Shadow: Cerberus MC Book 3 (29 page)

As I hold her, I take calming breaths. The last thing we need is my anger to get the best of me. I may end up punching Stewart Davis in his damn nose for even thinking of taking Griffin from us.

***

Our court hearing wasn’t the shit show you watch on TV. It was very calm, scripted almost.

The judge informed us that the adoption will stand. Paperwork will be delivered in less than forty-eight hours and at that time we will be required to relinquish our son.

I’m barely functioning as I drive Misty and myself back to the hotel room. She hasn’t stopped sobbing and apologizing.

“Get in the shower, Darlin’,” I urge her. “After you get out, take a little nap. You’ll feel better after.”

She looks up at me with lost eyes, begging me to make things right, imploring me not to hate her.

“I want to go home, Shadow. I don’t want to spend another night here, away from him.”

I nod my head. “We’ll drive all night if we have to, but you’ll take a nap before we leave.”

She nods weakly.

I kiss her lips gently, tasting the salt in her tears. Her anguish is gutting me, and I’ve never felt so helpless in my life. I’m thankful when she turns around, and I hear the soft click of the bathroom door.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, I hang my head and run my fingers roughly through my hair.

This can’t possibly be happening. I’ve only had my son for a short period of time, and now I have to give him up. I have to just ‘comply’ as the judge ordered. How the fuck could anyone just stand by and willingly let someone else carry their child away? It’s unfathomable.

I can see the urge to run every time I look in Misty’s eyes, and I’d be lying if I didn’t admit to actually considering the actions myself.

I see her disappointment in me. She’s tried to hide it, but with her emotions so raw it’s been impossible for her. I promised I wouldn’t let anything happen to rip our family apart, but the judge ordered otherwise. Handing Griffin over to the Davis’s, no matter how loving a home they may have, isn’t even an option.

I contemplate offering them a huge amount of money. I know they don’t want for anything in the world since I’ve checked their background, including finances, but everyone has a price. I know technically that may be considered ‘buying’ a child, but it doesn’t really count if he’s my flesh and blood. There’s a no contact order in place that makes it illegal for me to even call them on the phone, but honestly, that’s just child’s play compared to the offer of money.

My brain even goes so far as to contemplate causing a freak accident for the Davis’s, or making sure they disappear. Wouldn’t be the first time, but it would be the first time it wasn’t sanctioned by upper-level government. I don’t want to be a murderer with unjustified kills on my conscience, but drastic measures and all that.

I hear the shower turn off in the bathroom. I know I’m running out of time. Decisions have to be made. Two days. A weekend is all we have left with Griffin.

I stand from the bed and reach into my pocket. Pulling out my cell phone, I step out into the hall of the hotel and make my way to the stairwell. This particular phone call is going to require privacy.

I pull up the familiar phone number on my contact list.

It’s answered after two rings.

“Hey, man. I need a favor,” I say into the phone.

I have been walking around on eggshells in a complete haze since we came back from Denver. I only thought I was stressed out when I found out I was pregnant. That situation has nothing on how I feel now. I’ve cried so much the last two days, I’m pretty certain I’m bordering on dehydration.

Shadow has been loving and kind. He’s forced me to eat and get out of bed, even when it’s the last thing I want to do. I’ve kept Griffin with me every second, and even he’s growing tired of being held so close.

“Darlin’,” Shadow says sweeping my hair from my face.

I look away from him trying to hide the wetness that has once again claimed my eyes.

He holds me against his chest as we sit in the bed. He finally made me place Griffin in his crib, where he is now napping.

“We need to run,” I say softly. “We need to pack him up and just go to Mexico.”

He chuckles lightly, and I can feel the vibrations all the way to my bone. My hackles rise immediately. I’m entirely serious right now, and he thinks I’m trying to be funny?

I attempt to pull away from him, but he doesn’t allow it.

“Where are you going?” he asks against the top of my head. “Mexico is no damn place for a baby, Misty.”

“You’ve been all over the globe. Surely you know of a country where they won’t look for us. I know there are places that don’t do extradition or whatever. Let’s go to one of those.” I tilt my head, my eyes pleading with every molecule of my soul.

“Misty,” he says quietly.

“I know you can easily change our identities,” I continue.

He shakes his head softly and cups my cheek in his large hand. He leans in and plants a delicate kiss on the tip of my nose. “I’m a decorated war veteran, Darlin’. I’m not running from this.”

I feel like sobbing again, even though I really haven’t stopped. The tears have been flowing relentlessly. He’s more concerned about his reputation than keeping our family together. My heart breaks with the knowledge.

If he doesn’t want to go with us, that’s fine, but I can’t sit around and wait for the knock on the door. I can’t wait idly by for some social worker to come rip my son from my arms. I don’t give a damn about the law or what that judge declared.

“I’ll tell you again like I’ve told you a thousand times since all of this mess started. They are not getting my son.”

The fierceness in his eyes encourages me to believe him, but the ache in my heart still makes me feel like a sitting duck. It’s like I can see the train wreck happening. If I concentrate hard enough, I can feel the wind from the locomotive, but I’m stuck with no means to stop it or get out of the way of the collision.

“This isn’t something I can leave to chance, Shadow. This is our son.”

He pushes me away gently and grabs my shoulders so I’m facing him. “Look at me,” he says with a growl.

I look into his eyes, filled with more emotion than my body can process.

“I’m not leaving anything to chance. Do you trust me?”

I look from one beautiful blue eye to the other. I nod because it’s the truth. I may not agree with what is going on, but I trust that he thinks he’s doing the right thing. Whether it turns out the way he’s planned is a whole other issue.

He wipes away the tears from my cheeks, even though they just return the second his finger clears my skin.

He pulls me to his chest again, and the sound of his steady heartbeat calms my frazzled nerves.

“The contractor is coming tomorrow to put in the door between the rooms. I know you don’t want to be separated completely from him, so I was thinking for the first couple of years a Dutch door would be best. What do you think?”

What can I possibly say? I want to yell. I want to shake him and beg him to stop talking about fucking doors when all I can imagine is my son being ripped from me.

“I love that idea,” I placate.

I can’t possibly take my anger and pain out on him when this whole thing is my fault.

I rest harder against his chest. I’m exhausted. All the worry and ragged emotions from the last couple of days are catching up. I’ve hardly slept at all, and when I have managed to fall asleep, it’s been entirely restless, filled with horrible nightmares and hopelessness.

Closing my eyes, I let my mind focus on the steady pump of Shadow’s heart.

***

A sharp knock on the door pulls me from my semi-restless nap. I feel Shadow shift below me, and I look up at his face.

After kissing my forehead, he turns his attention to the door. “Come in,” he says loud enough for the person on the other side to hear but not loud enough to hurt my already throbbing head.

The door opens, and Em sticks her head in the crack. “Misty, the guy in the suit is at the door.”

My blood runs cold, and a full body tremble takes over.

“Hey,” Shadow says softly. “It’s almost over.”

I watch, terrified, as he stands from the bed and holds his hand out to me.

I place my hand in his, trusting that he’s not steering me wrong.

“Em, please stay with Griffin,” Shadow says.

Em nods and walks over to the crib. Griffin is sleeping, but I know Shadow is having her stay in here to ease my mind somewhat.

My knees are weak as we walk out of the room hand in hand.

“Hey,” Shadow says as he closes the door. He eases me against the wall of the hallway. “Today is a good day,” he says before sealing his mouth over mine.

I wish I had as much confidence in this as he does. Even with his assertions that everything will be fine, I feel as if my world is falling apart.

He breaks from my half-hearted kiss and nuzzles his nose along my cheek. I breathe him in, feeling like it will be the very last time. If I lose Griffin today, my world is over. I know I won’t be able to stay here and look in his eyes every day after being the cause of so much pain.

He gently takes my hand again and leads me to the living area.

The exact same man that delivered the papers is standing near the door looking around as if his life is about to end. Kincaid, as well as several of the other members of the Cerberus club, are standing nearby. It would be almost comical if I weren’t terrified about what was fixing to happen.

When my eyes meet his, my fear only increases. The look on his face isn’t comforting at all. It seems he also believes he’s delivering tragic news. I know he’s only a messenger and has no idea what’s in the sickly, golden envelope he’s holding in his hands.

“M-Misty Bowen?” he asks in a shaky voice as I come closer.

One of the MC guys chuckles at his fear.

“Yes,” I say weakly.

Shadow squeezes my hand one last time as I reach out to the envelope he thrusts toward me.

“Y-you’ve been served,” he says as my fingers clamp down on the paperwork that decides the direction of my life.

He’s out the door a second later. The laughter of several of the guys all but makes my ears bleed. I hear someone cough, more than likely Kincaid. They go silent immediately with the nonverbal warning from their president.

“Open it,” Shadow murmurs in my ear.

I shake my head as my hands tremble to the point I almost drop the envelope. I have it in my mind that so long as I don’t read it, then none of it is true. If my eyes don’t land on the words removing Griffin from my custody, then it won’t ever happen.

At Shadow’s soft urging, I’m lead to the couch. He sits and tugs me down on his lap. “Open it,” he says again.

I feel his warm breath on my cheek and the calmness in his muscles as I stare at the envelope lying so innocuously in my lap.

I nod once and peel open the sticky flap. Pulling the folded paperwork out, I just hold for a long minute until I build the courage I need to look at it. It’s thin, only one piece of paper. My life, my future with my son, comes down to one damn folded piece of paper.

My hands quake as I flip the document open. My eyes scan it, unconcerned with the legal jargon like the date, docket number, and names.

My eyes land on two words, and my body shakes more than it has since opening the first envelope the guy in the ill-fitting suit delivered a few weeks ago.

“Case dismissed?” I mutter with an unbelieving sigh.

“Today’s a good day, Darlin’,” Shadow repeats in my ear, holding me tighter against his chest.

Sobs rack my body again, only this time, they’re sobs of relief.

“It’s over?” I ask after several minutes of disbelief.

I lift my head to look in Shadow’s eyes. His head shakes back and forth. “It’s only beginning,” he says before his lips find mine.

The room erupts in cheers and declarations of this being ‘a need for a party.’

“Mama,” I hear the most beautiful voice in the world say.

I look over and see Emmalyn holding Griffin in her arms. He’s leaning forward with his arms outstretched. I take him from her and clutch him to my chest. The sobbing begins anew.

As Griffin is trying to wiggle away from my chest, I feel Shadow’s gusting breath on my neck. “You still have to marry me, Darlin’.”