inside of my mouth. I hadn’t realized I was biting the inside of my cheek. “I’m tired of listening to you! You’re not good for me. Maybe you used to be, but you’re not anymore. Leave me alone!”

‘Kill yourself, you fucking whore!’
Crow taunted, another wave of pain.
‘Relieve the pain, Sami! JUST LIKE I –‘

“NO!” I screamed so loudly my voice broke. I keeled over hacking and found myself once again throwing up on the ground. Crow’s taunting and continuous voice ringing like the bell towers of hell. “NO!”

I had to get him to stop. I had to escape from him. But how can I escape from a voice inside of my head? I had nowhere to go, and no one to help me fight. I was trapped with him both inside of this room and inside the cage I had always been locked in inside my head.

In my desperation I opened my eyes and saw the metal door leading to outside. With Crow’s voice booming and commanding my thoughts I reached out and grabbed the handle.

I turned it, the light of the hallway slaying the darkness of the room and the deep bottomless chasms that was my own consciousness. I opened it wide but as I took a step to walk through… I saw Jack standing in front of the doorway, a look of absolute shock on his face.

And as I looked at my brother, and my brother looked back at me, Crow’s voice disappeared like someone had pressed mute. Without even an echo, the booming, commanding, and authoritative voice was vanquished into oblivion and all that was left was a silence so weighted it was almost louder than the voice of the demon inside of my head.

The ongoing assault of mortification that seemed as ingrained into my existence as my breath continued. Quickly I ran past Jack, my bleeding arm clutched to my sweater, and ran towards the first exit sign I saw. Thankfully he didn’t call to me but in the end that really wouldn’t have changed anything.

With a loud clang I pushed the lever of the door and a blow of cold air reached my face. As my new sneakers hit the pavement I realized that it was raining, completely out of season for the Fallocaust. In a matter of hours the content day had turned stormy. It was like the weather was reflecting the change in my emotions since coming here, from light and happy to once again falling into turmoil.

As such is the life of Sanguine Dekker.

Holding my arm and pressing the split-open wound together I crossed the parking lot and headed for an alleyway that promised me darkness and shelter from my thoughts and the storm gathering above me. The smell of freshly wet pavement filling my nose and making friends with the overwhelming aroma of chimera blood. The greywastes had their own particular smell when it rained after so many months of dry, and it seemed the paved streets of Skyfall also had their own.

I stopped and let several cars pass me by until I ran across the road, knowing full well I probably looked like a mad man with my arm so bloody and open. In the greywastes I would have found an abandoned building to hide in until my wounds healed but now I was in a busy city surrounding by thousands of people. It was harder now to find a quiet place to hide myself but at least I had alleyways and eventually… my apartment.

Then I tripped. With a surprised yelp my face met the pavement. What made it worse was that my arm was tucked up into the sleeve of my injured arm so I wasn’t even able to break my own fall. My face smashed against the wet surface and stars burst through my vision on impact.

My lungs filled with cold air as I gasped from surprise. I rolled onto my back and groaned, before opening up my eyes and seeing the steel-grey sky above me, raining drops of water falling onto my face.

Then red stung my eyes. I blinked away the blood and stumbled to my feet with a groan. My face throbbing with pain, my nose especially.

I wiped my face with my sleeve and looked down to see it shining and bright, the dark red patterns on the sleeve now a deeper shade of crimson from the stains of my own blood.

With a hand pressed against the rough brick of the alleyway, I staggered on for any cover I could manage.

I sniffed and tried to hold my wet sleeve to my nose. As I tried to stem the flow I looked down and saw my pants covered in dirt.

And just to seal in the weather mimicking my stormy mood I heard a rumble of thunder above, and what was left of the grey sun become dimmer under the gathering black clouds.

A part of me wanted to apologize to Crow because once again I was alone and he had always been there for me when I was alone. But even in my state I knew that wasn’t an option. Crow would offer me no comfort, only taunting words, and I was better off alone than with that stagnant swamp of negativity.

I pushed on, walking past dented trashcans and a rusted box spring of a bed leaning against graffiti-painted brick. Then I stumbled out of the alleyway and saw I was heading down a road that separated the backyards of Skyland apartments. A dirt road with tall fences on either side, and further on, an abandoned parking lot with an old basketball hoop.

It wasn’t much but it was empty, so I continued to walk in the rain, my hand clenched around my arm and my head lowered to the ground. Blood was now freely running down my nose, possibly my head, but I was mostly ashamed of the tears.

I sniffed again and winced as a jolt of pain went up my nasal cavity. Without realizing where I was going I walked to the abandoned parking lot, shivering now from the cold rain falling from the heavens, and I sat down beside the basketball hoop.

Alone, without Crow’s taunting beside me, I drew my knees to my chest and wrapped my arms around them, my entire left arm soaked and leaking rosy droplets of rain-washed blood onto the cracked pavement. I felt like staying here until I froze to death and died.

I wish Silas was here… he would’ve made it all better. Silas always made me smile; he was the best king that had ever existed. I only wish I could grow up to be half the man he was.

My heart ached from missing him and it had only been a week since I had learned he had died. I still had another four months at least of not seeing him and that seemed like three lifetimes away.

I whimpered buried my face into my knees and choked back the tears. A thousand derisive thoughts stinging me like little demons wielding swords. What I would do to turn back time and be that little baby again. The red-eyed infant in Lydia’s arms. If my adoptive mother had lived she would’ve taken care of me and loved me. Nana had even shown me the note when I was little and feeling bad after not being included in a baseball game. She had said my mother loved me and had told Nan not to hate me for looking different, that I was a good boy.

Suddenly I heard an odd pattering noise, like the rain was falling against something plastic or paper. I opened my eyes and slowly looked up, and to my surprise I saw black jeans. My gaze shot up and I jumped from surprise as I saw Jack standing only inches away from me –
– holding an umbrella over my head.

I looked at him, shocked and surprised, and my mouth turned to absolute mush. All I could do was stare at him, my eyes wide with surprise. He stared back at me, with no apparent expression on his face. He only held the black umbrella over my head, letting the rain fall onto his shining silver hair.

I couldn’t make words, I couldn’t say anything. So desperately did I want to apologize, or get up and run but I was frozen. It was like his crystal-like black eyes had paralyzed me within his vision, and there I would stay until he decided to release me.

Then he smiled, and as his full lips split I saw small pointed teeth inside their inlets. And unlike how everyone reacted to me when I smiled, I didn’t look back shocked and I didn’t turn away. I was still sealed where he left me, so still I only stared.

“The weather this morning warned we would have a storm…” Jack said. His voice sounding like a delicate ringing bell. He had a soft voice, friendly and welcoming. “I may be the only man in Skyfall to have an umbrella today… I thought perhaps you needed it more than I.”

Talk, Sanguine…
I urged myself. I stared back dumbly before I forced my lips to move, to say something.

“Thank you,” I managed to say before breaking my gaze of those beautiful onyx eyes. I looked at my wet shoes, speckled in blood and covered in mud.

“It doesn’t look like you’re having a good day…” Jack said. “Mantis says you have problems with anxiety and – and some other issues.”

There was a pause before he hastily said, “I know that’s none of my business… I just, I brought it up because I wanted to say it’s okay.”

It’s not okay… but I just nodded and wiped my nose with my sleeve. “I’d say I’ve had better days but… today hasn’t been that good.”

There was movement. I looked up again and saw an outstretched hand. “My name is Jack.”

I held out my blanched, rain-washed hand and took his. I realized as I opened my mouth that I badly wanted to tell him my name was Sanguine, that I was his brother, but I had my orders and I had to respect King Silas. “Sami… I’m – I’m from the greywastes. I just moved here.”

“Sami?” Jack smiled, then he pulled on my hand. I knew what he was trying to do so I let him help pull me up. Though as soon as I stood up I put my hands back into my pockets and stared at the ground, seeing my rosy blood swirl around several loose cigarette butts, before falling down a drain only a foot away from me.

“That’s a lovely name. Sami.” Jack looked around and I witnessed his smile turn slightly shy. “Want to play hooky with me? My oldest brother Elish has been on me about skipping classes but I’ll suffer his wrath. Want to come to my apartment and get warm? I share it with a couple of my brothers but Rio won’t be home for a few hours and Felix is at his boyfriends.”

Apartment? King Silas had said all of the chimeras lived in Alegria… I don’t think it would be a good idea for me to go back there. Especially if Drake was wandering around. He had been told to keep his mouth shut but then again he was a kid.

I shook my head. “I have my own place… I would… kind of…”

“Of course,” Jack said. “I bet the last thing you want is to go some place that isn’t your own. Sorry. I’m trying to get a major in psychology and I should know that about anxiety. Where do you live?”

“S-Skylanding,” I stammered, though as I stammered I realized the broken up word was more because of my shivering than nervousness. I was starting to get really cold. Jack sensed this and we both started to walk faster, making a beeline for the road that would lead me to my new apartment. One I had barely broken in.

Jack whistled and gave me an impressed nod. “Those are expensive –” I knew that part, Nero had told me and so had King Silas. “– did your family win the lottery or something?”

You are my family… you’re my brother. We shared a steel mother. You’re just like me…

I wanted to tell him, so badly did I want to tell him.

But I only shook my head, and told him what Elish had told me to tell everyone. “King Silas found me in the greywastes, near – near a factory town, and from the goodness of – of his own heart he decided to put me through college. He saw potential in me…” I paused before adding. “I don’t see what he saw, but I’m thankful for the opportunity to go to college and make something of myself.”

Jack jerked his head back to show his surprise at that explanation. I was hoping that King Silas perhaps had done this before but the expression on Jack’s face suggested otherwise. Though like all of the chimeras I had met he didn’t provide any voice or details to his surprise.

“That was kind of him…” Jack said. He was walking side by side with me, holding the umbrella over both of our heads though he was still getting rained on. I was enjoying having him close to me; he smelled nice and I felt warm inside of my chest at the fact that he was near. His presence was warm, and though his eyes were as black as the dark side of the moon they seemed to slay the darkness that had been eating me alive.

Even thinking of how content he made me brought a blush to my cheeks. I think I was developing a crush on him. I would have to talk to Nero about it and ask him if that was okay. I know our family was odd, and that being with one of our brothers was acceptable – but I still wanted advice from my best friend.

We both crossed the street, me visibly limping from my bad fall and constantly wiping the blood running from my nose. Along the way Jack had given me a kerchief he had kept in his pocket, and by the time I got into the lobby of Skylanding the once green kerchief was now stained with purple.

Jan looked at me and, like always, he looked at me the same way a person looked at a dropping atomic bomb. I guess it was even more of a shock to him that two chimeras were in his apartment building now. At least he knew to keep quiet with my origins.

“I have never been inside of this place,” Jack said kindly as he closed the umbrella in the elevator. “My apartment is several blocks from here on the seventh floor, it still has a nice view though but I hate sharing. I just like being by myself. Do you have roommates?”

I shook my head, my teeth chattering hard and my arms tightly wrapped around my sweater. Jack wasn’t shivering at all, not even a little bit. “No, it – it’s just me. I have a kitten though, his name is Jett.”

Jack gave me a sympathetic cluck and made the motion to wipe the wetness from my face but he thought better of it and pulled back. I guess even with normal teeth and eyes I still gave off the impression of someone who didn’t enjoy human contact. I was getting better though.

“You’re going to catch a cold or pneumonia…” Jack said. “Why were you out there anyways? Why didn’t you just go home?”

I shrugged, before almost falling down as the elevator gave a hard lurch. Jack held out a hand to steady me but once again retracted it.

“You don’t have to come in if you don’t want…” I said when we both stepped into the hallway. “I appreciate it but – I… I don’t really know you and you don’t know me.”

Except only the latter was really true, I did know who he was.

Jack let me step ahead of him. I started limping towards my apartment.

“You don’t… know who I am?”

I stopped and turned around. My heart fell to my feet at the prospect that he actually did know who I was and I was making a fool out of myself.

Though I decided to keep my cards and err on the side of caution. I shook my head and brought out my apartment key. “No… no, I’m… I’m new.”

“Oh.” Jack’s brow furrowed. I saw a single drop of water run down the side of his cheek before dripping down onto the carpet. He then raised an arm and scratched the back of my neck. “I thought you would… you didn’t comment on my hair or my teeth.”

Fuck!
I chastised myself in my head and gritted my teeth. They ground together a lot better than they did when they were pointed. Which was good, I had a lot of vexation in me in that moment.

“I didn’t want to be rude,” I stammered. Obviously I was no stranger to the reactions I got when people saw my teeth and my eyes. I should’ve at least pretended to be curious. “It’s no one’s business but yours.” I think I was voicing out loud what I wished other peoples’ thoughts were when they saw me.

Jack laughed lightly and shrugged. I blushed and opened the apartment door before stepping inside. Immediately I was greeted by a rush of heat. I always kept the heat cranked up and today I was even more glad I did that.

“Well… I’m Jack Dekker.” He put a light emphasis on
Dekker
. “I’m a chimera. I’m genetically engineered to have teeth like this, black eyes, and silver hair.”

I nodded. “Oh alright,” I said. I didn’t know what else to say. “Would you like some coffee or tea? I have ChiCola as well.”

There was a heavy pause behind me after I asked this question. I was looking at my white cabinets waiting for his answer but when I was only met with silence I turned around.

Jack was giving me a confused look. I stared back, and kept staring at him.

“I usually get a reaction when I tell people I’m a chimera…” Jack chuckled. He seemed confused but also a bit embarrassed himself. “They usually start acting all weird, scared too.”

The realization once again crossed my mind that I was handling this in an improper way, but I was too far into it now to start acting surprised.

“I don’t care… or does it change anything? Am I supposed to bow or something?” I asked. I pulled a mug from my cabinet and turned on the water. He never answered me and since I was wet and frozen, a mug of tea would be nice.

“No…” Jack said. I heard rustling as he took off his jacket and shoes. “It’s just new that’s all. The people of Skyfall fear chimeras and… and I expected the same from you.”

“You’re not that scary… I was raised in the greywastes. I’ve seen scary,” I said, and put our now full cups of warm water into the microwave.

Suddenly I think Jack remembered that I was soaking wet, injured, and shivering. He quickly walked over and held out his arms before moving his fingers as if requesting something from me. I looked at him in confusion not sure what it was he wanted.

“Your sweatshirt,” Jack said, reading my mind. “I know my way around a kitchen. We’re short of sengils right now so I’m pretty much my apartment’s sengil. Get some warm clothes on and bring a blanket back from the bedroom for you to get into. I’m also training under our family’s physician Kirrel, though it doesn’t take a doctor to know you have to get into something dry.”

I smiled and took my sweatshirt off, closing my eyes in case one of my contacts popped out. I was lucky they hadn’t flown out when I had wiped out on the wet pavement. I needed to be careful right now.

“You’re studying under a doctor, plus you want to be a psychologist… you just want to be everything, huh?” I asked. I tossed my wet sweater into my laundry corner, just a space between a tall wooden case that Nero had put my bushmaster in and the wall. Kass was instructed to get my laundry every Monday and Thursday.

“One day I’ll be made immortal, so I have time to learn everything,” Jack said proudly. “I love psychology and am studying everything I can. All of our first generation are incredibly smart and they are always learning and expanding their knowledge. I want to make the family proud just like they have.”

I took a moment to find some warm clothes in my bedroom. I chose fleecy pants that Nero had gotten for me that had Simpsons characters on a background of yellow, and a long sleeve t-shirt that was made from soft cotton. Then I grabbed another fleecy blanket and came back into the main area of the apartment. Jack was already sitting on my couch with his mug of tea, mine right beside his. I guess he wanted us to sit together on the couch. That filled my stomach with nervous butterflies but I was also eager for the challenge. I was doing so well with being social with someone and a part of me wanted to push the envelope.

So I sat down beside Jack and a moment later Jett, who was getting long and lanky, jumped up and started playing with one of Jack’s belt chains.

“What’s your job?” I asked Jack. The tea was warming my insides up already. This tea had been a gift from Elish, apparently he loved tea. “Aren’t most of you created for a specific purpose?”

Jack nodded, clasping the purple mug with both hands. “Yes, though some of our jobs are more important than others. King Silas started experimenting with typecasting chimeras. The first generation is kind of normal in a way, they’re all hyper-intelligent and they hold the typical chimera enhancements, but us second generation were genetically engineered for purposes while the first generation was just created to help run Skyfall and keep Silas company.”

When he saw I was listening to him intently, he smiled shyly and continued. “The second generation is called the second since we’re a new and improved type of chimera. Officially I am the oldest second gen, but there was Ceph, Perish, Apollo, and Artemis who are also grouped into the second gen but those four were born before us and don’t have the improvements that the real second gen have. Not only am I the oldest of the actual second generation, the ones of us all born at the same time, but I’m also the first and only stealth chimera.”

He was wrong about that, but, of course, I didn’t say anything.

“I’m engineered to be incredibly stealthy as my name suggests, and intelligent. We’re tall, long, and willowy, excellent grip strength, and we can do well in fights. There is also a type called a brute chimera which was modeled after Nero. Ceph is a brute chimera and so is Felix, and we have two brute chimeras in Moros named Ares and Siris but they’re only eleven. Then there are science chimeras that would be Rio, and intelligence that would be the twins Artemis and Apollo.” Then Jack’s mouth pursed and moved to the side. “Then there is Valen, who isn’t anything. He was apparently made as a Valentines present which is why he has pink eyes. He’s supposed to be King Silas’s cicaro but Silas finds him annoying so Valen’s decided to just be a piece of shit, that’s his fucking role.”