Shades of Midnight (30 page)

Could he really ask her to love him now, after everything she knew about him? After everything she had seen and heard in the past several hours, could he ever expect to have her trust or affection ever again?

For that matter, what about the people gathered in this chapel? Would his kin at this Darkhaven have anything but scorn for him, once he’d said his piece?

Kade didn’t know. At the moment, he didn’t damn well care. He strode to the center aisle, knowing how out of place he must look in his combat-worn, bloodstained black fatigues, guns and blades bristling from the belt around his hips while his lug-soled boots echoed hollowly over the polished wood path toward the altar.

His father’s gaze narrowed darkly as Kade began to walk toward the front of the chapel. As he passed the rows of filled pews, he heard the quiet murmurs of prayers and softly whispered praises for his brother.

“Always such a charming boy, wasn’t he?” someone reflected in a barely audible voice. “How tragic that something like this could have happened to him.”

“Seth was the studious and responsible one,” another detached whisper recalled. “He might have made a fine Darkhaven leader himself one day.”

“Poor Kir and Victoria, they must be heartbroken,” remarked yet another grief-choked resident, voice lowered so that Kade could hardly hear as he passed. “Would anyone have imagined that Seth could turn Rogue? What a waste, and what a disappointment for his family.”

“Kir has refused to speak of it” came a hushed reply. “I understand he is so ashamed, he would let no one near the body after Kade brought Seth home.”

“That’s right,” someone else chimed in confidentially. “It’s only because Victoria insisted that Kir even permitted a gathering for the funeral rites. It’s as though he wanted to simply sweep Seth away like he never existed.”

Kade ignored the quiet wave of whispered speculation behind him as he made his way to the altar at the front of the chapel. His father’s shame and disapproval didn’t surprise him. The fiercely disciplined, rigidly perfect Kir would never tolerate a Rogue in the family, let alone willingly deign to admit that his favored son had fallen to Bloodlust.

Kade was ashamed, too, not so much for his brother’s weaknesses and unforgivable misdeeds but for his own failure to help Seth turn his life around before it was too late.

“This moment belongs to my brother,” he said, addressing the assembled group of his relatives and the other residents of the Darkhaven. “I have no wish to take even a second of this time away from Seth, but there are things you all should know. Things all of you need to understand before you condemn him for what became of him in the end.”

“Sit down, Kade.” His father’s voice was low and level, but his eyes crackled with command. “This is neither the time nor the place.”

Kade nodded. “I know. I should have come forward a hell of a lot sooner. Maybe if I’d said something earlier, my brother would’ve had a chance. Maybe he wouldn’t be dead.”

His father rose, coming up off his seat on the bench. “Nothing you say here will change a goddamn thing. So hold your tongue, boy. Let it be.”

“I can’t,” Kade said. “I’ve carried Seth’s secret for too long. I’ve been carrying my own secrets, too. It’s long past time I let them go.”

Kade’s mother blinked back a fresh rush of tears, one slender hand cradling the swell of her stomach, where another pair of twin boys was growing inside her. “What are you talking about? What secrets, Kade? Please … I want to know.”

He looked past the disapproving glare of his father, to the plea that swam in his gentle mother’s moist eyes. Maybe what he said in this room, before all of these witnesses, would someday help the new pair of brothers who would soon be born with the same talent—the same seductive, wild calling—that he and Seth possessed. For that reason alone, he had to speak.

And then, there was Alex.

Kade’s gaze strayed to the back of the crowded chapel, where she had entered in silence and now stood near the closed doors, her steady gaze as tender as it was strong. She nodded faintly, the only approval that truly mattered in this room.

“My brother was not well,” he told the quiet gathering. “From the time we were boys, we both struggled with the ability we inherited at birth. Maybe in someone else, like you, Mother,” he said, glancing at her as he spoke about the unique gift she also possessed, “the talent might have been a strength. For Seth and me, it became a curse. It was too much power for boys who were stupid with arrogance and too naive to understand the consequences. We abused the talent we inherited from you. At first, we treated it like a game, running with a pack of wolves in the woods, hunting with them … killing with them. We let the wildness rule us. At some point, I realized Seth could not stop.”

“Oh, my son,” she gasped. “I am so sorry. I had no idea—”

“I know that,” he said, interrupting her before she could assume any more blame that wasn’t hers. “No one had any idea. It was wrong for Seth and me to conceal the truth. I made it worse when I left Alaska last year.”

Kir’s scowl deepened. “Worse, how?”

“Seth had killed a human.” Kade ignored the horrified gasp that traveled the congregation, his eyes rooted on his father. “He’d killed, and I knew he had. He promised me it was a mistake he would never repeat. I didn’t believe him. I wanted to, but I knew my brother too well. I should have done something then. I should have found a way to ensure he wouldn’t do it again. Instead, I left.”

Silence fell over the room as Kade spoke. It stretched endlessly, a cold, sodden weight that bore down on his shoulders as he weathered his father’s unreadable gaze. Kade’s mother rushed to fill the terrible quiet.

“You had to leave, Kade. The Order needed your help in Boston. You had important work to do there—”

“No,” Kade said, shaking his head in slow denial. “I was glad to join the Order, but that’s not why I left. Not really. I left Alaska because I feared that if I stayed, I would become like Seth. To save myself, I abandoned my brother—abandoned all of you—and I ran to Boston for my own selfish reasons. There was no honor in what I did.”

He glanced to the back of the chapel as he said it, meeting Alex’s gaze. She was listening without judgment, the only pair of eyes in the room that wasn’t fixed on him in contempt or stunned disbelief.

“What Seth did was wrong,” Kade continued. “He was sick, maybe beyond help, even before his weakness turned him Rogue. But despite all that, he died with honor. Because of Seth’s sacrifice a few hours ago, I am alive. More important, there is a beautiful, extraordinary woman standing at the back of this room who’s also alive because of Seth’s actions in the final moments of his life.”

As a whole, the group turned to look on Alex. She didn’t flinch at the sudden attention, nor at the whispers of speculation and curiosity that traveled the chapel on Kade’s announcement.

“Seth wasn’t perfect,” Kade said. “God knows, I’ll never be. But I loved my brother. And I owe him everything for what he did today.”

“You honor him well,” a male voice murmured from somewhere on Kade’s left. He glanced over and found Maksim standing now. He nodded soberly. “You honor all of us here today, Kade.”

The praise from his uncle—his friend—was unexpected, and tightened Kade’s throat. Then similar murmurs rose up from others in the room.

Kir walked forward and placed his hand on Kade’s shoulder. “It’s time. Daybreak is coming, and I must take Seth into the sun.”

Kade reached up, wrapped his fingers around the thick strength of his father’s wrist. “Let me. Please … it should be me, Father.”

He expected a curt refusal. A dark glare that would force Kade to insist on taking the burden—the final honor—of accompanying Seth’s body for the eight minutes of solar exposure required by Breed funeral tradition.

But Kir did not argue. He took a step back, saying nothing as Kade stripped off his soiled combat shirt and weapons belt, then set them down on the wooden bench nearby.

No one uttered so much as a syllable as he went to the altar and lifted his brother’s shrouded bulk into his arms, then began the walk through the corridor that emptied onto the chapel’s snowy back garden, where the noontime sun was just beginning to break through the winter gloom overhead.

CHAPTER
Thirty-two

Alex waited in Kade’s cabin, anxious with concern for what he was subjecting himself to in the yard behind the Darkhaven’s chapel. Eight full minutes of ultraviolet light on his exposed skin. Eight minutes of excruciating pain, before duty would permit Kade to leave his brother’s body to the consuming rays of the sun.

Alex wouldn’t have had any idea about the funeral tradition of the Breed had it not been for Kade’s uncle, Maksim, and the young Breedmate named Patrice, both of whom had walked back to introduce themselves in the moments after Kade had carried Seth’s body away. The pair had been warm and welcoming, waiting with Alex while the rest of the congregation departed via underground tunnels that connected all of the buildings in the Darkhaven compound.

Max and Patrice had offered to keep Alex company in Kade’s quarters to await him and help tend his burns, but Alex had declined as politely as she could. She didn’t think Kade would want to be fussed over. She wasn’t even sure he would want her there now, a worry that made the wait for his return drag out all the more.

But thoughts for herself blew away like cinder on the breeze when she heard Kade’s footsteps coming up the front porch of the cabin.

Alex ran to the door and opened it, stricken by the sight of him standing there with daylight blazing behind him. Incredibly, after the eight minutes he’d given his brother, Kade had not taken the tunnels but had instead apparently walked across the grounds from the chapel to his quarters.

“Oh, my God,” Alex whispered as his pale silver eyes stared out at her from the reddened, blistered skin of his face. Her throat squeezed up like it was caught in a fist. “Come inside now.”

As he walked past her, his bare shoulders, arms, and torso radiated palpable heat that she could feel a foot away from him. He was obviously in agony, but he showed no sign of it beyond the visible UV damage of his skin.

“Come with me,” Alex said. “I have a cool bath waiting for you.”

He shot her a questioning look.

“I met Maksim and Patrice in the chapel. They told me what you might need when you came back.” His mouth curved slightly at that, but when he tried to speak, his voice was nothing but a raspy croak of sound. “Come on, Kade. Let me take care of you.”

He walked with her to the bathroom down the hall. He put up no resistance as she helped him undress, removing his boots and socks one at a time as he stood on the tiled floor, his broad palm feeling like an electric iron against her shoulder as he held on to her for balance. Alex carefully stripped him of his black fatigues and briefs. She couldn’t contain her soft gasp, struck as always by the masculine perfection of his body and the complex artistry of his
glyphs
, even though at the moment she was too concerned about soothing his burns to take much pleasure in the sight of his nakedness.

She helped him step into the tub, watching as he slowly sank down into the cool water on a hiss that stretched into a long, deep sigh.

“Is that all right?”

He moaned and gave a faint nod, his eyes drifting closed as steam from his heated skin curled over the surface of the water. “Thank you,” he murmured thickly, settling deeper into the bath.

Alex picked up a soft cloth and submerged it in the tub. “Just relax now. I’ll do the rest.”

Gingerly she trickled the clear, cool water over the blistered bulk of his shoulders. She did the same to his burned back and chest, then his strong, bare arms. As carefully as she could, she brought the cloth to his face and cleansed the raw, reddened skin of his lean, angled cheeks and the strong, stern lines of his chin and brow.

As he relaxed deeper, Alex gently tipped his head back so she could wet his ebony hair and run cool water over his scalp. “The things you said in the chapel today about Seth, and about yourself … I was very proud of you, Kade. It took a great deal of courage to stand up there like you did.”

He grunted, a wordless sound of denial.

“You may not think so, but you were a good brother to Seth. I think everyone saw that today. You are a good son to your parents, too.”

His eyelids flicked open even as his dark brows lowered in a frown. “A few minutes of talk,” he rasped on a dry voice. “That’s all it was. Doesn’t erase the past. Doesn’t mean a damn thing.”

Alex squeezed more water into his hair and tenderly ran her fingers through the silken strands. “Why are you so hard on yourself?”

“Seeing what my brother was should tell you the answer to that,” he said, all but growling the words. “I’m sure I don’t have to remind you what he was capable of. You saw that firsthand in the woods outside Harmony.”

“Yes,” Alex agreed softly. “I did. But that was Seth, not you. Or do I have to remind you that those were your very words to me when I told you what I saw? Seth was a killer, not you.”

He exhaled a vivid curse, but Alex ignored his rising anger.

“Seth was the one who went Rogue, Kade. That doesn’t mean you will, too.”

He shifted in the tub, lifting his head so that he was looking her squarely in the eyes. “Most of my life, Alex, I have been hiding from the truth, living in denial. Running from the things I couldn’t control. I thought if I put enough distance between myself and my problems, they would just … go away. Well, they don’t.”

Alex nodded. He could just as well be talking about her life. “I know now that running away doesn’t solve anything,” she whispered. “You have to stand up and face the things that scare you the most. You’ve taught me that, Kade.”

His scowl deepened. “That’s what I intend to do. But I need to do it alone, Alex.”

“What do you mean?”

“The things I talked about in the chapel today, and on that mountain when we brought Seth’s body up from the ledge. I can’t risk putting you in the middle of my problems.”

“It’s a bit late for that, don’t you think?” She caressed his tight jaw, only the barest skate of her fingers over the tender skin. “I’ve heard everything you’ve said. I’ve seen what happened to your brother. I understand your fear, Kade. But I’m not going to run away. Not ever again. And I won’t let you push me away, either. I love you.”

He expelled a harsh breath, and when he looked at her now, sparks of amber lit the silver irises of his eyes. She saw the glint of his fangs behind his lips, sharp white points gleaming with deadly power.

“I love you, Kade,” she insisted, refusing to back down. “And unless you tell me here and now that you don’t love me, too, then I can think of no reason why either of us should be alone.”

He stared hard at her, his jaw held tight. “Goddamn it, Alex. You know I can’t say that. I do love you. And that has complicated everything.”

She smiled with a humor she barely felt. “A little too much gray for you?” she asked softly. “And here I thought I was the one who liked to keep things simple, black and white.”

He didn’t return her smile. He was too far gone for that. As Alex drew back, she saw his eyes move from her lips to the base of her throat.

Her pulse was fluttering there, a fast tick that intensified to a heavier throb as she watched Kade stare hungrily at that spot. He caught her looking at him and abruptly glanced away. Tried to hide his awareness of her blood, pounding below the surface of her skin. Tried to hide his thirst from her.

Alex brought his gaze back to her with a coaxing touch. “You don’t have to deny who you are or what you need, Kade. Not from me. Not anymore.”

Silently she put down her wet cloth and positioned herself against his mouth, sweeping her hair away from her neck.

Her name was a reverent whisper on his lips as he drew in his breath, then blew it out in a heated rush against her skin. Kade descended on her in a swift motion, his sharp bite filled with need and a desperation that he made no effort to conceal.

Inside Zach Tucker’s house in Harmony, a pair of Alaska State Troopers recently arrived from the post in Fairbanks slumped in subdued silence, both men tranced on the living room sofa.

In a recliner next to them, Mayor Sidney Charles snored softly, tranced, as well. The elderly Native man had proven immensely cooperative, albeit unwittingly so, to the Order’s mission objectives in town. Not only had he delivered on his promise to summon every citizen of Harmony into the church a few hours ago, but he’d also had the good manners to escort the newly arrived Staties to Zach Tucker’s place when their plane had touched down from Fairbanks around daybreak.

With Brock still on post at Jenna’s cabin, Tegan, Chase, and Hunter had since relocated their operation to Tucker’s house. They’d waited out the scant few hours of daylight there, using the idle time to dig into the dead trooper’s computer records and look for further evidence of his corruption in the house. They hadn’t had to look very far.

Zach Tucker might have been a bush cop but he had an accountant’s eye for record keeping. He’d logged every drug deal and bootlegged bottle of booze that had passed through his hands and into Skeeter Arnold’s for distribution around the area.

When the two Staties woke up, they were going to find every handwritten ledger and computer-stored spreadsheet in Zach Tucker’s ransacked house. They were going to find the safe where Zach kept all of the considerable cash he’d made from his little side business over a period that had to have been several years.

The uniformed troopers were going to follow a hunch neither one of them could shake that would lead them to a remote area of the bush where they would discover Harmony’s sole police officer, brutally murdered and scavenged by animals. Near the body, they would find Skeeter Arnold’s cell phone, showing a history of plenty of calls to and from Trooper Tucker. With Skeeter nowhere to be found, nor heard from, the Staties would conclude that Tucker, and possibly Skeeter, as well, had apparently found themselves on the losing end of a deal gone horribly, fatally wrong.

What the troopers from the Fairbanks unit would not find was evidence of any other strange happenings in Harmony. With no one in town recalling the spate of recent deaths, let alone the names of the victims, and with a strategically placed computer worm originating from Boston that wiped out half of the AST’s dispatch logs for the past week, there would be no reason for the Staties to look for anything more than a disappointing matter of police corruption in the otherwise peaceful town of Harmony.

“That’s gonna do it,” Chase said as he came out of Tucker’s home office. “The computer password is disabled and there’s a spreadsheet of our boy’s current-year transactions conveniently left open on the monitor. These troopers are going to think Tucker was not only an asshole, but a complete moron besides.”

Tegan chuckled. “I’ll finish in here with the humans. Tell Hunter we’re rolling out in five minutes.”

Chase nodded. He took a step, then paused. “Any word from Kade?”

“Nothing yet.”

“Damn shame about his brother,” Chase said, his voice oddly wooden.

“Yeah,” Tegan said. “It is a shame.”

When the ex–Enforcement Agent pivoted to walk away, Tegan cleared his throat. “Hey, Harvard. I’ve been meaning to talk to you about what happened out there at the mine.”

“What about it?”

“Just wondering what the fuck you were thinking when you held that Minion by the throat for a while instead of going for a clean, quick kill.”

Chase’s grin seemed somehow too tight for his face. “Just having a little fun, is all.”

Tegan stared, assessing the once-straitlaced agent who’d proven to be a valuable asset to the Order, if a bit reckless at times. “Fun can get you killed, my man. You’d do well to remember that.”

Chase’s expression was nonchalant, the lift of his shoulders casual, unconcerned. “Sure, Tegan. Thanks for the advice. I’ll keep it in mind.”

Tegan watched him walk outside, then he turned his attention toward instructing the tranced humans to awaken once he and the other vampires had time enough to get several miles out of town.