Shadow: Cerberus MC Book 3 (12 page)

“I’ll try harder tomorrow,” she says quietly.

Fuck. And asshole of the year award goes to…

I take a step closer to her, reaching out my hand to comfort her, but stop before I reach her. I just don’t have it in me tonight. I drop my hand to my side and turn to leave the room. “I’ll see you in the morning. I’ll wake you if he wakes up.”

I close her door softly, leaning against it and hanging my own head. No matter what she’s been through, she didn’t deserve to be treated that way. I slowly make my way to my room and fall into my bed. I don’t even bother to pull my boots off.

I lie there absolutely exhausted, but unable to go to sleep as I listen to her quiet sobs through the baby monitor.

“Misty.” I feel a warm hand caress my face. “Wake up, Darlin’. He thinks he’s starving to death.”

I smile at the sweetness of Shadow’s voice until I remember the horrible way he spoke to me last night. I blink my eyes open to see early morning sunshine billowing from the window. I feel more rested than I have in days, but my body still feels weak and tired.

“What time is it?” I ask as I sit up on the bed. I cringe at the tightness in my lower stomach. Even when I’m careful, it feels as if I’m ripping my incision open.

“Almost seven,” he says handing Griffin over to me.

“Can you grab me a diaper?” I ask with a yawn.

“I already changed him.” I look at him for the first time since waking up. He looks as tired as I feel.

“You changed him?” I don’t mean to sound shocked, but I never took him for the diaper changing kind of man.

“I’m perfectly capable of changing a damn diaper, Misty.” And there’s the man that’s been here since I showed up yesterday. “Sorry,” he says quickly. “I’m just tired as hell.”

“Welcome to my world,” I say as I lay Griffin between my legs and fix the blue blanket around him.

“How long did it take you to figure the diaper out?”

He laughs quietly. “Let’s just say I’ve diffused bombs faster.”

I chuckle. I would’ve paid money I don’t have to have been a witness to that.

He yawns loudly. “We need to talk,” he says rubbing his eyes.

“Why don’t you lie down,” I say patting the empty bed beside me. “We can talk while I feed him.”

I’m not looking forward to this at all, but I knew it was coming eventually. He walks around the end of the bed and lays down, hands behind his head. I turn my eyes away from the sliver of exposed abdomen, reminding myself he’s not mine to look at like that.

“I hate taking those stupid pills,” I say absently. “They make me feel like a zombie.”

He laughs softly. “It’s only temporary. You won’t be any use to him if you’re in the hospital.” I can’t tell if it’s another jab at my ability to take care of Griffin. He’s implied more than once already that he doesn’t think I’m capable.

“I don’t know how to be a good mother to him. I don’t know how women do this on their own,” I confess.

“I’m not going anywhere, Misty. I’ll always be here for him. You don’t have to do anything alone.” I look over at him to find his eyes closed.

Him
. Not both of us. I don’t know what I expected. I knew I wouldn’t just show up and fall into his welcoming arms. I wonder what’s tiring me more, the fact that I just had a baby or the emotional exhaustion from being here with Shadow. If anything, they’re at least tied for first place.

“You hate me,” I say softly. Why prolong the inevitable. Might as well lay all the cards on the table and talk about the proverbial elephant in the room.

“Did you trap me on purpose?” There it is. The question I’m sure he’s been wanting to ask me since I showed up.

“No.”

“You lied to me.”

“I did.”

“Why else would you tell me you were on birth control if it wasn’t to put yourself in this position?”

I don’t even bat the tears away. My emotions are all over the place, but he seems to know exactly what to say to bring them out into the open.

“This is exactly where I wanted to be,” I say flatly. “Sitting in bed, helpless, with a man who would rather spit on me than look at me. That’s exactly what I wanted when I lied that night. I wanted my parents to force me into an abortion. Sitting on that table at Planned Parenthood, discussing how it would only cost eight hundred dollars and an hour to kill my baby is exactly what I had in mind.”

I’m trying to keep my voice down so I don’t startle Griffin, but it’s damn near impossible.

He sits up quickly in the bed.

“You were going to have an abortion? Rather than call me and ask for help, you were going to kill our son?”

I huff out a sardonic laugh. He really is fucking clueless.

“Did you think I wasn’t good enough to know I had a baby on the way?” His voice is escalating as well.

“I was no more than a quick fuck for you, Shadow. An easy piece of ass you couldn’t even be bothered to stick around until morning for.”

“I had club shit I had to take care of that night, Misty. I don’t expect you to understand.” He slams his back against the headboard making Griffin jolt suddenly in my arms.

“That’s right. I’m just some stupid young thing dumb enough to spread my legs for you. I don’t have the ability to understand a damn thing you have to deal with.” I swallow roughly and turn my face away from him. “It wasn’t just that night. Every night we spent together, you left. It didn’t matter if we only had sex once or half a dozen times, you got up and left. I had no expectations of you when I found out. You didn’t want anything to do with me after you came. Why would I think for a minute you’d be interested in knowing I was pregnant?”

“You still lied,” he says still unable to look at me.

“I did,” I concede. “I knew I only had you for a little bit. I knew how the night was going to go before we even went up to the room.”

I take a deep breath trying to calm my nerves, knowing my next admission has no place inside of a friends-with-benefits type of relationship. Emotions and hope for a future have no place in a casual fuck arrangement.

“I knew we’d have sex. I longed for it, even though I had no doubt you’d get up and leave again. I craved your touch, even if it was temporary. I was stupid, impulsive. I didn’t think it would happen. I honestly didn’t give it a second thought. I just knew I wanted every second with you that I could get. I knew you wouldn’t stick around. Why would I think you’d be interested if I called you and told you I was pregnant?” I repeat.

“I was drunk. I never should’ve…”

“Don’t you fucking dare!” I yell turning my eyes to him. “You don’t get to say shit like that. You don’t get to wish him away. Regardless of what’s happened, I wouldn’t change him being here for anything in the world. If you don’t want us here, that’s fucking fine with me. If you don’t want to be involved in his life, I don’t have a problem with that either but keep your damn regret to yourself.”

I place all of my focus back on Griffin. My hands shake uncontrollably as I switch him from one breast to the other.

“That’s not what I meant,” he says in a calmer voice than I’d expect at a time like this.

“Save it, Shadow.”

From the corner of my eye, I see him shake his head and run his hands through his hair.

“You went to a fucking abortion clinic, Misty. How’s the view up there from your high horse?” He just can’t leave well enough alone.

“My heart broke every second I was at that clinic. I wasn’t there because I just wanted to make this situation go away. I was there because my parents forced it. It was either that or give up everything in my life. Have you ever been faced with a situation like that?” I look over at him, but he refuses to meet my eyes. I stare at the side of his face, daring him to meet my eyes. “Walking out of that clinic, not knowing where I was going to sleep that night, giving up my entire life was the easiest decision I’ve ever made.”

He turns his head to me, finally looking me in the eye, reading for the first time the determination, the sacrifice I’ve already made for this child.

He sighs loudly. “I thought your parents were super religious. I wouldn’t think people who consider themselves so close to God would try to force you into an abortion.”

“Nothing worse than an unmarried pregnant woman according to them.” I can’t think of my parents right now; their betrayal is still raw.

“Where did you go? A friend’s? A family member?”

I shake my head. “I don’t have anyone in my life like that. I was afraid other members of the church would look at me with the same disgust my parents did when they found out.”

Griffin is back asleep, so I pull him off and cover myself back up.

“While I was at the clinic the counselor told me about other services in the community. I went to a place called Maternity House. They provided room and board. Helped me find another job. I was able to finish school.”

I leave out the part about almost putting him up for adoption. I don’t have the energy to have another screaming match with him. He already thinks I’m a horrible person for showing up at the clinic. From the way he’s acting, I’m sure he’d hate me for even considering placing Griffin up for adoption

“You’ve had to make some seriously tough decisions,” he says climbing off the bed.

I want to tell him that coming here and asking for his help has been the toughest decision I’ve made to date. Not knowing how he was going to act has caused serious stress.

He reaches for the sleeping baby in my arms. I reluctantly hand him over and watch as Shadow places him in the bassinet. He goes into the bathroom and comes back with another pain pill and a small glass of water.

I look from the pill in his outstretched hand and then back up to his face.

“Please don’t fight me on this,” he says with exasperation.

I take the pill like the obedient little girl he clearly expects me to be. He returns the cup to the bathroom sink.

“I’ll bring you something to eat,” is all he says before he leaves me alone in the room.

Less than twenty-four hours here and already I hate being trapped in this room.

“Five days!” Bri screams into the phone. I hold it away from my ear while she continues to berate me. “She’s been there, my nephew has been there for five damn days, and you’re just now calling me!”

“The way you’re acting right now is making me wish I’d waited another week,” I grumble into the phone

I’m in a pissy mood. I wish I could say it’s because I’ve not been getting enough sleep, but it’s just the opposite. Misty is feeling better. She hasn’t taken the pain pills in the last two days, which means she hasn’t needed me in the middle of the night for the last couple of nights. I miss going in there and helping her with Griffin. I want to go in there and help.

“I’m getting on a plane,” Bri says finally.

“I don’t expect you to do that.” Don’t get me wrong, I’d love to spend some impromptu time with my sister, but it’s the drama with her asshole boyfriend that I’d like to avoid.

“She needs help. I want to help.”

I harrumph into the phone. She doesn’t seem to need my damn help. Yeah, she’s been spending time with the women in the house, but she’s hardly looked my way since the night we talked about what happened when she found out she was pregnant. I was a total dick; I’ll own up to that. She didn’t tell me about Griffin and somehow has managed to turn this around on me.

I even caught Emmalyn looking at me and shaking her head once. I don’t like this shit at all. They’re like a den of hungry lionesses, and I feel like the enemy they have to protect the new cub from. Maybe having my sister here and on my side would be a good thing. The longer I think about that, the more I realize she’d probably join their ranks and lead them in the attack.

“I haven’t been called out for a job, but I’d love it if when I do you could be here,” I finally say.

Misty walks right past me as I sit on the sofa in the living room. She doesn’t look at me; she just acts as if she doesn’t see me. She has Griffin in some sort of sling type thing wrapped around her body. It reminds me of the things some of the women wore in a few of the foreign countries I’ve traveled to.

“All you have to do is call, and I’ll be there, Morrison. You know that.” I hear her pull her phone away from her ear and say something to someone near her. It’s early Sunday morning, so I know it has to be Trey. She doesn’t sound happy, but she never really is where he’s concerned.