Sex & God: How Religion Distorts Sexuality
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Authors: Darrel Ray
Tags: #Psychology, #Human Sexuality, #Religion, #Atheism, #Christianity, #General, #Sexuality & Gender Studies
How Religion
Distorts Sexuality
Darrel W. Ray, Ed.D.
IPC Press
Bonner Springs, Kansas
Copyright © 2012 by Darrel W. Ray. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise without the prior written permission of the copyright holder, except brief quotations used in a review.
Editors: Deborah Shouse, Kirsten McBride
Ray, Darrel W.
Sex & God How Religion Distorts Sexuality
by Darrel W. Ray.
Includes bibliographical references and index.
LCCN 2011961234
ISBN-13: 978-0-9709505-4-3
ISBN-10: 0-9709505-4-3
Published by
IPC Press
15699 Kansas Avenue
Bonner Springs, Kansas 66012
Visit
www.ipcpress.com
for additional information.
Published 2012
Printed in the United States of America
Dedicated to
Julie
I want to thank many friends who supported me during this intense process. First, Julie my love and partner who was involved every step, supporting and reading many of the early versions. My friend and travel companion Judy Roepke, who, for the second time in as many books, spent our European vacation time reading and critiquing a very rough draft. Thanks to Missy Andeel for her insights and critique of the manuscript. Some of her suggestions led me to change or refine several ideas.
Putting together this project required several special people that I have come to trust and rely on over my last three book projects. A big thank you to my editors, Deborah Shouse and to Kirsten McBride. Deborah also served as my psychologist and counselor during the most difficult parts of the writing. Kirsten’s tough approach to editing kept me on the straight and narrow when I wanted to wander. Neither of them have any idea how many arguments I have had with them (in my mind) and they win almost all of them. Thanks to Micki Lubbers for her contributions to the final proofs.
Thanks to Shayne Schuldt whose ideas and support make him much more than a designer in this process. And to Adam Brown whose cover ideas made the design process easy. Finally, thanks to Amanda Brown for her help in the Sex and Secularism research in
Chapter 16
and to Donald Wright for his help on
Chapter 15
and Dr. Richard Carrier for his review and feedback on
Chapter 4
.
Who Will Benefit from Reading This Book
Section I: Religion in Perspective
Religious Sexual Terrorism: Fear Is the Foreplay
A Thought Experiment: Unbuttoning Religion
Chapter 2: You Can Take Religion out of Sex,
But You Can’t Take Sex out of Religion
Putting the “Fun” Back in “Fundamental”
Don’t Defile Yourself (or you will go blind)
Chapter 3: Screwing With Religious Myths
Myth: Christians are Monogamous
Myth: Jesus Makes Marriage Better
Chapter 4: Did Jesus Masturbate? and Other Interesting Thoughts
Jesus: Married, Non-Existent, Female or Closeted Gay?
What Happened to the Women and Children?
Inconvenient Women and Children
Masturbation: The Single-Handed Sin
Why Are Christians Monogamous?
Chapter 5: The Shame of It All
Chapter 6: Mind Police and Thought Control
The Guilt Cycle, or the Police Officer in Your Head
How Guilt Disrupts Sexual Communication
Chapter 7: Conspiracy of Silence: Programming the Collective Mind
Section II: Follow the Biology
Chapter 9: Unholy Biology: Busting the Monogamy Myth
May the Best Sperm Win: The Chimpanzee
The Feminine Mystique: The Bonobo
Chapter 10: Mapping Your Sexuality
Tier Two: Epigenetics – Your Genes on Drugs
Tier Three – Sex in Your Jeans
Learning Social Cues for the Map
Religious Mapping – The Two-Party Brain
Section III: Follow the Culture
Sex Before Buddha, Jesus or Mohammed
Preagricultural or Semiagricultural
The Hadza of Tanzania and the Rift Valley
Chapter 12: Sex and Early Religion
Elimination of Hunter-Gatherer Religion
Religion and Sex in Early Agricultural Civilizations
Sacred Prostitutes and Gay Soldiers: Greek Sex
Don’t Love Your Wife Too Much: Roman Sex
Yin and Yang But Only for Men: Chinese Culture
Chapter 13: Modern Religions and the Misogyny of God
Section IV: The Psychology of Religion and Sex
Chapter 14: The Tools of Distortion
The Rise of Universal Religions
Scandalous Breasts: How Religion Sexualizes the Normal
Female Circumcision, Genital Mutilation
Chapter 15: Don’t Tamper With the Factory!
Sex Education, the Biggest Threat to Religion
Distortion of the Catholic Priesthood
Black Protestant Church Distortion
Chapter 16: What Happens When You Leave Religion
The Guilt Cycle and Various Denominations
Chapter 17: Relationship Cycles
The Unwritten Rules of Marriage
Satiation: “Not Tonight, Honey; I Have a Headache”
Chapter 18: Mommy, Did You Have Sex Before You Married Daddy?
Sex-Negative Messages to Girls
The Power of Oblique Communication
Chapter 19: I Didn’t Raise Her That Way!
Three Sources of Personality Influence
Sociosexual Orientation and Religion
Socio-Sexual Orientation and Relationships
Chapter 21: “My Sex Drive Keeps Me From Jesus”
Religious Infection and Depression
Sexual Redirection and Thought Distortion
Brainwashing Techniques for Evangelism
Consequences for Future Generations
Section V: Program Yourself for a Change
Emotional Blackmail and the Jesus Trap
The Jesus Trap and Raising Children
The Psychology Behind the Jesus Trap
Strategies for Dealing With the Jesus Trap
Chapter 23: What’s Love Got To Do With It?
Monogamy Is Not the Default Position
Imprisoned by the Religious Map
Marriage: One Size Does Not Fit All
Don’t Let the Pope (or Any Clergy) Define Your Relationships
Chapter 24: Jealousy: The Anti-Love Potion
Jealousy Says More About the Jealous Person
Chapter 25: What’s The Big Idea?
Your Cheatin’ Heart – Escaping the Conceptual Prison
Big Idea Number One: Challenge Hidden Assumptions
Big Idea Number Two: Be Honest With Yourself
Big Idea Number Three: You Are Normal
Chapter 26: The End of Religion as We Know It
A New
Commandment
Suggestion I Give You
My Journey
I have been a psychologist for over 35 years. Before I went into psychology, I thought I was destined to be a minister. I went to Scarritt College for Christian Workers for two years, and received a Master’s degree in Church and Community. The result of this religious study convinced me that most religion was self-serving, but I remained a liberal Christian. Over the next 14 years, I helped train ministers, chaplains and other church officials in many protestant denominations and a few Catholic priests and nuns. I also trained army and civilian chaplains. Through my work, I saw layer upon layer of complicity in sexual scandals and financial fraud. The behavior of ministers and priests was clearly no better than the average behavior of their parishioners. I could see little positive effect of religion on behavior. In fact, it seemed that religion often was an excuse for bad behavior. Moreover, financial issues got quick response while sexual behavior was ignored or covered up.